gifted forum - posts being moved - Page 2

[purslaine]

Originally Posted by flapjack

Every child is different, though. What I know is that when I was parenting a high needs toddler who was later proven to be intensely gifted, the best parenting advice came from all over. From parents with autistic kids. From parents with children younger than mine, or with different temperaments. Sometimes, you don't actually need to walk a mile in someone else's shoes to help, you just need to have a big heart and a bit of empathy.
Also, by posting only in PTGC, you miss out on the experience of people like me- and I bet I'm not the only parent of a gifted child on MDC who doesn't bother with that forum. It just has nothing to offer me at this time in my life.

Well, sure.

I tend to cross post a fair bit myself - I like to get a variety of answers - however this is my choice.

I do not think someones post should be moved because you (or I) see the value in variety. Let the posters decide for themselves where to post.

[Panthira]

Originally Posted by flapjack

Every child is different, though. What I know is that when I was parenting a high needs toddler who was later proven to be intensely gifted, the best parenting advice came from all over. From parents with autistic kids. From parents with children younger than mine, or with different temperaments. Sometimes, you don't actually need to walk a mile in someone else's shoes to help, you just need to have a big heart and a bit of empathy.
Also, by posting only in PTGC, you miss out on the experience of people like me- and I bet I'm not the only parent of a gifted child on MDC who doesn't bother with that forum. It just has nothing to offer me at this time in my life.

I'm glad you got help from all over, but that hasn't been my experience. It's very difficult to understand a gifted child until you've been there, having to parent one (or more). I have 5 kids - 1 special needs, 1 "normal range" and the rest are gifted - and there is definitely a difference.

I love Tammy's post (and I didn't know that about the sugar stores, OT!), and feel she is dead-on.

[quaz]

Panthira- Protein is a big help. My oldest is currently on a growth spurt which is also coinciding with the start of school. I'm having to bring daily protein bars from her. The one day I forgot, despite having another snack, we dealt with an hour long meltdown.

The other thing that sometimes is necessary depending on the type of meltdown.... intellectual stimulation. This might not be your case, but I've found with my second daughter that when she sometimes is hitting meltdown mode it is because she needs that intellectual stimulation. I've give my 5 year old multiplication and division problems in a store before, and it immediately had a calming affect. This is especially important for my second daughter at bedtime. The intellectual stimulation acts as a calming device, because otherwise the brain internally fixates on complex questions they can't emotionally handle yet, such as death, God, black holes potentially sucking the earth into it, etc. There is an article I just read on this. I can try to dig it up.

Point, though.... those sort of techniques aren't what I'd typically find on a 'gentle discipline' board, though, and are the techniques I need for handling a gifted child. The first technique may be foudn, but the understanding of it being caused by the intensity of processing is something that typically would not be a board that isn't focused on gifted.
Tammy

[JollyGG]

Originally Posted by flapjack

Every child is different, though. What I know is that when I was parenting a high needs toddler who was later proven to be intensely gifted, the best parenting advice came from all over. From parents with autistic kids. From parents with children younger than mine, or with different temperaments. Sometimes, you don't actually need to walk a mile in someone else's shoes to help, you just need to have a big heart and a bit of empathy.
Also, by posting only in PTGC, you miss out on the experience of people like me- and I bet I'm not the only parent of a gifted child on MDC who doesn't bother with that forum. It just has nothing to offer me at this time in my life.

I agree that a wide range of perspectives and opinions is great and gives a parent alot of resources and tools.

However with that wide range of helpful advice you also open yourself up to a wide range of hurtful advice and poorly researched and incorrect advice, and criticism. It takes alot to sort through. We all need to learn to take the good with the bad. But that takes a thick skin and alot of people have either had some bad experiences coloring their experiences or perhaps are at too new a place dealing with their child gifteness to be prepared to sort through all of that and endure the bad with the good. I don't think someone else should make the decision for them as to weather or not they are ready to expose themselves to both the good and the bad of a wider range of perspectives.

