Advice Needed: Best Friend's Wedding planned for one week after my due date.

[jweiwren]

Hi,

This is my first post. So please tell me if I should be putting this somewhere else.

Are there any guidelines for how soon is too soon or what is ideal in terms of leaving the house after a normal home birth for both the mom and the baby?

My mother is trying to push the 30/3 month Chinese post-natal confinement practice for me/baby and the idea just stresses me out. I certainly believe I should rest as much as possible during that time, but my instincts tell me that it is healthy to get out for a little bit of fresh air if I feel like it.

Specifically, my very best friend is getting married (locally) and the only date they could get happens to be a week after my due date. Is it reasonable for me to attend? With or without the baby? If I go past my due date how many days is just too soon?

I'm due November 12th so this is all still so abstract.

Thanks.

[Chamomile Girl]

The answer is so personal it will vary with each individual's experience. Really there is no way you are going to know if it is too soon until the day itself.

My BFF came to my wedding with her week-old child, but she had a normal vaginal birth. A week after my son was born I could barely get out of bed, but that's because I had a c-section.

Heck, at that date you might still be pregnant too...

[SandraS]

It's all up to you! It's very old school thinking to believe that you must stay home - most of us would go bonkers not being able to get out of the house.

We were at the grocery store and a restaurant within 6 hours of our babies' births, because we left the hospital early and wanted to stop for breakfast and shopping. I felt great, baby was healthy, and I dont' worry one iota about germs (cuz they're good!)

I would still plan to attend, but I know how good I felt within minutes of birth. I was ready to go dancing.

[MaterPrimaePuellae]

One week after my due date I was still very much pregnant.
I would definitely have been up for a wedding when my DD was 1 week (normal vaginal delivery). I would not have had any interest in leaving DD, though-- and whether or not it would be appropriate/enjoyable to take a newborn probably depends very much on the venue and type of wedding.
Good luck!

[TCMoulton]

After both of my pregnancies (1 vaginal and 1 c/s) I was out and about within a few days. While I was moving a bit slower, I definitely felt better getting back into the swing of things!

[cristeen]

I would never assume that at 1 week after your due date, that you'll actually have a baby in arms. I would be completely honest with your friend and tell her that you can't give her a firm yes or no at this point. That you will try to attend, but may not know until even that morning. You may still be hugely pregnant and want to get out of the house for the distraction. You may still be hugely pregnant and not want to expend the energy. You may be in labor. You may have a 1 day old, you may have a 4 week old. There's really no way of knowing.

As far as when to get out and about after birth - that's also going to be hugely dependent on you. Did you have 3 weeks of prodromal labor with virtually no sleep before the baby was born? Then you're probably not going to want to go out for a few days so you can sleep. Was your labor fast and furious, with babe making an appearance within 3 hours? Then you may have energy to burn the next day. Does breastfeeding come easily to you and your babe? Then going out may not be an issue... but if you're having problems, you may want to stay home until you get it worked out. There is really no way of knowing.

That all being said, I'm a big believer in taking a babymoon after babe is born. For however long you can schedule it (my DH can only get 2 weeks) - make no plans that can't be changed. That's OUR time - to bond, to recover, to get to know one another. If we decide to go out to lunch then that's fine, but I don't want other people having expectations of us in that time period.

Now, even if you deliver on your due date, and even if BF is going beautifully and you have the energy to attend the wedding... I would NEVER leave a 1 week old at home. You have no way of knowing at that point if they're going to be good for an hour, or if they'll need you in 5 minutes. Get yourself a sling or a wrap and wear the babe to the event. Plan to step outside if necessary, and feed babe when he/she gets hungry. The carrier also has the added benefit of preventing most people from trying to take the baby away from you, therefore minimizing germ transmission and separation anxiety.

[GoestoShow]

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Edited by GoestoShow - 12/7/10 at 6:49am

[SeekingJoy]

The average first birth is actually 41w 1d (excluding inductions). Count on still being pregnant.

After DD, I felt great and could have gone to a wedding 1 week pp. Natural vaginal birth with no interventions, although I did tear slightly along an old scar.

After DS's birth, I couldn't have gone anywhere 1 week pp. Vaginal delivery, but with a 9cm epi, lithotomy and directed pushing, 2nd degree tear, etc.

If you take your LO, a sling might be the best way to go.

[LiLStar]

Eh, make your decision the day of! If you feel up to it, go, if not.. no biggie. Just don't buy a new dress in advance or anything

[GoestoShow]

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Edited by GoestoShow - 12/7/10 at 6:50am

[pumpkin]

One week after baby was born I could barely walk anywhere. I was exhausted. DD also was eating every 2 hours and it took at least 45 minutes to feed her. I also had to pump for 20 minutes after every feeding.

