Childcare for younger toddlers?

[mom2cash]

Just wondering what you all have done or are planning to do with your younger toddlers during your homebirth. My DS is going to be about 27 mo at the time of our homebirth and I'm at a loss as to who to bring in to help us with him. I really need my DH to focus on helping me labor and not entertaining our DS who can be pretty demanding. I don't have any family or friends I feel comfortable with being at my birth and am really trying to minimize the number of people there, period. I don't feel like I can just hire any normal childcare person because I need someone who is comfortable/familiar with homebirth which is rare in my area and be willing to be on call for that, but I don't feel like I can hire a doula because I really just want someone to watch after and entertain my DS, not really be a part of the birth so I feel like hiring a doula would be a disservice to the capability of and the training a doula has gone through. This is something I'm really stressing about... I have never left my DS for more than 6 hours and that was with my DH... I have never left him with anyone other than my DH (and even then, just my MIL or SIL) for more than 2 hours. I don't feel like he really needs to be taken out of the house unless he is scared or uncomfortable, and he will probably spend most of the labor not noticing and snacking or watching movies, TBH but I don't want to have to worry about whether he is being watched after and kept out of my way when I need to focus on laboring. Any ideas, tips or experiences?

[LisaSedai]

Well......... I would call some doulas and run the situation by them. True, it's not their job to watch kids, but they do want to do whatever will help a woman feel more comfortable and having someone tend to DS will free you and your husband to concentrate on the labor. It would be an expensive option though, if you could get one to agree to do it. But at least they wouldn't be freaking out over the birth process and would be on call 24/7. Other than that, when labor got down to buisiness I'd probably let MIL or SIL take him to their house. Do you think that would be traumatic for him? If he has games,toys,videos and snacks over there it might not be so bad. I hate to say it but my DS would watch DVD's 22 hours a day if I let him- he's never been very "clingy" though.How long was your first labor?

Good luck

[mom2cash]

Thanks, I will keep that in mind. I am interviewing a postpartum doula soon and I will run it by her and seee if she's interested, as she is still in the process of getting her certification and needs hours. I have thought about having my MIL and SIL "on-call" per se, but my SIL is due 6 weeks before me and her husband is a firefighter so I don't want to burden her since she'll have a new LO. MIL is still a possiblity but I don't feel comfortable leaving him for long periods of time with her... there was a recent safety incident with my neice that she's not taking as seriously as we would hope she would, and she has disregarded my parenting on several occasions so I feel like the anxiety of him going over there wouldn't help me at all. Unfortunately (and maybe fortunately, at least in this case) when a Pixar movie is on he is GLUED to the TV so that might be the route we go, though I'll still want to have someone on call in case that's not enough or he is scared and needs to be taken away and distracted. My first labor was about 10-11 hours but it was a hospital induction... so I'm crossing my fingers that going into labor naturally and it being my second baby will work to my advantage and it will be closer to 6-8 hours. That would be much more feasible that he would be able to be occcupied during later labor, and if it happens in the evening/during the night that would be even better. I guess we'll just try to go with the flow and try to hunt down someone that can be on call in case things start to go south.

[lindsayjean]

our 2 y.o. slept through the whole thing! My mw said that happens a lot... almost like mom's body doesn't want to go into labor into her kids are asleep. I did have someone who would have come if we called though- our house is small so they were going to pick her up and take her to their house. But it worked perfectly- I went into labor around 11:30pm and gave birth at 1:54am and DD woke up to her new brother in the morning. I was soooooo worried about childcare for her.

[tygrss]

I'm worried about the same thing. DS will be about 30 months when this little one arrives God-willing. I don't have any family close. I don't even have friends who live really close, so it'll be interesting. Hopefully it happens while DS is sleeping and isn't even an issue.

[kcparker]

I am a doula, and if clients wanted me to be the 'monkey wrangler' (that's what we call the whoever is looking after DS), I'd be totally cool with it. The doula is there to serve you and help you have the birth you want. She can explain to the LO what is going on, reassure him/her that mama is making good noises, have LO help bake or decorate a birthday cake (DS loves mixing and would get a kick out of putting sprinkles on frosting or sticking candles in a cake, that sort of thing). She can assist with minor in/out tasks like refilling an ice bucket, fetching mama a drink or bringing a warmed rice sock from the microwave, making sure DH has food, etc. You might also be able to negotiate a reduced rate if they aren't doing prenatals or actual birth work for you - I'd be totally willing to go for less than my regular fee if I knew it was just being on-call and then staying for the duration of the birth.

[thefragile7393]

My mom lives down the street, so I asked her to come get my son, who was almost 3 at the time. I knew he would have gotten in the way (he's so curious!) and he's very sensitive, so I was afraid I would have frightened him.

[MandyB]

Have you thought about asking your midwife if she knows of someone who might be interested in helping out? Possibly another mom who's homebirth she attended? I think it would be great just to have another "mom" there who has also been through a homebirth of her own and will know just what your DS will need, and you too! If my midwives told me that one of their mama's needed someone to be there to play with and support someone's child during the birth, I would totally offer to help out! I think it would be so neat to be able to attend someone else's homebirth and be able to help out and give back, ya know?

