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If you regret circumcising your son(s), please post here. - Page 6

post #101 of 719
More then anything I ever could ever wish I could change is the fact that two of my three boys are circed. Actually, one is fully circed and the other is partially circed. yep, partially!
My first boy was circed at two years old by lazer, being young, not knowing better I allowed a medical person tell me I HAD to cut my son. He had phimosis and the uroligist told me "IT MUST BE DONE, HE WILL HAVE LIFE LONG PROBLEMS AND PENIAL INFECTIONS. HE WILL HAVE A HEALTHIER PENIS AND WILL BE ABLE TO KEEP IT CLEAN IF HE HAS THIS DONE". Oh how I so wish I knew better back then. Go figure, another doctor who knows best! He did NOT bother to tell me that phimosis was NORMAL in babies. : Now, when my son gets an erection his skin is so taut, I do not know if this will cause him problems later in life and I pray to the GODS it does not!
My second boy was done by the pedi and OMFG worst thing ever!!! He did a botch job, my son still has forskin, he has had an infection, and the head of his penis is at a 45degree angle. Of course by the time # 3 came along 'daddy' finally seen it my way and REFUSED to circ.
post #102 of 719
I have been scanning this thread since shortly after my lad was born. I am a doc, and so is my DH. We are both aware of the lit out there on circ. I did NOT want my son circ'd, Dh did. He is, of course. He realized that the medical benefit is minimal, but he doesn't see that there are any downsides to circ, so why not do it? I abdicated the decision to him, I did not fight hard enough, either. I really thought it wouldn't bother me, but it set off my PPD, I think. I did what I could, chose the operator (does loose circs), ensured good anesthesia, blah, blah. I still feel like I failed him. I have not regretted ANY OTHER choice I have made as a mom, and that includes some controversial things around here like WOH, transitioning to crib at 7mo, and 10min of CIO. Those seem fine, I still think about the circ daily. DH knows how profoundly this has affected me, although he doesn't understand it. I REFUSE to have another son go through this.

I'm so glad to see that there are other moms who feel like I do, and who have some circ'd sons, and some intact, and its fine.
post #103 of 719
Tarah, not only are there more Moms who feel like you do, there are more doctors who are Moms that feel that way as well. Of those who have identified themselves, you are the 4th doctor/Mom here. I suspect we have more who have not identified themselves because we are often hard on the profession and they are afraid to speak out. We are only hard on those who circumcise and those who support it. You are clearly not in that category and are welcome here.



Frank
post #104 of 719
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post #105 of 719
I can't stop crying right now! I did not want my perfect little son cut. I even did research and tried to convince my dh that it was not needed. I mean we had (well I had ) big emotional fights about it. I would get so mad at everyone around me who disageed. I couldn't understand their ignorance! I even had a no circ ped who was wonderful, but she said it's not the end of the world if it's done and if you dh feels more strongly about it then let him decide. well i'm the one who felt more strongly about not doing it, but i felt all alone. even my mother whom i'm very close didn't soppurt me. ( i just got off the phone with her and told her how guilty i feel and will for the rest of my life, she and my dad said sometimes too much info isn't good, meanning researching circs. i told them maybe more info is needed for more people.
IT something you can ever take back, it's an awful feeling to know that you as a mother allowed such an injustist thing happen to your innocent, helpless, perfect just the way he was born baby, baby son. i feel awful!!! I wish that if for just one generation americans did not cut their sons. that way no dh could say "let just did it because i don't want my son to be made fun of in the locker room". I'd like to think that we can raise our sons to be healthy whole secure people that have more important things to worried about then whose penis looks like what. i will never do it to another son if i am so blessed to have another. And i always told my dh, because he was worried about ds feeling bad if he didn't look just like dad, that when he's old enogh to care he'll be old enough to know that we chose not to cut him because we knew he was perfect just the way he was born. I just will feel sorry for my ds who is no longer intact when i have to explain this to another son. I hate it when people (my parents) say that he's fine the way he is and that it's nothing to get upset about. I make me think they are so cold. If i was raped i'm sure i would survive but that doesn't make it alright to do! it is sad really how stupid some people can be just so close minded, really really SAD JUST DON'T DO IT
post #106 of 719
My two little boys are circed and it is the one thing I truly regret. They had no complications, nothing horrible that grabbed my attention, but the posts on MDC led me to do my own research and I now understand what an unnecessary and awful procedure it is. I want to thank the mamas here who continue to education others. It is because of their persistence that I even questioned the surgery. If we ever have another boy, he will leave the hospital intact. Dh and I have already discussed it and he agrees.

