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Is this too tacky? 1st Birthday/wish list - Page 5

post #81 of 128
Quote:
Originally Posted by KirstenMary View Post
You know, I love giving gifts. I love shopping for birthday parties, and it excites me to give presents. Heck, when I buy presents for my family, I have to sit on my hands to keep from giving them their gifts early.

The registry takes the excitement and the anticipation out of gift giving for me. Now, if I ask the host for suggestions, fine. And I do ask - a lot - especially if I have no idea what to get. But many times, I know exactly what I want to buy for the child, and subsequently, my daughter and I are on the hunt for that perfect gift.

But what if that perfect gift weren't on the registry? Honestly, that would take the fun out of the whole for us, and for us, buying gifts is as much for the giver as it is for the recipient.
See...it really depends on the people involved. This isn't an issue for any of the people I know who use wish lists. The list is a guide, not an instruction book. If I were dealing with people like the pp's brother, who gets mad if people buy him something that's not on his list, then I wouldn't shop for them at all. If I have a perfect gift in mind for someone, or I see something that I'm sure such-and-such person would love, then I buy it. It doesn't have to be on the list. I didn't even have a registry either time I got married (never thought of it the first time, and needed everything, anyway - and when I married dh, there just wasn't time)....but if I had, I'd have still loved the ceramic figures a friend painted, and the handmade afghan from my nana just as much.

Quote:
And why can't we just be honest? Because sometimes being honest unnecessarily offends people. When I ask my husband if I look fat in those jeans, so you really think I want him to say, "Yes, sweetie, you are looking rather bovine this evening?"
umm...I would never ask if these jeans make me look fat, because I'd only be asking if I actually wanted to know. Why ask a question you don't want an answer for? (In my case, the fact that I'm fat makes me look fat, so it's a null question, yk?)
post #82 of 128
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
See...it really depends on the people involved. This isn't an issue for any of the people I know who use wish lists. The list is a guide, not an instruction book. If I were dealing with people like the pp's brother, who gets mad if people buy him something that's not on his list, then I wouldn't shop for them at all. If I have a perfect gift in mind for someone, or I see something that I'm sure such-and-such person would love, then I buy it. It doesn't have to be on the list. I didn't even have a registry either time I got married (never thought of it the first time, and needed everything, anyway - and when I married dh, there just wasn't time)....but if I had, I'd have still loved the ceramic figures a friend painted, and the handmade afghan from my nana just as much.

LOL. Same discussion - different thread. And in a way, I agree. But I am the kind of person who is going to feel self-conscious if I get a list for a 1 y/o's party and want to make an afghan. To me, a list for someone that age, screams "Buy something off of meeeeeee!!!!!" And I didn't register when I got married either. I also didn't register when I was preggo with Jordan - until I was dragged to the store by my friends. Something about the whole "give meeeeee gifts" thing just pokes me the wrong way - kind of like a bad Facebook friend, yanno?


umm...I would never ask if these jeans make me look fat, because I'd only be asking if I actually wanted to know. Why ask a question you don't want an answer for? (In my case, the fact that I'm fat makes me look fat, so it's a null question, yk?)


Yeah, well, it's a loaded question. The asker wants an answer, but it has to be the right answer.
.
post #83 of 128
I am not crazy about a gift registry, or people telling me what to buy. I get that it's convenient and it's what you want, but honestly, I just don't like it and I feel like it subtly swings the gift from a gift to an obligation.

As far as throwing birthday parties--I do big themed ones, and we have a blast. I love throwing parties. I don't do grab bags, or big favors--this year we did flower shaped cookies on lollipop sticks and wrapped them up with saran and a bow. We baked and decorated them ourselves and it was awesome. I don't know that I'd ever feel obligated to do anything though--I think the kids just like coming over and having cake and seeing my DD's room and running around.
post #84 of 128
I do goodie bags - started them when ds1 was in kindergarten, because "everyone was doing it" and it was a big deal to ds1. I never quite stopped, even though I keep thinking I will. But, that's it. A birthday party to me is having a bunch of kids come over and eat cake (and hot dogs ) and run around. DS1's favourite party ever was the one where we had "balloon heaven", which is what ds1 called it when I dumped about 50 inflated balloons on the living room floor, and the kids kicked them around and hid under them and stuff. I think our only "theme" party was a Harry Potter party at this place called "Enchanted Dreams". (They were mostly a shop for fairy-related stuff, but did Harry Potter parties with robes and House buttons and "Quidditch" tabletop games, and the kids made a wand to bring home. DS1's cake for that one was a wizard's hat.) Oh - and one year, ds1 decided to take a bunch of friends to see Sharks: 3D at the IMAX. I walked around outside with dd1, while dh supervised, because sharks in 3D is not my idea of fun.