I am very happy for you that the PTGC forum isn't helplful to your right now. I hope that means that you are at a good place with your parenting and with your children academic needs. Congratulations on reaching that point.

[JollyGG]

Basically when a post is moved out of the "parenting the gifted child" forum it feels like someone else has decided that your child isn't gifted enough or that your concern is not worthy of consideration in that forum.

I actually feels it contributes to a feeling of elitism rather than reducing it.

[artgoddess]

Originally Posted by JollyGG

Basically when a post is moved out of the "parenting the gifted child" forum it feels like someone else has decided that your child isn't gifted enough or that your concern is not worthy of consideration in that forum.

I actually feels it contributes to a feeling of elitism rather than reducing it.

Is there really some sort of reason why any post should be considered "worthy" or not for this forum? Are their posts that are not "worthy" of the grief and loss forum, or not "worthy" of the Life with a babe forum? I guess I'm having a difficult time understanding where posts started having worth or not attached to them.

[clipfish]

Originally Posted by JollyGG

Safe as in:

When I talk about my self taught early reader I'm not looking for people to tell me that I'm pushing too hard or that reading early is harmful and should be discouraged or that I only think he's reading but he must not be since he's only 3

When I talk about my sons schooling it is impossible to do without considering that he's in a full time gifted program and has skipped a grade. I'm not looking for people who have never looked at the studies about grade skipping telling me what a disservice I'm doing to my son, I'm not looking for people to tell me that I'm not concerned about his social and emotional growth, I don't choose to defend myself from people who think I'm pushing him academically due to my own ego.

I don't want to post about something my child has done and have the post treated as some sort of competition among parents. I don't engage in "baby races" and have found that talking about things my children do that is outside of the norm often invokes a good bit of competition and defensiveness in parents whose children aren't doing the same thing. It's not deliberate but it happens. We all worry about our children and our parenting skills. When a child the same age as ours does something ours doesn't we start to worry that they are behind even when we know it's not true. It's an emotional response not an intellectual response. But it's one that I don't always choose to deal with.

It took me a long time to feel comfortable posting among people who's children are profoundly or highly gifted when I wasn't even sure at first my child was gifted. But given some lurking time I realized that no one was going to judge or deem my child not "gifted enough" to be part of the board and I have found this board to be a huge help in some recent decisions I have made concerning my child's education. If there is a feeling out there that peoples opinions are being dismissed or that the "parenting the gifted child" board is to cliquish maybe we can talk about what is making that feeling and how to fix it. But moving posts doesn't seem to be the answer to me.

Honestly, alot of people come to gifted children boards because they feel like no one else understands. They post there because it feels like a safe place where they will be given the benefit of the doubt that they are truly following their child needs the best that they can and there are other people who understand. They have often gotten the above comments and worse in real life and on other boards. When posts get moved it feels like there is now just one more person who doesn't get it and doesn't understand and makes the whole place fell less "safe"

Ditto.
To take the "I'm looking for books for my 4 yo" example.

Walk into a bookstore, or a library, and ask for book recommendations for a 4 yo boy who is interested in science, reads at a 4th-6th grade level, but doesn't want anything with scary villains or bad guys. It's a lot of fun.

Or, post a message to a community of people who also have 4 yo reading at 4th-6th grade levels. All of a sudden, you have a list of 20 books to look for, and no one looked at you (or your son) like you had 3 heads.

-------

[no5no5]

I feel very sad that we have to have a discussion justifying the need for a gifted forum. I joined MDC for the pregnancy forums, discovered & delved into many other forums, and posted extensively on the loss forums before I even discovered the gifted forum. MDC is like a home to me and the gifted board is one of the only places I can find support and advice dealing with my daughter's special needs. I was thrilled to have found it, and the great community who posts there, but I feel very, very hurt at the accusations leveled against us. Perhaps the MDC forums are not as loving, inclusive, and supportive as I had previously thought.

