I didn't get any responses in another section- trying here

[MyBaby'sSmile]

Ds quit naps at about 1.5. when he stopped day time nursing. He is now 3. I always have to lay down and cuddle him to sleep. I have tried sitting on the bed and moving to the end gradually etc. but he screams and yells. So I can get him to sleep most nights with books and cuddles.

But he always wakes in the middle of the night. He hollars for me to come in his room and usually screams for me to get in bed with him. I did up until about 5 months ago. I don't mind him coming in my room. But he will scream until I come in, scream for me to lay in bed with him and eventually I can convince him to let me pick him up and take him to my bed. I ask him if he has to pee. He won't go near the bathroom. We get in bed and 5-10 minutes later he is wiggling because he needs to pee. Up we get. Then he lays on most of me and squishes me into 1" from the edge of my king size bed. Last night I told him he could come into my bed but I wouldn't go get him. He screamed and screamed and screamed. I ended up not being able to go back to sleep (which usually happens) so I got up at 4 am. He realized I wasn't coming back and got up too

I realize it isn't really a discipline issue (tried the night time section earlier) but part of it is. It seems to be such a control thing on his part.

I would really appreciate any ideas.

[tanyam926]

Sorry you didn't get any replies, I don't really have any suggestions bc my own kids have their own beds in our master bedroom so I have never dealt w/what you're describing.

Maybe he's scared of the dark and doesn't want to get up at night to come into your bed? Even my oldest who is 6 1/2 is too scared to go pee at night w/out me. My kids are also really disoriented when they wake up at night so I can't really reason w/them. My almost 4 yr old will get up and try to pee in the bdrm so we have to rush him to the bthrm, he often sits up and says he wants to nurse but then has trouble actually latching on bc he's still mostly asleep. It's pretty funny.

Maybe you could try going to his rm to get him right away and having a bed next to yours that he could move into for the rest of the night.

I don't know if it's a power struggle thing, you would know better, but I can usually tell w/my own kids if it's a true need or not. Even if it is a power struggle thing we try to compromise and come up w/a solution that meets everyone's needs.

Good luck, hope you figure it out and get some more sleep!

[staceychev]

I know my daughter was more likely to sleep through the night at that age if we left a light on... and not a nightlight, either, but a real light. Now, she goes to sleep with the light on and we turn it off. But, we were having the screaming thing too.

That being said, we co-slept until about that age, and she's got a double bed now, so I have no problem migrating to her bed in the middle of the night if it means everyone will get more sleep.

[One_Girl]

I think that it is only going to be a discipline issue if you make it one. I suggest just going in to him and laying with him when he wakes in the middle of the night, he may be waking from nightmares and that can be very scary. He seems to still need you and he may be clinging more because he can tell that this issue is making you tense and that also scares him. As he gets older he will stop waking at night and start falling asleep on his own. My dd woke at least once each night until she was four. She only wakes now when she has a nightmare.

[BellinghamCrunchie]

It sounds to me like he really needs security and reassurance during the night. DD was like this until recently. Around age 3 a lot of fears surface.

It might feel like control and manipulation, but he probably really is anxious and fearful and can't get back to sleep. The laying on top of you thing will most likely gradually disappear when he trusts that you won't leave while he's asleep. When DD was going through this (up to about 6 months ago) I would climb over her to the other side of the bed once she was asleep. She'd find me again in a couple hours and the process would repeat.

For the potty, I don't ask, I just carry her to the potty, sit her on it, then carry her back to bed with me. I think boys pee more frequently than girls, but DD doesn't have to pee during the night anymore if she pees right before bed and doesn't drink a bunch before bed.

[J-Bean]

Well, a support posting but not necessarily any concrete advice. My second child, who is just shy of 2 years old has screamed in the night upon waking literally every night since the first night she was born (except on those rare nights where she is soooo tired out that she sleeps the whole night through, wet or not). She is just a screamer. I sometimes wonder when it will stop. But, literally, when she awakens at night she is so agro. She appears to be mad and frustrated and just out of sorts. And for her, the only thing that has always helped is to position myself so I'm cradling her in my arms with our noses touching nose-to-nose...until she falls asleep. Than i can roll over and adjust.
We are facing a similar time now, since I'm pregnant with #3 and our queen will not allow my 200 lb. husband, I and a newborn and 2+yr old to sleep sanely. So, we've been trying to transition her to sleep on the queen futon with her sister. Her new routine is to waken, and then walk screaming to the top of the stair case. Their she stops and screams until she is in my arms...not papa's. I think so much of this is personality and finding a balance that can adjust as they grow. Much luck mama!

