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I hate my daughter's hair - WWYD? Poll - Page 3

Poll Results: WWYD about my dd's hair?

 
  • 38% (29)
    Try to talk her into cutting it
  • 26% (20)
    Try new products (no fair choosing this without saying what!)
  • 2% (2)
    Let it go and cut out the tangles as necessary
  • 25% (19)
    Chill out mom, it's her hair
  • 7% (6)
    Other, because there's always an other.
76 Total Votes  
post #41 of 96

wow.

Am I allowed to say that this is a really MEAN post?
how can you HATE anything about your daughter? that's just not very kind to say. if you have given her a choice, and she prefers long hair, then let her have the long hair and tell her it's beautiful. i saw the photos. it IS beautiful.
if you don't want to give her a choice, then cut it.
when i was a kid i had dreadlocks forming in my long hair. i liked it, then i got tired of it, and cut it. big deal. it's just hair.
post #42 of 96
Quote:
Originally Posted by octobermom View Post
My DD does not have curly hair actually she has thick straight hair not washing makes it look and feel horrible.
Same here. I tried no-pooing in the past, and also conditioner-only-cleaning, and my hair was gross. I also work in a restaurant so grease is floating in air, as well.
post #43 of 96
I dind't read anything other than most of the OP.

Me and my daughter have very very thin hair. Breathing makes our hair messy. Tangles are a problem as well.

BRAIDS ARE YOUR FRIEND.

And just so you know.. my mom talked me into cutting my hair really really short when I was 6. I hated it, I cried for weeks and I still haven't forgiven her. So I would not try to talk your dd into cutting her hair.
post #44 of 96
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carley View Post
I'm sorry you had such a hard time with your body image as an adolescent - who didn't?

I'm not going to allow my child to run around with a nasty rats nest in her hair. I guess I'm not "Crunchy" enough, but I don't really care.
My post of my experience had nothing to do with typical adolescent body image issues it had to do with things my mother did and said that told me I wasn't attractive enough for her, my own mother. I find your "who didn't?" comment to be dismissive of something personal I shared hoping to help you see things from your child's perspective.

Second who the heck said anything about being crunchy? Not being crunchy enough? or that you should care either way?
post #45 of 96
Quote:
Originally Posted by MommyofHero View Post
Am I allowed to say that this is a really MEAN post?
how can you HATE anything about your daughter? that's just not very kind to say.
I think it's important for MDC to be a safe place for real moms to post their real feelings without all the pressure we have in real life to be smiley perfect people without any normal human thoughts and feelings.

I have a strong feeling the OP is a wonderful loving mom, especially considering the nature of her post that I felt was playful and very considerate of her daughter's opinion.
post #46 of 96
Quote:
Originally Posted by artgoddess View Post
My post of my experience had nothing to do with typical adolescent body image issues it had to do with things my mother did and said that told me I wasn't attractive enough for her, my own mother. I find your "who didn't?" comment to be dismissive of something personal I shared hoping to help you see things from your child's perspective.
Where did I or anyone else in this thread write that we told our daughters they weren't attractive enough for us?

Again, sorry you have issues about your hair and glad you found a hair routine that works for your kid
post #47 of 96
Quote:
Originally Posted by nummies View Post
Compromise with her and braid it at nighttime. That was the deal in our house (note: I don't have a school-aged child). If I wanted my hair long, I had to have it braided at night and keep it out of my face with clips, pins, pony tails, etc. (I have very curly and often unruly hair).
That's the deal with my little girl- you can have long hair as long as you take care of it or let someone help you take care of it (seriously, I could style her hair all day if she lets me...).

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dukey25 View Post
The kids you see with nice hair either have thicker or more manageable hair or have moms who force them to sit threw styling. I guess there may be a third category who like to have the knots combed through??????
My little girl is that third caterory. I agree- brushing feels good, especially when you brush near the scalp, and if you'er in the habit of brushing often, it usually doesn't get crazy knots.
post #48 of 96
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carley View Post
Where did I or anyone else in this thread write that we told our daughters they weren't attractive enough for us?

