Hey, anyone else want to virtually yell at anyone?

[mouso]

And get it out of your system without getting in trouble?


I'll go:

Dear Mom,
Yes, I understand you would like to be here for your 2nd grandchild's birth. However, you telling me every day to cross my legs until you get here is making me LIVID. I realize that you don't give a s**t that I am on month 9 of feeling sick and would give anything to feel better RIGHT NOW.
You aren't even going to be at the birth, so please, have some feckin' sympathy instead of being selfish.
If you tell me again tomorrow I will not be responsible for my actions.
Love,
your daughter

Dear DD,
I love you. You are my sun, my moon, my stars. BUT you must stop climbing on me. You simply must. It makes me feel sicker. I know that I have not been "fun mommy" for quite some time now. I am almost back. I promise.
The other day someone pointed out a footprint on my shirt over my stomach. Your footprint. Please, I beg of you.
Love,
Mama

Ahhh, I feel better.

[KristinaMarie]

Oh this is going to be fun.

Dear Mom,

No, I don't care if my windows are clean when my in-laws get here, the baby isn't going to care either. Also you are not going to be in the room when I give birth no matter how much of a guilt trip you give me. My DH and I are going to be the only ones there. You are not going to be the first to bathe him, change his diaper, or any of the other firsts that belong to his parents. I don't have to tell a single person the babys name, especially your cousin who I know will tell you. When the baby comes home you are not going to be here at our house everyday from the time DH leaves till he comes home. He comes home everyday for lunch..talk about feeling like a stranger in your own home. And why do you insist on being here for 2.5 months..I understand that you want to see your grandson but honestly we will be fine.

Pheww I feel better already

Love,
Your daughter

[mama*pisces]

Omg, I so could have used this thread two weeks ago to yell at my mom. She pissed me off something MAJOR, but we have since patched things up.

Surprisingly, I can't think of anyone to yell at right now! But I'm sure I'll be back tomorrow to virtually yell at one of the neighborhood kids. They piss me off on a daily basis.

[tankgirl136]

To those who are bugging me!

I will call when I want to not when you tell me too. If I want to tell you after the baby gets here to give DH and I some privacy and time for him to enter the world without the constant fear and annoyance of phone calls, I will. Yes I can turn off the phone, but I don't want, to HAVE to, because you won't leave us alone!!! I promise I will tell you guys he is here, I am not hiding him away or anything, I would just like some "Us" time, especially in such a big moment.

Dear Body

Why do you want to be so uncooperative? Can't we work together and get things moving already???

[babykaoss]

Dear Mother in law and neighbor across the street,

NO, I did NOT have the baby already and decide to NOT tell you. Where in your pea sized brain did you get an idea that that would have happened? When the baby gets here, we'll tell you. Really. We're not going to FORGET to announce it.

Thank you.

P.s. 38 weeks is not a cool time to start up with these comments.

[LilWin]

Dear Body,

Please stop with the prodromal labour and start the real thing. Baby needs to come, I do NOT want to give up home birth and go to a hospital @ 42 weeks Tuesday. The kids are going to start school on Monday and I'd really like baby to be here before that as well. Please work with me and not stop with the contractions somewhere during the night!

Love, Me.

Dear Anybody,

If you say "are you STILL pregnant???", it hurts my feelings and I am very much aware of being pregnant myself. Also, don't make surprised faces at my belly when you see me, it has the same effect as saying something.

Love, your neighbour/repeat customer/fellow mom/family member.

Phew, let's hope it helps. It's my mom's birthday today and I'm already dreading having to call her later to congratulate.

[Pernillep]

ok, I need this right now.

Dear Aunt.... Leave me the F**k alone. Stop stalking my facebook page since you apparently do not understand enough English to understand. Rather than just minding your own business you decide to call my dad while he is at at party and tell him I missed my midwife appointment. My dad is half way across the world, 75 years old and have no idea what to think.



Dear ....Everyone.

No I still have not had a baby yet, yes I know the EDD has come and gone. Seriously do you think I am choosing to stay pregnant because it is fun. No. So, drop it. Leave me alone and stop asking idiotic questions.


Dear Body and especially baby

I know you are doing everything you can to get ready and prepare but I am getting a little impatient and would love to meet you sooner rather than later. We are all very excited and being on the outside is actually very fun. You will have plenty of room, a big brother to love you, all the milk and mommy cuddles you can possibly want. Please come out.

[dislocator3972]

Dear creepy little rodents living in my house:

No one else has ever had problems with you living in their house, I do not know why you chose to move in with us, but I do not appreciate it. In the lower 48 you would be called mice and people would want to kill you. Here you are called voles and people still want to KILL YOU. Generally I am not a violent person, and I usually don't even kill bugs or spiders ('cept mosquitoes) but you have had PLENTY of chances to leave and I've reached my limit. If you are still here when I give birth I will have no problem calling an exterminator, leaving poison that will hurt your belly and kill you slowly, or letting my husband suck you up with the vacuum cleaner.

We appreciate your interest in our family, and appreciate that you're keeping all your poop out of sight, but it's just as disgusting under the heat vents and we really aren't interested in roommates.