[JL83]

Originally Posted by rainyday

For example, I recently wanted feedback about the later Harry Potter books and how other young readers have handled them. I don't care about how someone's third grader handled them; I wanted to know about kindergarten or first-grade age kids. It's a very different issue when your 4 or 5 or 6 year old can read middle-school or high-school level books, and I think it rightfully belongs on the gifted forum. I decided not to post on MDC because I figured it would get moved to Childhood Years or something, like another similar thread had just been moved.

Just to use your example...

If you're looking for other people's view on whether or not younger kids can handle HP - why wouldn't the view of a parent who has chosen to read (or not to read) those books to their own young children be useful?

It's not like kids who can't read themselves are limited to picture books. Parents read interesting stories to their kids all the time. I wouldn't be surprised if there were plenty of other people in the Childhood Years forum who'd like to discuss how they approached the later HP books with their 4, 5 and 6 yos.

I agree that there are far more appropriate forums for most of the threads posted in the Gifted Forum.

[artgoddess]

Originally Posted by no5no5

I feel very sad that we have to have a discussion justifying the need for a gifted forum. I joined MDC for the pregnancy forums, discovered & delved into many other forums, and posted extensively on the loss forums before I even discovered the gifted forum. MDC is like a home to me and the gifted board is one of the only places I can find support and advice dealing with my daughter's special needs. I was thrilled to have found it, and the great community who posts there, but I feel very, very hurt at the accusations leveled against us. Perhaps the MDC forums are not as loving, inclusive, and supportive as I had previously thought.

I don't think Abi is suggesting the forum doesn't need to be here at all, but she was asked why some threads were moved and she explained why.

[AllisonR]

Originally Posted by flapjack

Also, by posting only in PTGC, you miss out on the experience of people like me- and I bet I'm not the only parent of a gifted child on MDC who doesn't bother with that forum. It just has nothing to offer me at this time in my life.

This is totally logical. I used to post in the breast feeding forum. I don't anymore because neither DS nor DD bf anymore so that forum has nothing to offer me at this time in my life. Life changes though, yk? I post in Toddlers, Parenting, Childhood years, Fine Arts... and yes, the Gifted forum. I post on the Gifted Forum about gifted issues, because the information I get is more focused and relevant to the needs of my DS and DD then the information I get on the other forums.

[GuildJenn]

Originally Posted by abimommy

There are many aspects to this issue.

There is growing concern with the gifted forum.
...

We see a lot of comments that people in other forums "cannot" relate to their issues or that they would have worded things differently had they been aware their thread would have been in another forum.

People should not post differently to one forum than they would to another.

I'm finding this a bit upsetting, maybe because I posted the latter.

I'm not a huge regular in the gifted forum although I have posted there some and find it a nice forum to read. I don't think it's "wrong" or "bad" for me to keep awareness of which forum I'm posting in.

In the example I was talking about, I had posted to a thread asking about allowances for a 3 yr old. Because it was in the gifted forum I felt free to talk about our experience letting our 2.5 (now 4 yo) son doing some budgetting (adding/subtracting) at the grocery store.

I would not have chosen to share that particular experience in the Parenting forum because -- and I'm sorry to say I have seen this here -- I wouldn't have wanted to get into a discussion about whether I was pushing my kid to add or drilling him on math or something. Does that always happen? Of course not. Do I feel superior about it? No, I just feel protective about my mixed feelings about my son's then-obsession with numbers. In the gifted forum I feel like the likelihood of getting slammed for drilling my kid (which I never have done) are lower. That's all.

I *do* post differently in different forums. If someone's talking about their husband spending money in the frugality forum, I would focus on ways not to spend money... if they post in PAP, I would focus on communicating about it.

I don't understand why this seems to be being perceived as contributing to barriers... I personally do this all the time in my job, in different groups of friends, etc.

It's out of respect for the focus of the forum that I take care in my responses. And also for me.

