Too broke for school clothes shopping - Page 2

[Z1Z2]

Originally Posted by layne

I can see where this can be a character building situation but would still appreciate advice on how to get her through it if it turns out to be VERY character building, KWIM?

I don't think we are the poorest people at DD's school, but I am trying to spend as little as possible on the nicest clothes I can get. By making frequent runs to the trip shops for the last several months, I have stockpiled a pretty good back to school stash for pennies on the dollar. There are even quite a few pieces that still have the tags on. Despite my efforts, I figure there will probably be "deficiencies", so to speak. Rather than actually try to compete, I am instead trying to encourage DD to develop her own style. The thrift shops are great for finding things like cool scarves for her belt or hair, or unique retro tops.

Paula

[cosmos]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

an old friend of mine is very tight for money and all her kids clothes are second hand (and always have been). But her kids always look neat and put together. Their clothes fit well and are clean.

I'm sure it takes her far more time to accomplish this than it would if she could just it the mall, but it can be done. She says the key is frequent shopping. She doesn't assume she'll find anything every time, she just keeps checking.

ITA, this is what we do- I dunno but maybe we have the most phenomenal thrift stores or I have just figured out which ones are good-? My kids are not short on nice, clean, classic clothes. And we NEVER buy new- EVER.

I have been on both sides of the coin with this issue too, and I have to say that when I can't afford the clothes/food/school supplies it is much harder on my psyche than when I can. Being broke is pretty suffocating. Just do the best you can with scoring the good deals and more importantly supporting your dd-that's what will help her deal with whatever comes up anyway. Hugs to you!

[MommyTorf]

I work at an elementary school, and the lunch ladies check the kids off as they go through the line every day. The kids have no clue who has free lunch.

I agree with PP that as long as the kids are wearing clothes that fit and clothes that are clean, it's not such a big deal. And I also think that if the kids are clean and well groomed they will "blend in".

[ElliesMomma]

Originally Posted by Avani

my 9 year old son's shoes are literally falling apart with huge holes in the bottom of them.

did anybody see the actual news photo during the presidential campaign that showed Barack Obama sitting behind a desk, talking on the phone, with his feet up -- and there was literally a hole worn in the bottom of his shoe? that image stuck in my mind, i guess, as i am someone less "hung up" on appearances, than on substance. also, goes to show you that you can definitely go far, even if your clothes and shoes are worn...

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

I went back to school shopping at GoodWill this year. Great clothing half off which meant I paid less than $2 for most of the pants & shirts I bought. I do buy a new pair of shoes yearly though since I have bad memories of being the only kid in school in the same pair of ratty shoes for 3 years with my toe sticking out.

Growing up I got 2 new pair of pants & pair of shoes if it was in the budget and my brothers got 2 new shirts and 2 pair of pants and shoes.

[Ellien C]

I really wouldn't worry too much about these things. We have plenty of clothes and my daughter is frequently mismatched because she likes it that way and I just don't say anything. she likes her old clothes, her pants are real short and she would easily wear the same outfit 3-4 days in a row. I usually insist she change one part of it - either pants or shirt.

As for free lunch, we are in a very low income district, but the way it is done here is through a number. The child remembers their number and gives it to the cashier. Families who aren't on free lunch need to send money - say $20 at a time or whatever and it's like a debit system. No one knows who is on free lunch or not.

[YummyYarnAddict]

Originally Posted by layne

I was actually looking more for tips on how to cope with the stigma of being the poorest kids in school than ideas on how to get new clothes.

