thank you all for your input.
I went to my il's to pick up my son the other night. FIL ignored me. MIL was pleasant and unspokenly compassionate if thats possible to the fact that I wanted to just get DS and get out. The biggest surprise was that the 5 year old niece WAS THERE. I hope they disinfected her well when she left. I said something to DH about that and he said it's just the 8 month the dr doesn't want DS around. Uh huh.. and if the 5 year old plays with DS.. and DS sneezes on her (he is allergic to something blooming right now) then those germs go back to the house where the 5 year old is all about picking up her little sister.
supposedly the dr is the one demanding that DS not be around our niece. Supposedly the dr also said she doesn't want DS in her office until DS Is vaccinated. Yeah that makes sense. Its hard enough finding a non-vacc friendly dr in my area, now to find one that wont berate me for my decision even if we choose to now vaccinate.
Oh and DH is also letting his family believe this was all my decision. Idiot. I have a religious exemption letter SIGNED by HIM. I'm beyond furious that no one ever sat down and talked to me about this. I told DH that and he takes the high road of me saying that is to cover my butt. NO, I chose not to vaccinate but that doesn't mean it's easy. Even with the information its been a hard choice for me that conflicts me.
A subject came up at one point where a car sales person he used to work with wants him to work with him again. DH has a steady job now thats not car sales. DH wants my opinion. I told him to ask his parents as my opinion is worthless unless I agree with him. This went on for a bit because he didn't shut up and I told him that if he wanted to then go, but don't complain to me when he's making no more money then he is now and when he loses his health insurance for the family. He kept it up and I again told him to ask his family. he said they would tell him no. I was crying at this point and told him to remember one thing. If he chooses to do this I would have stood by his side and defended his decision to his parents, but he has never stood by my side in anything and has always believed their side over mine.
The issues in this marriage are apparent I think and I don't see them resolving. I'm now being yelled at because I'm still mad and upset and have nothing to say to DH. Thursdays we are both off. Oh joy. He woke up and started in on me almost immediately. the next portion will be long so feel free to ignore. I had to shut down my blog this week because of my IL's so I can't vent there anymore. Sadly.. I'll be using you ladies for a bit today
This weeks joy and glory started on LAST saturday. I had taken DS to an outside party that was not geared to any particular age, but only had one other toddler there the same age as DS. My coworkers were there so I would naturally want to be with them as we have fun together. DS has not been to this house since he was 6 months old. While chatting near the garage.. a mere 50 feet or so from the main road... he bolted off around the house waiting for me to chase him. I did so slowly to make sure he didn't go to the road. He went around back and up to the fence around the pool. We peacefully ended that and I was back with coworkers and listening to the band that DS was enjoying. Again he bolted off in another direction without warning. This has not happened with me before. In fact we'd had him at Hershey Park a few days before and he was great all day with me. Given the proximity of the road and his toddler impulse to run, plus the fact that all the cars were on the road and blocking the view of anything heading towards the road, PLUS the fact that it is a very busy road.. I made the decision to leave. I said my regrets and didn't have anyone question my decision. No one thought I was awful, rude or exaggerating things. Including my host who is one of my coworkers. Absolutely every one understood. If you've ever read Pet Sematary by Stephen King you'll know what scenario was running thru my mind. DS is an exceptional runner with excellent motor skills. he rarely trips or falls. I was at the party for about an hour. DH was NOT there. He works a 16 hour shift from sat - sun. he came home the next morning and i had woken up with a headache. he asked how the party was and I told him. Yes I was annoyed at leaving so early.. but on a very low level. I doubt I am a terrible person for that. DH is furious that I left the party for that reason and so soon. Seriously pissed about it. NO ONE else thinks that way. Everyone at work, those that were there and that weren't... are all astounded that he is so angry over something like that.
On top of all of that I have been yelled at for:
venting on my blog when the only people who know who the people are, are the ones that know us. Anyone else would be reading a story about a faceless family in the middle of nowhere. But heaven forbid he look bad to anyone and not look perfect in their eyes.
being mad when a text that was about me.. was sent to me.. and it was not a nice text, nor reprintable on a family site.. and then blaming me for it
not keeping up with the housework and causing him to live in filth. Clutter yes, filth no and excuse me I work a full time job that earns more then he does and I do all the cooking and cleaning and everything but some of the grocery shopping. He works, sleeps, eats, watches TV, occasionally food shops for junk food.
my mother took us and others to Hershey Park. I drove and she drove. I was screamed at for DH using HIS car for the last 2 family summer trips. Last year it was his PARENTS van and this year it was MY car. The car that is registered to ME, insured under a private policy of MINE until a few months ago. He thinks because a loan he took out was used to buy it then its his. Yet I'm the only one thats held a steady job. He has been out of work for layoffs (car sales) replacement (security firm) injuries (back - 8 months, broken hip - 2 months) more times then I can count anymore. He was even out of work for a full month at one time!! PLUS he spends on average 2x more per month then me and only stopped when I opened a personal account that gets my paycheck now. I paid that loan way more then he ever did.
there's more I just can't think of it and then he tells me he can't remember saying any of it.
