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My son fell into the pool - Page 4

post #61 of 83
I would not allow her to watch them again if she didn't respect the need to keep them away from the pool. It doesn't seem like she is capable of caring for them all at the pool (not many people would be with a ratio of 4:1 with a pool involved so this is not a slam against her) It seems like SIL is apt to drop her kids off at any given time, so heartbreaking or not she would not watch my child again unless she agreed to keep them completely away from the pool, and a pack n play is not a solution!

I feel we'd all be a heck of a lot more heartbroken if anything happened to any one of the kids because she was busy with another. Neither DH or I would have any problem telling MIL this point blank.
post #62 of 83
Quote:
Originally Posted by nextcommercial View Post
Yes.. this. She knew he fell in. I assume she helped him out. He was wearing floaties.

Kids fall in all the time. I'd be upset if she weren't outside.. in fact, I'd freak out if she sent him out alone. But, she was out there supervising.

I do think it's too hard for one person to carefully supervise four kids in a pool. It would have been nice if the sister in law would have stayed also.
KIDS fall in, but toddlers who can't swim should never be given the oppertunity to. I don't let my mil who is very repsonsible have my 2 year old alone at her home in the summer months becuase of my concern that she is easily distractable and know how easy it can be to forget how active and fast young children are. I think my child is above all my responsibility. If he is injured in the care of another then ultamatly I am still responsible for this. If this accident happened once it can happen again, I would not be able to give the situation another chance to happen beucase I would never be able to say I didn't see it coming. Next time it could be far worse. Of course I AM a paranoid parent...
post #63 of 83
Quote:
Originally Posted by jennpn View Post
KIDS fall in, but toddlers who can't swim should never be given the oppertunity to.
Seriously? Do you just not take your toddlers to the pool, then? Unless you avoid the water at all costs, toddlers are going to have the opportunity to fall in . . . so you keep an eye on them, and fish them out if and when they do. Which is exactly what the MIL in this post did.
post #64 of 83
Quote:
Originally Posted by chaoticzenmom View Post
I keep thinking of this thread. I came to explain why I answered the way I did that I wouldn't leave them there anymore at all. I was watching a 3yo once. All day, we were at the pool and he had his wings on. He had a great time, jumping in the water and swimming around. Then, his mom arrived to get him and I took off his wings so that he could leave. He didn't remember that his wings were off and he jumped right into the water when nobody was looking. His mom turned around and he was under the water, staring at us, silently. She pulled him out and he vomited a few times. It was aweful and scary. So quiet. There were about 6 adults 3 feet away from him and he almost drowned.

Don't take the pool thing lightly. It doesn't mean that grandma can't be with him, but just not at her house until the child can swim. It really isn't worth the risk. I think that many of the people who have posted that it's no big deal, have never seen what we did that day. I always thought that drowning would include splashing and cries for help. Not complete silence!

I even made my husband take out our 3foot by 3foot water fountain pond when we had this last baby. It won't go back in until he's about 4.
: This is what almost happened to my son and he's 30 months. He basically went under right in front of us but held his breath thankfully. If he hadn't, he would have thrown up a ton of water. But the most frightening this is that it was SILENT. He made absolutely NO noise or splashing. It really made me realize how easy a child could drowned right in front of someone.
post #65 of 83
If it were me, I would never allow my children to be in the yard with the pool without me there. Not even for a moment. If the children were to visit, I would insist that they did not go into the yard with the pool.

Of course, I may be a bit jaded. I have lost one daughter to complications from a near drowning and almost lost another. I refuse to take that chance again.
post #66 of 83
Buy some life jackets and leave them at the house for your kids. Ask that they wear them at all times around the pool "Because they haven't had swim lessons yet, and you know how fast something can happen".
post #67 of 83
Look into Infantswim.com
We live in Texas so pools are common and needed to cool off in summer so even though it's tough at first I put my 3 year old through these lessons and it is amazing. In 6 weeks she learned to swim underwater and 'save' herself if needed, should she fall in to a pool she is trained to float and swim to safety.

