I really need to vent.

[fawnanddoe]

I am having a seriously, seriously hard time right now. I love my baby, I love that I get to stay home with my baby, but I am starting t feel very resentful towards my DH. So much that I really don't even want to talk to him or have anything to do with him. I feel like I am doing this alone.

DS is 4 weeks and 2 days old today. He has been really fussy for the past couple of days. Refusing to eat, not sleeping. I have just been unable to calm him down. I have tried swaddling, holding him. I have just tried everything. It's gotten to the point where I haven't been able to make any food because he starts freaking out by the time I get to the kitchen, and every single dish we have is dirty anyway, and I don't have time to clean anything, not with a screaming baby. I can't just leave him to cry either, I won't.

DH works until 6:30 every night. He doesn't get home until 7pm and then sometimes he does things after work and doesn't get home until closer to 8pm. When he comes home I give him the baby because I need a break, but I never get the kind of break need. I realize I need to nurse DS and I am totally ok with that, but DH goes outside or has friends stop by or whatever, so I end up having to watch DS even on my "break". I also find myself having to constantly tell DH to put the video game controller down and pick up his crying son. Babies need to be consoled and talked to and held, not left there just crying while you are busy playing your video games.

Our washing machine broke yesterday, it isn't spinning anymore. Of course I have run out of clean breast pads (and I have an oversupply so I leak like crazy all the time), DS's diaper leaked and pee got all over the bed and there are no more clean sheets, and I have about 5 other loads of laundry that need to be washed, including cloth diapers. Our entire house is a mess, I can't even be out of the bedroom without getting anxiety about the mess.
I have broken down and cried like 5 times today because I feel like I am at the end of my rope. I texted DH and told him how overwhelmed and stressed out I am and that I need help and I need a break and he texted me back saying that I have no choice but to just do it and at least I have a roof over my head and food and to think if I was a new mom in a war zone or a 3rd world country. That I don't have it that bad and I just need to learn how to handle it. He makes me not even want to say anything to him. How can you tell me I need to just learn how to deal with it? It's fucking hard, and I am having a seriously hard time. I don't want to ever vent to him because he doesn't understand how hard it is. He gets a lunch break. He gets to drive to work and drive home. He gets to run errands after work then have friends over and play video games. I get none of that. I don't get a break ever. No lunch break. No time to myself, nothing. I just feel really resentful. I feel totally alone and he doesn't understand.

I have been really irritable and bitchy lately, and honestly I can't help it, but of course he thinks I can. I am sure I am depressed, but I can't make hm understand that I just can't make that and the irritablilty and bitchiness just go away.

Sorry this is so long and all over the place.

[BoringTales]

<hugs>

I'm not going to tell you how you should feel. That's about the most infuriating thing someone can possibly do! Having a new baby is hard. Its hard on the entire family though. There is a definite learning curve to being a Dad too, and though the pressures may be different, he's under some intense responsibilities right now too! I'm not saying he is dealing with it well, but it is what it is. He's entitled to his feelings just like you are yours.

Try not to freak out on each other and just do what you need to do to push through the next few weeks, especially. He'll settle in to his new role and hopefully take on more to relieve you in the evenings. A lot of men have a hard time with tiny babies, knowing how to comfort them, etc. Do you have any other family, friends, or church members you can lean on a bit for some extra help?

[tana'smama]

I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time but I do understand. I've got a 18 month old and a 2 month old and my 18mo drives me insane screaming, waking the baby all day long. I can't sleep during the day and my 2 month has severe reflux and doesn't sleep at night and I'm drained. Our house looks like a tornado hit. My dh works so many hours and only has about an hour at night to spend with us. Some days he doesn't even touch our baby.

Just try to relax and forget about the housework. I know it's hard but the most important thing is to take care of you and the baby. One thing I try to always remember is that these babies didn't ask to be brought into the world. Trust me I know it's hard some days but just hang in there.

As far as the washing machine---maybe the hubby could get something lined up to get it fixed. That is a absolute necessity and he needs to man-up.

Take care of yourself.

[nurnur4evr]

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I think your husband doesn't recognize that you need help. A washing machine is absolutely necessary with a new baby!

Can you get someone to come in and clean for a few hours while you take a nap? Could you get someone like a friend, relative, or someone from church to fix the washing machine or take some laundry to the laundromat? Having some help would make a world of difference. Also, the sleep deprivation in the early weeks can make everything much worse. I also get very stressed from a messy house. Personally I can't really relax once it's past a certain threshold of messiness.

It does get better with a baby but please get some help.

[ShineliketheSon]

Originally Posted by fawnanddoe

I don't want to ever vent to him because he doesn't understand how hard it is. He gets a lunch break. He gets to drive to work and drive home. He gets to run errands after work then have friends over and play video games. I get none of that. I don't get a break ever. No lunch break. No time to myself, nothing. I just feel really resentful. I feel totally alone and he doesn't understand.

This sounds all to familar. I have a 4 yo and a 3mo and the only way this part got easier for me is that I just had to accept that my life dramatically changed espeically as a SAHM and his only changed some. The difference between mommies and daddies. When the baby gets older and doesn't need to nurse as often and is more easily entertained by toys and things for DH to have something to calm babe, you can get more of a break.

As for DH not understanding the PPD, my DH gets it more than other guys cause he saw what it did to my sister (really extreme case) and he has seen me drepressed over the years. But it still took letting go of the anger towards him and just flat out crying in front of him numerous times for him to see how much this really was affecting me. He had a whole lot more sympathy after that. And that I started therapy, thst helped us both ALOT! To do things, I wear baby as much as possible and I try not to worry about the house stuff and just get done what needs done.

[fawnanddoe]

I saw a therapist today and it made me feel a whole lot better about everything. I scored extremely high on the PPD and the postpartum anxiety assessments.
I am also going to a PPD group tomorrow. I am hoping this is the beginning of the end.

[ShineliketheSon]

Originally Posted by fawnanddoe

I saw a therapist today and it made me feel a whole lot better about everything. I scored extremely high on the PPD and the postpartum anxiety assessments.
I am also going to a PPD group tomorrow. I am hoping this is the beginning of the end.

good for you!