It has been a long week. But yesterday my 16 month old DD grabbed my leg and kissed it and waved goodbye as I left. When I came home she ran into my arms.
Today DH had her and when I came home, they were in the driveway unloading groceries. She clapped and squealed when she saw me. He hands her to me as we get in the house and she screams bloody murder, reaching for DH. So I hand her back. Sniffle some but otherwise okay. He holds her for a little bit and puts her down so we can put away groceries. She wails and grabs his legs. I gently pick her up and take her to a nice quiet room to sit in a rocking chair and nurse. She arches her back, screams, cries and slaps me several times in the face. I put her down and she runs to DH. I go the bathroom and bawl. She has wanted nothing to do with me. He brought her upstairs after bath and I tried to nurse her and same things. Screaming, arching, crying, reaching for daddy. I say "fine" hand her off to him and tell him I'm getting a sippy cup of milk and he can put her to sleep.
I could care less right now. I am at the point where I want to work full time and heck, even do something else so I'm away 2 nights a week, only to see her asleep in her crib. I am seeing a therapist and trying to deal with this ever-changing toddler and dealing with the loss of my parents, being back at work p/t after 14 months. But this is too much. I feel awful saying this but I dread being alone with her tomorrow. I'm so glad my niece and nephew will be here to occupy her. The rest of the week has been fine aside from the tantrums from things like changing her clothes, diaper. I give her choices, distract her, warn her when something will change, get her to laugh. I try so hard but when she does this I feel like packing since she apparently is feeling so much better being with daddy. Yeah, that was a irrational, immature comment but that's just how I feel now. I am not even sad that we didn't hug or kiss goodnight. This is the first time I've been home and haven't nursed her to sleep and I'm numb.
I can't do this.
Today DH had her and when I came home, they were in the driveway unloading groceries. She clapped and squealed when she saw me. He hands her to me as we get in the house and she screams bloody murder, reaching for DH. So I hand her back. Sniffle some but otherwise okay. He holds her for a little bit and puts her down so we can put away groceries. She wails and grabs his legs. I gently pick her up and take her to a nice quiet room to sit in a rocking chair and nurse. She arches her back, screams, cries and slaps me several times in the face. I put her down and she runs to DH. I go the bathroom and bawl. She has wanted nothing to do with me. He brought her upstairs after bath and I tried to nurse her and same things. Screaming, arching, crying, reaching for daddy. I say "fine" hand her off to him and tell him I'm getting a sippy cup of milk and he can put her to sleep.
I could care less right now. I am at the point where I want to work full time and heck, even do something else so I'm away 2 nights a week, only to see her asleep in her crib. I am seeing a therapist and trying to deal with this ever-changing toddler and dealing with the loss of my parents, being back at work p/t after 14 months. But this is too much. I feel awful saying this but I dread being alone with her tomorrow. I'm so glad my niece and nephew will be here to occupy her. The rest of the week has been fine aside from the tantrums from things like changing her clothes, diaper. I give her choices, distract her, warn her when something will change, get her to laugh. I try so hard but when she does this I feel like packing since she apparently is feeling so much better being with daddy. Yeah, that was a irrational, immature comment but that's just how I feel now. I am not even sad that we didn't hug or kiss goodnight. This is the first time I've been home and haven't nursed her to sleep and I'm numb.
I can't do this.
