Too broke for school clothes shopping

[layne]

This is my kids first time going back to school without uniforms (we either had uniforms or homeschooled in the past) and I am a little worried that there will be some stigma about the free lunch eating old clothes wearing new kids. They aren't self-conscious about it so I am not saying anything in hopes that they will stay that way, and dd, who is going into 5th grade which seems like a trickier age with this stuff than ds's grade (2nd) has a whole lot of really nice hand-me-downs so I don't even feel she has a justifiable need for new clothes.
Is there a stigma with this and if so, can anyone give me advice on dealing with that? No one ever cared at homeschool group if my kids were wearing mended old clothes mismatched five ways (not saying my kids do that on a daily basis or anything but you know sometimes they are so proud to have dressed themselves that the accomplishment is too great to quibble about wearing a striped sweater with clashing basketball shorts, argyle knee socks, and church shoes, you know?) so this is new to us.
layne

[Oonah]

fwiw...you're not alone. I have 2 in school this year and I am not buying any new clothes for the start of school.

[The Hidden Life]

In the past, I would have gone "back to school" shopping with my kiddos, but not this year. I was able to get some great stuff for five bucks at a local yard sale for one of my daughters--although she still needs shoes. My oldest will need some jeans, but I have better luck finding things that will fit her at Value Village than the department store. My 2nd daughter needed a coat and thankfully I got a decent one at Costco (a boy's style, but she didn't mind) for only $20. The older two got new (clearanced) sneakers over the summer. The oldest got new bras and underwear. Other than school supplies, that's pretty much the extent of our school shopping.

In my town there are two good sources of FREE clothing. One is a local church with a clothing bank. They have tons of stuff and anyone is welcome to come choose a certain number of items they need, regardless of income. The other is a city-funded Family Center that gives out coats, clothes and school supplies but is income-based; you have to be a registered low-income family with them to get in. They do free halloween costumes and such too.

Otherwise I suggest emailing some friends and getting together for a clothing exchange. Bring what your kids have grown out of and swap with others; donate everything that's left over. We have family friends with older kids who regularly drop off bags of stuff on our doorstep. I don't mind that at all! My kids think it's great and see the value in being thrifty and saving their dollars for more exciting things than clothing. Most kids in our area don't dress really nice for school anyhow--always jeans, jeans, jeans and t-shirts. Maybe in 8th grade and up they start to notice labels, but only if they are really shallow will they even mention it. My kids have definite expectations from me about what is important--even if we had endless gobs of money I still wouldn't let them walk around in all-new fashion-plate wardrobes--so they don't really aspire to that kind of thing. Fortunately for us, their friends and their families seem to think likewise.

Mismatched clothes: boys rarely care or notice unless it is really strikingly unusual. There was a boy I knew who insisted on wearing button-down shirts and bow-ties all through early elementary. He stood out more than kids wearing mismatched colors. Girls tend to start noticing clothing differences sometime in later elementary I think. I have sometimes redirected my kids into different clothings choices if I thought it was possible they'd be teased about it. It just depends on the kid and the moment. My oldest is definitely interested in the "rules" of fashion (how to accessorize, what kinds of clothes are appropriate for summer vs winter, etc) so occasionally I try to build on that.

As for free lunch, we haven't been down that path yet, so I can't say what kind of stigma there might be. I think it depends on how the lunch room is run--whether there's a list of free lunch kids that is check off or whether they have prepaid meal cards, etc. At the local elementary more than half the kids buy lunch on any day only some of which are free/reduced cost lunch. I don't think most kids notice.

[eepster]

It matters more in some schools than in others. Unless you know the school culture, it's hard to say if you kids will stand out and if it matters. While too old is an issue in many schools, in some schools too new can be wrong!

As for matching, I would lay out their clothing the night before for a couple of weeks till they get to know what the other kids dress like.

[CarrieMF]

At the schools here it isn't important. For any clothes that are out right before school starts it's too warm to wear them(most years).

[oceanbaby]

We homeschool, but my mom has said that back to school was always a really stressful time for her because she never had enough money to buy us new clothes. I was a very fashion conscious child, not in a name brand way, but in the sense that nice, unstained, matching clothes were very important to me (still are actually).

My suggestion would be to buy just one or two new things, if you can afford it. Like a pair of jeans and a sweater. One pair of shoes from Payless Shoe Source. Maybe spend a Saturday cruising various thrift stores and see what you can find.

But in the end, if it's not bothering your child, then I wouldn't worry about it.

