My son fell into the pool - Page 2

[Amila]

I wouldn't leave my kids alone with anyone who had a pool. Period. I wouldn't even let anyone but myself or my husband take my kids to a public pool. But I am a control freak of sorts.

[Carma]

I have also been very careful with pools. I would just join your kids when they are with her until they can swim well.
I can't imagine watching 4 kids at the pool. We were at the beach with our almost 2 and almost 4 year old. A few times DH when back to the hotel to get food etc., and I had to be very alert to watch 2 of them well.

Carma

[Hey Mama!]

I would probably insist that my toddler wear a life jacket if he will be playing in her backyard, and get those early swim lessons asap. I think is is overkill to never leave the kids alone with her.

[Sierra]

I would personally go over there with the kids and together with MIL, set some rules for the pool area (such as no one leans into the pool AT ALL EVER, for any reason...FEET FIRST ALWAYS) and some consequences for broken rules (EVERYONE immediately goes in if a rule is broken even just one time).

I'd also use this as a teachable moment with your son. When you fall into the pool, you should try not to panic. You should stay calm, get on your back, and float. On the same day we went over pool rules, I would get in the pool (with him fully clothed, perhaps including shoes) and practice this with him over and over.

And I would let your MIL know very explicitly that you are glad she is as concerned as you are about the incident, and that this reminded you of how hard it is to manage the four kids altogether, and that you want her to let you know if the other kids are coming over because you NEVER want her to be in the position of watching all four at once.

I would tell her as explicitly as you can that if she ever ends up with all four kids, she should call you right away (if you have a cell) and that you absolutely don't want her to have your kids in the pool area if she has all four of them. In fact, if you want, tell her that you only feel comfortable with them in the pool area when YOU are also there.

AND then you can double check some things like:

1. The pool gate is properly locked when they are not in the pool area.

2. The children have water wings or a swim vest on when she has them in the backyard (not really good for helping kids learn to swim, which IS a safety issue, but in terms of supervising the kids AROUND the pool it can be very helpful...even though they aren't a life-saving device, they can and DO save lives...my dd got pushed in a pool once with no water wings, and floating back up was the opposite of what she did...now THAT is scary)

etc.

But given that you MIL seemed appropriately concerned, and that it sounds like she was paying proper attention and what happened was a freak accident in the blink-of-an-eye, assuming the pool is gated and/or has a safety cover I wouldn't stop taking my kids over there based on what you said here. If you had concerns about her level of attentiveness, etc., or if she wasn't appropriately concerned about what happened, that would be a different matter.

[newbymom05]

Originally Posted by nextcommercial

Yes.. this. She knew he fell in. I assume she helped him out. He was wearing floaties.

Kids fall in all the time. I'd be upset if she weren't outside.. in fact, I'd freak out if she sent him out alone. But, she was out there supervising.

I do think it's too hard for one person to carefully supervise four kids in a pool. It would have been nice if the sister in law would have stayed also.

I haven't read all the replies yet, but this. Is your SIL nuts or just selfish? I wouldn't leave 4 kids--with at least one that doesn't swim-- alone w/ an elderly adult and a pool unless that adult was a lifeguard. We have a pool that's safety fenced, but if it weren't I would never agree to watch 4 kids at the same time in our backyard, let alone the pool itself--it's a recipe for disaster IMHO and I don't care if I am CPR certified--i don't want it getting to that point!

[BellinghamCrunchie]

Originally Posted by oceanbaby

With no security gate or cover I would be really nervous leaving my kids with anyone who had a pool.

So would I.

In fact, I don't think I could leave DD. I would have to stay with her or she wouldn't go. I wouldn't even go with the wearing of life jacket while in the backyard thing, because DD at 2.5 could easily get into the backyard without anyone knowing.

[runnerbrit]

For me it would depend on a few things. Is your MIL "elderly"? My Mom and MIL are not. They are both in their early 50's and more then capable of watching 4 kids around a pool [B]if[B] the oldest 2 children are good swimmers. (At 6 and 8 both of my boys were). How responsive was your MIL? From your post it sounds as if she was very responsive, even bringing out the playpen in order to keep a better eye on your child.

I do believe that water safety is very important. But I also think that not allowing your MIL to watch your kids anymore because she has a pool would be extreme.

[Marsupialmom]

I read it that she just had 2 kids. As scary as it was I wouldn't fret it to much. I would suggest CPR/Water safety course for your mil. Maybe get her the info. I would also proved a life vest for your ds. Something you can take to and from so it doesn't go missing and you can have it at other times.

