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Is this too tacky? 1st Birthday/wish list - Page 6

post #101 of 128
Quote:
Originally Posted by caro113 View Post
I do agree with this statement. That's why I put the "if you feel compelled to get a gift" line in there. And I understand that people like the thrill of gift buying, which is why I also didn't do a registry but gave places people can go. My problem is that everyone will get plastic toys and then I'll have to deal with the returns, which is a lot of headache for me since I will only get store credit to stores that don't sell anything I would get her, except for clothes (which I primarily buy used or on super sale) and some cleaning products or dvds, neither of which have anything to do with my daughter.

And yes, I have told people they do not need to give a gift. But they apparently don't like that and feel it's rude. I understand that, and I appreciate it, but I wish people would just say "okay, I'll just give her a card" because that's what I would love to have more than anything - a card that says: this person was here and they wanted to say happy birthday.

As far as being a bit much for directing people before hand? Yeah, it can be. But with my family, I'm sick and tired of dealing with everyone. They know I don't want plastic toys and they know I cloth diaper. Yet they insist that nothing is wrong with the plastic they buy bc the toys are BPA-free, like that's the only reason I don't like plastics. And they still insist on getting diapers. If they're eco-friendly, I keep them as an emergency back-up, which comes in handy once in a while. Anyway, my point is, my family is odd when it comes to me and my choices. About everything. (Seriously. Three years after becoming a vegetarian I still got "why don't you eat meat?" and "why aren't you eating the meat?" at holiday dinners. It wasn't until I finally ignored them and they kept asking and I said "I'm not answer you. Why? Because I have to answer you every time we eat together and you always get the same answer. It's not going to change. Now stop asking." that they finally stopped ... Actually, my grandmother left the table, went upstairs and then cried for attention (yeah, she was always seeking attention). By then everyone finally stopped.) So when they get invites or mention that a holiday is approaching, I tell them what they can and can not buy. And I flat out told them - and wrote on facebook - to not even bother with plastic toys bc Maeleigh will NOT be allowed to have them. Is that rude? Yeah, a bit. But I'm done playing nice with them.

Sorry for the long rant. Felt good to get that off my chest though!


EDIT: I'd like to note that that is only with my family. Not with our friends. Most of our friends understand that we don't do plastic and are kind enough to not get it, even though they don't agree with it. And the few of our friends who don't know (mainly bc we met them through their children and they all adore Maeleigh) would never be treated like that. And it's not even DPs family. Just mine. I'm not normally that rude to people. I promise.
Well, at least you know how rude this actually is, lol. If I were to read the above or to receive an invite like this, sadly, your daughter would receive nothing from me, nor would our family attend the party. If you (general) don't like what I get for your child, then yes, the burden is on YOU to deal with it (throw it, return it, donate it, whatever) because perhaps my children and I had a wonderful time thinking about what your child would like. Just perhaps we had a wonderful time shopping for your child. Perhaps we had a wonderful time wrapping the gift and decorating the card.

Even if the gift was on your anti-plastic list.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jennifer Z View Post
See, if I saw an invite like that it would trigger my rebellious side and I would probably get the blingiest, most garrish toy I could find, even though I normally do things like make a hand knit item and often have on of the only natural type toys as gifts.