I don't know where you live or what your situation is exactly, but you may not be the poorest family in the school. I'm a single mom with two kids and we have enough to get what we need and a little extra tiny splurge here and there. Most -- well, actually ALL -- of our friends have a lot more than we do and, you know, while my 7yo dd belly aches about what so-and-so has that she doesn't and wishes she did and how so-and-so just got a brand new wardrobe from Hanna Anderssen and gee, why can't see, I redirect her by reminding her of what's REALLY important in life. We have each other and we have a roof over our heads and food on the table too. In fact, we have REALLY good food on the table! We shop at Goodwill and other thrift stores and shop sales and thank G-d for hand me downs from friends! But, really, when we walk down the streets and see people asking for money because they don't have a place to call home -- especially people with children -- it gives us pause to count our blessings. Once we were at a train station going to visit friends and a man came up and asked if I had any change to give him. I honestly didn't and felt really bad about it. Our train was unexpectedly delayed and I was sharing a snack with my dd. My dd asked why the man asked for food and I told him that he was hungry and didn't have money for food and probably didn't have a place to sleep. She promptly packed up the snack and took it over to him. This is an important lesson that I want my children to learn. No, we don't have a lot, but we are blessed to have enough. As far as worrying about what the Jones' have? Let them worry about that! The more "stuff" they have, the more "stuff" they have to worry about being stolen, taken, fretting over keeping clean, etc. It's a lot easier for us to get some nifty outfit from Goodwill for $3 and personalizing it with patches and fabric paint than to get a pair of $40 jeans from Gap and keeping them pristine! Carpe diem! :

[layne]

Ellie, thank you so so much. I will print a picture of that out for a conversation starter with the kids about this. That is pretty exactly what I needed to hear. I know they will survive worse things in their lives than old clothes but we are now the poorest we've ever been and it's hard not to worry about its effect on them, especially at dd's age.

[philomom]

I look at the flyers to see what is declared "in style" this fall. I go to the thrift stores and find similar things. Is it stripes or solids this year? Is the cut of the jeans high, low or boot leg? Generally, you can find stuff that's close.

I get new shoes, socks and underwear at Target. I might then buy just one or two new shirts for the kids to wear the first week.

Also, the last three years... I've had the opportunity to attend a large back to school clothing swap. I get to de-clutter and pick up stuff that's "new" to my kids.

http://www.sunnysideswapshop.org/wp/...hool-exchange/

[pearl2]

Don't forget about consignment shops. We have a fabulous one in the area that only takes clothes that are clean, no rips or stains, and look like they're in style, so no faded or 80's non-cool retro stuff in there.

Also, this is what I do for my job: I find the thrift stores in the "rich" neighborhoods. I scored some Ann Taylor pants still with tags for under $4. The dark clothes haven't even faded at these places. It's in a brand new shopping center, too, so you even FEEL like you're in a really nice store!

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by Ellien C

We have plenty of clothes and my daughter is frequently mismatched because she likes it that way and I just don't say anything.

Same here. Our local school is very uneven -- big new houses, a trailer park, and some older modest homes. Honestly, the kids from the big new houses frequently are the tackiest dressed kids. Sometimes I think that the less money parents have the more important it is to them that their kids look put together, and when it isn't a money issue then the parents figure it isn't worth the power struggle.

10 year olds have a very different idea of what looks nice than their mommies do.

Originally Posted by pearl2

Also, this is what I do for my job: I find the thrift stores in the "rich" neighborhoods.

agreed.

And even if you've checked a store, keep checking. We are just doing our sort out of things to pass on today, and sadly, my kids are getting rid of a few things that have tags.

[chel]

no big back to school shopping in my area. Summer is just ending, so at the beginning of school the kids are wearing their summer clothes. We have a quick fall and then by Oct it's winter when most kids get their "school clothes". Not that brand name or even brand new matters, just most dc have outgrow the stuff from last winter. My dd can only wear pant for one season, if we are lucky and can let the pants get capri length in spring. Everyone has too short pants in spring.

[LynnS6]

My mom's philosophy always was:
Let's get one or two decent outfits to wear the first days of school, and then we'll slowly add things to the wardrobe once we figure out what's in style/when we can afford it (she had 5 kids on one salary, it was tough). Also, where we live, it's usually warm enough for the first 3-4 weeks that kids are wearing summer clothes.