Mostly, I keep it simple. I'm glad my kids all have spring/summer birthdays, so outside parties are feasible, but we'd run around inside, too.
post #85 of 128
Quote:
Originally Posted by newbymom05 View Post
Check out the Birthdays Without Pressure website. http://www.birthdayswithoutpressure.org/

Thank you! I have been looking for this link!
post #86 of 128
Quote:
Originally Posted by newbymom05 View Post
Check out the Birthdays Without Pressure website. http://www.birthdayswithoutpressure.org/
Ugh. Some of the examples on that page actually made me feel queasy. Two hours to open presents for a one year old?? A cougar?? WTF??

I truly feel ill. You know...my kids and their guests really seem to enjoy playing in my mom's yard, and wrestling with my oldest, and getting 4-6 presents total...
post #87 of 128
I agree- don't include it.

DS liked Shrek too- he used to see Shrek and yell out 'Daddy!!!'
post #88 of 128
Quote:
Originally Posted by beru View Post
We have small, family parties every year. We do not have "full" birthday parties every year where we invite friends. We didn't do that in my family. Maybe I would change the family tradition and do it every year if kids' birthday parties weren't so crazy. My son is actually in a peer class of kids who are better off financially than us. He gets invited to numerous parties that are obviously $300 affairs...
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Of course you can have the kind of party you want, regardless of what the people around you do. I live in a fairly affluent area, and we get invited to plenty of over-the-top parties (themes, rented moon bounces, stuff like that). We invited 5 or 6 kids plus their parents and my SIL and BIL to our house for simple food (fruit salad, homemade cupcakes) and hanging out. There was no theme--the only thing we got specifically for the party was some 99-cent bubbles for the kids to play with on the porch. Other than that, they just played with dd's toys. We (politely) asked for no presents on the invites, but we were very gracious toward the couple of guests who did bring something. Everyone had fun, kids and adults alike. No one pooh-poohed the party because we didn't have a moon bounce or a magician. The options aren't "family only or do what everyone else does" (although I think family only parties can be quite nice, too)--you can make your own middle ground.

At the same time, I really don't see anything wrong with the expensive parties if the family can afford it and the kid has fun. I don't think it's my place to tell anyone else how to spend their money--dd had fun with her 99-cent bubbles, but I'm sure the kid with the moon bounce had a darn good time at his party, too (and dd sure did!). My parents are pretty well off and threw some rather extravagant parties for me as a kid--not because they wanted to show off, but because they found things they thought I would really enjoy and would make the day special. It didn't turn me into a spoiled, gift-grubbing brat and didn't make me feel like "simpler" parties at my friends' houses were any less fun.

To the OP: Don't include the registry on the invite. Spread the word to people only when they ask. Donate or learn to live with any gifts you don't like.
post #89 of 128
I just sent out our first birthday invites as well. I simply wrote on the back: "Maeleigh enjoys natural toys made of wood or cloth. Check out our website for details!" and then our website says: "Maeleigh's first birthday is just around the corner! So we've put together a list of places you can go if you feel compelled to get her a birthday present

Maeleigh loves natural wooden and cloth toys. Below is a list of several online stores that sell such products:

* http://www.oompa.com/
* http://www.moolka.com/jzv/nav/main?o...FcZM5QodkUPhLA
* http://www.downtoearthtoys.com/
* http://www.willowtreetoys.com/
* http://stores.planethappytoys.com/index.html
* http://www.playstoretoys.com/
* http://www.novanatural.com/

And for those who would prefer to go to a store, there is a wonderful shop in downtown West Chester. Rose and Bobbi's Unique Boutique is located at 101 West Gay St. They don't have a website but they are super nice people and only carry wooden and classic toys.

Thank you for honouring our wishes to keep plastics away from Maeleigh. We greatly appreciate any gift you choose to give. And please feel free to copy our list (or even add to it) for your own purposes."



So you could do something as simple as what our invites say or something as detailed as our website. (And yes, I included all those sites in case you are looking for some places to send to people for gifts )

Good Luck!!
post #90 of 128
We ask that people bring no gifts. Until they get old enough to figure it out people bring presents to parties, my son was 5 before this happened.

If you want people to buy stuff for your little one I would not recommend directing their buying. If someone calls and asks, that's great and you can direct them. But to direct them before they buy is a little much in my opinion.
post #91 of 128
Quote:
Originally Posted by artgoddess View Post
If you want people to buy stuff for your little one I would not recommend directing their buying. If someone calls and asks, that's great and you can direct them. But to direct them before they buy is a little much in my opinion.
I do agree with this statement. That's why I put the "if you feel compelled to get a gift" line in there. And I understand that people like the thrill of gift buying, which is why I also didn't do a registry but gave places people can go. My problem is that everyone will get plastic toys and then I'll have to deal with the returns, which is a lot of headache for me since I will only get store credit to stores that don't sell anything I would get her, except for clothes (which I primarily buy used or on super sale) and some cleaning products or dvds, neither of which have anything to do with my daughter.

