Sudep

[ckberkey]

My sweet brother died suddenly and unexpectedly while visiting me. He was supposed to fly back home in a couple days when my son found him on the floor one morning. He was cold and I knew it was too late when I touched him, but I did cpr anyway. I covered him up and stayed with him, nursing the baby until they took him away. He was only 30 years old.
I have heard SUDEP compared to SIDS and I feel that is right on. I feel like he just slipped right between my fingers. I just had him and now he is gone.

[YummyYarnAddict]

: I'm so very sorry for your loss. My neurologist gave a talk on SUDEP at the last Epilepsy Fdn dinner and while I wasn't able to attend, I did read up on it and it gave me a lot to think about. You are amazingly strong and loving and my heart goes out to you.

[kalisis]

I'm so, so sorry for your loss.

[MomToKandE]

I'm so very sorry!

[ckberkey]

Thank you. It has been about 6 weeks now. His ashes were committed today. My mind has a pretty good handle on things, but my heart is just broken.

[GearGirl]

I'm so sorry, what a terrible loss to go through.

[HarperRose]

Oh my goodness. I am so, so sorry.

[jewelsJZ]

So, so sorry for your loss, mama. May your heart heal with time. How is your son doing?

[ckberkey]

Thank you. Grief is such a weird thing. Just now each day seems more difficult and I am in a kind of dark place. I know it will get better. My son is past the point of talking about it all the time. He seems to have found peace. Thanks again for the support.

[MPsSweetie]

(((hugs))) So sorry for you loss...

[Kama82]

I am so sorry for your loss. May the small things bring some small peace to your heart in this terrible time.

[wildlavender]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Glad to hear your son is doing better.

We lost my husband's brother to sudep nearly three years ago. He was just 36. It is such a sudden, unexpected loss.

Hugs to you.

[becoming]

I'm so sorry. :

[ckberkey]

Thank you, ladies. It is still so hard and seems to be getting harder. My husband wants me to snap out of it and I am trying. It was two months yesterday and I just felt like crying all day but it was my husband and oldest kiddo's bday.

[Monarchgrrl]

I'm so sorry.

I know how you feel. It's been about 1.5 years (Doesn't seem real!) since my brother died. He was 28. It's been a roller coaster. "Ok" some days, other days it's all I can do to get out of bed. If you're interested there is a wonderful book out there that I recently wrote a review for for a magazine. It's called Surviving the Death of a Sibling: Living Through Grief When an Adult Brother or Sister Dies by T.J. Wray. It helped me a lot and I immediately made my DW read it and I said "Everything in here is how I feel. When you have questions or want me to 'snap out of it' refer back to this book." She did and knows that I will never be the person I was before my brother died. You lost your past, present and future. I'm not sure if he was your only sibling like my brother was, but my biggest realization was coming to terms with the fact that 1) I will have to bury my parents alone and 2) that the only other person who really knew my past and history is no longer here. No one else on the planet knows what it was like growing up in my family. I'm all alone in that now.

Please don't try to "snap out of it". There is no way around grief. You have to go through it. If you push it away it will come back again and again until you face it head on and go through it. Now is the best time. It is a process and it can take a different amount of time for each person. Just be kind to yourself and allow yourself to cry if you want and to feel however it is that you feel. It will be better for you and your husband in the long run.

Check out that book if you can. Sibling grief is disenfranchised grief and is not widely recognized. I'm here for you if you ever want to talk. Feel free to PM me.

[Thisbirdwillfly]

I'm so sorry that your brother had died.

There is no "snapping out" of grief. It's a journey and it's a long one. I wish for you peace and please take advantadge of any resoures you can find.

[ckberkey]

Thank you so much for the support. I will check out that book.

[Ifluffedthree]

I am so sorry about the sudden loss of your brother.
I missed the post until now.

Grief offers no easy path, and it will dictate how long it takes like it or not. You will process better if you take the time to understand why your feeling a particular part of grief and allow to fully work through it -- it is a more peaceful when it is acknowledged, and it does not like to be pushed aside, it only comes back later to haunt you.

Peace and hugs to you as you walk this difficult journey.

[ckberkey]

Thank you. It is hard. It hits me and I feel like the wind is knocked out of me. I think now it is mostly realizing that he is really gone.