With jeans, other kids aren't really going to notice that you're wearing the same pair of jeans 2-3 days in a week as long as you have a different shirt to pair it with. So, in reality, your kids need 2-4 pairs of pants and 5-7 shirts for each season. They need one decent coat. And one pair of decent shoes. Underwear. Socks. That's it.

You don't have to get them all at once. If you've got $10 for clothing this month, hit GARAGE SALES (they're much cheaper, IME) and get pants or whatever they need most desperately. Next month, do the same. By Nov, you'll have an OK wardrobe. If you can't do garage sales because of work/time/gas, then I'd go to the thrift stores in the rich areas (there's one tony suburb near us that has the world's best Goodwill. The one near us is really picked over). My last choice would be consignment stores. Maybe it's where we live, but I find them REALLY expensive around here.

Finally, if things are really really tight (to the point where $10 a month is the difference between eating and not eating), check with your school. Our school district has a clothes closet that families can use to get clothing for kids. There are non-profit organizations meant to help families who are in need.

How to cope being the poorest?
Don't assume that your kids will notice or care. In fact, I'd be surprised if any of the 2nd graders noticed. Ds regularly went to school last year in pants about an inch or two too short (he's tall and skinny). He's VERY sensitive to being made fun of, so I would have heard if someone had made fun of him. Your 5th grader is more likely to be in an age group where some kids are starting to care, but a lot of the 5th graders I know really really don't.

Commiserate with your kids if they complain. Practice reflective listening. Very often, they understand why you can't get the latest/greatest, but still need to complain.

Buy quality used things rather than cheap knock offs. The quality stuff will last longer.

Make sure your kids are surrounded by people who share similar values. Extended family and friends who are not focused on appearances or possessions. My kids don't have a Wii or American Girl dolls and they don't want them. They really do want more TIME with us than anything else. (OK, my kids are 8 and 5, maybe this changes at 10, but I doubt it.)

Hold your head high and know that you are doing what's right for your family and your children.

[philomom]

I second the new haircut thing. And if things are really dire... my local school district has a PTA clothes closet that kids who get free or reduced lunch can come to and get free clothes.

[MCR]

I don't do new clothes shopping for school, it seems wasteful to me when my kids have enough good clothes in the size they are in.
I run tennis shoes and backpacks through the washing machine if needed and only pick up needs such as pencils, paper etc.
I shop sales and buy as needed year round.

[muldey]

I bought my kids each 2 really cheap outfits from Walmart,new undies and socks,and a pair of cheap $9 sneakers from Target.I couldn't even afford to do that,but both kids outgrew everything from last year.I'm going to hit up the Salvation Army half off sale tommorow,and my ds got a pair of used,nicer expensive sneakers from the local food bank.Our Savers is almost as expensive as buying new,so all we really have is the Salvation Army.I think they are giving out used clothesat the Back to School Celebration where they give out free backpacks and school supllies,and if you're early,undies and socks.Look around for church sales too,one of the churches in my area is having a free yard sale so I'm going to try that too.I didn't buy backpacks as they are getting them for free,and they get free lunches too.No one notices who gets free and who doesn't,every kid has a pin number.

My dd is going into 6th grade,and really doesn't care about brand names or anything like that.As long as she has her cool tshirts(and most came from the Salvation Army) she's happy.Ds could care less about what he wears.

[WC_hapamama]

Originally Posted by EFmom

We are in a fairly wealthy district. There are some kids who get free lunch, but not too many. The majority of kids pay for their lunches via prepaid account, where the paying parents send in a check periodically. It is possible to pay cash daily, but few people do that. Those kids and the kids on free lunch "pay" for their lunches by putting in a pin number on a keypad. So, there's no way other kids would even know that your kid was getting a free lunch.

That's the way it works here too. The USDA does not allow school districts to make students use special tickets, lines or entrance for students participating in the free/reduced lunch program.

