|Originally posted by mattjule
Maybe a sign on a diaper that says "My penis needs no special care"?
You know, I often wonder about people who think it does.
I mean, seriously, for a really long time the only men who were circumcised were Jewish or Muslim or members of certain African tribes, and we didn't have huge penile cancer epidemics or anything like that. It really makes me question the ideas people have, and that's somewhat strange because my own son *is* circumcised (I'm Jewish). I told my husband that I'd never allow my son to be circ'd in a hospital, alone and without anesthesia, because I think that's barbaric and cruel. We talked about it, and I told him that if it wasn't a matter of religious law for me I'd certainly never have it done. I'm totally against routine hospital circumcision, and have been against it since I first learned what it entails (6th or 7th grade, I guess). It's not the cutting itself that bothers me, it's the complete lack of respect for the baby that's shown in the hospital. Just thought I'd add a different perspective, as someone who has and will have her boys circumcised for religious reasons.
My personal fav are those infant car seats. I tried to carry that thing about twice. It was so heavy and awkward and ds just woke up anyway. But putting him in a sling, he went right back to sleep and it was so easy to carry him around. Plus it's hands free! Why anyone carries those seats around is beyond me.
And now, my carseat rant
For the record, since most people don't seem to know this: Infant carseat/carriers are unsafe to use as carriers once the child weighs more than ten pounds
. It's a little known fact, scary but true. Why are they dangerous? Because if you're holding it by the handle, a child who weighs more than ten pounds is top-heavy enough that the seat will naturally lean towards the top. If the seatbelt isn't on correctly (most people don't use them correctly, unfourtunately
), or if your kid just has narrow shoulders, they can slide right out and land on their head. It happens all the time, please be careful! I rarely carried Eli in the carseat, usually just into and out of the house, or I'd set it on top of the stroller; it was cold and I hated to wake him up to take him out of the carseat just to go into the house and go back to sleep.
You should also make absolutely sure if you have an old/used carseat that:
A)It's not past it's "expiration" date; this should be molded into the plastic somwhere on the back/bottom of the seat. (If you can't find it, call the company who made it and ask where they put it). Carseats can't be used forever! I'm pretty sure that most are good for ten years, but not positive.
B)It's never been in an accident. I don't know how many people I've encountered who don't realize that once a carseat has been in an accident it has served it's purpose and cannot be relied upon again. They figure if it looks okay, it is okay. Not so! Even a minor accident can cause microscopic weaknesses in the structure of the seat, rendering it ineffective in the case of another accident. It doesn't have to be a car accident, either. Dropping a carseat out of a second story window, for example, will render it useless. The things that go on in a normal house (an older toddler jumping into it, or an older child sitting it it) are unlikely to damage a carseat, but if you have questions please, PLEASE have it examined!
Stepping off the
I just cannot imagine being separated from my newborn by a plastic box (a salad bin, as Ayun Halliday put it) and wires. I know how hard it is to parent a hospitalized child, and she (my second child) was full-term and only in the hospital for a day at a time! It REALLY affected our bond and her sense of security.
My son spent a week in NICU when he was born, and it totally sucked. I'm certainly hoping not to have to do it again! (knock wood, B"H, insert "bad-luck-keep-away-charm" here) But I have to say, while it was awful and I would never wish it on anyone, I am glad that I had the experience. I learned that my child did recognize his mother, even when he was a day old and had never laid eyes on me before. He was soothed by my voice the first time I spoke to him, and he did learn to nurse very well even though I wasn't able to nurse him for two days. We had our difficulties, but our bond has always been strong and Eli has always been very secure in the mamma love-loves.
If anything, I learned from the NICU time that your baby can bond with you, and bond well, even if you don't get off to an ideal start. I know I worried about that in the beginning, but my fears were easy to deal with when I saw how my son recognized my smell, my voice, turned his head and reached his arms to me... he was my little man and I was his mommy and we both knew it.
I'm sorry that you feel like the hospitalization affected your bond with your daughter, but I wanted to let you know that it is possible to bond, and bond well, with a baby who can't room in or come home with you. I know I burst into tears when I was told that I'd have to leave the hospital without my son; it's depressing to think about now, and I'm not on the post-partum hormone roller coaster. Still, our bond was something I never worried about.
I think there's a huge misconception about this, that somehow being in the hospital makes bonding more difficult in an already difficult situation, but I think it just made me work harder and want it more. My son needed me more than other newborns need their mothers, the time I spent with him and pumping for him was more important, because I couldn't be with him all of the time. It made it more special, and I'm glad I went through it because I learned that I can be a loving mother in a difficult situation. It took what little fear I had right out of parenting, to know that my son and I could bond even when we didn't sleep in the same building, when other people were taking care of him.
There are lots of things that influence bonding with your baby, and being in close proximity all the time is only one of them. I've read posts here in fact where women said things like "I had a hospital birth with the first and we had no trouble bonding. My second was a homebirth and I just didn't feel a connection with the baby until later." (There was a thread a long time ago entitled something like "Does gentle/homebirth get AP off to a better start?" I'll try to find it in the archives for you).
Like I said, I wouldn't wish it on anyone and I don't want to do it again, but I learned a lot from the experience, and most of it was positive.
Good luck, and I hope you don't have to have a NICU baby.