Anyone else paranoid about admiting it if they had a UC?

[Thankful'n'Blessed]

I guess anyone who could actually do anything about it would already know because of the birth records, but the idea of admitting that you had a UC scares me. Am I the only one? Somebody put me at ease here!

[NettleTea]

Well, I feel the same a lot of times. There are many people that I do not feel comfortable sharing it with. I've shared it only with close family and some acquaintances that we were conversing with. I felt comfortable sharing it with the acquaintances as we were all on the same page about a lot of things so I knew it wouldn't be too shocking for them. I just remembered that I also shared it with one other person - an old friend that I recently found on facebook. I've not heard much from her since though..so...

I feel very protective about it. I feel in my heart that I need to be protective about it. I am thrilled and happy about it still to this day (beautiful, dear memories), but it is a precious jewel that needs to be guarded carefully.

For those that I don't feel comfortable sharing it with I simply tell them that we had a homebirth. And for some even that is too much!

[reducereuserecycle]

definitely!!!! same reasons that make you paranoid probably.

[MittensKittens]

Yes, but I also think that there are reasons to talk to everyone who wants to hear it about UC, or homebirth period, actually. Birth is a private matter of course, but sharing your experience might just help another new mom. That is why the internet is so great.

[BroodyWoodsgal]

It surprises many people...because they see me as "normal" and they see midwife managed pregnancy and birth as "normal"....so, the "normal" thing for me to do, would be to have that experience....except I'm not. SO...it's confusing...but mostly a welcome idea. My circle is small and the people in it are mainly super libertarian, live and let live types...so, most people respect my preference...and most of the people I'm close with don't have a lot of trust in the medical community...so, they get it. But they all had MW assisted homebirths for their kids and some of them don't understand why I wouldn't want that, just in case...but those are mainly the men folk. The mamas...they are mainly free spirited, soul loving creatures who totally understand my wanting to do it on my own...I'm really lucky to have such a small and lovely circle of friends...everyone is really trusting of their guts and bodies...they heal naturally, live naturally and so when they say, about my choice to UP, "Are you certain??" and I say "I trust my body, I know my own spirit" - they get that...

It's the very closest people to us who don't know the real plan. My MIL is the most loving and wonderful person in my life...but she works in the medical malpractice field....all she sees all day long, are those 0.001% of people who had a nasty reaction, or a terrible birth injury, etc....so, for her, it would be an insane nightmare for a midwife not to be present for our birth...so, she won't know til after the fact, to spare us both the stress of her going in circles in her mind about all the "what if's"....

People I don't know well...I'm definitely more gaurded....I love to talk about birth and natural parenting...but depending upon the person/situation, I leave the UP/UC stuff out of it....I don't look to borrow trouble when I can help it....I've seen too many mamas struggle when the wrong person finds out about "lax" birth plans...you know? It's too bad....

[RolliePollie]

I just wanted to say that my decision of wanting a UC derived from hearing a mom openly talk about it when I was in highschool. Her passion and desire for a gentle birth felt so right. When people are willing share things, you affect more people than you realize! Planting that seed for normal childbirth is so important. BUT, I can't say I would throw the word around just anywhere. Especially in my arse backwards community. Homebirth I would definitely be open about, but the word UC - maybe not so much.

[fwlady]

I am very careful also about who I tell. After having a perfect UC, I called my mom too soon, and when she asked, I just said we had an "oops UC" and no need to go to the hospital. Received a lot of harrassment come the next birth from my sister, and I still have a hard time dealing with my family. The last birth, I transferred for severe PPH. I sent the family birth announcements (I never told them about the PG because of the UC thing and other reasons), and my mom congratulated me once I called her. She asked how it went, and I told her about the PPH caused by the twin, the drs said it was a twin that was the issue, so she says "oh, so you had him in the hospital", and I just said "yes". I did have him in the hospital, when they were working on me, he was in there with me. We didn't, and dare not, get into it. At least she can't say now how I could have bled to death at home. SHe isn't privvy to that info.