While it does not substitute for adult supervision I feel it's a great skill for her to have.

BTW I am not in any way affiliated with the company
post #68 of 83
Quote:
Originally Posted by greeny View Post
I think she showed very poor judgment in agreeing to watch two additional kids by a pool (for a total of 4!!!) when SIL showed up. If she were a certified lifeguard or at least CPR certified, that might be one thing. But not being trained in life-saving techniques, she should have opted to bring all the kids inside or asked SIL to stay or take her kids away.

I would never agree to supervise 4 kids at a pool. And I would be really upset if someone I trusted to watch my two kids decided to watch two more in such an environment.
I am actually bothered by the fact that she agreed to watch your niece and nephew at all when you specifically chose that day so they would NOT be there. Then to try to supervise them all at the pool is even more of a concern. If something had happened to one of them she would not have been able to keep an eye on either of your children. I would let her know that you're uncomfortable with her watching your SIL's children and your children at the same time and that if she's watching your children, you don't want them to go out to the pool.
post #69 of 83
I also wanted to clarify, most 'life jackets' that people have for their children are personal flotation devices (PFD's). They are designed to make their wearer float but not necessarily face-up. A true life jacket (not just a pfd) is designed to flip it's wearer over so the face is out of the water.

A PFD (which is what most people have and is more commonly available) can give a false sense of security.
post #70 of 83
Someone may have already mentioned this but if you do go with a life vest, you need to be very careful in selecting the right one and that it fits or it can do more harm than good.

I have experience being in the open ocean wearing an ill-fitting PFD and while I consider myself a strong, comfortable swimmer, it scared me as it limited my range of motion and came up around my face and neck.

I was told by a pro (well, someone from the red cross) when shopping for one for DS (for boating) that even vests that are suppose to turn a person face up can't be trusted to do so unless you go with something like a true sailor, coast guard, or rescue personel would use. These, of course, will be more expensive and harder to find than a basic child's PDF from any big box store.

Especially with a child, face down in a vest isn't go to provide any safety at all.
post #71 of 83
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kidzaplenty View Post
If it were me, I would never allow my children to be in the yard with the pool without me there. Not even for a moment. If the children were to visit, I would insist that they did not go into the yard with the pool.

Of course, I may be a bit jaded. I have lost one daughter to complications from a near drowning and almost lost another. I refuse to take that chance again.
I'm so sorry.

I, for one, will listen to the voice of experience. Ask that MIL keep the kids inside if she's watching the kids. I don't think she'll object. I personally would not even want to watch 2 non-swimmers in the pool at the same time. Water wings are not safety devices. Life jackets are a bit better, but still, I'd rather my children know how to swim before being unsupervised by me or my husband.
post #72 of 83
I haven't read through the replies. I would take this extremely seriously. People do not respect pools and that's a problem. I'm very free range with my toddler--probably to the point where many people here would think I am neglectful. I don't have any intention of teaching my kid about stranger abduction (the rate of that is astronomical) and I intend to teach her gun safety, not to avoid them at all costs. That said: pools are flippin dangerous.

From the CDC:
* In 2005, there were 3,582 fatal unintentional drownings in the United States, averaging ten deaths per day. An additional 710 people died, from drowning and other causes, in boating-related incidents.1, 2
* More than one in four fatal drowning victims are children 14 and younger.¹ For every child who dies from drowning, another four received emergency department care for nonfatal submersion injuries.1
* Nonfatal drownings can cause brain damage that may result in long-term disabilities including memory problems, learning disabilities, and permanent loss of basic functioning (i.e., permanent vegetative state).