GET OUT.

Oh, and please tell your friends that they are not welcome either. You have an entire forest and most of Alaska to enjoy all to your own. This thousand square feet is mine.

Thanks for your cooperation.

[slimkins]

Originally Posted by dislocator3972

Dear creepy little rodents living in my house:

No one else has ever had problems with you living in their house, I do not know why you chose to move in with us, but I do not appreciate it. In the lower 48 you would be called mice and people would want to kill you. Here you are called voles and people still want to KILL YOU. Generally I am not a violent person, and I usually don't even kill bugs or spiders ('cept mosquitoes) but you have had PLENTY of chances to leave and I've reached my limit. If you are still here when I give birth I will have no problem calling an exterminator, leaving poison that will hurt your belly and kill you slowly, or letting my husband suck you up with the vacuum cleaner.

We appreciate your interest in our family, and appreciate that you're keeping all your poop out of site, but it's just as disgusting under the heat vents and we really aren't interested in roommates.

GET OUT.

Oh, and please tell your friends that they are not welcome either. You have an entire forest and most of Alaska to enjoy all to your own. This thousand square feet is mine.

Thanks for your cooperation.

haha, Sarah.... no to laugh at your misery, but your post totally wins!!

[tankgirl136]

Originally Posted by slimkins

haha, Sarah.... no to laugh at your misery, but your post totally wins!!

I so agree!!! I think her prize should be a VERY big cat!!! That should remind the little buggers they aren't welcome

[slimkins]

Originally Posted by tankgirl136

I so agree!!! I think her prize should be a VERY big cat!!! That should remind the little buggers they aren't welcome

I have three of them. I could definitely spare one, but don't tell them that.

[Turquesa]

Dear Gawking Public,

To answer your questions….

1. Yes, I’m still pregnant. Or at least I hope that’s the explanation for my distended belly. Was that a trick question?
2. No, I’m not “feeling ready” to have this baby. I’d much prefer a lifetime of gestation, thank you.
3. When the baby is due is is up to the baby. So please stop asking.
4. Do I know what I’m having? A baby, I hope!

Now would you kindly stop commenting on my body? Has it occurred to you that I have the same damned conversation 50 times a day with nosy sales clerks and random strangers? Has it occurred to you that I am a complex, multidimensional woman who likes to talk about other things, too? I’m glad that my tummy is providing instant small talk for the unimaginative, but please consider that this is why I dread leaving the house!

Dear Extended Family,

I already lied to you by pushing the due date out 2 weeks, so why is DH’s grandmother already calling and wondering “is the baby here yet?” Could you please set the record straight and tell her the “real” date? Otherwise, many thanks to the rest of you for believing the lie. You’ve saved me countless hours of stress and obnoxious phone calls.

Oooooooooo! Great thread. That was soooooo cathartic!! :

[Turquesa]

Originally Posted by babykaoss

Dear Mother in law and neighbor across the street,

NO, I did NOT have the baby already and decide to NOT tell you. Where in your pea sized brain did you get an idea that that would have happened? When the baby gets here, we'll tell you. Really. We're not going to FORGET to announce it.

Thank you.

P.s. 38 weeks is not a cool time to start up with these comments.

Amen!!!!

[Jilian]

Hugs to everyone dealing with the fun comments so late in pregnancy.

Dear DH,
Please chill out. I know you are stressed and anxious for the baby to come but go have a freakin beer or something. Seriously. You're killing my birthing peace here.

Signed,
I thought the "bubble of peace" was just to ward off strangers with rude comments

Dear baby girl,
I'm willing to wait until you are ready to come out. Don't be scared, we're in this together and I will help you to be born safely. Ignore all of the insanely loud noises coming from your brothers; you'll get used to it or we'll just get you a cute set of pink ear plugs. Oh and turning breech at 38.5 weeks was not my idea of a funny joke but thanks for turning back. Apparently you have your dad's warped sense of humor. I'm guessing that the frozen creamed corn on your head wasn't so fun either, eh? Well we have lots more so don't get any ideas!

I hope to see you soon!

Love Mom
P.S. we have lots of pretty dresses!

[dislocator3972]

Originally Posted by Turquesa

2. No, I’m not “feeling ready” to have this baby. I’d much prefer a lifetime of gestation, thank you.

Do people really think it's a good idea to ask a pregnant woman how she's feeling? Seriously? Do you want to know about my roller coaster of Oh-My-God-Yes-I'm-So-Ready-I-Can't-Wait-To-Meet-Her and my Holy-Moly-No-One-In-THeir-Right-Mind-Would-Let-Me-Have-A-Baby spirals? Or are you asking if I got knocked up in the dirty bathroom of a bar and have been in denial for 9 months? At this point, I'm ready, thanks.

Originally Posted by slimkins

I have three of them. I could definitely spare one, but don't tell them that.

Originally Posted by tankgirl136

I so agree!!! I think her prize should be a VERY big cat!!! That should remind the little buggers they aren't welcome

Oh please, please, PLEASE loan me a cat! I'll give him/her back when they're gone I PROMISE! And your kitty will be well fed with us!