[EFmom]

We are in a fairly wealthy district. There are some kids who get free lunch, but not too many. The majority of kids pay for their lunches via prepaid account, where the paying parents send in a check periodically. It is possible to pay cash daily, but few people do that. Those kids and the kids on free lunch "pay" for their lunches by putting in a pin number on a keypad. So, there's no way other kids would even know that your kid was getting a free lunch.

Re the new clothes, in elementary school it wasn't a big deal. I can afford to buy a bunch of new clothes for the kids, but didn't. The first month, they'd wear their summer clothes anyway. By the time it gets colder, I'd pick up a few things on clearance.

It's harder for us this year as dd is going into jr. high and is worried about having "cool clothes." By that, she means some tshirts and hoodies from Aeropostale. I'd bet you could get some of that stuff at thrift stores, but a couple of tshirts go a long way.

[JL83]

Around here matching/looking nice is a bigger deal than the brands kids wear.

Can you get the older one 1 new outfit? So she has something new to start school with. That seems to be the day *all* the kids wear new clothes.

[Linda on the move]

The kids here are not allowed to use cash to buy school lunch. Everybody pays with their school ID number. No one call tell if a kids' number is link to the free/reduced lunch program or prepaid by the parents.

The only exception is on fridays the kids have the option of buying ice cream with lunch and it must be cash ($.50). (It's the only day they have dessert as part of the schools health policy).

Clothes here aren't a big deal. In all of the 5th grade last year, there were about 4 girls who were into clothes. DD found them dull and spent more time around the girls who were into sports.

I could afford to take my kids shopping by haven't. They still have their things from summer and I don't see the point of buying winter things this early. They could grow!

[annethcz]

Clothes aren't a big deal in my kids' elementary school either. Although I could afford to buy back to school clothes, I don't have any plans to do so. We have so many hand-me-downs and clothes from thrift stores/clearance racks that I buy for my kids to grow into. My kids just don't need much, and it's not a big deal.

I'll probably buy fall/winter clothes as the weather gets colder.

[mistymama]

We live in a pretty wealthy area and yeah, most of the kids are dressed very well.

We not not one of the wealthy families in the district. We live in the south where it's warm until November, so ds will be able to wear his summer clothes/shorts for several more months.

I just bought him some new t-shirts, two pairs of new shoes, and a new backpack/lunchbox. Total spent was probably $150 - used coupons and found good deals on everything we bought.

We'll buy some new winter stuff in late Sept or Early Oct - plus he could have a growth spurt so I don't want to buy too early. Made that mistake one year and had to buy two full sets of winter clothing! Ugh.

[Avani]

Even if there is that stigma if you don't have the money what are you gonna do? Teaching your children to not be affected by those that make fun of them will be a better gift then new clothes anyways. I can't afford to buy anything for my kids and my 9 year old son's shoes are literally falling apart with huge holes in the bottom of them. All of his pants have huge holes in the knees and are ripped all along the bottom seams. I had a flat tire the other day and my only spare money went to a new tire. And because there is no bus to my kids school i have to drive them there and thus needed a new tire. I won't be able to get their back to school supplies either and because CA cut the school's budget so severely this will be the bigger problem for my kids. I guess they will just have to share with other students. I don't know maybe Gov. Schwarzenneger could sell his fleet of Hummer's or his Malibu mansion and help fund some of the schools

[Alyantavid]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

The kids here are not allowed to use cash to buy school lunch. Everybody pays with their school ID number. No one call tell if a kids' number is link to the free/reduced lunch program or prepaid by the parents.

Same here.

We do back to school clothes shopping, but we also have 4 very definite seasons here and my kids have usually outgrown last year's winter stuff by the next fall. And we typically shop the JCPenney/TJMaxx sales so it doesn't get too spendy.

[karne]

I don't know how you feel about this, but I have seen ads on craig's list for families asking for clothing, esp. winter clothing and outerwear for their kids. Times are tough for a lot of people, so I am sure your kids are not alone in not having new back to school clothing. maybe you could throw it out there on CL, or something similar, and see what happens?

I have to say, there is a part of me that agrees with teaching your kids about not putting emphasis on outward things, like clothing. But I have a pre-teen, and I know it can be an age where having a new outfit is very important.

FWIW, my kids are wearing their summer clothing until it's too cold to do so. I'm not breaking out anything new until it's absolutely necessary.

[alllyssa]

We are in a fairly wealthy district. There are some kids who get free lunch, but not too many. The majority of kids pay for their lunches via prepaid account, where the paying parents send in a check periodically. It is possible to pay cash daily, but few people do that. Those kids and the kids on free lunch "pay" for their lunches by putting in a pin number on a keypad. So, there's no way other kids would even know that your kid was getting a free lunch.