I think this is an example of how ettiquette plays into things and why it exists. People like to feel like they are doing something special and suprising the guest of honor. When you get invites that are too specific on "acceptable" gifts, it just sort of ruins it for the giver. If somebody asks, then sure. It is even ok to tell your mom what specific things you want and let her dissiminate the information, but to say it in written form with the invite sucks the joy out of the process for the invitee.
Yes, yes, yes. Buy this gift only.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Equuskia View Post
Someone get me the crown for the queen of tackiness then. For my dd's 1st birthday, I included a small card in the invite saying a gift was not necessary, but if they felt obliged, then I would appreciate cash. It went over very well. And for birthdays I usually get fun gift cards for the kids. For one of them, I got the kid a $20 gift card to gamestop (he was about 8 I believe). He and his mom were thrilled! But things are done differently here, and people actually appreciate not having to go through a ton of effort of wondering what a 6 year old boy or 3 year old girl would like to get for their birthday. They buy a nice card, put a little cash in it and give it, and enjoy themselves at the party. I can't even think of a bday party that i've been to that involved present opening. It was usually the party, then the singing and cake, and then a little more partying, then everyone went home. Simple.
Simple, but, imo, even worse than a list. Many people put thought into gifts, and some are so well thought out with love and care and creativity that a $5 gift can look like a $100 gift - and mean even more. $5 in a card looks like, well, $5. And the thing is - even if your request made someone uncomfortable, most likely no one would ever say anything.
post #102 of 128
Quote:
Originally Posted by gini1313 View Post
Maybe the people who are having those parties would love to have a simple party, but don't have the house to entertain in ... People have those parties for all types of reasons besides wanting to keep up with the Joneses...
Very true. For years of DSD growing up, we had to make arrangements for the party that would be in a neutral territory, so that either side of the family and friends felt welcome to come to. It's not easy, and not cheap. As much as I wanted a simple small "at our place" party, it just wasn't an option in the view of the complexity of the Blended Family. I sure hope no one looked down on us for having a party at the bowling place, or Rainforest Cafe. A lot of thought and love went into making the day special and confrontation free, where kids can have fun, and adults are free to join in. We tried to make it fun for everyone involved: good memories.

Quote:
Originally Posted by caro113 View Post
I just sent out our first birthday invites as well. I simply wrote on the back: "Maeleigh enjoys natural toys made of wood or cloth. Check out our website for details!" and then our website says: "Maeleigh's first birthday is just around the corner! So we've put together a list of places you can go if you feel compelled to get her a birthday present

Maeleigh loves natural wooden and cloth toys. Below is a list of several online stores that sell such products:

* http://www.oompa.com/
* http://www.moolka.com/jzv/nav/main?o...FcZM5QodkUPhLA
* http://www.downtoearthtoys.com/
* http://www.willowtreetoys.com/
* http://stores.planethappytoys.com/index.html
* http://www.playstoretoys.com/
* http://www.novanatural.com/

And for those who would prefer to go to a store, there is a wonderful shop in downtown West Chester. Rose and Bobbi's Unique Boutique is located at 101 West Gay St. They don't have a website but they are super nice people and only carry wooden and classic toys.

Thank you for honouring our wishes to keep plastics away from Maeleigh. We greatly appreciate any gift you choose to give. And please feel free to copy our list (or even add to it) for your own purposes."



So you could do something as simple as what our invites say or something as detailed as our website. (And yes, I included all those sites in case you are looking for some places to send to people for gifts )

Good Luck!!
I understand that you have difficult family history, but I can't imagine making things easier by such detailed outline of acceptable presents. If people don't care - they don't care, and they won't spend the time needed to get the gift you prefer. You won't change them. They won't even go to your website. And if they do care (like myself) you might have just made them feel plain awful for no reason. Sorry.

A. I don't want to spend an hour figuring out which website has the cheapest shipping, and timing the order to arrive when needed.

B. I might have reasons why the stores you mention are not convenient for me.

C. Not buying the gift, after you described exactly what gift and from which stores is great for your child, would make me feel like a bad guest.

D. Buying a gift from any of the places you mention, would make me feel pretty used and leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

It's a lose-lose situation for the guest in my shoes. Sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear. No mention of gifts seems like the right way to go, if you truly having a party to share the joy and to build fun memories.

P.S. If I got an invite that asked for money, I would give cash as requested, but would feel just as bad.
post #103 of 128
I dont know.... now I feel like the odd one out because I: a) dont put gift requests on my kid's invites, b) really hope my kids dont get presents at all.

I have the issues with family and friends that dont "Get it" as to what my family wants and uses. It isnt that big a deal to me anymore... as soon as the party is over the stuff gets bagged and donated. Some child will love it and use it. I find putting ideas and requests extremely tacky so I dont... but I also dont believe that birthday parties = presents. I think that raising my kids with that mindset is not what I want to do.

Yes we give our kids presents for their birthday, and others do too... but it isnt the only time we give presents and it isnt necessary. My BIL donates stuff in my kid's names every year. This is a better present for me than anything else. Our kids dont need anything really and are happy with some dirt and sunshine.