So I would have had to have skipped a wedding. You might feel great though. End up with a baby you can just pop in a sling and go.

Frankly, you won't be able to decide if you can attend the wedding until the day before. If its your best friend she will probably be willing to take the risk of an uneaten meal on the chance you can make it.

[Evergreen]

Unless you are in active labor at the time I'd go!

If you are still pregnant which is very likely it would be a fun last thing you could do before you become a mommy.

If the baby is a few days old I'm sure you could wear him or her (unless it's a no-child wedding) in a sling or let him/her sleep in the car seat. They sleep a lot and eat a lot at that age so I wouldn't think that the baby should cause a bother at all.

Of course, I guess everyone isn't like me. I felt great after birth. I took my not even 24 hour old baby on a shopping trip to Home Depot. If you aren't feeling up to it I know your friend will understand.

[zinemama]

In terms of, is it reasonable to take a week-old baby out, sure, why not.

In terms of, will you actually want to do this? That will become very clear at the time.

Personally, one week after having a baby I was still struggling with breastfeeding, couldn't sit anywhere without my plastic inflatable donut, was more exhausted than I'd ever been in my life and didn't come close to fitting into my pre-pregnancy clothes. There is no way I would have gone to a wedding.

But everyone's different.

Best case scenario, you will still be pregnant.

[meganmarie]

Cristeen's advice is right on. You really can't know until the day of the event. Too many variables.

In addition, LilStar is right - don't buy a dress. You definitely don't know what size you will be! Still pregnant...looking 5 months pregnant (a week after birth)...or starting to get slightly closer to normal (3 weeks after birth)!

[BetsyS]

My babies were 7 and 12 days overdue, so I would have still been pregnant.

At a week postpartum, sure, I would have gone to an important wedding. I wasn't 100%, but I felt pretty good (c-sections; first after a 36 hour labor; second was scheduled).

[AndrewsMother]

I agree with PP, wait until the date, then decide.

I had a c-section, but I would have gone to a BF's wedding. I would skip the reception, but attend the wedding.

[philomom]

This is so personal of a thing.

I went "early" with all my babies and was up moving around and being somewhat active within 48 hours of birthing. So yes, I could put the baby in a sling and get gone to just about anywhere and did.

As long as you aren't trying to be a bridesmaid... tell her she'll have to consider you a "maybe".

[Spark]

Originally Posted by cristeen

I would never assume that at 1 week after your due date, that you'll actually have a baby in arms.

One week after my estimated due date, I'd plan to still be pregnant & imagine going to a wedding might be a great distraction! In fact, that's what I did! Timing Contractions at a wedding The real challenge is finding something to wear.

That said, I had wisely chosen a care provider with a 0% induction rate. :heart

I would probably RSVP yes & then plan to go with newborn in sling if I felt up for it or big & pregnant... if I felt up for it.

[Kirsten]

Originally Posted by Evergreen

Unless you are in active labor at the time I'd go!

Me too!

My first and second kids were each six days early - so a week after their due dates would be almost two weeks after birth. My third was eleven days late - so I'd have gone to a best friend's wedding a week after due date with any of my three pregnancies.

And the OP said it was local. I'd DEFINITELY go - unless you were in active labor like Evergreen said.

Took dd1 to the Bellevue Art Fair at six days old. HUGE annual event. Pushed her around in the stroller for hours then went to the mall to buy pink clothes (didn't know gender before birth). Prior to those two things, we took her to our last childbirth class. It was a fun day, and I was 100% fine. I had a natural birth with stitches for a tear.

I'd have a nice maternity outfit ready, as well as something VERY stretchy that you could wear if baby had arrived. You will still look semi-pregnant for the first week especially - no way to fit into pre-baby dressy clothes so close to birth (for most of us anyway). Maybe a skirt with an elastic waist and a nice nursing sweater? Know that you could leak with such a young baby, so I'd avoid a sheer blouse and look for a dark sweater instead if you can. Motherhood has a variety of reasonable options, and if money isn't an issue then Pea in the Pod has really cute stuff. And there is a whole catalog of nursing wear that I can't remember the name of now... A pretty scarf is a good accessory to cover if you did leak or if baby spit up on you after nursing.

For a best friend, I'd go unless I was really in active labor. Even with a day or two old baby, I'd make a quick appearance. You'll know on that day how long you can be out of the house. Might be just 30 minutes to see her wedding and congratulate her after or it might be wedding and hours of the reception. If you aren't comfortable nursing in public yet (it takes a bit of getting used to for some of us), I'd nurse in the car or a side room for more privacy.

Have fun!!

[an_aurora]

My brother's wedding was 12 days after my due date, and DS was 6 days old at the wedding. We had a great time But I was READY to leave at about 9.