That's how it works here in San Diego too.

And even tho our family can afford to buy new school clothes, we never go all out and buy a bunch of new stuff. One new outfit for the first day of school and maybe a pair of sneakers or two is about it.

I have 5 girls (and one son) so we have a lot of hand-me-downs in boxes that I save for the younger ones and when people ask me what they want for birthdays/christmas, etc. I always say clothes - I hate shopping with little ones - no fun at all :-)

[ramama]

As a child, I was never taken back to school shopping. Of course, that was a loooooong time ago, but never had any problems with it. In fact, I grew to adulthood thinking that "back to school shopping" only involved buying school supplies from the list. I was hired at GapKids in college for the back to school season and I was so totally baffled that they had a back to school season when they didn't sell markers or glue. And then I was kind of disgusted by the whole back to school pandemonium. As such, I certainly don't plan on taking DDs out back to school shopping when they're older, even if we miraculously have more money by then. Just wasteful.

[layne]

I was actually looking more for tips on how to cope with the stigma of being the poorest kids in school than ideas on how to get new clothes. We usually do all of our clothes buying for the year at back to school time when there are stock up sales and then kind of put off replacing worn or snug clothes as long as possible so a lot of dd's jeans are pretty broken in and getting tight but she got so many new handmedown shirts in the spring that I think she can play it off. Ds is going to be a little less inconspicuous because I think he has outgrown all of his long pants and does not have enough pairs of shorts to make it through the week without repeats.
My mom used to basically count up how many weather appropriate outfits we had at the beginning of every school year and then solicit andmedowns and then buy enough new ones to make five total and we wore those until the end of the year whether they fit or not. It was really stigmatizing and the other kids definitely noticed and I hope it is not going to be like that for dd because she is at a hard age socially.
I can see where this can be a character building situation but would still appreciate advice on how to get her through it if it turns out to be VERY character building, KWIM?

[The Hidden Life]

Having clothes that fit is important. I have one daughter that is noticeably overweight and making sure that her clothes fit properly so that she doesn't have to worry about popping buttons or splitting seams is a matter of dignity. No one wants to be teased because their pants are obviously too short, tight, too big (I have one that wants to move up into big sister's clothes too soon--cute when they're at home, a little strange-looking out in public), etc.

However, I wouldn't worry about repeating the same clothing from day to day. Jeans are jeans. Unless they are terribly distinctive--with some kind of fancy embroidery or designs on them--no one will ever notice or care. I do try to buy fairly plain and classic clothes for my kids so as to get away with having fewer items in the closet. As long as the clothing fits, is clean and in good repair--those last two don't cost anything!--I think your kids will be fine.

I have a friend who wears the exact same outfit every day of the year--black top and pants with a lime green sweater. She has a black dress for dressier occasions and workout clothes for exercising at home. It didn't occur to me until years after I'd known her that she never wore anything different. She always looks great. I don't know if she does it to save money or to make a style statement or a combination of that, but I think she's on to a good idea.

And there is always someone less fortunate than ourselves, you know?

[Bekka]

Originally Posted by layne

Ds is going to be a little less inconspicuous because I think he has outgrown all of his long pants and does not have enough pairs of shorts to make it through the week without repeats.

My thoughts include making long pants into shorts, if they still fit fine around the waist--the way boys grow is so interesting for me--ds has worn the same shorts for 3 summers. Can you patch the jeans/pants neatly if the knees are trashed? Know someone who can? Also, unless they're playing outside or have an accident, I have a "wear it 2 days" pants rule for my kids. Works especially well if they can alternate (like wear pants A Mon and Thur, pants B Tue and Fri).

When I was in 6th grade I JUST figured out that the definition of "cool" meant jeans, at least where I lived. I had 1 pair of jeans, and some other strange pants. I figured out how to get those jeans washed on Tuesday, and I wore them on Thursday and Friday, so I got as much mileage as possible out of those jeans.

Just wash a lot? Or is washing a big deal?

Oh, I also just thought of this--dd just finished 5th grade, and I think she just stood out more for her "unique" personality than her clothes. She doesn't really "get" the kids for whom clothes are important anyhow.

[Linda on the move]

an old friend of mine is very tight for money and all her kids clothes are second hand (and always have been). But her kids always look neat and put together. Their clothes fit well and are clean.

I'm sure it takes her far more time to accomplish this than it would if she could just it the mall, but it can be done. She says the key is frequent shopping. She doesn't assume she'll find anything every time, she just keeps checking.