It seems like your mil was on top of things. He could have fallen down the steps. He could choke on something. He could have slipped in a tub and taken on water. She could have been carring him and fall and break his arm (my mil did this on accident). He could have swallowed a bead. All these things can happen in your care. It is her responce in an emergancy that counts.

I don't think allowing them around Grandma is reasonable. She was paying attenion. She was not grossly neglant.

[Dandelionkid]

Originally Posted by Sierra

I would personally go over there with the kids and together with MIL, set some rules for the pool area (such as no one leans into the pool AT ALL EVER, for any reason...FEET FIRST ALWAYS) and some consequences for broken rules (EVERYONE immediately goes in if a rule is broken even just one time).

I'd also use this as a teachable moment with your son. When you fall into the pool, you should try not to panic. You should stay calm, get on your back, and float. On the same day we went over pool rules, I would get in the pool (with him fully clothed, perhaps including shoes) and practice this with him over and over.

And I would let your MIL know very explicitly that you are glad she is as concerned as you are about the incident, and that this reminded you of how hard it is to manage the four kids altogether, and that you want her to let you know if the other kids are coming over because you NEVER want her to be in the position of watching all four at once.

I would tell her as explicitly as you can that if she ever ends up with all four kids, she should call you right away (if you have a cell) and that you absolutely don't want her to have your kids in the pool area if she has all four of them. In fact, if you want, tell her that you only feel comfortable with them in the pool area when YOU are also there.

AND then you can double check some things like:

1. The pool gate is properly locked when they are not in the pool area.

2. The children have water wings or a swim vest on when she has them in the backyard (not really good for helping kids learn to swim, which IS a safety issue, but in terms of supervising the kids AROUND the pool it can be very helpful...even though they aren't a life-saving device, they can and DO save lives...my dd got pushed in a pool once with no water wings, and floating back up was the opposite of what she did...now THAT is scary)

etc.

But given that you MIL seemed appropriately concerned, and that it sounds like she was paying proper attention and what happened was a freak accident in the blink-of-an-eye, assuming the pool is gated and/or has a safety cover I wouldn't stop taking my kids over there based on what you said here. If you had concerns about her level of attentiveness, etc., or if she wasn't appropriately concerned about what happened, that would be a different matter.

I can't imagine a 2.5 yr old learning how not to panic in water but maybe my 3 yr old is unusual that way. It will probably be another couple yrs till he can calm himself in water. I also don't feel quite comfortable with the idea that it may have been just a freak accident. It is a swimming pool and should not have happened. Period. Her level of attentiveness obviously WAS lacking. Once would be too much for me and I would not allow my children over unsupervised until they could swim. The average time it takes a child to drown is 20 seconds!! This is too dangerous to give any benefit of the doubt to Grandma.

http://www.expertnetwork.com/sports&...ion_expert.htm

[Mama Mko]

I would tell her you're uncomfortable with them being near/in the pool without 2 adults to supervise. 4 kids to 1 adult + a pool is not a good idea IMO. I would let her babysit/spend time with the kids as long as they weren't going to be swimming or have access to the pool area. Otherwise I'd offer outings someplace else like my own home or the park.

[Dandelionkid]

Originally Posted by Amila

I wouldn't leave my kids alone with anyone who had a pool. Period. I wouldn't even let anyone but myself or my husband take my kids to a public pool. But I am a control freak of sorts.

[lalaland42]

I would insist that she take CPR if she is to be in charge of your kids at the pool. To make this more palatable, I might sign us both up for a class. Perfect MIL/DIL bonding opportunity.

[Chiroalltheway]

Wow....I had to post. My 2 year old almost drowned in someone's pool (fenced in, but either someone left it cracked a little bit, or DS opened it.) I walked out back, saw the fence open, and took off to jump in and pull him out. Oh, mama...please take this seriously!!! Like at least one PP said, the life jacket WILL NOOOOOOOOOOT save your child's life unless they know how to doggy paddle with it on. We have been working a lot with DS2, and he still will roll over in it and can't get himself back upright. It can actually drown them, b/c of being in that face down position, and the jacket holding them there. I really don't know what to say, but please understand how scary water is. Don't feel like you are being a "paranoid" mom or anything that you have to apologize for. Pools take lives, it's just a fact. I have a just turned 4 year old, the 2 year old, and an 8 month old, and I myself won't go to a pool with all of them by myself. If there is one who cannot swim, I think they need one on one adult attention at all times.

By the way, CPR only works to a point, and I certainly would not want to give anyone a false sense of security!!

[rubidoux]

Originally Posted by chaoticzenmom

I wouldn't leave them again. Pools are just as dangerous as guns in the house. It takes only minutes of silent drowning to forever lose your child. A 2yo cannot handle a life jacket...it makes them float, but in all kinds of weird angles that make them panic. My heavy 3yo can't float right in one yet.

