Parenting with Love and Logic and the "Uh-Oh" song. - Page 2

[sparklefairy]

Originally Posted by Polliwog

I've got the Early Childhood book and it's way too cold. I haven't taken a look to see the exact example, but I know they tell a story of sending an 18-month-old to his room and holding the door shut.

The way they told it on the video was dragging the child by one arm so that "his little feet barely touch the ground" while singing the song.

Sorry I repeated myself -- this class was clearly very upsetting to me!

To add something new -- I do do some version of "drained my energy" sometimes because it's God's honest truth. I do my best to be honest and not manipulative -- it's generally not the first resort, but there certainly are times when I say things like, "You are exhausting me with your backtalk. Is this how you want to spend my energy, or would you rather I have some left to drive you to X's house this afternoon?"

[Labbemama]

I am signed up to take a class in L&L starting tomorrow.

I think I would rather do Nurtured Heart but I have never met anyone who teaches it.

[Polliwog]

Originally Posted by Labbemama

I am signed up to take a class in L&L starting tomorrow.

Uh-oh......

[_betsy_]

I am so glad to find other MDC mamas who didn't care for this book/method. I was just re-reading it (Never made it all the way through the first time, but DD1 was tiny when I started it) and I just don't care for it. The Uh-Oh song sounds like I'd be sing-songing "You screwed uuu-uuupp, You screwed uuu-uuup!" I wasn't loving all the faith-based justification in the book, but I snapped it closed and and declared to an empty room that I was so done reading this book when I read one of the outtakes telling me the best way to deal with a small child in the midst of a (wholy preventable) tantrum was to put them in their room, in the crib, in the dark and tell them I'd love them again when they were in a better mood. WHAT???

[tiffani]

Originally Posted by _betsy_

the best way to deal with a small child in the midst of a (wholy preventable) tantrum was to put them in their room, in the crib, in the dark and tell them I'd love them again when they were in a better mood. WHAT???

does it really say that??? that's criminal... that's an "I'm at the end of my rope and I will strangle this child if they continue screaming at me" strategy (without the conditional love crap added), not a "the best way to deal with a tantrum" strategy. ick.

[Labbemama]

I am in week one of love and logic and I am not sure what I think of it yet.
The Uh-oh song--well my kids think it's a joke, but my youngest and I did have a good conversation about a self-time out space she could create. So our uh-oh song goes 'Uh-oh-someone's going to the wardrobe box." DD's idea that she would decorate her own time out space. Whatever she needs to do to create a space to regroup.

I'm probably going to jail if anyone hears them sing that.

My kids don't even have their own rooms at this point and letting them scream it out in the rooms is going to get us evicted so that was not a helpful suggestion. I guess what I need is a sound-proof room for parenting kids with so many special needs/mood disorders and PTSD.

I think my kids are too old for this technique. They are willing to set a timer and come out after they are calm. My other problems is they will put the dresser in front of the door and come out so I need to make sure they are safe but am blocked out. (Mine are teens.)

I think this might work better if you started off with it from the get-go.

"Come out when you are sweet." rubs be the wrong way too. As if you are not sweet you are not acceptable. I don't know too much Carl Rogers and unconditional positive regard in my training I guess. Sweet or not I am still your mom and still willing to talk to you. I dunno. Six weeks to go.

My whole purpose for taking the class is to get a certificate that says I took it and maybe something useful I'll take what works and use it and leave the rest and atleast be familiar with it when parents say they are using L&L.

I am emphasizing repsonsibility, respectfulness, and fun to be around.

But with my own sorta spin on it. For instance saying, "that was very respectful saying thank you when I bought you gum."

Or gee this tantrum is no fun for either of us. I was really looking foward to going to your choir concert and hearing you sing tonite but if you'd rather sit here, ok.

[Polliwog]

If Love and Logic is really for you, you might want to get the book for parenting teenagers. I suspect the strategies are quite different.

[Labbemama]

Unfortunately, I'm taking the class at a DV shelter and they are out of the books but we get these copied handouts which I think are the same thing. Maybe I'm missing something that would explain a lot. I am hoping some come in. Most of the techniques though do not quite seem to fit for us. Emphasising core values I think is valuable and that is where the respectful, responsible, fun to be around part comes in and would be effective.

