I'm not registering for the baby

[OlyR]

anyone else?

My mother in law is unhappy about this. First, I think it's strange she is worried about it so early, and second she isn't planning to throw a shower (we live far away and don't plan to visit during the pregnancy) so I'm not sure why it matters to her. Although this is the same person that said it won't be any fun to shop for this baby since we are not finding out the gender...:

In my family it's typical to have a party/get together after the baby is born. Usually the "new" grandparents host and per traditional custom they provide lots of food and sometimes give gifts to important family members to show off and celebrate their growing family. Of course those in attendance often bring the new baby a gift, but generally it's something handmade, cultural, or clothing - not a commercial item.

I'm not sure there is any one mainstream store that I would really want make a baby list at. My mom and grandma requested a basic wish list of bigger items since this will be the first baby in our family in a while and they and not really familiar with what all is out there. I had no problem doing that - and again, based on my family's traditions I'm pretty sure immediate family will take care of buying most of it before the baby is born. As far as things like basic baby essentials I'm kind of in the mindset that DH and I would buy them ourselves and I really don't like the amount of "stuff" some people think a baby requires....

[Perdita_in_Ontario]

I didn't with DD, and I don't really plan to with this baby either. I may set up a "wish list" at a cloth diaper place in case people want to help out with that, but otherwise, no.

The only thing with NOT registering is that people will be on their own to buy lots of plastic battery-operated stuff... if you want to avoid that you may want to provide that wish-list to your MIL too?

[HappiLeigh]

From a different perspective...maybe your MIL wants to spend money on your new child and needs some guidance? I have created a Target registry for this babe, for--no kidding--absolutely no other reason than that my own MIL wants help channeling her consumer energies toward this grandchild. I expect that no one else on earth will even look it up, as we really need very little and will have no shower. It only has a very small handful of things on it, and all of them I will either forgo or purchase myself if my MIL doesn't buy them. I *totally* understand your frustration with your in-laws not sharing your own cultural attitudes toward consumption, but if they want to help buy a few practical things that you and your DH would otherwise buy, then why not let them? It's not like anyone else but your MIL need even be told about it if you do create a registry.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

[KoalaMommy]

I'm not registering, I don't need anything. However, if I could, I would create an Etsy register for hand made things I'd like.

I think you can look at it in many ways. Your MIL might just want to know what you need and/or would like. She may actually be trying to be sensitive to your preferences.

We got so much plastic crap with the 1st 2, I'd love to figure out a way to let people know what we'd really like (and kindly say "no plastic please"). I even got sposies at my shower with #1, even though the list sent with invite specifically said we didn't want them Better to end up with things you'll use than junk you won't.

[NicoleS]

Nope, not registering - being that it is my 4th there will be no shower or other celebration, so not really any need to. I did register with my first and I think 3 people bought of the registry? So it ultimately ended up being a waste of time. Some people have chosen to come see me and the baby after the birth before, so I think some will do that this time. They often bring something like a meal for the family (always appreciated since that's one less I have to cook! and/or something small for the baby like a stuffed toy or an outfit.

[OlyR]

Thanks for your perspectives. Maybe she does just want to feel more involved and thinks a registry would help her select some stuff she might want to purchase. I hadn't really thought about doing one to limit the plastic stuff because my family really isn't into that stuff anyways - but I can see where maybe his family might need some direction. I just can't possibly think of even a short list of stuff that I would need, but maybe I will give it a try - I think you can start one online and keep it private... Like Nicole, if I made one just based on my family I know they wouldn't really shop from it - which is ok with me.

My "wish list" only has 5 things - stroller, carseat, baby carriers, normal looking high chair (not the kind with the toys that come with, etc), and a co-sleeper b/c my husband isn't quite sure about bed sharing.

That is funny one of you mentioned getting sposies after specifically mentioning you plan to use cloth. My mom has already purchased all the cloth diapers we need for the newborn stage (and a few to try after that) and my MIL (who happened to be visiting) said they were cute, but not practical (huh?) and that I would be begging for disposables within the first week. How's that for supportive?

[Rikki Jean]

I'd say to find the exact stroller, carseat, etc. that you want, and put them on your registry/wishlist. If someone else wants to buy those things for you, and is willing to get what you want, why not appease them? IMO, it's a win-win situation.

As far as baby essentials go, I'd figure out what you want and put those on the registry too. Grandmas love to buy little things for their grandchildren. It's annoying sometimes, but a blessing at others. It's just the way that our culture is, and it sounds like your DH's family is probably pretty mainstream, so get ready for the ride. Regardless of what all you get (and you don't have to get tons of pointless stuff), there are always a few things that you are going to figure out that you need after the baby is here, so you and your DH will definitely have an opportunity to buy your own things for the little one.


