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I think my nephew is being abused (long) - Page 3

post #41 of 47
Originally Posted by Theoretica View Post
He's asking for help. If this is what his family life is like in FRONT of you, I can only imagine what horror lies behind those closed doors.

Please. Call.
Exactly. Your nephew reached out to you because he felt he could trust you and he felt like you might help him- don't let him down! He's probably never been able to tell anybody before, so please, do the right thing for him.
post #42 of 47
Originally Posted by Sharon, RN View Post
How sad for your nephew and your brother- and you! I'm so sorry!

Sounds like your brother and nephew would benefit from some respite care or an occasional in-home health aide. Does your brother have a social worker or a contact at his ds's school who works with his disability? They may have resources at their disposal to help them.

I wish I could tell you more. If you know the name of the school your nephew goes to, perhaps you can anonymously report this information to the disability co-ordinator at the school, and he/she could look into it. It's hard to do something from so far away.

Good luck! I hope more ideas come your way!
This is almost exactly what I was going to post. While my first instinct would be to call CPS and get the kid out of there, I have a sneaking suspicion that dad is probably really overwhelmed with all of the work that goes into parenting a child with disabilities.

Not that I'm saying any of the abuse is justified, but I would say that, in this situation, shoving tons of support and resources down his throat might be what is needed FIRST, and then removal if the situation doesn't improve.
post #43 of 47
Originally Posted by Mrs.Burke View Post
you could help end up his suffering by doing the right thing even if it would hurt.
I agree. I think contacting CPS is the best thing to do. Even if all they do is start checking in on the family periodically or forcing them to get counseling, which is probably what would happen, that would at least be moving in a good direction. IMO, the child is most important and at this point he has told you he is being hit by his father and that's sad. If you know this then you should do something and not just ignore it for fear of what may happen if CPS intervenes. It already sounds like a terrible situation for your nephew at this point. How can it be any worse for that poor child? He already has a handicap. It's not fair.
post #44 of 47
So, OP, how will you know whether or not the boy is still being abused?
post #45 of 47
Originally Posted by Guestmama View Post
The big unknown is how will he react to the suggestion that he needs help with substance abuse. After dealing with this problem with his ex and going to Al-Anon, he knows about addiction inside and out. So I'm sure he can see it in himself if he decides to acknowledge it. I think this issue is key to his being able to handle his emotions. I'm going to bring it up, but I may get serious resistance from him, in which case, I'll have to reassess my options. It's also the type of thing that can easily be hidden from or missed by social workers, so again, CPS isn't not the easy answer (at least at this point - to be clear, I have not ruled it out).
I really understand the connection you're making to how your brother treats his son and substance abuse, but sometimes the most effective way to deal with child abuse is to stay very focused on the abusive behavior itself. The substance abuse may be a big factor in why he's acting this way, but I guess this seems very secondary to whether or not he can hear, absorb, and do something about his behavior and how it affects his son.

Maybe that focus will help him not get as defensive about the substance abuse, if the focus is on why he's acting this way and what he'd need to do to be able to be more patient, forgiving, and not abusive to his son? Ultimately all the things he wants his son to be able to do he is UNDERMINING and sometimes someone who can point that out is the biggest help for getting the abuser to realize it and change.
post #46 of 47
Wow First-Time Mommy, you saved a life. Maybe your friend's daugther would not have literally died, but sexual abuse is so devastating... thank goodness you were willing to act where your friend was not.

In the end, maybe she told you because deep down she knew she wouldn't and hoped you would. It may have ruined the friendship, but maybe she knows in the end it was exactly what had to happen.....

Regardless, you are probably the best friend she'll ever know, no matter how she sees it!
post #47 of 47
I would go to CPS before talking to your brother, because he won't know it was you who called it in. If you talk to him first he will likely suspect you, if you do decide to call it in later.
I would not stress about calling CPS, only rare and extreme cases will result in the child being removed from a home.
It is more likely that they will do a routine home inspection and recommend or offer family counceling if they notice a problem.
I wish you luck with what ever you decide.
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