As far as school clothes go, I buy each child 1 outfit, and then do the rest of their "fall/winter" clothes shopping in October and November. Before then they end up wearing their summer clothes most of the time anyway.

[tink79]

I definitely wouldn't worry too much. I think as long as your kids are clean, hair combed and have clean clothes that fit them, there's not going to be an issue about fitting in or not.

We did 95% of our clothes shopping second hand, DD did get a pair of new $8 pair of mary janes from Walmart and a new backpack but that's it. I figure that it looks "used" once you wash it once anyway so why spend 10 times as much buying it "with a tag".

As far as the lunch, our district is the same way. Every child has a lunch card that the parent prepays for, no one knows whether the lunch is free or has been filled by a check from the parent.

[emilysmama]

I live in a wealthy city, and if I wanted, I do have the money to buy my dd brand new clothes for Kindergarten. But except for a few articles of clothing that her grandmother makes, all of her clothes, (and mine), come from Goodwill, garage sales, and hand me downs from other families. There are quite a few reasons for that.

First of all, when I look at the new clothes in the stores and compare them with the used clothing that my dd gets, the new clothes are much poorer quality than the used clothing. The new clothes don't last very well and they don't take washing very well and shrink and fade. If you compare the new clothes with the used clothes, the used clothes look a lot nicer. After a few months of wear, the originally new clothes don't look as nice as the originally used clothes.

Second, children grow out of their clothes so quickly. (It's not like adult clothes, where if you stay the same size, you can wear the same clothes for years.) Even though I have the money to buy brand new clothes, it's depressing to spend money on clothes that won't be used for very long. I have better things to spend my money on. You do, too. It's just that yours involve the basic necessities of survival, and mine are more along the lines of discretionary purchases. But the fact remains that it's not just the poor children that wear hand-me-downs.

Third, when I was in elementary school, I remember putting on a hand me down dress, and going to school to show and tell excited to show off my hand me down and explain where it came from. I was the oldest child, and the hand me down came from a friend of my parents, but the dress was new to me, and I loved talking about where it came from.

Fourth, I think it is wasteful from an environmental standpoint to buy new clothes when I can buy or be given used. So from an ecological standpoint, we don't buy new clothes. I think this will become a more popular trend and you can just think of it as being more green.

Fifth, I think clothes should be for playing and getting dirty. I don't know why parents send their children to school wearing expensive clothes when they will come back from the playground just as dirty as my child's used clothes. I don't worry about my child ruining an outfit that cost me 50 cents at Goodwill, but I would if my child were wearing a 50 dollar outfit. Without looking at your income tax forms, how will anyone be able to tell that you're dressing your children for the same reason as I?

So your kids might not be dressed any differently than the richest children in your school.

The teachers at my daughter's daycare always compliment me on my daughters clothes, and ask me which stores I buy them. I proudly tell them, "Gooodwill", and they cheerfully laugh and congratulate me that this is clever. So hold your head up high. You are smart about value not to pay for status.

(After 7th grade, I don't know. That's such an annoying age, because I do remember that clothes became an issue in the wealthy town that I grew up. I suggest checking out from the library a book called The Millionaire Next Door. It is a really simple book for a fifth grader to read. I think it only has two sentences per page, so you could probably read aloud parts of the book to your second grader as well. It is actually a good bedtime read-aloud book, written at the level for children, and yet it is on the required reading list for some of the most famous financial planners. This book was written by an author who did surveys of the personal lives of millionaires, and found some surprising statistics. The really rich people don't look rich. They don't have fancy cars or take fancy vacations. People who have flashy things like that generally are deep in debt to give the appearance of being rich. Reading this book together as a family will help spark a discussion about how adults struggle with the same kind of issues that children do, and I think that will help your kids feel better about their clothes.)

I also think telling your children the story about Dolly Parton's song, The Coat of Many Colors, might be helpful.