Are presents really necessary?
post #104 of 128
Quote:
Originally Posted by KirstenMary View Post
And the thing is - even if your request made someone uncomfortable, most likely no one would ever say anything.
You are incredibly right.

I have felt this way a few invites that I have received and have not said anything because... well I find it poor etiquette to say something.
post #105 of 128
Quote:
Originally Posted by almadianna View Post
I dont know.... now I feel like the odd one out because I: a) dont put gift requests on my kid's invites, b) really hope my kids dont get presents at all.

I have the issues with family and friends that dont "Get it" as to what my family wants and uses. It isnt that big a deal to me anymore... as soon as the party is over the stuff gets bagged and donated. Some child will love it and use it. I find putting ideas and requests extremely tacky so I dont... but I also dont believe that birthday parties = presents. I think that raising my kids with that mindset is not what I want to do.

Yes we give our kids presents for their birthday, and others do too... but it isnt the only time we give presents and it isnt necessary. My BIL donates stuff in my kid's names every year. This is a better present for me than anything else. Our kids dont need anything really and are happy with some dirt and sunshine.

Are presents really necessary?
I agree, and no, they are not.

Jordan just had her 6th birthday party, and she has already forgotten about the gifts. But she still talks about the friends, and the swimming, and the playing, and the relaxing...and just all the fun she had in general. Not once, not one day after her party did she mention the gifts.

We don't want our children to be materialistic, yet when we include "suggestions," are we not becoming that which we try to avoid?
post #106 of 128
Quote:
Originally Posted by KirstenMary View Post
I agree, and no, they are not.

Jordan just had her 6th birthday party, and she has already forgotten about the gifts. But she still talks about the friends, and the swimming, and the playing, and the relaxing...and just all the fun she had in general. Not once, not one day after her party did she mention the gifts.

We don't want our children to be materialistic, yet when we include "suggestions," are we not becoming that which we try to avoid?
This is how I feel as well. To me the best "present" that someone could give my child is their time, love, and attention.

My son had his first birthday party last weekend and he was thrilled. My two kids played with their group of friends, they ate cake, they played in the water, in the sand, and on their swingset. They were exhausted and slept beautifully. This is really all I could ask for... I feel wonderful that people took time out of their day to come to our house and share in celebrating my son's first year because they love him.
post #107 of 128
We feel the same way about receiving "crap" gifts. This is what we did. We had a joint b-day party for all 3 of our kids, their birthdays are within 1 month of each other. It was a family included picnic style bbq. I sent out evites and on the evite wrote "in lieu of gifts please bring 3 cans of food that will be donated to Manna Food Bank". (1 can for each child)

The kids still received gifts from our close family but it allowed our friends, many of whom are our of work right now, to come and celebrate with us without having to worry about buying a gift. It kept us from getting a bunch of stuff we did not want nor need. I received positive feedback from friends and family no one felt offended (at least that they mentioned) that we did not want "gifts".

The day after the party we took the food to the food bank and donated it. The food bank allowed the kids to stock the shelves and talked to them about the impact their donation made. On the way home my 8 yr old ds said "Mom, this year my birthday helped other people. It feels good." The kids wrote a thank you email to everyone who attended the party and talked about their experience donating the food and how each persons "gift" helped someone in need.

The kids have already said they want to do the same thing next year.
post #108 of 128
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oriole View Post

A. I don't want to spend an hour figuring out which website has the cheapest shipping, and timing the order to arrive when needed.

B. I might have reasons why the stores you mention are not convenient for me.

C. Not buying the gift, after you described exactly what gift and from which stores is great for your child, would make me feel like a bad guest.

D. Buying a gift from any of the places you mention, would make me feel pretty used and leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

It's a lose-lose situation for the guest in my shoes. Sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear. No mention of gifts seems like the right way to go, if you truly having a party to share the joy and to build fun memories.

P.S. If I got an invite that asked for money, I would give cash as requested, but would feel just as bad.
This, exactly. I completely agree with you. Also, if I may add another point to your list, some people either craft a gift or pick one up on clearance somewhere in order to be thoughtful as well as frugal. Then they may feel like they are bringing a "second rate" gift because it wasn't on the list. It takes the fun out of it.

