Birth Control Drop Out..."all done" but feeling out of options

[Shiloh]

Okay we have four kids.
So far I've managed to only plan one.
Got pregnant one using condoms AND spermicide (condom did not break either...)...another during my period, you get the picture...the other I tried the pill but was pregnant before going on it (breastfeeding lack of periods) I have had bad reactions to estrogen based pills.

I was on depoprovera but went off due to weight gain this time.
I realised the last few times I was on it I gained a lot of weight (30-50lbs while never being overweight unless on it)
I have personal objections to abortifactant methods of birth control like IUD.
A vasectomy I think has risks that aren't worth playing with....but weighing those between posttubal syndrome, and the essure issues (reading reviews and the company lit. seems like they can try but the failure rates are pretty high often ending up in a regular tubal or hysterectomy - those seem pretty harsh) I am at a loss.

I know if we used any regular method I'd get pregnant again 'sometime' as being almost 36 I have another 10 years of fertility based on when the other women in my family hit menopause (all fifty or over).

I could see charting to avoid but I have short periods and did get pregnant during a period...so I see my windows as being brutally short.

I am not sure what is worse the side effects from these procedures or another pregnancy. HELP.

[Lovenest]

I feel the same way. We do not want a baby, but I do not like an of the options and I am scared of NFP as I do not want a baby. I have way longer as far as baby making years go too, I am only 26! I am almost leaning towards hubby getting the snip, but my gosh that is permanent.

I feel ya...

[sadean]

What about a cervical cap or diaphram? And coupled with condoms, might be enough to prevent any "oop"es from either method...

[Shiloh]

I have used a diaphragm....never got pregnant on that but I think that spermicide coupled with the condoms might be a recipie for yeast infections?

yes doriansmummy you have 10 more years of fertility!

I feel sometimes like I should just start picking names again....

[Red Pajama]

I also dislike hormonal birth control, won't use IUD -type methods, and don't want to have a tubal. I "pay attention" to my cycles-- not charting per se, be being aware, and we use pull& pray. I feel utterly foolish putting that in print, but it's the truth.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

I did the condom, diaphram spermicide thing with no issues for 3 month while I had to take a ttc break for radiation.

I know several men who have had the v with no issues at all including my dh but I understand there is some small risk. It was worth it to our family because I couldnt handle more kids either emotionally or financially.

[Shiloh]

and we use pull& pray. I feel utterly foolish putting that in print, but it's the truth.

lol

I told my GYN that 4 children WAS a barrier method of birth control (it is when you cosleep)

[Lovenest]

I am also looking into the Lady Comp.

[SeekingSerenity]

Originally Posted by Shiloh

I am not sure what is worse the side effects from these procedures or another pregnancy. HELP.

WOW. I am really glad I found this thread. I am right here in the exact same boat. Totally not sure wth I am supposed to do about all this.

I have had six kids. I don't have custody of the first three and in fact I haven't even seen them in over 8 years, though we talk regularly (as much as possible with busy, social teens and tweens, anyway). My second "set" of three are my pride and joy, but financially, emotionally and physically, I just cannot fathom any more.

To top it off, my husband and I have had a mammoth roller-coaster ride of a marriage. We are happier right now than we've ever been, and have worked so much stuff out it's utterly amazing, but we've been through abuse issues, multiple separations, evictions and poverty due to his not wanting to work, etc. etc. My youngest child was born while we were separated last year and doesn't even have his last name. But as amazingly well as we've managed to work through our problems, I do NOT see having another child as being necessary to emphasize that.

I've also only planned one child - my second, Alex. Back in 1997. I was convinced I'd be barren for life when it took me 10 months to conceive my first (I was all of 20, and coming off of having taken the pill for 4 years). Alex was planned. I nursed him for 6 months then weaned (long story). I got pregnant with my third two weeks later. No period in between.

My cycles are bezerk, to say the least. They've always been irregular. But as I've gotten older, when I DO have them, they tend to be regular... just spaced out, like 8 - 10 weeks apart. And I never start having them until about 18 months after baby is born (or longer if I'm still nursing at 18 months). It took 9 months for AF to come back after my first, and she only BF'd for a less than a month.