By contrast there were 642 deaths in 2006 from accidental gunshot wounds. No one is going to blow off handling a gun because it is less dangerous. Why do people think pools are safe? It sounds like she is not doing an adequate job of supervising your kids. Pools are a really big deal. Your kid really should be in a life vest at all times around a pool if he is not a good swimmer.
post #73 of 83
I haven't read all the posts, but I wouldn't leave them alone with her again. I'm sorry, but toddlers should not play near a pool. They can play in the pool if there is an adult with them. It's not about paying attention. Letting them play near water is a bad choice on her part. I'm glad your son is ok. So scary!
post #74 of 83
This post is from almost 2 months ago....
post #75 of 83
Thread Starter 
Thanks for the additional replies!
After the incident we made sure that our kids were never without a life jacket (not a PFD) in their back yard and will continue to do so until they are strong swimmers. Seems dorky, especially when they had this big backyard party and our kids were the only ones wearing them... but I don't mind.

I also told her that I'm not comfortable with her watching all four children in her backyard, even if no one is swimming. It's too chaotic to keep track of them all. She tried to point out that the other two CAN swim, but I countered with "accidents can happen...what if my nephew used the diving board and hit his head? With two toddlers to keep away from the pool, she couldn't reasonably even help him without endangering the others.

We also agreed that if she wanted to take the kids "swimming", there's a great splash pad not too far away, I would gladly install the carseats in her vehicle so she could take them there. She pointed out that that may be safer anyway so we're on the same page! It's nice to have a reasonable MIL!
post #76 of 83
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tizzy View Post
It's nice to have a reasonable MIL!
That's awesome! I'm glad it all turned out well.
post #77 of 83
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tizzy View Post
Thanks for the additional replies!
After the incident we made sure that our kids were never without a life jacket (not a PFD) in their back yard and will continue to do so until they are strong swimmers. Seems dorky, especially when they had this big backyard party and our kids were the only ones wearing them... but I don't mind.

I also told her that I'm not comfortable with her watching all four children in her backyard, even if no one is swimming. It's too chaotic to keep track of them all. She tried to point out that the other two CAN swim, but I countered with "accidents can happen...what if my nephew used the diving board and hit his head? With two toddlers to keep away from the pool, she couldn't reasonably even help him without endangering the others.

We also agreed that if she wanted to take the kids "swimming", there's a great splash pad not too far away, I would gladly install the carseats in her vehicle so she could take them there. She pointed out that that may be safer anyway so we're on the same page! It's nice to have a reasonable MIL!
Sounds like the perfect solution! I'm glad you were both able to work it out.
post #78 of 83
I haven't read the whole thread, but I would insist on no swimming unless there is an adult for each non-swimmer, and maybe an adult for every two swimmers. My girls are 5 and 3 and only very basic swimmers. I don't take them to the pool without DH and they have life jackets on even then.
post #79 of 83
Get rid of the water wings (those things are dangerous, you got lucky they worked ok this time). Do a coast guard approved life jacket w/crotch strap instead.

Have him take ISR swimming lessons. My 2 yr old can float on his back in the pool for 10+ min, and he can get to the side easily without freaking out. (he loves it actually)


At least one adult thats going to be there should have CPR/first aid - its easy to get and you never know when you will need it.
post #80 of 83
Quote:
Originally Posted by chaoticzenmom View Post
I keep thinking of this thread. I came to explain why I answered the way I did that I wouldn't leave them there anymore at all. I was watching a 3yo once. All day, we were at the pool and he had his wings on. He had a great time, jumping in the water and swimming around. Then, his mom arrived to get him and I took off his wings so that he could leave. He didn't remember that his wings were off and he jumped right into the water when nobody was looking. His mom turned around and he was under the water, staring at us, silently. She pulled him out and he vomited a few times. It was aweful and scary. So quiet. There were about 6 adults 3 feet away from him and he almost drowned.

my mom has a similar story. i was about 2.5 and she was at the pool with my and my 6ish month old little sister. i had my floaties on, and she turned her back for a second to do something with the baby. when she turned back around i was gone. i had taken my floaties of and silently jumped/slid in the water. she ran to the edge of the pool and i was sitting on the bottom of the pool looking up. she says its like i wasnt freaking out or anything, just sitting there waiting for someone to get me
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