And yes, I have told people they do not need to give a gift. But they apparently don't like that and feel it's rude. I understand that, and I appreciate it, but I wish people would just say "okay, I'll just give her a card" because that's what I would love to have more than anything - a card that says: this person was here and they wanted to say happy birthday.

As far as being a bit much for directing people before hand? Yeah, it can be. But with my family, I'm sick and tired of dealing with everyone. They know I don't want plastic toys and they know I cloth diaper. Yet they insist that nothing is wrong with the plastic they buy bc the toys are BPA-free, like that's the only reason I don't like plastics. And they still insist on getting diapers. If they're eco-friendly, I keep them as an emergency back-up, which comes in handy once in a while. Anyway, my point is, my family is odd when it comes to me and my choices. About everything. (Seriously. Three years after becoming a vegetarian I still got "why don't you eat meat?" and "why aren't you eating the meat?" at holiday dinners. It wasn't until I finally ignored them and they kept asking and I said "I'm not answer you. Why? Because I have to answer you every time we eat together and you always get the same answer. It's not going to change. Now stop asking." that they finally stopped ... Actually, my grandmother left the table, went upstairs and then cried for attention (yeah, she was always seeking attention). By then everyone finally stopped.) So when they get invites or mention that a holiday is approaching, I tell them what they can and can not buy. And I flat out told them - and wrote on facebook - to not even bother with plastic toys bc Maeleigh will NOT be allowed to have them. Is that rude? Yeah, a bit. But I'm done playing nice with them.

Sorry for the long rant. Felt good to get that off my chest though!


EDIT: I'd like to note that that is only with my family. Not with our friends. Most of our friends understand that we don't do plastic and are kind enough to not get it, even though they don't agree with it. And the few of our friends who don't know (mainly bc we met them through their children and they all adore Maeleigh) would never be treated like that. And it's not even DPs family. Just mine. I'm not normally that rude to people. I promise.
post #92 of 128
Quote:
Originally Posted by caro113 View Post
I just sent out our first birthday invites as well. I simply wrote on the back: "Maeleigh enjoys natural toys made of wood or cloth. Check out our website for details!" and then our website says: "Maeleigh's first birthday is just around the corner! So we've put together a list of places you can go if you feel compelled to get her a birthday present

Maeleigh loves natural wooden and cloth toys. Below is a list of several online stores that sell such products:

* http://www.oompa.com/
* http://www.moolka.com/jzv/nav/main?o...FcZM5QodkUPhLA
* http://www.downtoearthtoys.com/
* http://www.willowtreetoys.com/
* http://stores.planethappytoys.com/index.html
* http://www.playstoretoys.com/
* http://www.novanatural.com/

And for those who would prefer to go to a store, there is a wonderful shop in downtown West Chester. Rose and Bobbi's Unique Boutique is located at 101 West Gay St. They don't have a website but they are super nice people and only carry wooden and classic toys.

Thank you for honouring our wishes to keep plastics away from Maeleigh. We greatly appreciate any gift you choose to give. And please feel free to copy our list (or even add to it) for your own purposes."



So you could do something as simple as what our invites say or something as detailed as our website. (And yes, I included all those sites in case you are looking for some places to send to people for gifts )

Good Luck!!
See, if I saw an invite like that it would trigger my rebellious side and I would probably get the blingiest, most garrish toy I could find, even though I normally do things like make a hand knit item and often have on of the only natural type toys as gifts.

I think this is an example of how ettiquette plays into things and why it exists. People like to feel like they are doing something special and suprising the guest of honor. When you get invites that are too specific on "acceptable" gifts, it just sort of ruins it for the giver. If somebody asks, then sure. It is even ok to tell your mom what specific things you want and let her dissiminate the information, but to say it in written form with the invite sucks the joy out of the process for the invitee.
post #93 of 128
Someone get me the crown for the queen of tackiness then. For my dd's 1st birthday, I included a small card in the invite saying a gift was not necessary, but if they felt obliged, then I would appreciate cash. It went over very well. And for birthdays I usually get fun gift cards for the kids. For one of them, I got the kid a $20 gift card to gamestop (he was about 8 I believe). He and his mom were thrilled! But things are done differently here, and people actually appreciate not having to go through a ton of effort of wondering what a 6 year old boy or 3 year old girl would like to get for their birthday. They buy a nice card, put a little cash in it and give it, and enjoy themselves at the party. I can't even think of a bday party that i've been to that involved present opening. It was usually the party, then the singing and cake, and then a little more partying, then everyone went home. Simple.
post #94 of 128
I have to admit, I would probably be a bit annoyed if I received a list like that also.
We wait until we are asked for gift ides, then we suggest items that easy to get and not too expensive (books, clothes, puzzles, building/stacking kits depending on age are always great). Most of our families don't like to purchase things online, so I try to suggest things local to them. And yes, the kids end up with things that maybe I'm not crazy about, but it makes the giver happy and it's never been anything too bad. I'm more concerned about the relationship than the gift itself.
Also, many people assume that wood=good and plastic=bad and that's not always the case. There are some good recycled plastic toys by companies like Green Toys (the tea set is really good) and there are a lot of crappy wood toys. I know it's easy to get caught up in the "must have everything natural and anything else will harm my baby" mind set, but it's really not as cut and dry as that. We have to look at the bigger picture sometimes.
I know I'm not explaining it well. It's just that I've been where you are right now and it just wasn't worth the stress it caused everyone involved. I look back and I'm actually a little embarrassed and kinda feel the need to go apologize to some people. (((blush)))
post #95 of 128
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jennifer Z View Post
People like to feel like they are doing something special and suprising the guest of honor.
I think this is so true! I am really not for all of the pre-directing.

