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"We don't _____" Rules you never realized you had until you had a toddler. - Page 6

post #101 of 323
Our newest rules we've added in the past week:
For DD they may be worded differently (less we don't)

We Don't:
...Serve food off our bodies
...eat anything stuck to our butt
...offer mommy or daddy anything stuck to your butt, vulva or from your belly button
...eat food the dog has licked
...lick our hands after the dog does


others:
If your going to pee standing up like daddy, you need to take your pants all the way off.
If you need to kick and splash in the tub, we have to close the curtian.
post #102 of 323
Quote:
lol yeah, but no pants
Nice!

And I'm sure he thought it was the BEST.GAME.EVER!
post #103 of 323
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vancouvercat View Post
No, your penis does not need to drink your milk too.
And the corollary: Your penis is not a straw.
post #104 of 323
Quote:
Originally Posted by littleplum View Post
And the corollary: Your penis is not a straw.
Oh my gosh I just laughed so hard I woke up my two year old! I don't have boys but I can ONLY imagine...........
post #105 of 323
Hysterical!

Just this morning:

"We don't put toothbrushes on/in mama's bottom."

(That's what I get for having toothbrushing time in the buff, eh?)
post #106 of 323
Very funny!

I have (2 year old always comes with me in the bathroom):
- Mommy wipes her own butt
- Mommy changes her own pad
I do let him get the toiletpaper for me and flush

Carma
post #107 of 323
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carma View Post
Very funny!

I have (2 year old always comes with me in the bathroom):
- Mommy wipes her own butt
- Mommy changes her own pad
I do let him get the toiletpaper for me and flush

Carma
We have these rules too:
I don't need help wiping
Please don't touch mommy's poop/pee
and if Daddy does not shut the door to pee, he must sit down because the girls think daddy standing up peeing is like a sprinkler....they think they can run though it.....
post #108 of 323
I have posted already, but just came up with a few new ones recently.....

We don't put our toes in the babies mouth, even if he DOES suck on them.

We DO NOT trim the babies finger nails (not even sure how he got ahold of the nail clippers)

We don't drink the bath water. ESPECIALLY after we have peed in it.

We dont steal mamas car keys and use them for our electric quad. (we had to drill a small hole in the side because he had to be able to STICK a set of keys somewhere in order to drive it)

We dont throw a fit when mama wants to catch us when we jump into the pool, BECAUSE WE CANT SWIM YET!
post #109 of 323
DH's coworker has this rule: "We don't bite butts"
post #110 of 323
Quote:
Originally Posted by Barbie64g View Post
We don't drink the bath water. ESPECIALLY after we have peed in it.
If you can figure out how to enforce this rule, PLEASE share it with me....I have the same problem
post #111 of 323
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~LadyBug~ View Post
If you can figure out how to enforce this rule, PLEASE share it with me....I have the same problem
He usually pees a few seconds after I put him in the water (lately) so I then empty it out and refill. Lately, I dont even fill the tub, I just keep the water running like a "waterfall", and then he likes to hit the button to turn the shower on. He still likes to slurrrrrrrp the water off the tub floor once I have turned everything off......
post #112 of 323
rotflmao!!
post #113 of 323
Only ONE eye-poker!!!

That was a big one for a year or so:

We don't poke the kitty/baby/dog/grandma/etc in the eye. (The answer to a sweet inquiry "I poke in the eye??" Now he asks if he can count your eyes...say yes with CAUTION!)

We don't pinch Daddy in the pee-pee.

Mommy doesn't want your boogers.

We don't drink from a found sippy cup without checking first. (He's pretty good at this after a bad mouthful of milk!!)

Your toothbrush doesn't play in the potty, neither does Daddy's.

We don't help Mommy wipe. But you can help had me toilet paper and flush.

We don't carry the cat by his head. (Although I taught him to use both arms all the way around and both he and the cat are happy campers now!)

We don't lick pizza cutters or butcher knives while helping Mommy unload the dishwasher!!

We don't put ANYTHING in the cat's water.

And one of my favorites: We don't find Mommy's DDD bra in the dirty laundry and present it to Grandpa as a welcome-to-our-house gift.
post #114 of 323
"we don't eat mommy's hair for dinner"

My 15 month old loves to eat stay strands of hair...eeww
post #115 of 323
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Barbie64g View Post
We don't drink the bath water. ESPECIALLY after we have peed in it.
DH had to invoke this one last night.
post #116 of 323
Quote:
Originally Posted by Barbie64g View Post
We don't drink the bath water. ESPECIALLY after we have peed in it.
I've given up on this one. Dd1 used to sip up the water so happily and I realized one day that I was grumpily trying to get her to stop... this happened EVERY TIME we had a bath... so eventually I decided to just go with it and let her drink the bathwater... even with the pee in it ... Nothing bad ever happened to her! She lived! Eventually I'd just say EWWW GROSSS!!!! and laugh and life carried on.
post #117 of 323
Quote:
Originally Posted by mumto2 View Post
*No peeing in pot plants, sometimes they are artificial.
I concur...what good is an artificial pot plant?

For me...

no peeing on the dog
no disassembling of the neighbor's "free" couch on the curb.
no shooting the dogs with Nerf
hammers and bathroom floor tile do not mix
hammers and linoleum also do not mix
hammers and sidewalk concrete don't mix either
no begging the neighbors for candy
no sneaking into the neighbor's garage fridge for ice cream (I don't care if the garage door was open!)
no bumming rides to school because you missed the bus (FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!)

and from their younger days:
No locking mom on the second floor balcony when she's out there smoking. It doesn't help when you laugh at her as she's miming the correct way to unlock the door...and please don't point at her.
Window screens are not meant to be kicked.
Miniblind cords are not meant to be used like Tarzan's vines.

Gotta love my boys...the girl hasn't shocked me with any antics yet...but maybe I'm desensitized by now, who knows
post #118 of 323
Please do not play in the litter box (actually, I just said, ack! don't do that! as I carried her quickly to the tub this morning).

Please do not drink like a dog from the water bowl.

Please do not eat the cat's food.

Please do not dunk your head in the dog's water bowl (said as I'm cracking up laughing despite my best efforts).
post #119 of 323
*sigh* We had to make up a new one today.

- We don't sit in the dog's food dish. Same goes for the water bowl.
post #120 of 323
We don't try to milk Mama into a cup (I have never expressed--this is all her idea).

We don't pull chunks off the wall.

We don't get to share Papa's beer, not even if we reeeeeeeeally want to.

We don't chew on food and then put it back in the container.

We don't "timber" headfirst off the couch arm onto the couch, especially when the neighbor boy is doing the same thing from the other side.

We don't empty out the toy box and then take turns climbing in and having all the toys thrown back in on top of us.

We don't need Mama's food when we are already holding the exact same food.

And we don't read the same book more than twice in a row or ten times in the same sitting.
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