Actually, I'll add another point too. A gift that the parents didn't already think of might have the added value of being unique and something that, well, the paren't wouldn't have thought of. Someone using their own creativity and thoughtfulness might actually give something your child might like or use. Even if it wasn't on your shopping list.
post #109 of 128
Quote:
Originally Posted by almadianna View Post
This is how I feel as well. To me the best "present" that someone could give my child is their time, love, and attention.

We just had a birthday party for DS, very informal, just cupcakes and lemonade with the neighborhood kids. One of the kids asked about what kind of present to bring, and I said, "Oh, DS would just love you to come and celebrate with him." An older boy, 14 years old, who the little kids all look up to very much, cut me off and said, "Yeah, the presents aren't the important thing, it's just about spending time together and showing you care. That's the best present of all." I thought that was so nice for the children to hear it from another kid. In the end, some kids brought DS a little gift and some didn't, it wasn't the focus of the party. Some kids brought homemade cards and one brought a few action figures from his own toy box to give to DS.
post #110 of 128
It's interesting how differently people see things. If I was directed to a webpage like the one in the OP, I wouldn't see it as a "shopping list" at all. She provided multiple merchants, and didn't specify what kind of gift. I'd see it as a wonderful opportunity to brainstorm what kind of toys the birthday girl liked...and I probably wouldn't end up ordering from any of the specified merchants.
post #111 of 128
Quote:
Originally Posted by almadianna View Post
I dont know.... now I feel like the odd one out because I: a) dont put gift requests on my kid's invites, b) really hope my kids dont get presents at all.

I have the issues with family and friends that dont "Get it" as to what my family wants and uses. It isnt that big a deal to me anymore... as soon as the party is over the stuff gets bagged and donated. Some child will love it and use it. I find putting ideas and requests extremely tacky so I dont... but I also dont believe that birthday parties = presents. I think that raising my kids with that mindset is not what I want to do.

Yes we give our kids presents for their birthday, and others do too... but it isnt the only time we give presents and it isnt necessary. My BIL donates stuff in my kid's names every year. This is a better present for me than anything else. Our kids dont need anything really and are happy with some dirt and sunshine.

Are presents really necessary?
You're not the only one. We always do a "No Gifts" request. My kids just don't need anything, they do love having friends and family over for a BBQ, cake and celebration. My DD will be two this week and I got her some shoes, she's love them. And she needs them. My sons birthday is three weeks after Christmas and we have only ever given him birthday gifts this past year when he turned 5, before that he never even noticed mom and dad didn't give him anything.

One year we threw him a larger party (the in-laws and their larger house offered to host) So we had about 6 kids and 18 adult guests. I put no gifts on the invite and pretty much everyone called and balked and wanted to know what to get. So I finally sent out an email saying if they absolutely had to shop, they could go get some packages of new underwear and socks in various adult sizes that we could donate to the homeless shelter. I had a box set up by the door, and we dropped off all the left over food and the socks and underwear on the way home that night. I got a couple of checks for the shelter too which was awesome!
post #112 of 128
Didn't read all the other answers, but I say tacky. I told people not to worry about bringing gifts to my 1 yr olds b day because he has so many toys already and wouldn't know the difference. I've never been a fan of "When you buy a gift this is what I want" registrys and such.
post #113 of 128
Quote:
Originally Posted by aprons_and_acorns View Post
We just had a birthday party for DS, very informal, just cupcakes and lemonade with the neighborhood kids. One of the kids asked about what kind of present to bring, and I said, "Oh, DS would just love you to come and celebrate with him." An older boy, 14 years old, who the little kids all look up to very much, cut me off and said, "Yeah, the presents aren't the important thing, it's just about spending time together and showing you care. That's the best present of all." I thought that was so nice for the children to hear it from another kid. In the end, some kids brought DS a little gift and some didn't, it wasn't the focus of the party. Some kids brought homemade cards and one brought a few action figures from his own toy box to give to DS.
That whole post was so cute.
post #114 of 128
Quote:
Originally Posted by almadianna View Post
I dont know.... now I feel like the odd one out because I: a) dont put gift requests on my kid's invites, b) really hope my kids dont get presents at all.