For a wedding I think it's fine, obviously if the bride has a china pattern it's nice if things match, but for a child's birthday party it just seems greedy.


ETA: Maybe greedy isn't the right word. Micro-managing or bossy might be better??
post #96 of 128
I wouldnt put it on an invite.... ick


For my ds's party, the people we invited were almost all in our natural paranting group, so they already knew just from talking with me that I prefered natural toys.

People that asked (which were all outside of the paranting group) - I just said 'he loves to read' because books arent usually made of plastic and its harder to go compleatly wrong with books! Plus people can spend smaller amounts on books and not feel obligated to get something that costs a lot.

Also, the theme was 'beach ball' which led people to get a lot of 'ball' related stuff which he loved. Thats a helpful hint too!

Extended family all gives cash anyways, we got a zoo membership with that and signed ds up for gymnastics.

We only got a couple gifts that I didnt really approve of - from my mom's friends who dont have kids! I let ds play with them for a little while and when he quickly lost interest they went into the donate pile.
post #97 of 128
I would just like to note that the list is not on the actual invite. It's on our website. With us, everyone always asks what the child wants and this just made it easier. The only people who even bother with our site know what we would like and asked a while ago about what to get so the list just made everything easier on my part.

I can see how it would piss off some people, but we know the people who are looking at it and they all get it so we aren't too concerned about it.

And I don't know that micro-managing the right word either. Maybe "overly organized and prepared"?

Of course if I were surrounded by like-wise mamas - like yourselves, I assume - things would be much easier
post #98 of 128
Quote:
Originally Posted by caro113 View Post

And I don't know that micro-managing the right word either. Maybe "overly organized and prepared"?
There ya go

Quote:
Of course if I were surrounded by like-wise mamas - like yourselves, I assume - things would be much easier
Naturally, yes! Of course.
post #99 of 128
The only way I would even begin to approach directing someone toward specific web sites, or specific toys, would be if the giver directly asked me. And, I would do it in conversation, not write a list and send it in invitations or put it up on a website. If I did ask people to shop off of a website I would offer to pay their shipping as well, which can be pricey depending upon the item. It just seems very tacky to me.

And truly, if people are really honest about what a one year old needs or likes to play with, you probably don't need the pricey wooden toys, etc. Half seriously I would suggest new pots and pans because the baby could fill, dump and bang away, and you get the bonus of new items for you kitchen, lol.
post #100 of 128
Quote:
Originally Posted by caro113 View Post
I just sent out our first birthday invites as well. I simply wrote on the back: "Maeleigh enjoys natural toys made of wood or cloth. Check out our website for details!" and then our website says: "Maeleigh's first birthday is just around the corner! So we've put together a list of places you can go if you feel compelled to get her a birthday present

Maeleigh loves natural wooden and cloth toys. Below is a list of several online stores that sell such products:

* http://www.oompa.com/
* http://www.moolka.com/jzv/nav/main?o...FcZM5QodkUPhLA
* http://www.downtoearthtoys.com/
* http://www.willowtreetoys.com/
* http://stores.planethappytoys.com/index.html
* http://www.playstoretoys.com/
* http://www.novanatural.com/

And for those who would prefer to go to a store, there is a wonderful shop in downtown West Chester. Rose and Bobbi's Unique Boutique is located at 101 West Gay St. They don't have a website but they are super nice people and only carry wooden and classic toys.

Thank you for honouring our wishes to keep plastics away from Maeleigh. We greatly appreciate any gift you choose to give. And please feel free to copy our list (or even add to it) for your own purposes."
If they didn't "feel compelled" to give Maeleigh a gift before receiving this, they certainly will, now.

I'm sorry, but this is over the top imo.
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