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"We don't _____" Rules you never realized you had until you had a toddler. - Page 3

post #41 of 323
When DD was three:

"We don't put chapstick on our vulva. It doesn't need chapstick".

Now the worst part. I re-cap the chapstick and set it on the nightstand as I re-direct DD to another part of the house. Yep, I forgot about it and an hour later DH comes walking into the kitchen applying a generous amount of chapstick to his lips.

He didn't find it nearly as hilarious as I did!
post #42 of 323
Love this thread.

DS, 14 mo (just for reference).

We don't pull the tablecloth off the table during dinner.
We don't stick our feet in our spaghetti.
We don't drag the cat around by the tail. Especially up the stairs.
We don't scream in the bunny's face. It makes him molt.
We don't lay on top of the cat. Or the dog.
We don't drink out of the dog's water bowl. Or play in it.

And the most enforced rule in our house:

We don't wake mommy & daddy up by sticking their glasses up their nose.
post #43 of 323
To my DD
CJs peni is only for him to touch
stop yelling out the window to people walking down the street

To my DS

no splashing in pee
please dont climb that - or that - or that - or stick your finger in that
post #44 of 323
And here I thought

"Popsicle sticks do not go in your vagina"

would be unique!

Note: arts and crafts are now done with underwear on.
post #45 of 323

we don't...

..."tweak mommy's nipples" that one is somewhat new...

bang our head into glass doors

eat chalk

grab the dog's eye

(I guess I knew all of these things...I just didn't know that I'd have to SAY them LOL)
post #46 of 323
we don't play in the toilet after mama uses it before she flushes it.......

we don't eat femine products, even if they are not used....

we don't eat dog hair (or dust bunnies)

we don't drink mama's coffee....

we don't grab at peoples glasses- they are a medical device
(I find it akin to knocking someone out of a wheel chair- since I am so dependent on mine. My sister says "oh its fine" but not when you NEED them!)
post #47 of 323
Oh this is so funny, I haven't had such a good laugh in ages!!

The only new things I have to add are:
*No feeding the expressed breast milk to the cat - I don't care if he likes it, it's for the baby.
*No peeing in pot plants, sometimes they are artificial.
post #48 of 323
"I understand that you're going through an independent phase which is why I kepp water cups ready for you in the fridge, you REALLY don't need to get an empty cup and fill it with toilet water just so you can tell us that you completed a task. Toilet water is not for drinking."
post #49 of 323
This is too much! It is soooo refreshing to hear the rules and know we are not alone!!

Our latest: we do not pee on the floor
post #50 of 323
We don't roll sisters like a snowball
We don't push our fingers into sister's/brother's mouth for them to suck on (applies to both kids)
We don't chew on shoes
We don't sit on sister - she is not a chair
We don't dance in the feeding chair
post #51 of 323
Quote:
Originally Posted by JessBB View Post
We don't peepee in the doggie's water bowl (best of all: not our dog).
Quote:
Originally Posted by PatchChild View Post
We don't play with our penis while cooking.

I thought my DH was going to choke when he heard that one.
Quote:
Originally Posted by smeisnotapirate View Post
We don't drag the cat around by the tail. Especially up the stairs.
OMG I have never laughed so hard in my life!!

From my Nanny of a toddler days: We don't follow Mommy's business friends in to the bathroom. She was so used to following her Mom or me in there that when my boss would have a business meeting at the house she would want to follow those people in to the bathroom too
post #52 of 323
Pet related rules:
We dont climb the cat post.
Kitty needs her quiet time that's why we don't stick our face in the cat house.
When kitty is hissing (or dog is growling) we leave them alone.
We don't step on the dog's tail.
We don't kiss the dog back.
post #53 of 323
OMG, these are great!

A few of our latest:

We only touch our own penis.
We do not lick public toilets.
We do not kiss public trash cans. (from today, unfortunately)
We do not sit on the cat.
We do not jump off the chair and try to land on our bicycle.
We do not bang our cars onto the glass windows.

There have to be more.... thinking...
post #54 of 323
Quote:
Originally Posted by JessBB View Post
We don't peepee in the doggie's water bowl (best of all: not our dog).
We have this rule too - ds has done it more than once - ick. At least he announces it so I can get the poor dog a new bowl of water!
post #55 of 323
One more pet related rule came up today.

Cats are not dogs. We don't shake the cat's paw.
post #56 of 323
From yesterday -

We don't pee on the dog.
We don't use one of Grandma's fancy hand towels to clean up pee-peed on dog.
Yes, peeing under the dog is the same as peeing on the dog.

We don't kiss the neighbor's horse, even though the dog just kissed him.
post #57 of 323


We do not stick our fingers in the dog's vagina. She doesn't like it.
We do not touch poop; mine, yours, the dog's or the cat's.
We do not play in the litterbox like it is a sandbox.
post #58 of 323
Quote:
Originally Posted by stephienoodle View Post
We don't eat dead flies.
Same rule in our house.
post #59 of 323
Don't pee on your sisters head even if she is laying in the grass. (that was a close on)

Don't eat your boogies and don't ask other people to either.

You have to have underpants on if you are wrestling especially if you are going to sit on your sisters head.(for my 2yr dd)

The breast pump is not for making popcicles. (long story)

When at the doctor's office please don't repeat "I feel like fricken' crap" over and over.

I will be back with more later. I love this thread.
post #60 of 323
I think today we've added two new rules...

We do not try to hang our pretzels (or anything else) from Mama's nipples-it is yet to be determined whether this rule will be expanded to "Mama's or Papa's nipples"-she hasn't tried to hang things from his nipples yet, but she may-she tries to twiddle his as much as mine.

We do not try to put our snack cup on our feet-especially when we have snack still in it.
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