Again, thank you! And, please, continue to speak out!!

Missy
post #107 of 719
Yes I do. I didn't want to, wasent properly educated (which is my own fault), and my husband wanted to but when the time came he cryed before they came in to get them that he didnt want to hurt ds. That ripped my heart out and we both ask ourselves "why did we do this then?"
They gave DS anethetic and he didnt even twitch or cry. Not an excuse, but its the ONLY thing that makes us feel better. We will not do it again and are trying to fuiger out what we would tell the boy's (if we have two) as to why they are "different".
It gets me sick that I and DH where even "allowed" to make this decision for him. If it was banned, uneducated parents like us would not have the option. I hurt my perfect baby. Im so sorry Merrick.

I'm starting a post on parents who have one son Circ'd and another child intact...I'd like to hear what they plan on saying or doing.
post #108 of 719
In every other way I feel like such a great, loving parent, but I deeply regret the "choice" to circ. Now, it makes no sense to me how it is that I wouldn't even allow ds to cry-it-out as a babe, but I would just go ahead and rip some skin from his penis. Ds father was very adamant that Jake be circed and even though I instinctively knew better (listen to yourself mama ) I went ahead and consented. Perhaps this is the reason why ds had "colic" for months on end. Who knows, but if you ask me it seems pretty obvious. Also (and wow am I embarassed writing this) ds was born premature. He wasn't even ready to be out here where it's noisy, cold, and bright, and to top it all off some stranger cuts off the most senstive part of his anatomy WITHOUT ANTHESTESIA!!! I think it is pretty routine that docs no longer allow parents to witness the surgery which in my opinion speaks volumes. I would never have allowed my baby to be strapped to a board for any other reason so what's so different about a circumcision? I wish it were banned as a form of child abuse so that my ds would have been spared. Hindsight being 20/20 no more of my children will be circumcised for any reason.
post #109 of 719
Reading some of these posts makes me cry! My ds1 was circed. I was 22 when I gave birth, I knew nothing about it really. I tried to research it, but there was so much conflicting stuff out there. So I took the easy way out and let my ex decide. I mean, he was a man after all. In my gut, I didnt want to do it, but everyone said he'd get infected, have to have it done later blahblah...stuff I now know to be untrue. So we did it. DS went on a nursing strike for a day or so. I asked my ex later why he chose to do it, expecting some well thought out answer backed by research and personal philosophy. What did I get? "Because it was done to me". That brought me up short. What kind of answer was that? Lots of things were done to me that I'd never do to another person. That plastic ring thats suppose to just fall off on its own when its all healed? Yeah, well, part of the skin grew back around that so most of it was trying to come off but it was held down in that one spot so it was rubbing back and forth. He was three days old and screaming like you wouldnt believe, nothing worked. Finally when I took his diaper off to check his temp (on docs orders, armpit wasnt good enough), he stopped crying then I saw his poor little penis. We had to go get it RECLIPPED and this time, unlike the first time, I was there and saw his reaction, had to hold him to have it done and it had to be done to get the ring off (the plastibell). It was horrible. Tell me they dont feel pain, what a crock of sh%^. I was using sposies, but had to go to cloth diapers cuz his wound (yes, red, raw and oozing) would stick to the disposible diapers and hurt. Cloth didnt bother him.

Anyway, fast forward several years when I went back to school and Im taking an anthropology course where we cover female genital mutilation and Im horrified and disbeleiving and ask how anyone could let that happen to thier child, much less participate in it! The prof tells me because they honestly believe <list of stupid reasons>. And it hit me physically right in the gut that those are the same reasons WE give for male circumcision and that Europeans much see us as barbaric and horrific as I was seeing these people. Ouch. I swore then and there I'd never circ another baby. And I felt so guilty for letting it happen to my first.

