Top 10 (or 5, or 3) Tips for a Successful Breastfeeding Relationship

[WantRice]

Hi everyone,

I'm posting this for a friend who has an 8 day old baby and is really struggling with breastfeeding. She has already started supplementing with formula and sounds really overwhelmed and unsure about everything (i.e. latch, sleeping baby during feeding, hungry all the time, screaming for more food, etc.).

If you could give a new mom your top tips for making it work, getting mom and baby comfortable and on the right track, what would they be? Thanks in advance.

[LorenaAZ]

1) You may feel pain even if everything is fine (good latch, no thrush, etc.). The pain will diminish in a few weeks.
2) Do not doubt yourself! Easier said than done! Trust your motherly instincts. Mothers have breast fed their babies forever - it is natural and it really does work!
3) Surround yourself with people who support you and your goals! Don't let MIL, or Sister tell you you need to supplement! Find an encouraging lactation consultant. She will check baby's latch and will see if there are any possible problems.
4) Similar to #3, go to LLL Meeting!!! Those Mamas will give you good advice and will guide you through hard times.
5) Unless your baby is failing to thrive (as stated by a pediatrician) dump the formula! Do not keep it in the house. It is too tempting.
6) Babies scream! They can't talk. It's normal. Mine screamed for 2 weeks straight. Their stomachs are tiny and they need to feed very often. They will get angry at the breast --- remember they are still learning how to feed themselves.
7) Do not use a bottle. It may cause nipple confusion/preference.
8) Your supply is just starting to build up. Give it some time. It takes some time to regulate. As supply regulates and baby learns how to feed things will become less stressful.
9) Have a glass of beer! It will help with your letdowns and will help relax you.
10) Take it one day at a time!! It gets easier! Be patient! My babe and I had an extremely difficult time at the beginning. On occasion, I sent my husband out to get formula only to have him come back 2 hrs later empty handed or with a breast shield (my nipple pain was unbearable, baby screamed/cried hysterically, etc.). It was wonderful knowing that he acknowleged the difficulties but also knew what our ultimate goal was and never wavered.


Best of luck to your friend. I wish her and her little one THE BEST. Tell her Congrats on the baby!!!!

[Marylizah]

My top tip: keep at it.

It hurts? Yeah, sometimes it does. In my case it hurt horribly for a month, then got better.

Your baby screams and is hungry? Keep nursing it! Nurse, nurse, nurse. Have tons of water nearby, some good books, movies, a stocked Ipod, whatever. Just keep nursing. If there is a bigger problem, you will know. The more you nurse, the more supply you'll have, the more milk your baby gets, the less baby cries, etc.

DON'T SUPPLEMENT. That is such a slippery slope.

I hope your friend manages to have a long and happy nursing relationship with her baby!!!

[Mama.Pajama]

Originally Posted by LorenaAZ

1) You may feel pain even if everything is fine (good latch, no thrush, etc.). The pain will diminish in a few weeks.
2) Do not doubt yourself! Easier said than done! Trust your motherly instincts. Mothers have breast fed their babies forever - it is natural and it really does work!
3) Surround yourself with people who support you and your goals! Don't let MIL, or Sister tell you you need to supplement! Find an encouraging lactation consultant. She will check baby's latch and will see if there are any possible problems.
4) Similar to #3, go to LLL Meeting!!! Those Mamas will give you good advice and will guide you through hard times.
5) Unless your baby is failing to thrive (as stated by a pediatrician) dump the formula! Do not keep it in the house. It is too tempting.
6) Babies scream! They can't talk. It's normal. Mine screamed for 2 weeks straight. Their stomachs are tiny and they need to feed very often. They will get angry at the breast --- remember they are still learning how to feed themselves.
7) Do not use a bottle. It may cause nipple confusion/preference.
8) Your supply is just starting to build up. Give it some time. It takes some time to regulate. As supply regulates and baby learns how to feed things will become less stressful.
9) Have a glass of beer! It will help with your letdowns and will help relax you.
10) Take it one day at a time!! It gets easier! Be patient! My babe and I had an extremely difficult time at the beginning. On occasion, I sent my husband out to get formula only to have him come back 2 hrs later empty handed or with a breast shield (my nipple pain was unbearable, baby screamed/cried hysterically, etc.). It was wonderful knowing that he acknowleged the difficulties but also knew what our ultimate goal was and never wavered.

: I could've said all of this!
Breastfeeding is "natural," but it doesn't come "naturally." You have to work at it, both mom and baby. It's something that you are both learning to do, so just give it time and look at your progress a month down the road. By then, you'll notice that you have come a long way. The next month, you'll have come even further. Just don't allow yourself to give up.

[femalephish]

HANG IN THERE!!!!


That would be my only tip. Maybe I shouldn't say anything since I've only been nursing for 6 weeks now so I'm no expert, but also I am still so fresh.

I HATED nursing at first. I almost quit at two weeks. And at 3 weeks it was already better and now at just six weeks I am SO GLAD that I didn't quit. It hurt so bad, and just got gradually better. Now I love that I can (often) comfort my daughter just by nursing her.

I would say HANG IN THERE. If you get through these first few weeks it get so much easier and it's so convieniant to just nurse. And once you get through these weeks you CAN get a break- you can pump and leave Baby or just go take a nap. Or use a pacifier for some of Baby's comfort sucking sometimes. You don't ALWAYS have to be nursing. It just feels that way right now.

Just HANG IN THERE, it gets SO much better!

[GoestoShow]

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Edited by GoestoShow - 12/7/10 at 6:56am

[mama k nj]

Hugs to your friend. That is an all too common experience for many moms it seems. Here would be my advice:

1) Relax! It will be ok. Take a bath with the baby on your chest. Spend lots of time skin to skin w/ baby on your chest. Don't stress about nursing during these times. If it happens it happens, but just enjoy the time reconnecting and bonding.