Originally Posted by Jilian

Dear baby girl,
I'm willing to wait until you are ready to come out. Don't be scared, we're in this together and I will help you to be born safely.

Amen. It might be a tight, scary squeeze for a few minutes, but you can stretch to your little heart's content after that! And the squeeze shouldn't hurt, but it might be uncomfortable. Don't worry, mommy and daddy will be holding you the whole time. We won't let you go, you won't be alone, and we'll make everything as safe as it can possibly be for the transition.

[sunshynbaby]

Dear nurse at hospital,

Thanks for getting our child's first encounter with prejudice out of the way by inexplicably asking if the baby's daddy is black or Asian and rambling off (obviously not knowing how to finish) when I answered that yes, my husband is black. Your odd question about if the car seat was used when DH was having trouble adjusting it was also out of line. Thanks for making the end of an otherwise positive stay in the hospital negative and uncomfortable.

[marlygf]

dear everyone and their dog,
yes, I'm still pregnant, that's why my stomach is huge. yes, we'll let you know.

from me

Dear mom,
Yes I'm having contractions every day. I'm so sorry I even mentioned them to you. I promise, I'll call you when they get to be real ones and the baby is coming soon.

from your daughter

Dear baby,
I'm so sorry you've got a bunch of crazy brothers, a loud mom and an onery sister, but it really can be nice out here and we're ready to meet you whenever you decide to make an entrance.

from mommy

Dear me,
please stop freaking out and taking it out on your kids and husband. Everything will be alright and you'll be able to sleep without heartburn and on your back again. Oh and don't worry, your stomach should get back to a normal size in 6 or so months. Sorry your breasts won't, but at least you'll be burning some extra calories. Oh yea, don't be scared about labor. You've done this 3 other times and you survived, you can do it again!

From me.

[GradysMom]

Dear MIL

What the hell were you thinking, to come two days early to suprise us!!! Kinda made it hard to tell you not to come... too late when you've already gotten to our state....

And what the hell is with talking about your sex life in front of my 3 yr old, or telling gruesome stories...

ANd why the hell to you tell me that you drove all this way for the birthday party of Ds, to "scare the baby out" and to see your ex daughter in law... while you were staying IN MY HOUSE.

I don't like you - I tolerate - but this episode NUTS!!!

No thank you - enought with your f$#@ing clan comming to sty in my house to visit the 1st wife OK... Stay home .. I'm f&%$@ng pregnant here with HIS (DH) child K!

NOT feeling done with this yet...

A

AND would you please ALL of you stop talking about his exwives and analyzing the happiness of my marriage - I am sooo sure you all don't get it



Dear Baby-
Please please please come... despite the strange emotions you may have sensed it has not been about you. Grandma needed to go...
Lets you and me have an amazing vaginal victory birth together. Love you, please no need to stall anymore, I'm waiting, wanting.... learning

MOM

[mouso]

Originally Posted by GradysMom

Dear MIL

What the hell were you thinking, to come two days early to suprise us!!! Kinda made it hard to tell you not to come... too late when you've already gotten to our state....

And what the hell is with talking about your sex life in front of my 3 yr old, or telling gruesome stories...

ANd why the hell to you tell me that you drove all this way for the birthday party of Ds, to "scare the baby out" and to see your ex daughter in law... while you were staying IN MY HOUSE.

I don't like you - I tolerate - but this episode NUTS!!!

No thank you - enought with your f$#@ing clan comming to sty in my house to visit the 1st wife OK... Stay home .. I'm f&%$@ng pregnant here with HIS (DH) child K!

OMG. You are strong, woman. That is CRAZY.

[writteninkursive]

Dear Mom,
Stop being a bitch. Seriously. I don't care that you think us having a VBAC is our attempt to kill your grandchild. I don't care that you're completely uneducated about everything but still find time to spout your opinions to anyone who will listen. You are not taking my daughters 4 hours out of state for a week while I give birth simply because you are "uncomfortable" in my ghetto neighborhood that isn't as yuppie prissy as your rich one!
Hate to tell you this, but we've decided to do a home birth! And not even to tell you until after it's done because all you do is make drama and call all of my relatives and then they attack me about our decisions.
I also don't care that you think our son will look like a barbarian uncircumcised. Or that you think I should formula feed him, plastic diaper him, load him up with every vaccine known to man, and let the oh-so-smart doctors do whatever they want to him. I did not "get lucky" with my first two births - I ended up with two unnecessary major surgeries! Rest assured, it won't be happening again.
Stop treating DP like he's some sort of criminal because we're not married and are having a baby! We don't believe in marriage. Get over it already. And no, you're not dragging our kids to your stupid yuppie megachurch. I had a hard enough time growing up with your brainwashing.
Thanks for making it blatantly apparent that you support my sister much more than me in all her well-thought-out (pfft) decisions. I am thankful every day that I'm not your favorite and don't have to deal with your constant phone calls and showing up unannounced! Family isn't something you choose... just something you're stuck with. :