I was asked at the grocery store about being PG again. I said something about having not decided on a HB vs going to the hospital. The girl, about 23yo, says, "why wouldn't you go to the hosp?" I said, "well, we normally homebirth." She was totally shocked and didn't know there was such a thing as homebirth. I planted a seed, but I doubt she thought I had any credence after that. LOL

We are in a HB friendly community, and surrounded by them, as the hospitals just aren't down the road. Who wants to ride to the hosp that far in transition? But, unfortunately, we have that meddling few that I fear will call DFS on us. We haven't been called on for that reason, but when I have been, it shakes me up for well over a year. I don't want to deal with that, so I try to keep quiet about it.

I have had ppl that help with our kids, or come over for the birth, etc. But, not that many. Kymberli

[Thankful'n'Blessed]

...which brings me to another question: What can "they" (DCF etc.) really do to you if they found out? UP/UC isn't really illegal, just not encouraged. Most people look at it like you're being irresponsible. Even if they were called, could they take your kids for just that?

[A_Random_Phrase]

Thankful'n'Blessed, I've heard some scary stories on this forum in the past few years, including threats of having children taken away, hospitals that won't release babies or call child protection agencies, etc.

Personally, I would not tell anyone unless I was absolutely sure about them. A few months after the fact, I might mention it. Pretecting my family is of the utmost importance.

[gon2be]

I have to admit that I glossed over the UC aspect of my last birth at the doctor's appt. yesterday. I guess I wanted to get to know her a bit before I dropped that one into conversation. I told her it was a home waterbirth like my second, but I let her think I had a midwife there. I feel conflicted about it.
Normally I don't care who knows I had/will be having a UC. I don't bring it up, but if people are interested I like to talk about it. I was meeting this doc for the first time and I haven't been to a doctor during pregnancy in more than eight years, so I felt super weird. We just moved back here after living in Europe for four years and my old doctor has retired, so I wanted to find someone I could call if I had any problems, plus I wanted some blood work done to check my iron and Vit D levels. I also wanted to have someone I had a relationship with to take the baby in to after the birth if there were any problems. With no doc for me or the baby I would end up in Emergency seeing anyone of mostly male docs, most of whom I know and don't like. This doc is new in town and female, seemed quite nice. A miracle actually! She even agreed to take on my other kids as patients, since they were patients of my old doc too.
All that to say that yes, I felt a little paranoid about admitting my last birth was UC to the new doc. Will have to screw up my courage sometime in the next month before I see her again.

[Sailor]

Oh, I am SO paranoid. I haven't given birth yet ... I'm not due until April. However, we're planning on a UC and we're not telling anyone. I can't even tell you how much CPS and the government scare me. I've heard horror stories from people, so I've pretty much scared myself silly over it. When people ask me, I just say "I don't like to talk about my plans; birth is a personal/private event for me."

Plus, I'm in San Diego ... and I hear there's a lot of hoop jumping for a birth certificate due to illegal immigration. I'm not looking forward to that either.

We're actually thinking it might be better to birth where my mom lives. I'm comfortable there, the house is big, there's a nice jacuzzi tub ... could be good.

Assuming we have a successful UC ... we're definitely going to be on a need to know basis with that information. Sorry to sound completely paranoid!

[TzippityDoulah]

I don't always mention I had a UC. but I always don't go around talking about my first birth as my "hospital birth" either. it just doesn't generally come up that often. if it does I would decide on if to mention it or not. if it wa appropriate to the discussion I certainly would. but I'm a little protective with some people and situations.

[Bitzy]

I was extremely paranoid during my pregnancy, we didn't even tell our parents until I was 38wks. In my area though, homebirth doesn't happen. We have a large Amish population and they've even abandoned the concept for hospital births...and everyone knows EVERYONE here. Telling one person is no different than telling 50 and I really wanted to keep control of who knew. We let everyone assume we were having a hospital birth because in their minds it's the only option.

After the fact...we still don't offer up that we had a UC, though we do admit to having a homebirth. That is "crazy" enough to most people around here.

[Astraia]

I'm letting everyone assume we're having a hospital birth.

Then after the fact, I intend to make it obvious that it was an "oops"- "well, I was told to labour at home as long as possible.... guess we just overshot our estimate a bit!"