Luckily, my current dh is intact and there was never a question or an argument and we used a midwife, no hospital, so I didnt have to argue with anyone to keep ds2 intact. But I would have. Oh, boy, would I have! Well, I did argue with my mom, but she had no power to enforce her opinion thankfully and after reading some literature I gave her from the birthing centers waiting room, she has completely changed her mind.
post #110 of 719
All 3 of my sons were circ'd. The part I regret the most was when I was pregnant with my oldest, I had pretty much decided I wasnt going to circ.....but I wasn't 100 % sure (everyone I knew was, and my ex was).....I talked about it with my ex and at the last minute decided to do it

Im sure if I had held strong then, the other 2 wouldnt have been circ'd either. My DH watched our 2nd son being circ'd...so Im surprised he still said he wanted our 3rd son to get it done (he didnt really care, but I think leaned towards doing it since it was familiar). Our 3rd son's looks different....they left much more intact (so much so that the pediatrician said they should have taken more off....but Im glad they didnt)

I just wish I had followed my gut initially.
post #111 of 719
I wish i had been more informed.
I didnt really know what all the baby went through.
When they took my son away i was expecting it to be a few minutes and he would be right back with me to try to bf. I waited, waited, waited... and when he didnt come back soon i was starting to get worried. At least an hour had passed and I was sick that something had happened.
They had taken him to the nursery and back then i just thought, oh they didnt know i wanted him back in my room. Well, looking back i am sure that the procedure took more than a couple of minutes. ( dont know what i was thinking, like it was getting a hair cut or something???? no idea) And that they take them straight to the nursery because they dont want the parents to see the babies so upset.
I can only hope and pray they used some sort of anesthesia. I used to obsess every day about why i had it done. But i cant wreck myself like that. I cant dwell on it i will put myself into a depression. I can be informed and do better next time. When we know better, we do better, right?

I am still upset though over a friend who volunteered to change DS's diaper at about a month old. I know she only did it to see if he was circumcised or not. That embarrasses me that she would purposefully change a diaper to look at my son's penis. Makes me sick actually. Isnt that one argument about the locker room- no one should be looking and comparing anyway? I have never said anything to this friend. She is obviously anti-circ, but she could have brought it up in conversation instead of looking at my son. Or she should have tried to inform me better before he was born. I really didnt know what the case against it was and didnt even know any difference. I am not saying anythignis her fault. I am saying that after the fact, it is really not her business. I am kinda embarrassed to admit that i had that done to my son, and i feel that was pouring salt into my wound. Or whispering and gossipping about me behind my back. " Did you see? Amy had her son circumcised. I just cant believe she did that." Isnt the guilt of having it done bad enough. Then to be judged by others for womething you already regret???
post #112 of 719
Here's our story of regret:

I became educated about circumcisions during my pregnancy by researching here and on the web. I was very strongly against it and constantly argued with my husband about it the whole time. My dh is intact, so I assumed our son would be too. But unfortunatlely, my bil (who is extremly messed up due to drug use-this is not a lie) tried to cir'c his self at the age of 27 with a pair of sissors, since then my dh has held to the idea that boys need to be cir'c. Well, when I had ds, my husband signed the papers, as I constantly refused, but what could I say at the moment. They swore it would only be a few minutes. Needless to say that 3 hours later, a very distraught baby came back to the room. He refused to nurse for the next four hours and screamed constantly and we could do NOTHING to ease his pain or calm him down. The whole process was tramitizing and NOT WORTH IT!!! My dh has now agreed that we will NEVER do this to another child of ours ever. (NOt to mention that I constantly ask him how he'd feel if someone were to mutilate him.) Also, my friend who has two boys has had to have them both recir'c many times, due to the skin growing attached again, so once again. I REGRET IT AND WOULDN"T WISH IT ON ANY BABY BOY EVER!
post #113 of 719

My son

Hi everyone,

Our son is (almost) 10 months. He's intact, thank goodness. I just wanted to know I wish I could give each and everyone of you great big hugs. Your stories have really touched me. I swear I feel like I could cry, I just feel so bad for all of you.

~Nay
post #114 of 719
Both of my sons are circumcised. I wish we would of never done it.
post #115 of 719
I 100% regret having our first son circumcised. We just never really questioned it, as I think a lot of mother moms don't question it. We just thought it's what you're supposed to do since everyone we knows has their boys circumcised. I didn't really even know much about the procedure, I just thought it was a "quick snip". I can't believe how stupid and un-questioning I was. When I got pregnant for a second time, I did some research and I was shocked and horrified by the whole thing. We left our second some intact and I'm so glad I was able to save one of my boys from that awful procedure. I only wished I would have saved my first one...
post #116 of 719
I just wanted you all to know that this thread helped convince me that I DO NOT want my baby (my first, a boy) circumcised, even though my DH felt very strongly that he wanted it done. (He's circumcised, as are his two teenage boys from his first marriage.)