2) Find some support. Surround yourself with people who are encouraging your breastfeeding efforts. (Maybe check out a LLL meeting if she can. Our local group of moms is very supportive and ecouraging and we all have a wide variety of struggles and experiences to draw on.)

3) Stop with the artificial nipples... even the pacifier! You can also give it back in a couple weeks once BFing is more established. Unless the baby is loosing weight or something I would quit the supplementing and just offer the breast as much as possible. But it depends on how long/how much she has been supplementing up until now. She might have to wean off the formula at this point. A lactation consultant would be able to help with this. There is also lots of good advice on KellyMom.com

I don't know here specific issues so it's hard to address those. It's hard to hang in there during the early weeks but it's so worth it in the end!

[WantRice]

Thanks everyone! These are very helpful.

[juliebird]

some good suggestions here! One thing to add that really helped me was a nursing support group from our hospital. Nursing mothers could meet once a week with lactation consultants from the hospital (NOT affiliated with LLL necessarily) and get advice and support.

it was instrumental in my continuing to nurse despite some problems.

Oh, one more thing: i think reading Jack Newman's book on the incredible biology/physiology of breastfeeding inspired me to keep at it when I wasn't sure I wanted to. Some of the points were about how breast milk is dynamic and made JUST FOR YOUR BABY. It changes from day to day, feeding to feeding depending on just what your baby needs. It's amazing!

It also trouble shoots a lot of stuff. very helpful.

here's the link to amazon for the book
http://www.amazon.com/reader/0761529...p%5Fex&page=25

Ok, ok, one more thing! Even if she's started supplementing with formula, she can back off of that and go back to exclusive BF if she wants to. It's not too late! She just needs to be inspired about how worth it BF is!

what a caring friend you are to seek out help for her!

[JessieBird]

My DS and I struggled with terrible latch problems - and still kinda do - and nursing was very painful for almost four months. Still I am SO GLAD I kept at it. Our bond is so strong and it is a wonderful part of our days and nights. Not to mention the convenience and affordability - I couldn't imagine preparing bottles everyday, I'm way too cheap and lazy for that!

Anyway, everyone has excellent advice here so I won't get into a list of tips but will just add that the two things that helped me were:
- in home support - at least one of my 2 midwives and a lactation consultant came to my home every single day for about two weeks and periodically again after that, even when I was so miserable I didn't want to see them. I was very very lucky to have this service all government provided and realize that in many areas this would be hard to get. However, it's worth it even if you have to pay through the nose for it. Find one-on-one help, not only a social group meeting (my experience with LLL was only so-so). The cost will be far outweighed by what your friend will save by not buying formula.
- www.jacknewman.com - in addition to the book mentioned by pp, the videos on this website are amazing. I watched them over and over, and still do sometimes when we need to re-connect. The most helpful for me were the skin-to-skin let baby root around, find breast and latch on their own. Often our best latch was achieved this way. The skin to skin contact calmed us both down and brought us back to what's really important. It's primal, it's biological, and sometimes we really have to drop everything else and just let it unfold.

That makes me think of one more tip - simplify life and release the pressure. Your friend is going through such a stressful and exhausting time. I would advise that she close the door to visitors, keep noise and lights to a minimum, accept help with meals and housekeeping, don't go out, etc, and just hold her baby. Get in the bath with baby, carry baby in a sling or wrap, cuddle up naked under the covers with baby. Be okay with sitting on the couch (no tv or other noisy distractions) for hours-long cuddle & nurse sessions. Try to see it as special quality time rather than a painful pain in the butt. Staying in really close contact with baby and resisting the urge to time or schedule feedings will help with the falling asleep - baby will nurse and sleep on and off constantly if kept close. And tell her that they don't choose sleep over nursing for long - within a few short weeks, it won't be such a struggle to get baby to wake up to eat.

I totally agree with the key point pps made - get rid of the formula unless weight loss is a truly serious issue. Weight gain a bit slower than the 7-day (or 14-day? can't remember which it is) rule is perfectly fine, don't let her be scared into supplementing by her doctor. Again, think of this time as an investment not a deprivation or a setback.

Whenever I haver friends who are struggling with getting started breastfeeding, I tell them to imagine the day when their baby looks up at them from their breast with a big mouthful of milk and a huge grateful grin. It will happen to your friend before she know it and that moment will make everything worth it.

[jecombs]

Great advice from everyone else. Not sure if this has been mentioned yet, but my tip is to make BF your #1 priority. Let go of the housework, entertaining family members, cooking, etc. Your most important job right now is nursing that baby. Everything else can wait. Get help from others to make this happen. When others ask you what they can do to help, tell them a load of laundry or make you a meal.

[larzanna]

Tip one: IT HURTS even if its the right latch ect. IT WILL GET BETTER. I found personally that i only did one boob a feeding so that the other nipple got more "rest" had i not done that i would have given up. Now i can do both at one feeding if i want, but i still alternate, i find it easier.

Tip two: get the gel soothies from an LC. Put them in the fridge and wear on the boob not being used that feeding. Heaven.

Tip three: do NOT have ANY formula or bottles in the house at all. WAYYYYYY to tempting.

Tip four: watch that Jack Newman video over and over to SEE the latch up close....but ignor that he says it does not hurt if its right

By 6 weeks it was SO much better, don't give up! Now i would not even know how to use a bottle, it would be So much work!

[justKate]

Be patient, don't try impose any timeframes, and keep trying! It will be the most rewarding thing you do.