He's getting a settlement from a wc case and I've been told that I'll see none of the money. I don't think it helped that each time he brought it up I asked him what he was spending it on as I want nothing from him anymore.
not calling and finding a pediatrician when he was the one that was supposed to do that. He DOES nothing that he says he will and I just trust absolutely nothing he says to me anymore
I went to my il's to pick up my son the other night. FIL ignored me. MIL was pleasant and unspokenly compassionate if thats possible to the fact that I wanted to just get DS and get out. The biggest surprise was that the 5 year old niece WAS THERE. I hope they disinfected her well when she left. I said something to DH about that and he said it's just the 8 month the dr doesn't want DS around. Uh huh.. and if the 5 year old plays with DS.. and DS sneezes on her (he is allergic to something blooming right now) then those germs go back to the house where the 5 year old is all about picking up her little sister.
supposedly the dr is the one demanding that DS not be around our niece. Supposedly the dr also said she doesn't want DS in her office until DS Is vaccinated. Yeah that makes sense. Its hard enough finding a non-vacc friendly dr in my area, now to find one that wont berate me for my decision even if we choose to now vaccinate.
Oh and DH is also letting his family believe this was all my decision. Idiot. I have a religious exemption letter SIGNED by HIM. I'm beyond furious that no one ever sat down and talked to me about this. I told DH that and he takes the high road of me saying that is to cover my butt. NO, I chose not to vaccinate but that doesn't mean it's easy. Even with the information its been a hard choice for me that conflicts me.
A subject came up at one point where a car sales person he used to work with wants him to work with him again. DH has a steady job now thats not car sales. DH wants my opinion. I told him to ask his parents as my opinion is worthless unless I agree with him. This went on for a bit because he didn't shut up and I told him that if he wanted to then go, but don't complain to me when he's making no more money then he is now and when he loses his health insurance for the family. He kept it up and I again told him to ask his family. he said they would tell him no. I was crying at this point and told him to remember one thing. If he chooses to do this I would have stood by his side and defended his decision to his parents, but he has never stood by my side in anything and has always believed their side over mine.
The issues in this marriage are apparent I think and I don't see them resolving. I'm now being yelled at because I'm still mad and upset and have nothing to say to DH. Thursdays we are both off. Oh joy. He woke up and started in on me almost immediately. the next portion will be long so feel free to ignore. I had to shut down my blog this week because of my IL's so I can't vent there anymore. Sadly.. I'll be using you ladies for a bit today
This weeks joy and glory started on LAST saturday. I had taken DS to an outside party that was not geared to any particular age, but only had one other toddler there the same age as DS. My coworkers were there so I would naturally want to be with them as we have fun together. DS has not been to this house since he was 6 months old. While chatting near the garage.. a mere 50 feet or so from the main road... he bolted off around the house waiting for me to chase him. I did so slowly to make sure he didn't go to the road. He went around back and up to the fence around the pool. We peacefully ended that and I was back with coworkers and listening to the band that DS was enjoying. Again he bolted off in another direction without warning. This has not happened with me before. In fact we'd had him at Hershey Park a few days before and he was great all day with me. Given the proximity of the road and his toddler impulse to run, plus the fact that all the cars were on the road and blocking the view of anything heading towards the road, PLUS the fact that it is a very busy road.. I made the decision to leave. I said my regrets and didn't have anyone question my decision. No one thought I was awful, rude or exaggerating things. Including my host who is one of my coworkers. Absolutely every one understood. If you've ever read Pet Sematary by Stephen King you'll know what scenario was running thru my mind. DS is an exceptional runner with excellent motor skills. he rarely trips or falls. I was at the party for about an hour. DH was NOT there. He works a 16 hour shift from sat - sun. he came home the next morning and i had woken up with a headache. he asked how the party was and I told him. Yes I was annoyed at leaving so early.. but on a very low level. I doubt I am a terrible person for that. DH is furious that I left the party for that reason and so soon. Seriously pissed about it. NO ONE else thinks that way. Everyone at work, those that were there and that weren't... are all astounded that he is so angry over something like that.
On top of all of that I have been yelled at for:
venting on my blog when the only people who know who the people are, are the ones that know us. Anyone else would be reading a story about a faceless family in the middle of nowhere. But heaven forbid he look bad to anyone and not look perfect in their eyes.
being mad when a text that was about me.. was sent to me.. and it was not a nice text, nor reprintable on a family site.. and then blaming me for it
not keeping up with the housework and causing him to live in filth. Clutter yes, filth no and excuse me I work a full time job that earns more then he does and I do all the cooking and cleaning and everything but some of the grocery shopping. He works, sleeps, eats, watches TV, occasionally food shops for junk food.
my mother took us and others to Hershey Park. I drove and she drove. I was screamed at for DH using HIS car for the last 2 family summer trips. Last year it was his PARENTS van and this year it was MY car. The car that is registered to ME, insured under a private policy of MINE until a few months ago. He thinks because a loan he took out was used to buy it then its his. Yet I'm the only one thats held a steady job. He has been out of work for layoffs (car sales) replacement (security firm) injuries (back - 8 months, broken hip - 2 months) more times then I can count anymore. He was even out of work for a full month at one time!! PLUS he spends on average 2x more per month then me and only stopped when I opened a personal account that gets my paycheck now. I paid that loan way more then he ever did.
there's more I just can't think of it and then he tells me he can't remember saying any of it.
He's getting a settlement from a wc case and I've been told that I'll see none of the money. I don't think it helped that each time he brought it up I asked him what he was spending it on as I want nothing from him anymore.
not calling and finding a pediatrician when he was the one that was supposed to do that. He DOES nothing that he says he will and I just trust absolutely nothing he says to me anymore
It sounds like you are in an aweful spot. I would start the process of seperation or divorce, If i were you....what you are describing is abuse IMO. I hope you have some friends or family that you will be able to turn to for support and love, because this feels like a very nasty seperation in the making 
