Toddler trying to distract in discipline situations?

[MittensKittens]

Please help! My three year old DD has been doing this for a week or so, and I am at a loss as to how to handle it.

Examples -

Me: "Please be gentle with your brother." DD: "I want juice."

Me: "Take your shoes off please." DD: "I want to read a book."

Me: "Calm down!" DD: "No... ...I want to... go to the mall!"

I have tried telling her, for instance, that yes, we can read a book, but first she needs to take her shoes off. But she seems to think she is very clever (which is true ) and is doing this 10-15 times a day. It is driving me crazy, frankly. Do any of your littles do this, and how do you respond?

TIA

[mom2grrls]

I think sometimes that's just how their mind works though lol, focused on what they want Is there a particular reason her shoes need to be off before a story gets read? As for her wanting to go the mall, you can say "you want to go to the mall", instead of telling her to calm down. Let her deal with the disappointment of not going while she tells you about it.

[MittensKittens]

Originally Posted by mom2grrls

Is there a particular reason her shoes need to be off before a story gets read?

We don't wear shoes in bed . I am not telling her to calm down because she says she wants to go to the mall, rather that is her reaction after I tell her to calm down when she is, for instance, running around the house, jumping off the couch, etc. In other words, DD is trying to find ways to totally change the subject when I tell her off for anything.

[mom2grrls]

If she's running around the house then say let's go outside to jump and play

[MittensKittens]

Originally Posted by mom2grrls

If she's running around the house then say let's go outside to jump and play

Yeah, that sounds great, but we all know it is not always possible, especially when she should already be sleeping . I am looking for a way to stop her from changing the subject when I am trying to tell her something.

[denimtiger]

It's a common issue, at least until second grade (which I teach). What works best for ME is to fail to acknowledge the distract attempt, and redirect with words.

Me: Take off your shoes, please.

Child: I want a story!

Me: Can you please take off your shoes?

Child: I want a story/where is my cup... whatever.

Me: Honey, would you like to take off your shoes now, or would you like me to do it for you?

It occasionally ends in a battle, but not often if I'm consistent with it.


In the "please be gentle" and "calm down" scenarios, I wouldn't repeat myself precisely. Does she follow the request when she distacts? I mean... does she stop tormenting her brother while she's asking for juice? If she's walking away from him and it's an appropriate time for juice, I would give the juice (or, say we're not doing juice right now, but you can have ________). If she is still tormenting her brother, then I would not acknowledge the request for juice, but give her a specific idea. "Please let go of that toy and let your brother have it. Why don't you come over here and try this puzzle?" If she still wanted a drink once things were settled, I'd get her one.



If she's stopped jumping and running while she's asking to go to the mall, I would also drop the calm down subject and redirect her to what you want her to do now. (It would be fun to go to the mall, wouldn't it? Maybe we'll go _________. Can you please go grab your pajamas for me/get me that book/wanna come snuggle/let's go get ready for bed/do you want one story or two?)


Sometimes distraction is a tool to test a boundary, sometimes it is to evade being embarrased and having a conversation about doing something they feel like they shouldn't have been doing. I don't know your daughter, but it sounds like you have both. The shoes are testing, but the juice and the mall sound more like she wants to be able to stop running around or stop hurting her brother without having to have a big conversation about it, which I would respect provided it wasn't happening every five minutes.

[TortelliniMama]

This thread is cracking me up, because it makes me think of how often parents try distraction and redirection with their toddlers. You know, like when the toddler is about to melt down because her popsicle is the wrong color, and mom excitedly points out the window to show her a squirrel on the birdfeeder. Or toddler is protesting holding hands in the parking lot and dad starts going into raptures about the big, big truck parked nearby. Maybe the OP's dd has come up with the same strategy.

[MittensKittens]

Originally Posted by TortelliniMama

This thread is cracking me up, because it makes me think of how often parents try distraction and redirection with their toddlers. You know, like when the toddler is about to melt down because her popsicle is the wrong color, and mom excitedly points out the window to show her a squirrel on the birdfeeder. Or toddler is protesting holding hands in the parking lot and dad starts going into raptures about the big, big truck parked nearby. Maybe the OP's dd has come up with the same strategy.

That is precisely what she is doing!

denimtiger, I like your suggestions and will try applying them.