Where to begin...
I just had my 2nd child in April. I just need some help trying to figure out if this is PPD, or just from all the stress from recent events in my life, lack of sleep etc. etc.
My first child (my DS) is 2 1/2 years old, and my DD is 3 1/2 months. I am a SAHM. It has been SO FREAKING HARD for me these past few months since DD came into our lives. I know it's hard in general with 2 kids--especially so young--but for some reason it seems everyone else is better at it than me.
My husband recently got a pay cut to his salary...and that has affected us financially. As a matter of fact, I got the phone call from him telling me this news while I was at home in labor. Yippee.
DD's birth was pretty traumatic. It was a HBAC, everything went pretty smooth up until the end--Shoulder Dystocia. Stuck for 4 minutes, came out blue, floppy and unresponsive, umbilical cord pulsing weakly...we though we lost her. I will never forget the look on my husbands face. Thankfully, after CPR for about 1 minute, she started breathing. We transferred to hospital just to be safe, because her arm was floppy, but since then it has resolved itself.
DD was (and still is) a very fussy baby. We had a HORRIBLE time breastfeeding. I had a very fast let-down and oversupply issue-she was on a 3 month long nursing strike. I felt so rejected. She occasionally took the breast, but it was mostly pumping. I threw in the towel 3 months PP and felt extreme sadness/guilt over the loss. I still do. I intended to nurse her until she self-weaned, but I was already depressed and had no energy or will to try any longer.
Then, my mother passed away. That was tough, especially when DH went back to work and all I wanted to do was lay in bed and cry all day, but had to take care of my 2 children.
I get no sleep. DD still wakes at least 3-4 times a night, and now that I am no longer BF and co-sleeping, it makes it SO MUCH harder. I SAH all day with my kids with no car. We only have one at this point, and the money we were going to use to buy another disappeared along with my DH's pay cut. We just moved to a more rural area (we used to live in a downtown area with friends and playdates and things to do) and I feel so isolated it is not even funny.
That's why I wonder if this is PPD, or just stress? Or maybe the stress is just making me depressed? I think the stuff I am dealing with right now would make a lot of people depressed or frustrated, PP or not.
I did have a another bad day today though, which makes me wonder. I find myself snapping at DH and the kids (yes, even my baby girl who has no idea what I am talking about). My DD will start to cry and I will snap at her ,"What NOW??" or something like that. Of course I feel awful about it afterwards. I find myself just sitting there non-responsive to her cries sometimes, feeling utterly and completely overwhelmed. I have no energy to play with DS. I feel I am ignoring him. Some days, like today, I just want to walk out of the house and forget everything. I feel so BORED and worthless sitting here in my sweats all day. I feel they deserve better sometimes.
I think back to when I was a SAHM with just my DS, and how much happier I was. We lived in a more urban area, so there was more to do and we had friends, but iit was also just EASIER with him. I actually found myself thinking DD "ruined" everything. I never, ever thought about hurting her, just felt a little resentment from time to time. Sometimes when DH leaves for work in the monring, I am sick with dread. I feel I am in prison, FORCED to watch these 2 kids. I used to look forward to the week SAH with DS....now I HATE it. I HATE being a SAHM now...sometimes I hate being a mother. I tell DH these things, and he offers me time awy from the kids, like seeing family and shopping and such, but thats just temporary, it wont fix how I feel most of the time lately. People think I am a good mom-but I am afraid of what they would think if they knew how it really was. I used to keep up on the housework, laundry and cooking, now the kitchen floor barely gets mopped or carpet vacuumed, the laundry piles high and I stock up on frozen dinners. DH does help out alot, he doesnt do much cleaning or laundry (if at all) but he will cook and help alot with the kids. He will let me sleep in every now and then too. He is wonderful.
I do have days where I feel good though. I don't feel bad all the time (but I am noticing the bad days are beginning to outweigh the good ones). Some days I have energy (I think this usally happens after a night where DD actually sleeps decently) and feel more like myself. But days like today I feel numb, and I dont give a #$@&
Sorry so long and rambling, I just didn't know where to start. Does this sound like PPD to you? I took that quiz in the sticky section, and it said moderate to severe. My mother also had a history of depression (bi-polar). Also, is it normal to not have PPD after one child, but have it after the other? I didn't have any PPD or any kind of depression after the birth of my first child.
Thanks for reading if you made it this far!
I just had my 2nd child in April. I just need some help trying to figure out if this is PPD, or just from all the stress from recent events in my life, lack of sleep etc. etc.
