Unexpected visitors

[babynatasha]

So my due date was yesterday and we are planning a home birth, which everyone knows about as that is what we had with DD. So I guess I found it a little strange that this morning at 8:30am my sister-in-law and niece showed up on my door step to visit. Okay, maybe it was coincidental as we have a fair here in town this weekend, which is literally across the yard/road and they were going to it.

Then about 11am, my mother-in-law shows up on the door step. This floored me as she doesn't drive often, hardly ever visits us, always calls first if she is going to, as she doesn't like driving and it would be pointless if we weren't home. Just as she was getting ready to leave she says "I was hoping that you would be in labor when I got here and I could have just waited and seen the baby being born". Uh, no thanks! I didn't know what to say, so I just said, "well thats too bad".

I'm not really upset or angry, I just find it very odd that people would show up at your house, unexpected, knowing that you could be having a baby. Like it would be okay for them to do so. I would never show up at the hospital when someone was in labor and expect to see them! How do people think this is different?!?! What would have happened if I had been in labor? Would they have both expected my DH would have let them in? I mean really Of course he would have turned them away at the door! If I wanted them there I would have invited them! I'm not a freak show for their entertainment!

[GradysMom]

fascinating... no you are definately not a freak show...

out of the blue my ML is comming next weekend for ds birthday party.... 9hrs driving. I feel kinda like there is a deadline looming over me to get this baby out. Due tomorrow sooo...

not sure what she is thinking but I said it was ok before i really thought it out.

[babynatasha]

Originally Posted by GradysMom

fascinating... no you are definately not a freak show...

out of the blue my ML is comming next weekend for ds birthday party.... 9hrs driving. I feel kinda like there is a deadline looming over me to get this baby out. Due tomorrow sooo...

not sure what she is thinking but I said it was ok before i really thought it out.

I hope for your sake you have the baby before she gets there and I hope for my sake I have the baby on a weekday, as she would have no excuse to show up unexpectedly if we could be at work!

[Abraisme]

Ha ha.. Yeah, I think if more of my family lived near us they'd be showing up too. I've been getting daily calls asking if I've had the baby. I really want to say, "Oh yeah, I had the baby a week ago, you didn't hear?" I know they mean well, but really, we'll call them when something happens. It's all par for the course I suppose.:

[Jilian]

That would annoy me too. Some people just do not understand a woman's need for privacy during labor, birth, and pp recovery. My MIL is a wonderful woman but she just assumed she'd be present for DS's birth and DH had to tell her otherwise. I felt bad because her feelings were hurt but my need for privacy won out.

[tankgirl136]

This makes me so happy no one knows exactly where I am giving birth!! They are already giving me issues about the fact I don't want to call anyone until babe is here, instead of when I go into labor. I don't want to call them as I know they will only call non-stop once they do know something is happening!!

I agree I have no idea why people can't give a girl some space for something that is pretty intense and private! Here is to private births for all!

[adoremybabe]

Yes, Hopefully people can respect your space and privacy more. If anyone calls me to ask about the baby. I will and I have told them that they aren't allowed to call for that reason anymore. I will call them.

My mom and I talk on the phone everyday. Yesterday she didn't call so I phoned her after dinner. When she answered, I asked her is she was afraid to call me. She laughed and said that she didn't wasnt to disturb me incase I was resting. She's the best!

[spiritedmama]

Wow, that is weird. I would be a little disturbed too. I don't think i would want random people trying to stop by to witness the birth either. Good luck Natashababy! I hope this was a one time occurrence!

[Coconut Chronicles]

That is unreal!!

Thankfully this has not happened to us. DH has been prepped though and will turn anyone but our midwife and doula away if they show up.

[marlygf]

wow, that is kind of annoying. I haven't started getting calls yet because I'm only 37.4 w, but every time I talk to my mom she asks if I've had any more contractions. Umm, yes, every day . I know at this point she is just trying to make conversation, but I can talk about other things too!
Although, my mom will be there. If my mil just showed up, I wouldn't be too happy. She's learned she gets a phone call after the baby is here.

[Pernillep]

I can't believe people think that is appropriate behavior.

Thankfully everyone who would show live half way across the country. (yes MIL I am thinking of you)
And I am really weird about my privacy. We have a gate around our house so no one can even get to our door to ring the bell. I freak out if the bell rings or someone knocks and I don't know who it is.

[thepoet]

Personally I would be PISSED. There are only certain friends/relatives that can show up at my house unannounced and I would be ok with it.

[wombatclay]

Actually, with my first babe I DID have people trying to walk into the hospital to attend the birth! And many many others who asked if they could come. And we're talking co-workers and other people who I didn't even see socially, not close friends or anything like that.

And after her birth I had to tell the L&D nurses that no one was to be allowed into the room without calling up first since people were basically just "walking into" the postpartum wing to visit with no advance notice.

It's silly, but one reason why I like hospital birthing. My family has a lot of boundary issues and while I can stand up for myself much of the time it's not something I'd want to do while giving birth or in the few days afterwards. So for me it's nice to be someplace where there are official options like nurses and visitng hours.

Can you make a sign for your door that will say "Please visit now for X amount of time" or "Please call us to arrange a visit, Mama/Babe are resting". Just something that would be a red light/green light and screen visitors for you?

[Hezzie]

Lol, we haven't had unexpected visitors yet. Some of my friends are somehow assuming that they'll be invited, though, after what happened yesterday. On Sunday, we all get together to watch a movie. I started having contractions 1 minute long, 20 minutes apart during the movie. DH knew from the look on my face but no one else caught on for awhile until he started hovering every 20 minutes and telling me to breathe. Fortunately, the movie was almost over at that point, but everyone got very excited. We were packing up to head home and some of them wanted to tag along because they were positive I was going to have a baby and wanted to come witness the birth. DH and I kind of looked at each other and I said, "Well, it might not even be the real thing so it's probably not a good idea right now." They were all, "Call us if it is and we'll be right over!" I don't think so! Contractions fizzled out after a warm bath, so it's wasn't a big deal.

We had previously decided to Twitter when I was in established labor (it's how we all keep in touch), but we never even considered that our friends would want to crash the birth. Now we're thinking of either not informing anyone, or putting something in the message like, "thank you for respecting our privacy during this time, we will let you know stats as soon as the baby is here and when it's ok to visit" and also a sign on the door basically stating the same thing with "Please do not disturb" added. I really don't think it will be a problem as our friends are good about respecting privacy and will get the hint, but after last night we're being more cautious.

[babynatasha]

As I stated before, I'm not really that upset or angry. I just thought it was a little odd. Usually I would be okay with people showing up out of the blue. But I just thought it was odd my MIL would state that she hoped I would be in labor so she could watch, like it would be okay. I didn't have a problem last time with unannounced visitors or people coming and staying too long. In fact, I liked all the visitors, they brought me food But then again I am very social and not such a private person.

We have already decided that we will set visiting hours of 9-11am and 4-7pm. This will be good because DD will get her nap during her normal hours and we might get an extra hand while she is awake

[marlygf]

oh, I totally love the visiters to I just figure those who visit to see you in labor and have a baby without being invited is not so fun.