Once some time passes, and depending on who I'm talking to, I might let slip.

[zoebird]

i'm not paraniod, but i'm not running around telling everyone. i mean, it rarely comes up in conversation anymore anyway. it really only comes up when you're preggers and right around the birth.

[ChristSavesAll]

I LOVE talking about my UC, and when I'm not bringing it up my momma is. We are both so proud and passionate about it. I've found that a lot of people don't care so much after the fact, they are interested in why and find it a little strange til I finish my story but its no biggie, in fact it sparks their interest in it. Now telling them when you are preggo? Forget it, I got so much heat about it from EVERYONE even church members (which I least suspected). People seriously think you are just signing your baby up for a death rather than birth, whatever, they are uneducated. One of my friends from church especially just didn't get it and was always mentioning how she was gonna kidnap me and take me to the hospital or drilling me on what I would do if... I kept telling her to look on youtube at the other videos and finally one day she did and changed after that. She actually got really interested in homebirth and UC and was very excited for me. So sharing your story can change a person's view on what childbirth is or should be...

I can understand being scared though too, there are a lot of scary stories out there and let's face it we all have a lot in common with all those mommas. I actually did have DFS called on me after having dd by one of the paramedics who showed up after she was born ( placenta was slow to detach, though it came out after they got there) because I refused to have her taken to the hospital.
They sent two sheriffs out to check on my kids and home, saw me come down the stairs with dd and saw ds running around in the house and said all was well after my mom explained why they were called on me. Then they sent out a public health nurse who also agreed that I wasn't abusing my kids or neglecting them and she also shared with us that DFS were still debating whether it was child abuse to birth at home! Ugh can't stand them, they (like doctors) have WAY too much power!

Thankfully in my case all things were resolved and I havent had a problem since, though we also moved out of state when dd was 7months.

Personally I don't have a problem telling people though it does make me more cautious about calling 911 this next time around should I need it.

[gon2be]

I know I said that I would screw up my courage for my next doctor's visit, but I've now decided not to tell her. I talked with my counsellor and we agreed that letting her believe I will have a midwife is better for everyone. Professionally, she may not be able to keep me as a client if I tell her I am birthing alone. Freebirth is legal, but the College of Physicians and Surgeons probably has rules about helping moms who do it. Plus it may just wig her out personally and right now things are good, I'd like to keep it that way. I will go for my next visit to get my blood test results and then I'll decide if I want to keep seeing her occasionally.
I think being cautious is smart because it is a personal matter and I want to guard the space around me with positive thoughts, not negative "what ifs" and folks prone to freaking out(like my mother!).

[A_Random_Phrase]

Definitely, gon2be! I agree with you 100%.

[GinnyMama]

Well, I wasn't paranoid, until reading this thread. Lol! I really can't afford to be paranoid, because everyone knows. And everyone that doesn't know WILL know. I live in a quite small community where homebirthing is illegal with a midwife. I've had to call around like MAD to find out about the birth certificate, Rhogam, etc etc. The docs and nurses pried and pried and pried and absolutely would NOT answer any questions I had until I told them who my doctor was. WTH?! So they find out that I have no doctor, and proceed to lecture me for a bit... then they get really hostile and refuse to answer questions/be helpful in any way. Homebirth is unheard of here... literally. I get the "deer in the headlights" look all the time about it.

I'm terrified of a hospital transfer... the doctors and nurses are SO hostile! I'm upset for hours every time I need to call for something. I honestly would not be surprised at all if DFS got called for me. I'm keeping my home as clean as possible, and just trying to be an upstanding citizen in every other way so that when the crap hits the fan, it'll be more likely to just blow over.

[Sarah Faith]

My family (both my immediate and DH's immediate family) knows of our plan to UC as does our church (we go to a small church though, with like 20-30 attendees). When I talk to other people I just let them think I am having a midwife. I don't lie, I am seeing a midwife at a birth center for my prenatal care and I am planning a homebirth-they just don't go together

After the fact I will share with people that we had done a lot of research in case we were able to have a homebirth and when it came down to it we were just more comfortable staying at home.