Attending LLL meeting before delivery?

[Nicole915]

First, thanks to all of you for maintaining such an awesome resource. So many of my questions have been answered simply by reviewing these boards, I'm profoundly grateful for access to your combined wisdom and experience.

I'm wondering if it would be insane for me to drop in on a LLL meetings before my due date. I've joined a natural mothering group here, and so far its a very uncomfortable fit... they seem far more judgmental and aggressive than I had hoped, so I'm hopeful to find a better place sounding board in LLL. They literally made my husband go wait in the car, bleh.

If its pertinent, I'm 31 married 9 years, this will be my first child. We're using a midwife, delivering in a birthing center. I plan to breastfeed as long as it feels right. Both my husband and I work in medicine (me in vet med, him in epidemiology), but neither of us have any interest in 'educating' anyone else... but are a little alarmed at how hostile these women got when they asked what we did for a living. There was a palpable chill in the room, which really kinda sucked since I was just there to listen and get some advice.

I've picked up several different books on breastfeeding, and have an awesome midwife who will set me up with a lactation consultant. I know that the population that LLL serves is broad, and so if you think that by attending meetings I might be detracting resources that would be better served elsewhere, please feel free to put me in my place!

Thanks ever so much!

[jocelyndale]

I know that prospective moms are encouraged to attend LLL meetings where i live. And new or prospective dads sometimes come, too!

I'm sorry the other group was so chilly. I imagine they made your husband leave because they considered it a safe space for women. Still, if they didn't make that clear beforehand, they're doing everyone a disservice. And your husband's field probably worried anyone doing a modified (or non-existent) vax schedule. Still, that's no excuse for being so judgmental.

I hope you find folks who welcome you with open arms!

[mama greenbean]

Hi there --
Sorry to hear you had a bad experience. I think it's a great idea to go to a LLL group ahead of time. Just check the website's listings in your area ahead of time to see if dads are welcome. It seems like often, it is moms only.
My husband and I took a natural childbirth class together and were able to meet and spend time with other couples who were in the same vein as we were. Perhaps this would work for you.
Good luck -- it's really great to find like-minded folks who can be supportive and reflective during this huge life changing time for you!

[vbactivist]

This sums up LLL policy on dads at meetings. Some groups however offer couples nights from time to time:

"In general, we welcome support people to come. Men, however, are a somewhat trickier matter in that women who would be comfortable with nursing in front of a group of women attending a LLL meeting may not be comfortable nursing in front of a man they do not know, particularly if they need help with latch-on or other breastfeeding difficulties. As a result, it is often preferred that male support people do not attend the bulk of the meeting but instead come in at the very beginning of a meeting or at the very end."

[KristyDi]

You should check out an LLL meeting. There have been several pregnant moms that attended the meeting I frequent. It's so much fun to see them come back bringing their brand new little ones. I met one of my best friends at my first LLL meeting.

I'm sorry you had a bad experience with the other group Maybe the other group will get better once they get to know you and realize you're not out to change anyone's mind.

[Youngfrankenstein]

Don't be shocked, I went to a LLL meeting before I was pregnant. I did get pregnant and went the whole time. I knew many of the women as neighbors and friends and I was just so fascinated by this new world of breastfeeding. Go for it!

[Quinalla]

I just got an e-mail back from the local LLL leader and she said I was more than welcome to come to as many meetings as I wanted to while pregnant and to bring a female support person if I wished. So while your husband will probably be asked not to attend, I'm sure they would love to have you there.

[Asiago]

I just attended my first LLL meeting a week ago. I had heard that sometimes the Lactation consultant in the hospital is not available and figured it would be helpful to have other people to call upon when and if I needed them once I had given birth and then in the following months.

One nice perk about LLL is that you get to chatter about other topics, so you'll get the inside scoop on local OB's, midwives, local hospital staff, pediatricans from the other LLL members. Info you may be interested in, not neccessarily pertaining to breastfeeding, and not readily available online or in books. So I like that aspect of it.

Also the live demos of latch and so on are helpful, although you can obtain those online via videos also.

[Nicole915]

Thanks everyone for the feedback. I'll be contacting the local chapter this week, and am really looking forward to meeting them.

I should have been more clear, the parenting group I went to with my husband didn't include any breastfeeding time, I would certainly understand women not wanting some random guy around for that. This was just a get together and talk sort of meeting, which really seemed like an opportunity for them all to compare who had purchased the 'right' strollers (holy crap, $800 for a stroller!). He was asked to leave because the group had a single mom who "objected to the dual parent paradigm"... yowser.

At any rate, thanks everyone for the guidance, it is greatly appreciated.

-Nicole

[Jojo F.]

Originally Posted by Nicole915

He was asked to leave because the group had a single mom who "objected to the dual parent paradigm"... yowser.