[JL83]

My 2.5yo used to do this. DH and I ended up deciding on what our own personal boundaries were, how we planned to get there, and most importantly what we were willing to do. For us, we have very little resolve for crying at any time much less the middle of the night. So, we weren't willing to stick things out. But that didn't mean we could introduce ideas to DD every night and wait for them to percolate through her head and sink in.

We're OK with her coming to us in the middle of the night, but we're not OK with going to her (unless it's urgent like she had a night mare or something, but that just sounds different). So, when she'd wake up, we'd help her walk to our bed. We'd help her out of her bed and guide her (by her shoulders) to our bed and help her climb in. It didn't take very long before most of the time she would just come on her own. She doesn't pee in the middle of the night, but if she needed to we would have stopped in the bathroom (or put a potty in her room) to pee on the way to our room.

About the behavior in our bed... I bear the brunt of the snuggling/pushing/twiddling/touching and it DRIVES ME CRAZY. We have a king and I'm sick of hanging off the side. So now when she does it, I remind her that she needs to sleep in "her space" (her phrase from when we co-slept all night) and push her back to the middle of the bed. If she protests (about half the time) I remind her that if we are going to share a bed she needs to be respectful of the other people in the bed. If she doesn't want to play by the communal rules she can go back to her own bed. Once every 2 weeks or so she will mutter something at us and get out of our bed and go back to hers.

I have very little patience for disrespect. I think that each person has the right to have personal boundaries that they can enforce. I want to be able to sleep in my bed with minimal disruption. I might be kind of harsh about this now because my child (who will be 3 in the fall) still wakes up 2 or 3 times most night - and this is a : improvement over the first 2 years of her waking up every 45 minutes to 1.5 hours.

[MyBaby'sSmile]

Thanks mamas. It feels like it is manipulation because for months he could come to our bed on his own without problem. And he has been out of diapers for over a year. He had been sleeping through the night in his own bed for maybe a month when this started up again. Although it was easier for me to go to his room I don't sleep when I'm in there. Though I don't sleep much in my room when he is in my bed.

I was hoping that having him come to my bed would be a step toward him staying in his own bed.

If I spend an hour (minimum) with him getting him to sleep - it is usually more, then I'm up at 3:30 or so with him screaming, I bring him into my bed, then 10 min. later I'm up again taking him to the potty (if I just go there on the way to my room earlier he just screams and flops down and will not go). I usually don't get back to sleep.

I can't sneak out of bed to go somewhere else as he wakes up.

What I really want to be able to do, and the rest of it would not likely not be as much of an issue, is to be able to get up and run on my treadmill. I feel so frustrated with all of this and need a positive outlet to relieve it. I am with my children all of the time and need to run to for relief. But I can't because he is in my bed (evenings don't work). I homeschool and need time in the morning to run, and get my head on straight and get organized.

[Narn]

I agree that is sounds like he is afraid at night, even if he wasn't before or doesn't say that he is scared. Waking up alone in the middle of the night can be stressful for a kid, and knowing someone else is stressed can make it worse. Maybe he won't go to the bathroom at first because he needs reassurance first.

Maybe a bed on the floor next to yours would help.

[Shera971]

I don't have advice about the middle of the night waking except to say that it sounds like your son needs some extra support right now. I know that when my son turned 3, he started complaining about nightmares. Could this be a possibility?

Anyway, here's what I did with my son to get him used to going to sleep without me cuddling him. Every night I would remove myself a little bit more. For example if you are cuddling him to sleep, the next night you just have one hand on him. Once he is used to that, just lay beside him. Next night sit beside him. Next sit further etc etc. I did this with my son and it took over a month but it was so gradual he barely noticed. He didn't get upset, no crying. I know that there are lots of momma's here who love co-sleeping but for me it is a real personal space thing. I like having my evenings to do other things and I can barely sleep with my DH in the bed with me let alone another person! HTH