Originally Posted by abimommy

Questions about books belongs in that forum, if one desires opinions from parents of young readers then they should state they want opinions from younger readers. It doesn't really belong in the gifted forum.

There is a growing number of people who do have gifted children who do not post to the forum because of all the negativity towards what might be perceived as "normal."

Okay so my question here is how do you measure "negativity"? I don't post in Waldorf because I have ambiguous feelings about Waldorf, even though I'd love to get into some of the fairy tale and felting stuff. Sometimes when I read there I feel like a choice to allow, say, early reading - "normal" - is being slammed... is that the Waldorf forum's fault? Does it mean they should have their threads [about, say, felting] moved? I don't personally think so.

I'm hearing that threads that are moved are not SOLELY relevant to gifted issues. I'm kind of now genuinely confused.

Does a post on sleep in the GD forum always have to be moved to nighttime parenting, even if the parent feels it is about discipline? What if possibly insight about sugary bedtime snacks helps... does the thread get moved to nutrition?

If that's the case then I'm not sure how we approach complex issues where we believe that several things are at play. Right now I am feeling kind of discouraged and like one group of parents are being told what they think is 'up' with their kids is not 'really' up with their kids. But as I said at the start, I guess I'm feeling a bit defensive.

Thanks for your time in reading and working through this.

[clipfish]

It is possible that the Mothering community is not the place for a gifted forum. If so, that should probably be addressed head-on, instead of filtering out and moving posts.

I was happy to find the forum here, as I find I have a lot in common otherwise with MDC moms. However, I am also a member of several 'closed' lists for gifted children, so alternate resources are out there that are moderated by parents of gifted children.

[eclipse]

Can the mods give us a list of example topics of things that belong on the gifted forum that wouldn't be moved elsewhere? Maybe then we can see where this is going. Honestly, I have a hard time coming up with anything that couldn't also be hosted on another forum (and this is true for several of our more specific forums).

[rainyday]

I think the very existence of this thread (and I'm the OP) is disturbing and indicative of exactly why there is a need for a gifted forum.

Why are the MDC members who use the gifted forum being asked to justify why their threads belong there? Why are we not asking that of the Waldorf forum or the special needs forum or the multiples forum? I'm sure that if the parent of a child with special needs posts about needing advice for handling a three-year-old's meltdowns, there are plenty of people on the gentle discipline or childhood years forum who could offer advice. However, someone might choose to post such a question in the special needs forum because they want answers from parents who might be dealing with more similar issues. Sure, there are probably some parents in gd or childhood years who could also offer good advice, but why should someone have to wade through all the posts of people who don't understand the situation in the same way because they haven't been through anything similar?

Some new poster asked me why I wouldn't want advice from someone who had read the HP books to their 5 yo. Well, that advice might be interesting, but there are distinct differences between reading it yourself and listening to it. There are also differences in how highly gifted kids might relate to the material because they do often understand things that their age-level peers do not. Furthermore, I've seen other threads along those lines quickly get derailed by tales of how other posters' older children dealt with it, or how a younger child felt about the movie - and those aren't relevant to my issue. That is why I would choose to post the question in the gifted forum, not in a different one. However, I think the real issue is that I chose not to post my question and my concerns about it because I didn't want it moved, and I did not want to wade through responses from people who do not understand the situation.

[artgoddess]

Originally Posted by rainyday

I think the very existence of this thread (and I'm the OP) is disturbing and indicative of exactly why there is a need for a gifted forum.

Why are the MDC members who use the gifted forum being asked to justify why their threads belong there? Why are we not asking that of the Waldorf forum or the special needs forum or the multiples forum? I'm sure that if the parent of a child with special needs posts about needing advice for handling a three-year-old's meltdowns, there are plenty of people on the gentle discipline or childhood years forum who could offer advice. However, someone might choose to post such a question in the special needs forum because they want answers from parents who might be dealing with more similar issues. Sure, there are probably some parents in gd or childhood years who could also offer good advice, but why should someone have to wade through all the posts of people who don't understand the situation in the same way because they haven't been through anything similar?

