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post #21 of 128
But, even listing interests suggests a gift should be brought. If asked, I think it's great to say, "Oh, she's interested in x, y, and z." Other than that, I think no mention or suggestion of gifts should be made of gifts in any way, shape, or form.
post #22 of 128
Don't do it.

If people ask, that's another story. But asking? Tacky. Wording it as if the baby is asking? Even tackier.
post #23 of 128
I agree, tacky. Don't do it. If someone asks what she wants, direct them to the wishlist. Otherwise, let it alone and return or donate unwanted gifts.
post #24 of 128
no! don't do it.

when people mention they have made a registry without me asking for that information I make a point of not shopping from it.
post #25 of 128
Thread Starter 
Okay - you all make very good points about this idea being in poor taste and have some excellent ideas for alternatives. I'll keep it off the invitation.

Thank you for weighing in, everyone!
post #26 of 128
Quote:
Originally Posted by JessBB View Post
He's right. Don't do it. If people ask, you can tell them, otherwise you can always return gifts and get something else if it's really not ok.
I agree.
post #27 of 128
We just had a bday party for ds and put "your presence is present enough" and did receive a few things, but those things were super "special" (a hand knit toy, an antique children's book etc). For your parents and your partner's parents I think its fine to send a email with a wish list registry, because you do *expect* them to buy something. But for other folks I would try to go "gift free" anyway, then you don't have to worry about people getting somethign you don't like, feeling put upon by having to purchase a present, feeling like they are not welcome if they can't/couldn't get a gift etc.
post #28 of 128
Tacky. sorry!
post #29 of 128
Quote:
Originally Posted by LilyGrace View Post
I find it tacky. You're inviting these people because you want to celebrate this special day - by including the wishlist in the invitation you're putting an emphasis on the presents and not the presence.
I know you said you were not going to include the registry, but I thought this was well-stated. I think if people ask, that's great and you can make suggestions. Otherwise, I would just stick to the facts of the party (where, when, etc.).
post #30 of 128
Going against the grain, I think your note sounds gentle and to the point. Baby's R Us keeps your registry thru the 1st birthday for people to buy stuff. What that tells me is that is the societal norm.

I think if they are going to get you a gift folks would rather get things you want rather than guessing. At the very least, they can look at your websites and try to get stuff like that from a local store.

Unless you say no presents people are going to bring a present. May as well give them some ideas.
post #31 of 128
tacky. sorry.
post #32 of 128
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyka View Post
no! don't do it.

when people mention they have made a registry without me asking for that information I make a point of not shopping from it.
Heck, I didn't even do a bridal registry, lol.

Quote:
Originally Posted by firefly321 View Post
Going against the grain, I think your note sounds gentle and to the point. Baby's R Us keeps your registry thru the 1st birthday for people to buy stuff. What that tells me is that is the societal norm.

I think if they are going to get you a gift folks would rather get things you want rather than guessing. At the very least, they can look at your websites and try to get stuff like that from a local store.

Unless you say no presents people are going to bring a present. May as well give them some ideas.
Just because something is done doesn't mean it should be done. And to heck with some societal norms. If I went along with all of those, I wouldn't be posting on MDC, lol.
post #33 of 128
I agree with most of the PPs that ideally you should just let people who ask know there is a registry by word-of-mouth and that 1-year birthdays do not need to be gift-packed affairs in the first place.

But on the other hand, a LOT of people do this - put registry info in with invitations. For weddings, showers, birthdays, whatever, so I really think it is becoming more accepted. (Not that that's good, necessarily, I just wouldn't feel as if I were committing a horrible sin if I included a link to a wish list).

We received an invitation to the 2-year birthday of one of DS's little friends, and the BULK of the invitation was actually a list of very detailed instructions of what sorts of gifts they were expecting, down to the stores they wanted gift cards for and the Veggie Tales movies they already had. Now I found THAT incredibly tacky.

Have a fun party! :
post #34 of 128
Quote:
Originally Posted by firefly321 View Post
Going against the grain, I think your note sounds gentle and to the point. Baby's R Us keeps your registry thru the 1st birthday for people to buy stuff. What that tells me is that is the societal norm.

What that tells me is that they are a large corporation who is interested in selling as much stuff as they possibly can and thus make as much profit as they possible can. I don't look to Babies R Us for indications of what proper etiquette is.
post #35 of 128
Re: this point below, I would definitely warn against using Babies R Us to define "societal norm"! Babies R Us wants you to buy as much of their stuff as possible, so keeping their birth registry open for you for a year after the birth isn't so much about it being the norm as it is a way to milk your registry (and therefore people buying items from them) as much as possible.

Even for my baby shower I asked this question and while the whole point of a baby shower is to both celebrate the upcoming birth but also give presents to help the new parents be ready, everyone told me the note I wanted to put on the invite re: environmentally friendly presents was presumptuous and I should just register for only enviro friendly gifts and leave it at that.

