How do you heal?

[mom2cash]

I feel overwhelmed by grief right now... a little over 3 years ago my childhood friend died in a car accident. My great grandmother died at the grand old age of 98 a little over 2 years ago. My grandfather died almost 2 years ago, a week before my darling son was born. It hasn't gotten easier. These were the first losses I have experienced... I have to push the thoughts of them out of my mind or I sob uncontrollably and hyperventilate. I feel guilty for not seeing them as often as I could before they were gone. I'm angry at the drunk driver that hit my grandfather's truck and caused the lung collapse that eventually lead to his death months later. I'm so so full of sadness and anger that my grandfather will never get to meet my son. I can't be in my grandmother's house and see where my grandfather used to sit or pictures of him without breaking down. Every time I can't get in touch with my husband I immediately fear he's been in a car accident and I've lost him. I am constantly preoccupied with losing the loved ones I have left and am terrified of my reaction if I lose another person, which is inevitable. My grandmother is slipping into the later stages of Alzheimer's and I cry often thinking about her condition and how it will progress. How do I live my life without this fear and constant preoccupation with death and loss? Does it just get easier with time? It doesn't feel like it has. Do I need grief counseling? I don't even know why I'm posting, I just feel like I have no one to talk to and the pain hasn't gotten easier since their passing, I just get more and more overwhelmed by the idea of losing anyone else. Thanks for listening, I just needed to get this out.

[syn_ack89]

No words of wisdom, but I wanted to let you know you'd been heard.

[Cherie2]

i am sorry.. i know it hurts. yesterday was an especially sad day for me, i wonder if it was that full moon? anyway what has helped me is knowing where they are and that they are happy.. i really really know this. i don't know what your faith is but for me i had a medium who was an old dear friend of my mothers share with me her communications with mom from the other side. and again with my aunt when she died. i am able to accept the circle of life much better. also knowing that it is supposed to hurt, and letting it hurt...just cry and cry.. i think that helps a lot. grief counseling could be a great thing too. hugs to you.

[orangefoot]

Don't be afraid of crying and losing control. Grief is a huge power within you that you need to let out and it isn't going to come out in a smooth and pretty way.

It is now 4 years since my dad died and I don't cry about it any more. I miss him enormously of course but his not being here has become a simple reality and not a cause of ongoing sadness. I'm not sure you'll know what I mean but it doesn't bother me on a daily basis any more.

In some ways I feel the process is like when after each of my children was born I re-lived the labour regularly, I felt the physical effects of that day and turned over events in my mind a lot. Then as time passed I began to realise that I hadn't actually recalled it that often although each labour was still a day that was of great significance to me and my life.

What you feel is what you feel and you need to find space to let it out either on your own or with a counsellor. Your fear over your husband is something that I would imagine is terribly stressful and you would benefit from talking to someone about that.