I would not use the uh-oh song on anybody past age 2, I think. I find it just irritating and I'm not sure so much why, maybe because it comes off as sing-songy at a serious situation where maybe I would just use a firm tone of voice that seems sarcastic to me.

I still have the 5 languages of love (for children and teens) to read and that was recommended by another mom in my DV group who I really seem to connect well with.

Spanking them is of course not an option, and neither is letting them hit, kick, bite, scream, and threaten each other's lives. It really is a mess.

The book that is helping me is "When Dad Hurts Mom" by Lundy Bancroft. It really shows where I lost my parental authority. And I'm working my behind off trying to get it back.

There's got to be something for kids with PTSD.

[tiffani]

Labbemama, I just want to send you my condolences, and my congratulations on the steps you're currently taking (or maybe I'm inferring incorrect information from your post, but I gather you and your children are in the DV shelter?)... I used to volunteer at a DV shelter/hotline, and I know how hard it is to make the strides that you're making, so kudos to you, and ...

[mom22girls]

Originally Posted by sparklefairy

I do my best to be honest and not manipulative -- it's generally not the first resort, but there certainly are times when I say things like, "You are exhausting me with your backtalk. Is this how you want to spend my energy, or would you rather I have some left to drive you to X's house this afternoon?"

I LOVE this!!!

I think the thing with any consequences-based discipline method is that the child must have the capacity to predict the consequence and also have a solid amount of impulse control.

-H

[Violet2]

L&L is waaaay too authoritarian for me. However, I like some of the theory, just not the practice. I could see parents who were having a hard time letting their kids fail and experience consequences finding some strength in L&L.

I will maybe use 1% of the book that I think is respectful and GD friendly. The rest is not GD imo.

By the time you have to lock your kids in their room (and that was in the book), I think you've lost the war.

V

[anne1140]

This is soooo weird. I've never read the parenting version, but I have read the teaching version, and it doesn't sound like this at all. I liked a lot of the strategies it had. Of course, when you're teaching a room of 20 six-year-olds, you have to have a bit more control than if you're with one six-year-old. But I don't recall anything demeaning or anything of what people are describing.

One book I loved a whole lot more, though, was Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Becky A. Bailey. She does teaching stuff, too, but I bought the parenting book, because it was a lot cheaper, and I think it is fabulous. In fact, it was recommended to me by someone on here.

[floiejo2]

I have to say we took this class offered by the preschool and while I don't agree with a lot of it, we have taken some of the ideas and used them. I don't agree with the punishment parts, but do like the choices, they have helped us get ready and accomplish other things. I do say, "oh man" in a sympathetic voice when one of my children are being destructive or hurtful toward someone or something and then they do get taken away from the situation.

Also, dh was raised in a very bad way, most of the time being screamed at or threatened. And while he completely disagrees with this, it is also what comes natural to him, so it was a great alternative to him to learn how to stay calm and parent in a loving way. I would LOVE suggestions to books or even better, videos (he doesn't read much) that are great loving ways to parent and do gentle discipline.

[Labbemama]

Originally Posted by tiffani

Labbemama, I just want to send you my condolences, and my congratulations on the steps you're currently taking (or maybe I'm inferring incorrect information from your post, but I gather you and your children are in the DV shelter?)... I used to volunteer at a DV shelter/hotline, and I know how hard it is to make the strides that you're making, so kudos to you, and ...

No, we just go there for the class and therapy. There isn't room. We are in our own apartment struggling to get by.

I do like that phrase about energy although, I don't like letting my kids know they have worn me down. LOL. I think it only encourages them to keep at it. But I do give them choices and tell them for example that the way they are behaving at home makes me not want to take them out in public.

Today I gave dd kudos for telling her brother in a respectful way that she needed our one restroom ASAP and he did respond by kindly getting out of the shower. I suggested that if it ever is enough of an emergency she can run to the gas station. I tend to emphasize thinking about other possible solutions. It's important to me that my kids learn to solve their own problems because I do not want to be a referee and some day they will be on their own without me. I agree with that part. Learn it now while the price is affordable.

I have some of Becky Bailey's books.