Enroll her in the HS she wants or the one I think is better?

[kay4]

My dd will be starting 9th grade this year. They have a magnet program and they had a deadline to get in their applications. I researched the school best i could online (didn't know anyone with personal exp with them) and told her if she wanted to attend one of the others to bring me the forms home. She wanted to go to chapin. I told her okay, bring the forms home. I lost track of the deadline and she never brought them home (I know that is partially my fault, I guess I could have gone to her school personally and asked for them??) Anyway...she was bummed a couple weeks. Then finds our most of her friends are going to andress (where she will go, it is a 'feeder school' if you don't apply to the other schools you automatically go here) and she isn't bummed anymore, she is excited about going to andress. Fast forward to a month or so ago. Everyone and their mom is telling me horror stories about this school! Thing is, they don't have kids in the school they have just heard these things. But it still has me worried so i tell briana, I know the application deadline is passed but registration hasn't begone yet, so i will go ahead and call chapin when reg starts and see what i can do to get you into there." (she knows what i've heard) She gets upset, and says no she doesn't want me to, she wants to go to andress.

What would you do???? FWIW, all I've heard the academics are good in both.

[Amys1st]

FWIW, if you asked around enough about the school you think is better, you might get your share of horror stories about that as well. Maybe you can start off the school year at the school she is set to go to and see how it goes at the semestar breaks and go from there. Can you apply for the following year at the other school?

[kay4]

I've heard that you can do that (this is all new to me...my first hser, and i grew up in a small town...one HS and that is where everyone went) You're right, there are probably horror stories about the other one too...the whole idea of having a brand new high schooler makes me nervous

[Ruthla]

I'd enroll her in the one she wants, especially at this stage of the game. She's already settled into going to the "feeder school" with her friends, and it's disrupting to change plans (even though school hasn't started yet.) Besides, I do think that at 13/14 IS old enough to make some of these decisions for herself. She forgot the forms for the school she wanted to go to, and as a result it's no longer an option. I don't see how that is your fault at all! We're talking about a girl who was in 8th grade at the time, not kindergarten!

Besides, I wouldn't really trust these "horror stories" you've heard 3rd hand. How reliable is it to hear about "well, my kid didn't go there but I know somebody who knew somebody who went there and this bad thing happened.."?

No school is perfect. There are most likely drugs and sexually active kids in both schools, as well as a large population of kids in both schools who aren't involved with anything dangerous.

I've heard lots of rumors about both my high school and my college that I was completely unaware of when I attended either one! Drug dealing in my high school? None of the kids I knew! My college was a "party school"? Gee, nobody invited me to those keg parties.

[LynnS6]

Talk to people who actually have their children at the school where you child will go. If you talked to the people in our neighborhood about our local public school, you would get about half the people telling you all sorts of dire reasons NOT to send your kids there. But they don't have kids there.

Then GO to the school. Talk to the principal/counselors. Find out what kinds of courses they offer. Find out what remediation there is. Find out what opportunities there are. Get a sense of whether they think it's a good school. Find out how many kids go on to the type of education that you envision for your daughter in the future.

And at this late date, I'd send her there. Reassess at the end of 9th grade. If it's a disaster, you can pull rank and enroll her elsewhere.

[kay4]

thank you all!!

[Linda on the move]

She's old enough to have a big say in where she spends her days, and overriding her because of unfounded rumors wouldn't be treating her with respect.

Find ways to stay involved in her life and in her school experience. If problems do come up, you'll know. Make her friends welcome at your house, drive them places and just stay in the loop. And both of you need to switch your focus. There are good things about bad things about everywhere, and I believe that the more we focus on the negative, the bigger it gets. Chatting about negative rumors isn't helpful -- you just feed their energy.

(BTW, the school my kids attend doesn't have as good of a reputation as some of the other schools around where we live. Our tests score are as good or better, our classes are smaller, and I really like the staff. The only thing I've been able to figure out is that our school has a higher minority population. The schools with the good reputations are all Mighty White. It's really given me pause about why people say the things they do about schools -- esp. if they don't have kids in them.)

[kay4]

Thank you, you are right and made good points.

[Pinoikoi]

If the academics is good in both- then that is really the important thing.. if the deadline is past, put in the app and hope for the best, and let her start where she wants to start.. high schoolers, unfortunately, transfer ALL THE TIME.. letting your daughter know that you are putting in the app will do several things

1) she knows you have options (ok- she THINKS you have options- the deadline MAY actually be set in stone) and she will want to prove that her high school will be the best fit for her- so she will work hard, and try very hard to stay out of trouble- seems pretty win win to me

2) if things go horribly wrong at daughter's school then you do have a leg to stand on when you demand she get transferred to the other school- you already put the application in.. this wasn't a fly by night decision.. etc etc..

3) if the other school sees your application and calls you up, but daughter is already fitting in well in her current school you can ALWAYS decline to transfer her.

4) your daughter will remember that you allowed her to attend the school of her choice- even if it is on a 'trial period".. she will see this as an example of you trusting her judgment.. and giving her that initial "benefit of the doubt"

So- that's what I would do. Enroll her in the school she wants but put the application in at the other school, anyway.

FWIW, the school two of my sons attend has not passed AYP in, um, years? That doesn't make it a bad school, but it is a school that is trying its best to meet the needs of kids that speak languages other than English, where some families live at the poverty level, etc.. but those are things, that to me, make it a GOOD school. I want my kids to experience people with different social, economic, and linguistic backgrounds.. but I understand where some people might feel they were right by calling it a "bad" school... so it is all in what different people value, I guess. My oldest is THRIVING there- he enjoys school, and most of his test scores are in the highest percentile because they have great teachers.