Again, sorry you have issues about your hair and glad you found a hair routine that works for your kid
If you read my post you would see that I do not post anything about my child's hair routine, and that I have no issues with my long beautiful curly locks. I have issues with the things my mother complained about with regards to my hair.

post #49 of 96
I see! I hope you feel better soon.
post #50 of 96
Quote:
Originally Posted by LynnS6 View Post
I hate how my dd's hair looks right now. She's grown it 'long' and it constantly looks upkempt and has tangles. She screams bloody murder when I try to get the tangles out. I'm in awe of mothers of girls who have really long hair that is perfectly untangled whenever I see them. I have NO idea how they do it. Dd wakes up every morning looking like a bird nested in the back of her hair.

Before she expressed a firm opinion about her hair, she had a cute little bob that I loved. Here are some 'after' and 'before' pictures. The top pictures are this year and are almost as neat as it ever looks. The bottom pics are last year.

OK, I KNOW it's her hair. I get that she should have autonomy over her body. But I look at my dd and cringe. Daily.

What would you do:
Try to talk her into cutting it so it's easier to deal with and we don't have the "ouch you're hurting me" screaming matches
Try some other products (we've tried conditioner and detangler, but she's got VERY sensitive skin) to get it looking better (if you choose this, please tell me WHAT)
Give up trying to get it detangled and cut out the tangles when necessary.
Medication (for me, not her) so I calm down about it - i.e. chill out mom!
Other, because there's always an other?
I voted chill out mom, it's her hair.

I definitely would not try to 'talk her into' cutting her hair. That is coercive and manipulative and she may very well give in then regret it and that's just a sad way to interact with someone, especially your own child.

My daughters both get terrible tangles. What seems to help is to only shampoo once a week and to condition daily or every other day. I use Dove intense moisturizing conditioner. It's just what we use, I'm sure there are better and definitely more natural products out there for those who have money and can afford other options.

I've never had to cut out tangles. I use a very wide, thick-toothed comb when their hair is still wet and comb from the ends up. After the hair is dried, I use a natural bristle brush to smooth it out.
post #51 of 96
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carley View Post
Oh - see that's funny. I assumed that your detailed "how to" of hair care was what worked for your kid. Apparently it's just your general "how to" of hair care.

Yes, you've made it CLEAR you have issues with your mother. Maybe consider posting your own thread about it as to leave this one about HAIR instead of your mommy issues
WTH?

Mommy issues ARE part of this thread as MOMMY wants to know if she should coerce her daughter into doing things with her hair she doens't want to do.

Simply knowing how to take care of thin/fine hair is all that is needed. There is no need to make the child feel bad about herself becuase you don't like her hair.
post #52 of 96
DD1 has lots of curly hair down to her waist. In her 5 1/2 years of life we have never cut it. I would not cut it unless she says she wants it cut (and on that day my heart will break). It was about 1 to 2 years ago that hair washing and detangling became a battle - an ouch, ouch, ouch battle standing in the bathtub wet and cold. Conditioner is definitely a must for untangling. It helps when you brush the hair before you wet it. The best product I found was Giovanni's Frizz Be Gone (I get it at Whole Foods). I put it on after her hair is untangled and towel dried and comb it through. It helps to keep the tangles at bay between washings. I also only wash her hair 2 to 3 times a week and brush it every night before she goes to bed and tie it back with a scrunchie. The rule is that the hair has to be untangled before going to bed or else she knows that brushing her hair in the morning will be less than pleasant. Most of the time we love all that beautiful hair!!
post #53 of 96
No MDC Moms are making them feel bad about their bodies!

And coersion? That is TOTALLY harsh!

OP
post #54 of 96
never mind

.
post #55 of 96
Quote:
Originally Posted by LynnS6 View Post
I hate how my dd's hair looks right now. She's grown it 'long' and it constantly looks unkempt and has tangles. She screams bloody murder when I try to get the tangles out. I'm in awe of mothers of girls who have really long hair that is perfectly untangled whenever I see them. I have NO idea how they do it. Dd wakes up every morning looking like a bird nested in the back of her hair.

Before she expressed a firm opinion about her hair, she had a cute little bob that I loved. Here are some 'after' and 'before' pictures. The top pictures are this year and are almost as neat as it ever looks. The bottom pics are last year.

OK, I KNOW it's her hair. I get that she should have autonomy over her body. But I look at my dd and cringe. Daily.