My first child (my DS) is 2 1/2 years old, and my DD is 3 1/2 months. I am a SAHM. It has been SO FREAKING HARD for me these past few months since DD came into our lives. I know it's hard in general with 2 kids--especially so young--but for some reason it seems everyone else is better at it than me.
My husband recently got a pay cut to his salary...and that has affected us financially. As a matter of fact, I got the phone call from him telling me this news while I was at home in labor. Yippee.
DD's birth was pretty traumatic. It was a HBAC, everything went pretty smooth up until the end--Shoulder Dystocia. Stuck for 4 minutes, came out blue, floppy and unresponsive, umbilical cord pulsing weakly...we though we lost her. I will never forget the look on my husbands face. Thankfully, after CPR for about 1 minute, she started breathing. We transferred to hospital just to be safe, because her arm was floppy, but since then it has resolved itself.
DD was (and still is) a very fussy baby. We had a HORRIBLE time breastfeeding. I had a very fast let-down and oversupply issue-she was on a 3 month long nursing strike. I felt so rejected. She occasionally took the breast, but it was mostly pumping. I threw in the towel 3 months PP and felt extreme sadness/guilt over the loss. I still do. I intended to nurse her until she self-weaned, but I was already depressed and had no energy or will to try any longer.
Then, my mother passed away. That was tough, especially when DH went back to work and all I wanted to do was lay in bed and cry all day, but had to take care of my 2 children.
I get no sleep. DD still wakes at least 3-4 times a night, and now that I am no longer BF and co-sleeping, it makes it SO MUCH harder. I SAH all day with my kids with no car. We only have one at this point, and the money we were going to use to buy another disappeared along with my DH's pay cut. We just moved to a more rural area (we used to live in a downtown area with friends and playdates and things to do) and I feel so isolated it is not even funny.
That's why I wonder if this is PPD, or just stress? Or maybe the stress is just making me depressed? I think the stuff I am dealing with right now would make a lot of people depressed or frustrated, PP or not.
I did have a another bad day today though, which makes me wonder. I find myself snapping at DH and the kids (yes, even my baby girl who has no idea what I am talking about). My DD will start to cry and I will snap at her ,"What NOW??" or something like that. Of course I feel awful about it afterwards. I find myself just sitting there non-responsive to her cries sometimes, feeling utterly and completely overwhelmed. I have no energy to play with DS. I feel I am ignoring him. Some days, like today, I just want to walk out of the house and forget everything. I feel so BORED and worthless sitting here in my sweats all day. I feel they deserve better sometimes.
I think back to when I was a SAHM with just my DS, and how much happier I was. We lived in a more urban area, so there was more to do and we had friends, but iit was also just EASIER with him. I actually found myself thinking DD "ruined" everything. I never, ever thought about hurting her, just felt a little resentment from time to time. Sometimes when DH leaves for work in the monring, I am sick with dread. I feel I am in prison, FORCED to watch these 2 kids. I used to look forward to the week SAH with DS....now I HATE it. I HATE being a SAHM now...sometimes I hate being a mother. I tell DH these things, and he offers me time awy from the kids, like seeing family and shopping and such, but thats just temporary, it wont fix how I feel most of the time lately. People think I am a good mom-but I am afraid of what they would think if they knew how it really was. I used to keep up on the housework, laundry and cooking, now the kitchen floor barely gets mopped or carpet vacuumed, the laundry piles high and I stock up on frozen dinners. DH does help out alot, he doesnt do much cleaning or laundry (if at all) but he will cook and help alot with the kids. He will let me sleep in every now and then too. He is wonderful.
I do have days where I feel good though. I don't feel bad all the time (but I am noticing the bad days are beginning to outweigh the good ones). Some days I have energy (I think this usally happens after a night where DD actually sleeps decently) and feel more like myself. But days like today I feel numb, and I dont give a #$@&
Sorry so long and rambling, I just didn't know where to start. Does this sound like PPD to you? I took that quiz in the sticky section, and it said moderate to severe. My mother also had a history of depression (bi-polar). Also, is it normal to not have PPD after one child, but have it after the other? I didn't have any PPD or any kind of depression after the birth of my first child.
Thanks for reading if you made it this far!
I had thoughts of leaving in the middle of the night and never returning. I would actually sit and plan it all out (running away) while crying my eyes out and holding my tiny baby during the nights. She rarely slept at night or during the day for that matter. I so wish I would have sought help for my ppd but I never did. I dealt with it for quite some time too.
