Originally Posted by mama41
That's wonderful. A lot of men, particularly men who disappear and then decide they want back in, aren't so capable as parents. And unfortunately there's no artificial test kid for them to learn on. When that happens, the one who gets hurt - badly, sometimes permanently - is the kid. Collateral damage: the single mother who's already got everything precariously balanced and now has to help her child recover from damage inflicted by a father who is, as it turns out, just playing at parenting, or who's flat-out irresponsible with the child. More collateral damage: the child who now has a bad father and a mother who's even more stressed and overloaded because she has to run interference, protecting the child from the father as far as she can.
Usually we know when a guy is responsible and solid and when he's not. Don't assume that a mom who's trying to protect the child from the father is just protecting turf and a sense of ownership or ego or some such. A lot of guys just. are. not. good. fathers.
I totally agree with you and that's a great point. My eldest didnt meet her father until she was five, so I have definitely been on that side of the coin. In fact, I moved away to protect her until her dad became a better dad who could be trusted. I certainly won't argue that usually we know when a dad is or isn't solid.
I didn't feel like that was the issue with OP. I kind of felt more like she was scared of a 50/50 split with a dad who already was parenting his son and wanted more. Of course I don't know the whole story, I can only go by what was posted. I totally related to being terrified of splitting 50/50, especially since my ex had only taken my son for a few hours at a time. My situation was very similar to the OPs, and that's what I was relating to. And, like I said, I feel like I recieved good advice from the pedi who told me to really pay attention to the child and let him dictate the schedule. So that's where I was coming from. If she is truly fearful that her son would be in harms way or seriously neglected in dads hands, of course I can understand that. It seemed in this case, mom was fearful of being away from her son/not being able to homewchool/not being able to travel.