I wouldn't let my child play at someones house if I knew they had loose guns, and it's the same with pools. Then, if you add more adults to the mix, kids are in even more danger because one thinks the other has the kids. Not worth it. You can let them go over there after they learn to be good swimmers.

: ITA There's no way I'd leave my babies there.

[mysticmomma]

I missed the part where you said your niece and nephew were there too. I would say if she has anymore than just your kids, the backyard with the pool is off limits.

[Sierra]

Originally Posted by Dandelionkid

I can't imagine a 2.5 yr old learning how not to panic in water but maybe my 3 yr old is unusual that way. It will probably be another couple yrs till he can calm himself in water.

That's true. I'm not suggesting this as the solution, but rather that this is one of many teachable moments in which this type of safety behavior can be taught.

We live with a pool, and have been living with this pool since dd was about 2.5 and ds was 3. Of course, we don't rely on our kids learning rules or techniques to prevent accidents or save them. We have a gazillion safeguards (including the fact that the pool is gated and the gate automatically shuts and locks itself...but we still check and double check it and also keep a bungee cord wrapped tightly around it as a secondary security measure). But we still teach them how to react if they fall in, and slowly, slowly, I believe it is sinking in.

I've noticed that whenever I want to teach my kids something, its easiest to start with the teachable moments.

Oh, by the way, there are some who claim even babies can be taught the survival technique and the ability to be calm enough to stay afloat: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7zesZi6rqGA and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Odp1OIDN_FY&NR=1. I'm not endorsing it (I don't really know anything about it, but it doesn't seem particularly AP), just saying.

[Dandelionkid]

Originally Posted by Sierra

That's true. I'm not suggesting this as the solution, but rather that this is one of many teachable moments in which this type of safety behavior can be taught.

We live with a pool, and have been living with this pool since dd was about 2.5 and ds was 3. Of course, we don't rely on our kids learning rules or techniques to prevent accidents or save them. We have a gazillion safeguards (including the fact that the pool is gated and the gate automatically shuts and locks itself...but we still check and double check it and also keep a bungee cord wrapped tightly around it as a secondary security measure). But we still teach them how to react if they fall in, and slowly, slowly, I believe it is sinking in.

I've noticed that whenever I want to teach my kids something, its easiest to start with the teachable moments.

Oh, by the way, there are some who claim even babies can be taught the survival technique and the ability to be calm enough to stay afloat: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7zesZi6rqGA and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Odp1OIDN_FY&NR=1. I'm not endorsing it (I don't really know anything about it, but it doesn't seem particularly AP), just saying.

That's true- you gotta start somewhere

[mummyofan]

Originally Posted by Amila

I wouldn't leave my kids alone with anyone who had a pool. Period. I wouldn't even let anyone but myself or my husband take my kids to a public pool. But I am a control freak of sorts.

tHIS IS precisely MY VIEW. cHILDREN CAN DROWN IN 2 INCHES i'M TOLD. sorry, caps! I also ask about guns when I go to new playtime houses.
I'd suggest she takes care of them in your house and they visit hers with you.

[wendypf]

Her backyard sounds a lot like mine... you know what I do? I only go in the backyard with DD when we're going swimming and usually someone else is home too. As soon as we are out of the pool, its back into the house. If we want to go outside we hang out in the front or side yard or go to the park.

I would not go to a pool area with a toddler and another kid. Its scary enough having one small one in the pool.

Next time you leave them at you MIL tell her you are not comfortable with the kids playing in the backyard. Considering your son fell in the pool, this should not be an issue (not that it should be an issue otherwise, but I know how sensitive my MIL can be, you really cant talk to her).

[YummyYarnAddict]

I'm a pretty good swimmer and I'm certified in infant and child CPR as well as Sports Safety Training through the Red Cross, but even if two of the kids were my own and I knew that they didn't play well with two other children, I would be uncomfortable watching all 4 of them around water. That's just my personal take on it. While I would be comfortable watching them all and refereeing on dry land, water changes everything I think. I would be inclined to talk to MIL and feel her out about the situation and gently suggest that perhaps if the same thing happened again in the future, that the pool/water play end and everyone either go inside or away from the water. Water is just so unpredictable that it makes me nervous. I think that it's hard to control whether or not your SIL drops her kids off and it would put your MIL in a difficult position perhaps to turn her other grandchildren away (what if SIL says it's "just for a few minutes" or so that she can "do a quick errand"?), but a change of scene to ensure the most safe environment possible wouldn't be unreasonable I would think.