Some new poster asked me why I wouldn't want advice from someone who had read the HP books to their 5 yo. Well, that advice might be interesting, but there are distinct differences between reading it yourself and listening to it. There are also differences in how highly gifted kids might relate to the material because they do often understand things that their age-level peers do not. Furthermore, I've seen other threads along those lines quickly get derailed by tales of how other posters' older children dealt with it, or how a younger child felt about the movie - and those aren't relevant to my issue. That is why I would choose to post the question in the gifted forum, not in a different one. However, I think the real issue is that I chose not to post my question and my concerns about it because I didn't want it moved, and I did not want to wade through responses from people who do not understand the situation.

I think that in answer to your questioning why only the gifted forum needs to "justify" their questions belonging in the gifted forum is off base. This happens in all of the other forums, threads are moved, people are reminded that something belongs elsewhere, and it can be frustrating when you don't think that you posted it in the wrong place, but it is moved anyway. So it's not just here, if you read the other forums regularly enough you will see that.

Second if you really and truly don't want your thread to benefit anyone but yourself, and you only want specific answers that apply to your specific situation exactly then I think a parenting forum isn't the place to ask the question. That's kind of the point of forums, and yes threads are going to get sidetracked and there are going to be people that go on and on about their own situation when it clearly doesn't have any bearing on what you asked in the first place. It's the nature of a place with a thousand or more members. if you need something more specific I am sure you can find a gifted only, prove it with a faxed copy of your kids assessment, kind of forum to post your questions and then only receive answers from people with kids who have children with intellects that match your own kids.

[clipfish]

Originally Posted by artgoddess

Second if you really and truly don't want your thread to benefit anyone but yourself, and you only want specific answers that apply to your specific situation exactly then I think a parenting forum isn't the place to ask the question.

I agree. A "parenting" forum is not the place.

But, I do feel that a "gifted" forum is.....

[Epona]

Originally Posted by JL83

Just to use your example...

If you're looking for other people's view on whether or not younger kids can handle HP - why wouldn't the view of a parent who has chosen to read (or not to read) those books to their own young children be useful?

It's not like kids who can't read themselves are limited to picture books. Parents read interesting stories to their kids all the time. I wouldn't be surprised if there were plenty of other people in the Childhood Years forum who'd like to discuss how they approached the later HP books with their 4, 5 and 6 yos.

THANK YOU for pointing this out.

[purslaine]

Originally Posted by artgoddess

I think that in answer to your questioning why only the gifted forum needs to "justify" their questions belonging in the gifted forum is off base. This happens in all of the other forums, threads are moved, people are reminded that something belongs elsewhere, and it can be frustrating when you don't think that you posted it in the wrong place, but it is moved anyway. So it's not just here, if you read the other forums regularly enough you will see that.

I am not sure if this is true or not. Abi (or other mod)- Are more threads moved out of gifted at the moment?

Second if you really and truly don't want your thread to benefit anyone but yourself, and you only want specific answers that apply to your specific situation exactly then I think a parenting forum isn't the place to ask the question. That's kind of the point of forums, and yes threads are going to get sidetracked and there are going to be people that go on and on about their own situation when it clearly doesn't have any bearing on what you asked in the first place. It's the nature of a place with a thousand or more members. if you need something more specific I am sure you can find a gifted only, prove it with a faxed copy of your kids assessment, kind of forum to post your questions and then only receive answers from people with kids who have children with intellects that match your own kids.

Bolding mine.

Ouch.:

I think there is a big difference between "not wanting a thread to benefit anyone but yourself" and asking that threads not be moved unless there is a clear mistake in posting (diaper question in Gardenning).

[lasciate]

Originally Posted by kathymuggle

I think there is a big difference between "not wanting a thread to benefit anyone but yourself" and asking that threads not be moved unless there is a clear mistake in posting (diaper question in Gardenning).

What is the difference?