I bet he DOES sleep through your labor though! My kids did through both of mine, and we just woke them at the last minute to see the birth. I think moms just "know" to go into labor after the kids go to sleep!

[BeccaBaby1]

You might also check out Finding Your Tribe and see if there is an active group of moms in your area. Perhaps you could befriend a mom between now and then who shares your parenting/birthing philosophies who could watch your son at your or her home. Like MandyB I think it would be so fantastic to help out another mom in that way and I'm sure 99% of other mothers feel the same.

[nkintzel]

I just wanted to say that our son will be 16 months when we have this next baby (in four weeks!) and I'm kinda freaking out about the same thing. I really hope that I go into labor at night while he is sleeping, but our house is small, and even if he is sleeping, what would happen if he woke up? He's still so little.

So, here's what we're going to do, I think. If I go into labor at night, I'm going to have my mom come over. She'll just be there, hanging out or whatever and then if DS wakes up during labor, she can hold him, get him back to sleep, get him some water, whatever he needs. I'm not comfortable with my mom being like, WITH me in the birthing area, but if she's downstairs chillin' on the couch, that's OK with me.

Since she works, if I go into labor during the day, I'll call my MIL and have her pick DS up or she can take him to the park by our house or something. (I do NOT want my MIL at the birth)

[marrymeflyfree]

My daughter will be 15-16 months when the next one comes in the next several weeks. We were in the same boat as far as needing some kind of childcare. I think I would have a hard time turning my mom-brain off in order to focus on labor if she were here...I didn't feel like I could gamble on a late-night birth, either, since she sleeps so inconsistently and wakes often.

We got really lucky and were introduced to a couple of women who run a very small home day care right in our neighborhood. They are well-loved by the neighborhood families, and really run a great program. DD just had her first experience there yesterday, and she totally loved it! She never even got anxious after we left, which amazes me since she's always been with either DH or I. We're going to do 2 half-days per week to get her familiar with them, and one of the women will stop by and pick her up when I am in labor and can keep her overnight if need be.

It is such a relief to have something squared away, and DH and I both really like both of the women - and they're very affordable, which is icing on the cake. I had been sort of looking for a part-time nanny, thinking I would really need to find someone special who would be comfortable being here during the birth/etc. Initially I thought she would stay here with a nanny during the birth, but she is such a light sleeper...is so curious and must be part of everything - I really think that -I- will have a smoother time of it if she is not here. I never would have thought a day care program would have fit our needs, but I think it will be perfect.

[melissare]

I would definitely try to find someone. I had a friend "on-call" for my last birth but she ended up being sick. DS did not sleep through it and my husband was split between helping me and him. Then he was totally wired for the next 2 days.
For this one-in about 6 weeks- I have 2 friends willing to come over and watch the kids here or take them to the park or wherever. They've agreed to be available for the birth and the next day or two after.
We don't have family in town that can help us out.
Good luck!

[rebirth]

As a doula I charge a reduced rate to be the "sibling doula" and take care of your child(ren). I think lots of doulas are willing to do that! The way I do it is to do 1 meeting at 37ish weeks, possibly another in a week or so, and then the birth and a short follow up.

I charge slightly less (if only 1 child) b/c I will sleep when they do, vs birth doula-ing when I'd be up and working hard to support you.

[Turquesa]

We finally found an arrangement for our 30-month-old after extensive networking.

A young mother's helper (age 14) will be on-site to play with DD and distract her if need be. I shelled out a bunch of money on new toys for DD that she won't see UNTIL I'm in labor. The mother's helper can pull them out one by one and play with her. Our hired help is used to home birth and witnessed her younger siblings born that way, so she won't be "weirded out" by the experience. Her age is perfect because I find that young teens aren't above playing with the children they watch, and DD tends to look up to older girls.

DH is going to be available for for the sitter if DD gets "tantrumy" or has a super-poopy cloth diaper. If DH has to leave the scene briefly, my doula will be there to work with me until he gets back. (I kind of like the idea of a doula staying completely focused on birth and labor, but that's just what works best for me). When pushing starts and crowning is close, DH will let the sitter know to bring DD in.

OP, if you go my route, post announcements or call around at any and all "crunchy" circles in your area--midwife groups, La Leche League, whoever. Explain your predicament, and invite the candidate over before the birth to meet your LO and learn the layout of your house.

ETA: Also considering posting in your Find-Your-Tribe tribal area of MDC.

[srlpenny]

I asked my midwife and she recommended someone studying to be a MW who had found her niche as a "childcare doula" she took care of siblings during labor, that was her entire gig and she was amazing! She came and saw the kids three times before the baby was born, including one time that she MADE me leave for 2 hours.
Baby was born in the middle of the night and only one LO woke up just at the end, but the peace she gave me about how my children were going to be cared for was worth every penny.
Maybe ask your MW for suggestions like that.