I have the issues with family and friends that dont "Get it" as to what my family wants and uses. It isnt that big a deal to me anymore... as soon as the party is over the stuff gets bagged and donated. Some child will love it and use it. I find putting ideas and requests extremely tacky so I dont... but I also dont believe that birthday parties = presents. I think that raising my kids with that mindset is not what I want to do.

Yes we give our kids presents for their birthday, and others do too... but it isnt the only time we give presents and it isnt necessary. My BIL donates stuff in my kid's names every year. This is a better present for me than anything else. Our kids dont need anything really and are happy with some dirt and sunshine.

Are presents really necessary?
I'm with you on everything.

My DD's first birthday is coming up and frankly I'm dreading it. DH's family is huge and they believe in presents, lots of excessive presents at birthdays, Easter, Christmas you name it. Each year I would watch as each of my nieces/nephews would tear through each gift, look at it for a minute, throw it aside and was on to the next one.

If it were up to me, it would just be a party with DH, me and DD... I prefer lowkey events. But DH tells me I can't do that. I also want to put 'no gifts' on the invite, but I don't think that will fly with DH either even though he gets frustrated that his family doesn't "get it" and always buys us things that go straight to the donation pile. This past Christmas rather than buying gifts for all the nephews/nieces, I gave them all charity gift cards...to date only 4 out of the 11 have redeemed them. Oh well...

Long ago I told my family and friends to not bother to buy me any gifts and that I'd rather spend some time and share a meal with them.
post #115 of 128
Quote:
Originally Posted by pokeyrin View Post
This past Christmas rather than buying gifts for all the nephews/nieces, I gave them all charity gift cards...to date only 4 out of the 11 have redeemed them. Oh well...

Long ago I told my family and friends to not bother to buy me any gifts and that I'd rather spend some time and share a meal with them.
What's a charity gift card?

We do things like heifer project (only through a different group) for gifts, but there is nothing to redeem.
post #116 of 128
Quote:
Originally Posted by artgoddess View Post
What's a charity gift card?

We do things like heifer project (only through a different group) for gifts, but there is nothing to redeem.
Justgive.org has charity e-cards which the recipient can choose any charity listed on the site (they have a a lot!). You send the e-card and they redeem the code and apply it to however many charities they want. You can also see who has redeemed it and send them reminders that they still have money to give away. Each e-card requires a $10 minimum.
post #117 of 128
Quote:
Originally Posted by pokeyrin View Post
Justgive.org has charity e-cards which the recipient can choose any charity listed on the site (they have a a lot!). You send the e-card and they redeem the code and apply it to however many charities they want. You can also see who has redeemed it and send them reminders that they still have money to give away. Each e-card requires a $10 minimum.
Wow, that's so cool. Thanks for the info!
post #118 of 128
I just wanted to say I feel your pain. I know it's tacky so I won't do it, but gosh I wish I could!

It kills me to have family members buy more toys that we don't need and are trying to phase out. Especially when dd is 3 and we can't easily give them away once she has seen them.
post #119 of 128
Quote:
Originally Posted by LilyGrace View Post
I find it tacky. You're inviting these people because you want to celebrate this special day - by including the wishlist in the invitation you're putting an emphasis on the presents and not the presence.
This I find it tacky not really rude or anything but overall tacky.

Deanna
post #120 of 128
Quote:
Originally Posted by caro113 View Post
I would just like to note that the list is not on the actual invite. It's on our website. With us, everyone always asks what the child wants and this just made it easier. The only people who even bother with our site know what we would like and asked a while ago about what to get so the list just made everything easier on my part.

I can see how it would piss off some people, but we know the people who are looking at it and they all get it so we aren't too concerned about it.

And I don't know that micro-managing the right word either. Maybe "overly organized and prepared"?

Of course if I were surrounded by like-wise mamas - like yourselves, I assume - things would be much easier
That type of list wouldn't offend me its not my thing but I'd assume positive intent and everything but when I see things like that my heart sinks and I know I'll have to just send regrets and not bother going or say bring a book and hope it goes over well cause the listed stuff will jsut be out of reach for us.

Deanna
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