If you told family and friends about your HB before pregnancy...

[maotmsmi]

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Edited by maotmsmi - 5/21/11 at 2:18pm

[smeep]

Since I was old enough to understand the phrase "you were born at home" I knew I would have a homebirth. My sister was born at home on my 4th birthday which furthered it, as did my older sister giving birth to my niece at a freestanding birth center. It has always been normal to me (in fact, my parenta had some explaining to do when I started realizing all my friends were born in hospitals - I couldn't understand why everyone I knew was so sick they had to be born there!). So, naturally, I always said i'd give birth at home or a freestanding birth center (which is essentially the same as at home to me, just not MY home). I suppose it was easier for me, though, because it was always a "given" for me and anyone who really knew me wasn't much surprised if at all (most sort of figured, only a few were all, "Wow, so you really ARE going to" when I was pregnant and found my midwife). That said, even if i'd had two previous sections I'd still say it. I don't go around saying, "Hey! I plan to homebirth!" to random people out of context, but if birth comes up and it fits in, I mention it. But I'm a bit of a rebel and believe homebirth should be viewed as normal so I talk about it as such. I.e., "Yadda, yadda, then I got in the water and it felt SO much better!" "You can do that at a hospital?" "Oh, I didn't birth in a hospital." Very non-chalantly like it's a totally normal thing. People tend to respond better if I treat it the way people treat hospital birth. I don't say, "I had a midwife" I say, "my midwife," etc. No one offers that they had a doctor, they just say "my doctor"!

[FrolicingMama]

I have been talking about having a homebirth since I first learned about it in college 8 years before we were even trying to get pregnant. Back then everyone dismissed it as crazy, young college student talk. When I actually got pregnant we did tell family and friends and pretty much anyone who was around if birth plans came up. I'm a big believer in educating others and getting the word out that homebirth is a safe option. Some family members were very supportive, others were very worried. Of the worried friends and family, most of them kept it to themselves, but when concerns did arise, I was so knowledgeable about homebirth benefits versus hospital risks that they were at least somewhat comforted by the fact that this was a very well informed decision and not a whim. It's funny because everyone asked us not to tell my husband's grandma because they were afraid she would worry too much. I agreed not to bring it up, but said I wouldn't lie if the subject came up. She didn't find out until after the birth and she thought it was wonderful. She'd had some very negative hospital birth experiences and thinks it's great that we have homebirths.

[lalemma]

I was born at home. It seems normal to me and not really that remarkable.

I think that because of this, I am also not bothered by other people being bothered by the idea of homebirth. So while I don't go around talking about it a lot (because it seems so normal to me) if it comes up and they're freaked out by it, that doesn't trouble me: I don't feel insulted or doubtful or at all like I need to change their minds. I just kind of nod and smile.

Frankly, I think that if I felt more ambivalent about natural birth I would avoid talking to people about it. I don't care what other people think (not in a mean way - I just don't find their opinions very compelling one way or another) so while I don't leap to bring it up, it doesn't feel like something I should hide. But I think that if I felt less sure that birth is normal and ordinary and perhaps a tiny bit boring, I would be a lot more circumspect as to whose energy I let myself experience on this topic. You know?

[JenChaffee]

I really had not thought much about where I would give birth until I was suddenly pregnant only a couple months after we stopped trying not to be pregnant.

Homebirth just seemed like a natural and desirable option. I had expected that my mother and my friends from college would be my biggest supporters. Yet, when it comes right down to it, they are mostly adamantly opposed to not being in the hospital. When I talk to them, I sadly find myself being a bit cagey and secretive. I tell them about my experiences with the parallel care CNMs. I also tell them positive things about the CPM, but I intentionally leave out the words "home-birth", and let them assume that CNMs and CPM and hospital are all working happily together. This is the first time ever that I am grateful for our 3,000 mile separation.

I want to bravely advocate a move away from the medical system for normal healthy births, but I find this not so easy to do when knowing that I will have endlessly agitated the people I am closest to.

Thankfully, I have two close friends who are HB advocates. I find that though we hadn't been so close for a few years, we are close now! And DH has been a strong advocate from the start.

[beatgenxer]

i only told immediate family and close friends. my in-laws had the most vocal concerns over midwife/homebirth - MIL thought some "flighty hippie" would be taking care of me and there would be no transfer to the hospital even if there were complications; FIL tried to argue that an 18 yr old is most physiologically capable to give birth, so me being 36 wasn't it a good idea if i were at the hospital (funny tho - most of the 18 yr olds i come in contact with are less healthy and in worse shape than i am, so how the heck would they be physically better off to give birth?). my grandmother gave birth at home during the war (she lived in England), so she was the most nonplussed about the whole thing.

i'm not even telling people at work or extended family b/c i really don't want to hear their overreations. i might say something afterwards, like the labor came so fast that we ended up having the baby at home.

[cristeen]

I've never made a secret of it, even years before I met my DH. But then I'm crunchy like that, and most people don't find it all that odd that I would feel that way (about HB).