I agree with everyone who said it's tacky and I'm psyched that the OP is taking up some alternative suggestions - Babies R Us doesn't care about good taste!

Quote:
Originally Posted by firefly321 View Post
Going against the grain, I think your note sounds gentle and to the point. Baby's R Us keeps your registry thru the 1st birthday for people to buy stuff. What that tells me is that is the societal norm.

I think if they are going to get you a gift folks would rather get things you want rather than guessing. At the very least, they can look at your websites and try to get stuff like that from a local store.

Unless you say no presents people are going to bring a present. May as well give them some ideas.
post #36 of 128
Quote:
Originally Posted by jeanine123 View Post
What that tells me is that they are a large corporation who is interested in selling as much stuff as they possibly can and thus make as much profit as they possible can. I don't look to Babies R Us for indications of what proper etiquette is.
post #37 of 128
Quote:
Originally Posted by moaningminny View Post
I wouldn't do it. If anyone asks you can direct them there.
:
post #38 of 128
No way. It really is tacky.....
post #39 of 128
Quote:
Originally Posted by KirstenMary View Post
I think no mention or suggestion of gifts should be made of gifts in any way, shape, or form.
I don't mean to single you out since many of the others are expressing the same sentiment, but I have a question about the statement above. Why? Why should "no mention of gifts be made"? To me, it's disengenuous. It is a stupid circular game that just frustrates me. We all know that gifts are "expected" at certain types of parties. Why do we, as a society, all go around pretending its not true?

This is what invitations say to me: I am inviting you to a birthday party. (I know through cultural experience you will probably bring a gift but I am not allowed by social convention to mention it. Even if you don't want to bring a gift and I don't want to receive a gift, we can't talk about it.

When our cousin sent us her wedding invitation, it had her registry info in it. My sister was aghast at the tackiness. I told her I thought it was refreshingly bullsh*t-free. My sister then realized that she actually was judging them for not following etiquette. It didn't matter to her that they were expecting a gift. It just bothered her that they were ignorant of the rule. (Which they weren't actually. They just didn't care about the rule.)

I am not having a birthday party for my son this year because I feel it is impossibly for me to have the party I want. I want his friends to come over and sing happy birthday and have cake. I don't want a bunch of crappy dollar store gifts. I don't want to give out stupid grab bags. And since I am not allowed by etiquette to explain that in a party invite, I am just not having a party. I thought about just having a summer party and surprising everyone with his birthday cake. However, I think his preschool classmates (and their parent/s) wouldn't come to a Labor Day party when they would otherwise come to a birthday party.

The other problem I have is the fact that I am not "allowed" to say "no gifts please" on invitations. My relatives read too much into an invitation. I live far away from them but I would like to send them invites because it is possible that a few of them could travel for a party. However, some of my siblings would get the invite and say, "She knows I can't travel that far and she is just sending me an invite because she is fishing for a gift." Sigh. I have to call them, ask each of them if there is any possibility they can come and then send an invite. I feel like I need permission to send them an invitation.

Why can't we just all be honest with eachother?!
post #40 of 128
To include any mention of a wish list for a one year olds birthday party, especially inside the invitation, is to laugh in the face of etiquette.

I know EXACTLY where you're coming from...I mean, it just STINKS knowing that people are going to spend money on your bub and that there are things they could spend that money on that you ACTUALLY NEED and would love to have, etc.....but darling, it is SO terribly, horribly rude. Really...it's just not done.


That being said...this "list of interests" idea, mentioned by an OP...could be pulled off if you did it in a cute sort of way. "In case you are wondering...the kinds of things that delight baby k right now are as follows:" - type of thing?

Just to be perfectly, completely, totallllllly honest with you......I wouldn't do either, the wish list OR the ideas list, it just goes against everything I was brought up to know about etiquette and would shred my insides with anxiety. An invitation like the one you are putting out is simply not ever supposed to contain mention of gifts...unless it is to say "Please, no gifts! We require only your presence!" - never ever "here's what we want". (Though, honestly...as far as the actual "rules" are concerned...you're really not even supposed to add "no gifts" to an invitation...and in my experience, it really confuses people and then some people bring something anyway and other people don't and some people feel foolish, etc).

I will say, I think there is more wiggle room on these sorts of rules when you are talking a very small group of guests who are mainly family...I just think you get away with more because they know where you're coming from and are the people who are more likely to ask "what do you think she would want?" anyway, you know?

GL....again, I get where you are coming from...it feels like money wasted instead of well spent when someone buys something that you don't need or that your kid simply will not want to play with. But remember, the point of inviting someone to the party, is to rejoice with them in sweet celebration, at the completion of your childs year on this earth! The point of the birthday gift, is to bestow upon the child a special thing, from the loved one, to the birthday girl/boy....a small momento of some importance....to make the GIVER feel good.

After my baby's first birthday a couple of months ago....I completely let go of feeling like I had to have any control/say at all over what people give her for her birthday. It is for the giver to find some thing which sparks in them an excitement to GIVE! My only request: Nothing living, please!
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