: You have *got* to be kidding me!!!! I'm sorry but that is such a load of "you kow what". Did you choose to stay and let your husband sit alone? If my husband was asked to leave you better believe I'd be going with him. Dads come to our playgroups on occasion, they just have to be OK listening to us talk about poop, puke, pee, boobs, breastmilk, birth, everything!!!

Anyway, totally go to the LLL meeting. I went to a few meetings before DD was born. It was really nice to have had established a connection with the group so that when I finally had DD I felt very comfortable around them.

[vegasgrl]

Originally Posted by Nicole915

He was asked to leave because the group had a single mom who "objected to the dual parent paradigm"... yowser.

For the love of God. As a soon to be single mama, please do not think we are all this way.

But since we're chatting, how dare you and DH get an education and then try and be a little bit crunchy.

I wish you were in Vegas. I'd love you two.

Oh, and I'm hoping to hit at least one LLL meeting before my LO comes. I'm moving across town and x, y, z, but I really want to go at least once.

[Nicole915]

Originally Posted by Jojo F.

Did you choose to stay and let your husband sit alone? If my husband was asked to leave you better believe I'd be going with him.

I'm so ashamed to admit it, but yeah I stayed. I was providing the 'snack' and didn't want to leave my tupperware!

It was sorta awesome though, as he was walking out he says to me "I think they're afraid we're going to have sex or argue about our 401k plans". Good thing he's so laid back, he just ran some errands and now we have a funny story to tell. =)

[Kim919]

I went to a LLL meeting when I was preggo and they were very friendly & helpful. I don't have a big circle of friends and none of them have babies so it was nice to talk to people with common attitudes.

I do have one little thing though, you said you plan to breastfeed so long as it "feels right." I had planned to breastfeed and just assumed it would be a la-de-da thing. I was looking forward to it. My mom breastfed all of her kids with no problems, I had read the books, went to the meetings, it was going to be a peice of cake. I didn't have the slightest thought it might be difficut. It would be natural and beautiful and we would bond.

When DD was born It didnt so much feel "right" as much as it felt like I had birthed a torture device that I had to endure 1/2 hour out of every two hours. I was on an exact schedule because I couldn't bring myself to do it more. Every two hours on the nose, for exactly 20 minutes, only on one side. That was like the deal I made with myself, I had to bear it at least that much. I saw the LLL leader, my mom, my midwife(I delivered at home) and they all said her latch was perfect and they didn't understand why I was in so much pain. I never had any cracking or bleeding. I had plenty of milk, and i never got painfully engorged. It just hurt when she latched on.

I would have rather given birth once or twice a week for the first six weeks then breastfeed. The birth was nothing for me compared to the feeding. The only reason I didn't stop was because my mom is the most pro-breastfeeding person ever and she would have thought I was evil. And I'm supposed to be all "natural" and everything, I had kind of cornered myself into sticking with it. I made a point not to let my teeth touch when feeding so that I didn't break them.

About four weeks in it started getting better, by 8 it was much better, by 10 all better. Unfortunatly at 5 weeks I started pumping so I could go back to work and that was also a terrible aweful experience for me. Hopefully you won't have to pump at all.

DD is 10 months now, and I am glad I stuck with it. I know it was the best thing for her health wise, and I think it solidified our relationship even though I had to go back to work. It kept us connected. I don't pump anymore and I don't mind the breastfeeding at all now. Its not the great thing I had expected though.

So I guess the point is that even if it doesn't just happen easily (my story being a worst-case senero) it might still be worth it for you to push through. I no longer judge women who choose to bottle feed, but I do think that its rewarding to do something worthwhile even if its difficult for you.

I think it might have been easier for me to deal with if I had mentally prepared myself for it a little bit instead of being caught off guard. I knew the birth was going to be painful, and I prepared myself for it, and it was easier then I thought. If I had known the feeding would be painful too I would have been more ready.

[asoulunbound]

nak lol.

Very sad to hear that you didn't find a receptive audience in the first group. Your dh sounds like he's a good sport. I went to a few LLL mtgs prior to birht bc I have NO mommy friends. and dh was a lil uneasy w me nursing. As for DH, I would call ahead. Each group is different, but generally I'd say DH might make some more shy, etc., people (Read: me!) a little uncomfortable. Heck, in the beginning, I was uncomfortable nursing around anyone, even Dh. Why? I have no idea. But we're good now. :

p.s. $800- seriously?!?

[moobiegirl]

nak

I attend LLL meetings monthly and love to see women that are pregnant. They make the meeting very interesting with all their questions. We also see at least one dad once a month. The group that i'm active with also holds enrichment meetings every couple months just for dads. Its a great forum for dads to get together and talk about daddy stuff.