mommy-rage

[nigellas]

Ugh... My anger/rage toward my almost 3 year old's awful behavior is out of control. Today he kept hitting, kicking biting me while I was trying to nurse baby brother. Then he picked up a toy and chucked it at us, hitting baby on the face. I lost it, put baby down, grabbed him and literally threw him on his bed screamed NO and slammed the door. Who the hell is this person who has invaded my body? I'm normally pretty mellow about things, but his hitting,throwing, etc can really set me off. Especially when it comes to the baby.

I went in and we hugged and we are both calmer, but I'm still really tense and not sure where to go from here. I don't like the anger I feel toward him when he acts like that. I need help being more in control.

(side note - he has autism, verbal skills are pretty low as is empathy and his ability to be distracted)

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

You said you were nursing baby. How old is the baby?

[nigellas]

4 months

[jeliphish]

I think caught off guard I would have done the same exact thing! Seriously those mama bear insticts kick in, even "against" the other siblings. I believe that anger and rage is completely normal when it comes to protecting the baby...
He does need to know that it is not okay to do that....the question is finding out how he will best respond to you. Will he sit and cuddle while you are nursing the LO?

[jewelsJZ]

I agree with pp, it's the mama bear in you. My ds used to do the exact same thing when I nursed his baby sister. My reaction initially was similar to yours. I know it is sooooo frustrating when they behave this way. I basically would try to preoccupy my ds before feeding the baby by putting out a snack, some coloring papers or play dough or some other toy that he would like to play with. Lots of distractions. (I tried the cuddling and reading to him while I nursed the baby. It just put him in closer range to clobber her on the head.) Anyway, when the distractions didn't work, I put him in his room so that I knew he was safe and then I could safely nurse his baby sister. This would be used after I'd told him, "No, we don't hit the baby. It hurts her and it makes Mommy very sad." Maybe not the best solution, but at the time I just couldn't think of anything else and at least I knew we were all safe. Then I would try to spend extra time getting down on the floor and playing with him after baby was finished eating. It went on for a while, but he was not quite two yet and your son is older, so maybe he will get past this sooner. Good luck, mama. Let us know how it goes.

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

In response to your "rage"......4 months PP sounds like defenite hormone changes in you, causing you to react irrationally sometimes. I am also willing to bet that you have hit the 4 month sleep regression with the baby, and are probably operating on little sleep. Not to mention your son might have some ill feelings toward the baby, as toddlers have a tendancy to do, even ones without autism. Throw in his autism, and you have a recipe for hard times.

try not to be to hard on yourself. I care for an 8 month old (who doesnt sleep well) and a 22 month old by myself ALOT. Throw in my full time work schedule, and I am a walking zombie some days. When my toddler acts like this, I have a very hard time keeping my cool, and he is not autistic. Try imagining what it is like in his world, and you might deal with his outbursts a little easier.

HUgs mama, I know just as well as anyone else in your situation you are doing the absolute best you can.