Seriously?! A vent...

[usmcwfe]

So here is how DH prepares for the birth of his third daughter... When I'm 36 weeks he decides that he NEEDS a new motorcycle. Ok, thats fine. He can shop around, there's no rush. But no. At 37 weeks and probably close to d-day he decides that we need to go out of town to purchase this motorcycle, about a 4 hour drive. I say No DEAL, that I don't want to deliver this baby in the middle of nowhere in the back of van or alternatively I don't want to be driving myself to the hospital and having this kid alone while he's shopping for bikes. He has the nerve to ask me how long my labor will be (as if I know in the first place) and then he assures me that he could "probably" get me back in town in time and don't worry about it. Or his next idea, which was even dumber than the first, was that he would go, take our 5 yr old and leave me with our 2 yr. That would be great, having to drag myself and my dd to the hospital alone. Sorry, but I already did that when I gave birth to her while he was DEPLOYED. I've been very flexible and easy going but now I'm starting to get alittle bitchy, especially when he seems to want to put this stinking bike at the top of priority list. So how to I beat some brains into him??? He said I was being too rigid, and that I needed to relax like having a baby is no big deal. SCREEEEAM!!!!

I'm sorry to vent but I seriously want to throw something at him.

[GradysMom]

:
dare I say "throw something!"?

do you atleast have helmet laws... cause we just moved to a state with no helmet law and I can't guilt dh into wearing one.

don't know what to say...

Are you saying the place to buy bikes is 4 hrs away... that would be insane.

[brooklynbabymama]

he sounds like he's in last-minute baby panic mode. as if that's your problem at this stage in your pregnancy, but he probably just needs some TLC.

and stephen gaskin said that harassing your wife as to when she'll go into labor (and, by inference, how long that labor will be!) is like somebody telling you to get an erection. right now.

[NaturalMindedMomma]

The more men I speak to, or hear of, the more I am convinced the majority of them lack the brain cells they need to be compassionate and have common sense.

WOW.

That said, I am sure he is a nice guy and a great dad, I just think they have no idea how much birth impacts a woman....

[shakenbake]

i argee with brooklyn hes prob haveing a mini break down with the baby comeing so soon!

[NaturalMindedMomma]

Originally Posted by shakenbake

i argee with brooklyn hes prob haveing a mini break down with the baby comeing so soon!

I do agree with this. It's like they have no idea what to do with themselves.

[Pernillep]

See if DH had done that I would have thrown something. First a huge fit then something really heavy.

My DH has been dealing with the impending arrival by going out with his friends a bit more than usual and staying out later than he should. If that is all it takes for him to clean the house and be extra attentive I am all for it. Also, I like being by my self so no big deal. The only rule is the phone must be charged and he answers at the first ring

[usmcwfe]

Thankfully the particular bike he was looking at needs to be shipped to the dealer which will take a few weeks. And I think you are all right, he's probably just have a pre-baby freak out. He's a great dad but he tends to have a one track mind. Men are such a pain in the ass sometimes...

[Talula Fairie]

I don't think this husband deserves any sympathy. He's being incredibly selfish imo. We all have a last minute panic, but imo, this one does not deserve TLC. I'm not saying he deserves to bet treated badly, but if it were my husband I'd put my foot down and be like "no way, Jose. This is not cool."

[Mamatoabunch]

Originally Posted by Talula Fairie

I don't think this husband deserves any sympathy. He's being incredibly selfish imo. We all have a last minute panic, but imo, this one does not deserve TLC. I'm not saying he deserves to bet treated badly, but if it were my husband I'd put my foot down and be like "no way, Jose. This is not cool."

Absolutely.

[Coconut Chronicles]

Originally Posted by Talula Fairie

I don't think this husband deserves any sympathy. He's being incredibly selfish imo. We all have a last minute panic, but imo, this one does not deserve TLC. I'm not saying he deserves to bet treated badly, but if it were my husband I'd put my foot down and be like "no way, Jose. This is not cool."

I couldn't agree with you more Lindsey

[LilWin]

I can laugh about it now, but my DH was planning to go to NYC for two weeks (work related, but still) just at my 37 wks. I immediately said "no way, out of the question!" and he actually had the nerve to say he resented me for it a few weeks later, claiming I "stopped him from going". As I said, it makes me laugh now but at that moment I was NOT amused. I also think maybe men don't understand the emotions and anticipation in the last weeks of pregnancy and sometimes I even wonder if they really realize babies can (and do) come early. Perhaps most of them don't take it seriously until you really hit 40 wks or something.

[brooklynbabymama]

i'm not saying he deserves sympathy. i'm saying this isn't the time in a mama's life for dissent in the ranks, and you can either counter-productively hate on the hater or you can try to identify the root of the issue so you ultimately get the support you need. my db knows what flies and what doesn't, and he also knows that i'll dissect and deconstruct until, ultimately, it's easier to just agree with me 90% of the time. when something is really and truly vital to him, we work it out so the timing becomes the issue of compromise. for instance, this mama should insist on a sitter/helper for the day if her dh absolutely can't wait until after the birth.

[Jilian]

Add me to the "No way Jose" list.

[usmcwfe]

Originally Posted by brooklynbabymama

i'm not saying he deserves sympathy. i'm saying this isn't the time in a mama's life for dissent in the ranks, and you can either counter-productively hate on the hater or you can try to identify the root of the issue so you ultimately get the support you need. my db knows what flies and what doesn't, and he also knows that i'll dissect and deconstruct until, ultimately, it's easier to just agree with me 90% of the time. when something is really and truly vital to him, we work it out so the timing becomes the issue of compromise. for instance, this mama should insist on a sitter/helper for the day if her dh absolutely can't wait until after the birth.

I do agree with this. He knows my limits and he is pushing them and I have been very clear about what I need. It occured to me that while he was preparing for a year long deployment (maybe 2 or 3 weeks before he was scheduled to ship-out) I had the sudden and unexplainable urge to begin a large household project. I spent a lot of time researching and shopping around and talking, talking, talking about it. And it pissed him off. For me I think I needed a distraction and wasn't intentionally overlooking the deployment. And of course I knew this deployment was a BIG deal for him and for us. And of course I would be supportive and do whatever I could for him. Bottom line, I know he is going to come through for me and do whatever he can to help and be involved. He is pushing it and I think he has better sense than to drive away after a bike and leave me. But that doesn't mean he isn't going to talk about it, and be slightly obsessive about it. And when I posted that complaint I wasn't in the state of mind to look at this objectively. I got pissed off like most of us would. I don't think he needs TLC either. But I do think I need to take a deep breath and remember that not everone is sitting on a ticking time-bomb and maybe put a little more faith in the person that hasn't let me down, even though he may have some of the dumber ideas around.

[JoyfamMama]

I think men do panic more than we think (big, tough dudes huh??) Thurs night/fri morning when labor was pretty strong, even though we didn't get a baby out of it, DH spent the whole time downstairs on his computer. After a while, he came up, kissed me, and went to bed. He never even knew that I almost went to the hospital with bp of 156/99, mw came in the middle of the night, turned the baby and slept on the couch.

I was so hurt! Mom and my doula kept telling me that he just didn't know what to do and was scared, but I was like, "so what?!?!?" He KNOWS i just need him close. We spent 6+ weeks in Bradley classes learning this. What gives??