What would you do:
Try to talk her into cutting it so it's easier to deal with and we don't have the "ouch you're hurting me" screaming matches
Try some other products (we've tried conditioner and detangler, but she's got VERY sensitive skin) to get it looking better (if you choose this, please tell me WHAT)
Give up trying to get it detangled and cut out the tangles when necessary.
Medication (for me, not her) so I calm down about it - i.e. chill out mom!
Other, because there's always an other?
I haven't read through the thread, but I realized after I posted how many responses you've had. Have you tried any product suggestions? I'd be interested to find out how they work.
post #56 of 96
Speaking of body image, reading these posts has me thinking that it's really kind of sad that girls are expected to go through all this pain and hassle for the sake of looking pretty. If a girl hates having her hair combed to such an extent that she's regularly screaming and trying to avoid it, it seems like the obvious solution is to give her a short haircut and stop torturing her. Isn't it interesting that so many girls want to keep their hair long anyway? There are obviously some powerful messages out there about being pretty. I wonder if keeping a girl's hair long even if it's making her suffer gives her yet another message that long hair and looking pretty really are important.
post #57 of 96
Quote:
Originally Posted by Daffodil View Post
Speaking of body image, reading these posts has me thinking that it's really kind of sad that girls are expected to go through all this pain and hassle for the sake of looking pretty. If a girl hates having her hair combed to such an extent that she's regularly screaming and trying to avoid it, it seems like the obvious solution is to give her a short haircut and stop torturing her. Isn't it interesting that so many girls want to keep their hair long anyway? There are obviously some powerful messages out there about being pretty. I wonder if keeping a girl's hair long even if it's making her suffer gives her yet another message that long hair and looking pretty really are important.
In my older daughter's case, she wants long hair because she likes long hair, simply because she likes it long, not due to any outside influences.
She likes to swing it around, she likes to brush it, she likes to swing her head back and feel it tickle her back.
It's got nothing to do with pretty for her.

My younger daughter has no opinion as of yet regarding hair length.
My younger daughter gets the worst tangles and her hair is very short.

There is no suffering involved with either. Sure, they get tangles, and I gently take care of their hair.
Length of hair doesn't cause tangles. It can make it worse for some hair types, but not necessarily.

I just wanted to say in our household, there is no pain as long as I'm patient and gentle.
They both went through the screaming while being combed/brushed because I was in a rush and not so gentle which programmed them to expect some pain.
So for a very short period of time, the youngest one would scream if I even suggested I needed to brush her hair, before I even had the brush. But then again, she's an overly dramatic Leo. Everything is a big deal according to her.

Once I changed my approach, which I did very soon, they no longer disliked the experience itself.
I remained calm, I took it slow, and never forced them to stay through to the end.
If I could get some done, I was happy, even if the younger one would run off before I could finish much of anything.
Now, they bring me the brush if their hair is feeling out of sorts and ask me to brush their hair, or insist upon doing it 'by myself!'.
post #58 of 96
Never mind.
post #59 of 96
Quote:
Originally Posted by Daffodil View Post
Speaking of body image, reading these posts has me thinking that it's really kind of sad that girls are expected to go through all this pain and hassle for the sake of looking pretty. If a girl hates having her hair combed to such an extent that she's regularly screaming and trying to avoid it, it seems like the obvious solution is to give her a short haircut and stop torturing her.
my DD does have short hair and she still squirms and gets nervous when I comb her hair. I'm as gentle as gentle can be but my DD is still very much a drama queen. I keep her hair short simply because there's less there to comb through but if I don't use 2-3 types of hair products when washing her hair and combing it out then she will complain the whole time. It's just the type of hair she has and she is very tenderheaded to begin with. She's never really liked being "messed" with, even as a baby. Although now at the age of 7 at least she doesn't scream bloody murder when I comb her hair and she just complains or calmly says ouch or 'oh no,' something like that. So it's much better now that she's older. And she loves putting hair pins in her hair now so that helps a bunch. I find that partly combed hair looks really good pinned back compared to partly combed left hanging down. But that's my DD I'm talking about. I can't speak for any other girls.
post #60 of 96
I would like to remind everyone about respecting the UA, specifically this section:
Quote:
Do not post in a disrespectful, defamatory, adversarial, baiting, harassing, offensive, insultingly sarcastic or otherwise improper manner, toward a member or other individual, including casting of suspicion upon a person, invasion of privacy, humiliation, demeaning criticism, name-calling, personal attack or in any way which violates the law.
If anyone has a problem with a post, please use the "report post" button rather than posting to the thread in response.

Thank you!
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