My periods were all over the place when I got pg with #4. Wasn't trying, but wasn't trying to avoid either. (DH had told me he couldn't have any more, based on what a doctor in Germany had told him.) I got AF back when he was 19 months old, and tried a variety of different things, all of which brought miserable results (latex sensitivity for me, horrible burning reaction to spermicide for him, any pills make me sick and trigger migraines, don't agree with IUDs, the thought of Essure makes me want to scream, etc.). So #5 came along in 2005, while I was desperately trying to chart and having zero success at figuring it out with my wonky cycles.

#6 was conceived when I was... um... a little too liberal with my alcohol consumption. Until then, I was using the one and only proven form of BC in existence - I wouldn't let the man within six feet of me.

Which has been my form of BC until this past spring, when we started reaching a point in the relationship where things started truly, honestly clicking. He still has his own room, does his own thing for the most part, but that actually seems to be part of the solution. I co-sleep with the two youngest and he works while I homeschool... things are just cool right now.

So we do this:

Originally Posted by Red Pajama

...we use pull& pray. I feel utterly foolish putting that in print, but it's the truth.

*sigh*

This makes me a nervous wreck. We don't need any more children, and can't really afford any more. (We're doing just fine by the ones we have. But a savings account would be nice.)

In any case... I am really... REALLY... glad to know I am not the only person who is going through this. Other women don't get it... "Just go on the pill!" "Why won't you get an IUD?" "Just get a tubal and be done with it!"

This last one bugs me. I can't really pinpoint why... except that it seems wrong somehow to just have some doctor cauterize part of your body, going inside and cutting something that's really not meant to be cut. At the same time, I'd probably be okay with DH getting the snip. Kind of a crappy double-standard, I guess. Not that DH will... he's heard "horror stories" and is terrified of letting anyone near "the Boys" with a scalpel.

So I don't know. I really... don't... know.

[Shiloh]

For me the thought of hormonally screwing with my body AGAIN makes no sense... Post tubal syndrome scares me if I were 40 okay but hitting menopause early scares me and I hear if essure fails they don't do tubal but hysterectomies...I don't do well with metal in my body

[HulaJenn]

Not meaning to hijack the thread but just curious why a few people are anti-IUD? I am set to have the mirena put in and am looking for all the info I can.
Shiloh - I am sympathetic to your dilemma and don't really have any other suggestions that you haven't already thought of. I've heard diapragms (especially after 4 kids) would not be very reliable (if the condom didn't work with the spermicide, then for sure a diaphragm won't). On the same hand, because you already became a statistic once with condoms, what are the odds you'd be the .01% again?
Good Luck!
Oh and HI SeekingSerenity!! We were in the same July DDC!

[Shiloh]

It's my own personal beliefs I don't want to use any abortifactant method one that would allow sperm to meet egg, egg possibly implant then cause the egg to be sloughed off.

diaphragm is not a great idea for me as I want to loose a lot of weight.

won't). On the same hand, because you already became a statistic once with condoms, what are the odds you'd be the .01% again?

.01% lol...

higher than that!

•Typical use: 85% effective
•Perfect use: 98% effective
•Of every 100 women whose partners use condoms, 15 will become pregnant (with typical use) and 2 will become pregnant with perfect use

http://contraception.about.com/od/ov...ices/p/OTC.htm

so my chances are more one in seven! Or best case senario one in fifty
every freakin year!

[HulaJenn]

Wow I didn't realize the % was that high for condoms.
So then you just have to try and only have sex 49 times in one year?

[Lousli]

Originally Posted by Shiloh

It's my own personal beliefs I don't want to use any abortifactant method one that would allow sperm to meet egg, egg possibly implant then cause the egg to be sloughed off.
!

Newer studies show that the copper IUD works primarily as a spermicide. They did a study of women with IUD's and found that they had no sperm that had made it up into the fallopian tubes, they had all been killed before that. It was a small sample of women though, so you may want to look into it further if this is your personal belief. The copper reacts in some way to kill off the sperm.

Here is a link that explains a little. It does say that the hormone IUD thins the lining as well as killing sperm, but it doesn't say that about the copper one:
http://www.webmd.com/sex/birth-contr...-birth-control

[Ruthla]

About birth control studies: those are not "failure rates per act of intercourse" but "failure rates per couple per year."

