Major tantrum/meltdown/emotional release

[CKHB]

OK, so I have been lurking at MDC for a while and this is my first post. We have been using gentle discipline for quite a while with our just-turned 4-year-son (he has not had a time-out, punishment, or reward in a long time). I'm looking for some feedback on a major incident which left me wondering about my little guy's response to emotions of guilt and/or fear.

My question: Is physical aggression towards me (mama) a normal/typical response when a child feels guilty - scared - fearful?

Short story: A neighbor friend got hurt while playing with my little guy - and he (my son) raged afterward for 30-45 minutes. Throwing everything he could find at me... screaming and generalized freaking-out. Why physical aggression, why towards me? I'm puzzled and wondering how other parents explain or understand this type of response.

[AutumnAir]

Hi and


Well my LO is much younger than yours, but I know that most of the mamas on here would agree that often the 'worst' behaviour is experienced by a kid's parents (especially his/her mama) because we are the ones that they feel comfortable and confident enough with to let out all these big emotions. It sounds like your son had a hard time and really just needed an outlet for his fear/guilt/anger/frustration. He felt secure enough in his relationship and attachment with you to rage and let himself go with you, knowing that no matter what you would still love him. (That's what I remind myself when my DD really throws a wobbler!)

Of course that doesn't make being physically aggressive towards you okay, but as far as I know it's quite developmentally normal for 4 year olds to start kicking, hitting etc as they push the boundaries and test the limits. Maybe work with him on acceptable ways to show anger, or physical outlets for 'big feelings', like punching pillows, yelling outside, deep breathing - anything you think might work for him and be somewhat acceptable for you.

I'm sure some more experienced mamas will be along with more advice for you soon.