I was thinking I would just leave this up to my DH, since he felt strongly about it and I had mixed feelings. But the more I read the more I realized that *I* was starting to feel very strongly about it -- against it -- and that I had way more valid reasons not to do it than DH had to do it.

And I'm happy to say that he has agreed not to do it, and our son will not be circumcised. So thank you all.
post #117 of 719

My ds is circ'd and I really regret it

I left the decision up to dbf, and he wanted to do it. My only stipulation was that he had to have anesthesia, so it "didn't hurt".
Ugh. I have no idea why it didn't occur to me to just leave him the way he was! I wouldn't have wanted to "alter" a baby girl, so why did I let this happen to my ds?
When he was a couple of months old, some skin around his circ grew together. (yes I did take care of it and keep it clean, and pull it back occasionally). When it came apart, it hurt my poor baby. I felt so so so awful I decided then and there that any other sons I have will remain natural and intact.

I'm glad that I'm not the only one who did this and now regrets allowing it to happen. It's something I can't change, but at least I can learn from it, and perhaps others can learn from it too.

Becky
Keagan 11 mos
post #118 of 719
Thanks ladies for all of your input. I wasn't sure early on in my pregnancy what I was going to decide and like a lot of the population was misinformed. When our ds is born in the next week or so he will be left intact, just as nature intended.
post #119 of 719
Sigh.. I'll have to be added to this list. I am so guilty over the fact that I took care to research natural birthing, breastfeeding, cloth diapering, cosleeping, gentle discipline... but it never ocurred to me to research circing. Being not at all familiar with the proper functioning of the penis, I didn't even know the foreskin had a purpose until much later when I found MDC! The only person I'd met that was intact (that I know of - I'm sure plenty of other men I've known have been intact, but it hasn't come up in conversation) was BIL, who told us he'd wished he'd been circed. He never did explain why and I didn't know enough to question it. The irony being his son is intact even though he planned to circ him - he was just too lazy to get around to doing it. What a lucky little boy in that one instance to have had lazy parents!!! MIL was against circ, but she never spoke to me about it so I was never given the other point of view. I just thought it was "normal". I cannot believe that I questioned and fought "normal" procedures such as drugs during labor, having the baby removed to a nursery, etc... but didn't think to question circing. I think of myself as irresponsible for not taking care to educate myself regarding male genital care in order to provide my son with the best. DS has what I assume is a low and loose circ. It looks unfinished to me, as if he's stuck with a half circumcision or something. I really have no idea whether it falls in the realm of (again, that word) "normal" or if he'll have to worry about not looking like either circed OR intact boys. I don't have any horror stories about the actual procedure, although I felt like I was swallowing my heart the entire time we sat waiting for them to do the procedure. I should have listened to mother's instinct and left. I most certainly will not be circing any other boys if we are blessed enough to have them. And I will have to face my son when he asks me why I cut off a part of his penis and tell him "because I didn't know any better" as if that is a justifiable excuse. I'm heartbroken over my stupidity and clearly see that it never should have been MY choice in the first place whether he kept his intact penis or not.
post #120 of 719
i feel a little bad about it.

my two sons are circumcized.

i don't plan on circumcizing this time, but i am unsure......

i regret having them circumcized, because i actually watched a show on television which made me realize that mostly 'uncivilized' places were circumcizing...and most 'civilized' places were not..................

then i started thinking about the statues in art museums (classical ones) aren't usually circ'

i thought that the non-circ looked "odd", but now i sort of think that the circumcized way is more "odd"

as for health reasons. i don't see any big difference thus far.

i don't plan on circumcizing this time around.

i am a little nervous though. as i have never dealt with an uncircumcized penis and i am not sure how or what i should do.....and husband also doesn't know what to do. so fear is making me a little nervous.

anyway, if i had to do again. id NOT get them done.

just because we did it for "looks" and now my views have changed somewhat.
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