BTW, your family sounds awesome! Can they adopt me?

Originally Posted by OlyR

That is funny one of you mentioned getting sposies after specifically mentioning you plan to use cloth. My mom has already purchased all the cloth diapers we need for the newborn stage (and a few to try after that) and my MIL (who happened to be visiting) said they were cute, but not practical (huh?) and that I would be begging for disposables within the first week. How's that for supportive?

It's just ignorance. I got this soooo much before DS1 was born. Almost four years later though, I don't hear anything about it. Well, except from random new aquaintances or strangers who tell me how brave I am. People who love convenience and whose only experience with cloth is using them as burp cloths just don't get it, and I don't think it's entirely their fault. Again, it's just another annoying product of our culture...

[HappiLeigh]

Originally Posted by OlyR

My "wish list" only has 5 things - stroller, carseat, baby carriers, normal looking high chair (not the kind with the toys that come with, etc), and a co-sleeper b/c my husband isn't quite sure about bed sharing.

That is funny one of you mentioned getting sposies after specifically mentioning you plan to use cloth. My mom has already purchased all the cloth diapers we need for the newborn stage (and a few to try after that) and my MIL (who happened to be visiting) said they were cute, but not practical (huh?) and that I would be begging for disposables within the first week. How's that for supportive?

Ugh, it's funny, my aunt did the same thing when I started CDing my DD, and now that I had her in clothies all the way through potty learning and my SIL has done the same thing with hers, it's like my aunt is trying to take credit for the idea or something. Like she thought CDing was so great all along. Silly!

As far as registering, here are some other ideas if you want to put smallish things on a list at someplace like Target to channel MIL's spendiness: a lidded trash can to use as a cloth diaper pail, packs of plain white onesies in every size (the Circo ones are softer than the Gerber brand), a waterproof mattress pad that fits your bed, an extra baby sling to keep in your car, extra sheets to fit your cosleeper, baby socks, lansinoh, a thermometer, baby-proofing supplies. You could be sort of frivolous because it's not your money.

[Perdita_in_Ontario]

Oh, OlyR, if your mother is still wanting to spend money, I'm building my CD stash

I like HappiLeigh's list - also what about cloth wipes? You can ALMOST not have too many. You CAN, however, have too many receiving blankets - trust me

I don't know where you live, but do you need winter stuff for a babe? Car seat cover, fleece outdoor suit, warm booties, etc? That might be stuff your MIL is interested in - small cute, etc... if she's pretty mainstream you'll probably get closer to what you want if you can figure out mainstream-ish stuff that makes sense to HER.

[aramat]

[QUOTE=Perdita_in_Ontario;14225967]
I like HappiLeigh's list - also what about cloth wipes? You can ALMOST not have too many. You CAN, however, have too many receiving blankets - trust me
QUOTE]


No way! Receiving blankets make the best cloth wipes!
Just cut 'em up and...what's the word? serge?...do some sewing technique to the edges.

[KoalaMommy]

Originally Posted by OlyR

That is funny one of you mentioned getting sposies after specifically mentioning you plan to use cloth. My mom has already purchased all the cloth diapers we need for the newborn stage (and a few to try after that) and my MIL (who happened to be visiting) said they were cute, but not practical (huh?) and that I would be begging for disposables within the first week. How's that for supportive?

My cousin and I had this discussion about her mom, who was so natural parenting (she was a world known breast-feeding and natural birth advocate), and yet she was SO negative about cloth diapers, as were all of her crunchy friends. My cousin decided that it had to do with the era in which she parented. Her children were barely out of diapers when disposables became widely available, and she felt cheated. The early sposie era moms were either annoyed they didn't have them available or wildly enthusiastic about a mediocre product because of aggressive marketing.

I personally love cloth, and had 2 in cloth at once, so if anyone can say it's not inconvenient, I think I fairly well can assure you they're great and plenty convenient (and not sticking around landfills for 100's of years)

[Perdita_in_Ontario]

Originally Posted by aramat

No way! Receiving blankets make the best cloth wipes!
Just cut 'em up and...what's the word? serge?...do some sewing technique to the edges.

That would require a sewing machine. And know-how

[busymama77]

I registered for baby #2 and have only let my Mom know about it. I'm sure I'll let my MIL know about it later on in the pregnancy. I only did it as a checklist for H and I of things that I KNOW we will need and never got or ended up selling/giving away a couple of years ago. It's not that much - maybe 12 items. And if no one purchases anything from this list, then H and I will take care of it. No biggie.

