Help me let go of my anger.

[nicoley73]

Yesterday my 4 y/o dd threw a bucket at her 2 y/o brother and split his head open. We had to go to the ER to get stitches. I wanted her to be able to watch the stitching procedure at the ER to get the full import of her actions, but policy does not allow other children in the room. She has been told that we cannot go to the pool until DS's head heals - usually we go every day. And we have had a few conversations about how dangerous it is to throw things. I am satisfied with the discipline/consequence. But...

I am having a hard time letting go of my anger towards DD. Mostly I think because she has not shown remorse. I understand that it's probably not age appropriate for her to feel or show remorse. But I look at DS's head and get really mad that she inflicted such damage. I know I need to let it go, but I can't seem to yet.

[jewelsJZ]

I'm so sorry this happened. That must've been scary, to see your child's head split open. I can totally understand the anger. My oldest used to repeatedly hit the baby. Hard. He was only 2 and was horribly jealous of her and I knew all that but it was the momma bear instinct in me that would come out and I would feel so, so angry at him. I really think it is partly biological. We are wired to protect our young, even if it is from our own "other young". KWIM?
I would call another mommy friend and just talk about it. When my husband came home, I'd talk to him about it after the kids went to bed. And I would try to think of all the good in my child, all the things about him that are wonderful.
I know it is so hard when they don't show remorse. I have to constantly remind myself that that comes later. I know from reading that children do not truly feel empathy until, I forget what age, 8 or 9 or 10? Something like that. And I do remember distinctly the first time I felt really sad for someone else, and I was 9 years old at the time.

[ElleTwo]

Oh gosh, it is really unnerrving isn't it. My DH had to go to the ER for a small head cut that need 5 stitched recently and it was 3 hours of craziness. I've also been your daughter. When I was much older, about 10, I was at the lake in the water w/ my sis who is 3.5 years younger, we fought a lot at that point...she egged me on and I picked up a pretty small rock and chucked it at her. Hit dead center on her forhead, she got stitches and still has a scar.

Even at that age, I didn't think thru what would happen if the rock hit her. I never really expected it to, I was even more suprised than she was. Point being that at 4, she most likely didn't intend to harm her brother, even if the hit was in retaliation. Just be glad he's okay and let it go. Give them both a hug and move on.

[BellinghamCrunchie]

If its any help, there are so many injuries from buckets hitting children it isn't funny. Its got to be the most common summer injury, I swear. I got my head split by a bucket, I split my best friend's head with a bucket, and the 9 and 11 year old next door just split the 11 year old's head with a bucket. Seems like wet buckets are slipperier than they seem. And when you're trying to throw the water inside the bucket, sometimes the bucket slips right out of your hands.

[jennpn]

just remember the INTENT of your dd. She did not know the consequences of throwing the bucket (she knew she shouldn't do it yes, but not specifically why). Now if she were to throw something at him tommorow and bust his stitches right back open THEN I would be rip roaring mad at her becuase certianly she knew exactly what would happen. But for all intents and purposes this was an accident. Let it go