[Brown Lioness]

We are waiting to TTC our first and hubby has already blabbed to his family a few years ago. We'll see if they actually remember once I do get pregnant, lol.

[Plummeting]

Well, we didn't really have time to be telling people things before we were expecting, since we decided to TTC and got pregnant literally the first time we had sex after I had the IUD removed, so...lol. But people know we're going to have the baby at home. No one has criticized us for it, though.

[Belle]

After Dd's birth in a hospital I let our family know that our next baby would be born "out of hospital". My SIL tried to object but I said some vague comment about there being a lot of birthing centers in Portland.

My SIL (Who at that point had had one Emergency C/S) tried to tell me a horror story about a mom that had had a homebirth and then transfered to the hospital because her baby was having trouble breathing. She then was horrified that this mom checked out of the hospital herself at 4 hour postpartum. I didn't see anything wrong with this. She probably wanted to be with her baby and didn't want to be restricted by hospital policy.

When we actually got pregnant again we didn't make a secret of our homebirth plans. We just acted like it was normal. My SIL lives a thousand miles away so it wasn't an issue dealing with her on a regular basis. Nobody else batted an eye. Homebirth is pretty common here.

[Monarchgrrl]

We're not TTC yet, but everyone that I would normally talk about babies and birth with already know our plans (mom, close friends that have had babies, in-laws). DW loves to talk about it. The only person that doesn't know is my dad, and I'll tell him when he asks, though he might not even ask. He lives 2000 miles away and probably wouldn't think to ask about details about birth plans before the birth. He probably wouldn't be totally supportive, and just think I'm nuts, but that's nothine new and his opinion wouldn't bother me.

I'm way crunchier than most of my friends, and none of them would consider homebirth, but they are all supportive. My best friend is a little worried, but that's just because she can't think outside of the medical model after her c-section. My mom and MIL are supportive and super excited!

[maotmsmi]

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Edited by maotmsmi - 5/21/11 at 2:18pm

[Kidzaplenty]

I know I told everyone I knew that I would HB my babies, from the time I was 12. I have never regretted it. I never gave anyone the option to object.

[HappyMommaBear]

My family is very afraid of home birth, so I told them that we were planning one after we conceived DS, but early in the pregnancy to give them time to get used to it. (I also told whoever I talked to about the baby, that we were going to have him at home)
I talked about it very casually throughout the pregnancy, always called my mom after prenatals, etc. As one pp said, I just acted like home birth was just as normal as a hospital birth. ("My midwife" instead of "I have a midwife" etc) DS ended up being born by emergency c-section so then my parents were even more afraid. With this one, we told them early on, but I don't bring it up much. We also haven't told many other people, unless we know they will be supportive. For me, stress played a huge role in the downward spiral that led to a major surgery, so I wanted to avoid as much stress as I could this time around. And that meant not sharing our plans with just everyone.
You have to do what is best for you. Know that you CAN do this, no matter what friends and family say. But, I hope that they are excited and supportive of your plans. Good luck!

[ShwarmaQueen]

I told them before and now that I'm prego. No one has directly challenged me, but I know the negative feelings are brewing. My mother kept trying to convince me that CNM and birthing in the hospital was the middle-ground. "Um no??" And a friend has expressed to me that she's worried about me birthing at home. "Um, well actually I was worried about you birthing in the hospital too." Needless to say I don't speak about my plans with them anymore.

[ilovejeff]

I told people before we were pregnant when it came up and have continued to do so since the BFP. No one that I care about has had a negative response and most have been really supportive. I've explained my reasoning to a few people to help them understand better and everyone close to be is supportive. Of course, it might help that I live in a very crunchy area.

[JennTheMomma]

We're still TTCing and we've already told my parents and DH's that we're having a waterbirth at home with a Midwife. They are supportive. My grandma had 2 of 5 kids at home. Unplanned, she just didn't feel like leaving the house. And my DH has family members who have had planned UC. So they are more lenient to it, and they know that I've researched this and already talked to a Midwife. And since I want to be a Midwife, they get it.

[tracymom1]

I just wanted to say that I had a HBAC 3 weeks ago and it was the most wonderful, fulfilling and loving experience I have ever had.

Don't let the naysayers get to you! Having my VBAC at home was the very best thing I have ever done. I only told people I knew would be supportive until I was 8 1/2 months pregnant - then I just let everyone who asked know the *truth*. I think its really a case-by-case thing - some people who you thought would be supportive may not be and vice-versa. The only advice I would give you would be that whatever you do, stand your ground and have confidence when talking to everyone.

[maotmsmi]

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Edited by maotmsmi - 5/21/11 at 2:18pm

[Nicole730]

I told quite a few people before I was pregnant I was planning one and pretty much everyone I talk to about my current pregnancy knows. I am excited to have one and I want to share the happy news, plus I want more people to know it is an option and I like to take the time to educate them on how safe a homebirth can be. I think the more people that know about homebirth, the better. I do have mostly supportive family members and the in-laws haven't really made any comments. So the fact that I don't have to fight my family on this helps me be more confident in telling everyone else.