Plus, I think my Mom wants to throw me a small shower - nothing like what was done for DS.

[folkgirl]

I'm not going to create one, although I might consider the cloth diaper "wish list" as mentioned above. I need very little that could be purchased at BRU, Target, etc. and besides, no one really bought off of my registry last time. (Weird because I had two showers. But I guess they bought what they wanted to buy... a lot of stuff that I unfortunately returned or regifted because I couldn't use it.)

[Perdita_in_Ontario]

I think it's pretty normal for people to buy what they want to. I didn't register for the baby, but have done a wedding registry, and a wishlist for DD's birthdays a couple of times. I have always been thanked profusely for the ideas, and then they buy whatever THEY would like. DD has lots of toys I can't stand from relatives who have seen the wishlists I've put together. I've given up now. The relatives who care what we care about already know what we like, and the others will do what they want. We have thrown away a couple of toys that I simply would NOT give to DD, and wouldn't pass on because if they're too toxic for my child, I'm not going to allow some other child to have them either.

[OlyR]

Originally Posted by Perdita_in_Ontario

Oh, OlyR, if your mother is still wanting to spend money, I'm building my CD stash

hehehe, I'll let her know. Actually, she is mildly obsessed with the "new" diapers. She cloth diapered me all those years ago and made her own pin-able fitteds at that time (and even used wool covers - she saved a few, SO COOL!!!). She loves the plastic snaps on the fitteds they make now and wanted to know where she could buy a snap press. (she is a really good seamstress). It's neat that she is so excited about stuff like that. She also made me my own "belly band" type things so my work suits will work a little longer and converted a few of my old pants into maternity. Now she has moved on to reading up on baby carriers she can make.

[Ninetales]

I am making an absolutely tiny, bare-bones registry at Babies 'R Us because I have some relatives and friends who know next to nothing about babies and what they need. But it will only be a few basic things where I want something specific. Otherwise I will let people know about the diapers I want and that I would like books or cute outfits.

[Perdita_in_Ontario]

Originally Posted by OlyR

hehehe, I'll let her know. Actually, she is mildly obsessed with the "new" diapers. She cloth diapered me all those years ago and made her own pin-able fitteds at that time (and even used wool covers - she saved a few, SO COOL!!!). She loves the plastic snaps on the fitteds they make now and wanted to know where she could buy a snap press. (she is a really good seamstress). It's neat that she is so excited about stuff like that. She also made me my own "belly band" type things so my work suits will work a little longer and converted a few of my old pants into maternity. Now she has moved on to reading up on baby carriers she can make.

Sounds to me like your mother rocks

[J-Bean]

This is #3 for me, so I won't be preparing a wish list (in the past we tried a Babies R Us/Target one and then a general online wishlist that grouped from lots of places--both were lightly to moderately used).
But I do think a lot about the Mother and MIL relationship, since my own relationship with my mom is pretty close and knowledgeable for various reasons, and with my MIL it has always been kind of strained. My MIL has always felt like we know each other really well, when in reality she doesn't seem to have much of a clue about anything that pertains to me, even after 15 years now. But, I have to say that one of her comments repeated over and over has been, "sons move away from you as they grow up, but your daughters grow closer." Obviously this isn't true for everyone, and it has annoyed me to no end since I'm really not into sweeping generalizations as it is. But, after having my own kids, I can see that it could be partially true for many family relationships.
Because of her demeanor (kind of all-knowing, while not knowing what she's talking about often), and many rude comments made 'by accident' or that she never even realizes are rude, she has alienated all 3 of her daughter-in-laws, unintentionally of course, but it's the way it is. I know though that for all of the difficulties we might have in open communication, my MIL is in general trying to understand and trying to be nice. Even when it's off the mark.
So, this is what I was thinking...minus the pregnant lady rambling on about her own MIL....Perhaps if you shift your framework to think of it more like, well, without a close relationship your MIL still wants to be able to do something she feels is grandmotherly and supportive in the best way she can. Everyone knows that a gift that won't be useful to anyone is a waste of money, especially for a loved one. It's easier to buy a present and be unsure with someone who is more distant oftentimes, than to be off the mark with someone who you hope your relationship will grow with when the grandkids join everyone.
There are some easy ways you could fulfill the registry request, as others have mentioned. You could just put those few items on a general one like BRU or Target or something. Everyone has preferences when it comes down to it. No plastics, some, playful, natural, colorful, etc. Or, you could make a wish list at a different place that reflects your desires better (cloth diapering store, etc.). Or, you could make a general wishlist. I think I made mine at wishlist.com and it pulled from a variety of places so i could list g-diapers, a wool blanket and a few books that we would enjoy. Much luck!