Any barrier method (spermicides and/or condoms and/or diaphram or cup, etc) can be combined with fertility awareness. There are three ways of doing this: either you "use nothing" when you know you're not fertile, and use a barrier when you're fertile, you avoid when you're fertile and use a barrier method when you're not fertile, or you use nothing when you're 100% sure you're not fertile, avoid sex when you're 100% sure you're fertile, and use a barrier when you're not sure. You can also use NFP (natural family planning, not combined with a barrier method) the "extra careful" way- don't have sex at all early in the cycle, but instead wait until 3 days after you've ovulated.

In your case, I'd suggest using condoms (and/or another barrier) when you have sex, but also track your cycles. If you're quite certain you're fertile, don't chance the condoms, but wait a few days (or satisfy each other in other ways.) Then, after ovulation, you can decide if you "trust your calculations" well enough to ditch the condoms or if you'd feel better using condoms anyway.

Or, you could just stop having sex altogether.

[Shiloh]

Ruth! That's pretty much what we've done in the last year!
Avoid avoid avoid
Having an infant helps with excuses

IUDs just scare me.
I knew a woman who had 2 kids on the copper iuds.
One born holding it so storey goes

Or maybe I have objections as I am not as done and finished emmotionally as I thought as I know after a 5th I'd for sure do whatever it took

[Sailor]

There's no way a baby was born holding an IUD - I'm sorry. I hear these "IUD horror" stories too, but have never actually came across facts. Like real proof, versus anecdotes. You can get pregnant with an IUD, though it's rare. There's a high risk of miscarriage if you do get pregnant with an IUD.

I used the copper IUD myself. IUD's work like the pill: they stop the sperm and egg from joining or, if they join, they stop it from implanting. The pill stops your ovulation or, if you ovulate, stops implantation. Same basic concept across the board.

However, after this baby, I'm also done with birth control. I can't put anything else into my body - not hormones, not copper IUD's, no thanks. We're also REALLY dead set on having one child. If we change our minds, we'd adopt anyway. We only want one biological child.

So, our choice is the vasectomy. My dp will be getting it after I give birth. We can heal together.

In your situation, since you're uncomfortable with a vasectomy idea ... I'd combine charting and barrier methods. Even if you have short periods, or irregular periods, accurate charting (basal temp, cervical mucus, cervix position) will tell you when you're ovulating. During the unsafe days - don't have intercourse.

[springbabes]

Shiloh, I'm right there with you. I'm 35, have 4 kids (only planned the 1st one), and would rather never have sex again the rest of my life than have another baby! My second baby was conceived with the pull-out method and the next two with condoms (as in we only had sex twice this month and we used condoms both times so how did this happen?!). I also miscarried a pregnancy that was conceived while on my period. I was a total emotional wreck on the pill, so I won't even consider it.

I'm leaning heavily toward an IUD but I'm worried about the hormones in the Mirena and copper toxicity from the paraguard. Plus my DH is opposed to me getting an IUD. He's convinced with our luck that I'd get pregnant anyway and the baby would be born with the IUD in its forehead. The whole metal coils/scar tissue thing totally freaks me out about Essure. I would go in tomorrow for a tubal if it were a simple operation.

My DH chickened out of a vasectomy when our 3rd child was a baby. I'm still pushing for that. He promised:.

I like the idea of NFP, but I'm too scared. I just keep thinking, what if I get it wrong once? I do not want the risk of another baby. Plus my cycles are short too--23 days on average (didn't used to be--what's up with that?).

So yeah, co-sleeping high-needs toddler is our main form of birth control at the moment.

[Shiloh]

my cycles change with each 5-7 years. They used to be 19-21 days with a length of a day and a half. Last time they are more 28-32 days.

I do actually believe the woman who told me she had 2 kids on the copper iuds, she was a professors wife and said the iuds were one of the only methods being offered in Africa in the 1980's.

Maybe I am not as done as I thought.

[HulaJenn]

Originally Posted by springbabes

I would go in tomorrow for a tubal if it were a simple operation.

Actually it is a simple operation depending on where you go. It can be done as a day patient and they use laser so it is very minimal scarring. I have a consult for it and find the risks to be lower than DH getting the V.
(I know, surgery is still surgery and there are risks involved but it isn't the huge procedure it used to be where they slice and dice you and you need to stay in hospital overnight or anything)
And for the Charting method, it doesn't matter how long your cycle is, it's all in interpretting the chart and recognizing your fertility sings. There is always backup barrier (or abstinence) for the unsure days and pre-O but then after a few cycles hopefully there is some normalcy that makes it easier to predict and interpret.