If you regret circumcising your son(s), please post here. - Page 7

[PGTlatte]

Our almost 2.5 yr old DS is circ'd. We were convinced by a ped, a high-risk OB, and two specialists after his birth that it would be a medical necessity for him, because he was born with a kidney defect, and even one UTI could result in the loss of a kidney for him, and that if it wasn't done as an infant, if he ever got a UTI in his life, he would have to have it done later. At the time we saw our decision as protecting his kidney and saving him the trouble of inevitably having it done at a later age. The urologist who ended up doing his kidney surgery agreed that we made the right decision in having him circ'd....he said he was opposed to routine circ, but that our son's was not a routine case. Anesthesia was used, and honestly when he came back and the doctor was showing us, it did seem to be numb, and it never seemed to bother him during diaper changes either, and if there is such a thing as a well-done circ, I think his is probably very well done as it was very clean, there is quite a bit of foreskin left, and it healed very quickly. Still, even with all this, I wish I had dug deeper into the risks of UTI for circ'd vs uncirc'd and questioned the procedure more, if for no other reason that to have had more peace with whatever decision we came to. I regret that. And I'm sad my DS will never know the benefits of an intact foreskin.

DS2 is due in 5 weeks and appears so far to be perfectly healthy DH wanted to have him circ'd so the "whole family would look alike" but I have convinced him that we won't. We only thought about it with DS1 because of his kidney problem, and there is no way I could ever justify having it done to another son for purely cosmetic reasons. I would feel guilty forever. DS2 will be intact....so I have been reading up on the care of (leave it alone !) and common questions new parents of intact boys have

[Stevie]

back for an update

I just wanted to chime in and say that I did indeed apologize to my first son. He was not aware there was any controversy surrounding circ. but accepted my apologies with great grace and began to educate himself and all his friends as well. Since he is nearly 29 years old now, his words do more to save more babies than mine!

My 2nd son is now almost 2 and I have had no regrets over leaving him whole We chuckle when he "balloons" while sitting on the potty and any momentary redness is gone by the next diaper change I also know where to go and where to send anyone else who has any questions about circ or care of the intact penis. In fact, I have sent several mommas here from another board and their questions have been answered with compassion.

[TwoSets]

A little bit...

I do regret it, kinda.
I have twin boys. Milo is intact, Owen is circumcised. Owen was born with fairly severe hypospadias. At the time, I was told the only option was circumcision. I was pretty out of it, having just had a really rough twin vaginal birth, and I didn't know any better. It had to be done, so I agreed.
Part of me still agrees that it had to be done. I think it would have been done anyway, no matter what less drastic measures we chose. I don't necessarily regret circing him, I regret more not trying every other option before agreeing to it. Even if it would have been done anyway, we would at least know we tried to spare him.
Milo, on the other hand, is intact. My family, including my partner, fought me tooth and nail on this one. They thought if one was circumcised, they both should be. This one I stood my ground over and it was one of the worst fights my partner and I have ever had... leading up to the famous "dammit they're my kids not yours" comment, which of course I regretted instantly but it did make her back down a bit
They are almost six years old, and they don't give a hill of beans about the difference. One day they might, and I'll explain to Owen why we had him circed. It is then that I think I'll regret not having tried other means. But, I do take small comfort in the fact that I know it probably would have been done anyway.

[AnonymousAndHiding]

I had a perfect little baby boy. My first boy. I circumcised him for religious reasons. It was a terrible mistake. I shook, I cried, I listened to him screaming. It wasn't even a long time screaming and he was held in loving grampa's arms.

I felt there was no way I could *not* do this thing but now I wonder how I ever could have. He hiccuped and whimpered for hours after, and didn't want to nurse even. I was sick to my stomach and cried and whimpered in the bed with him. It was the first and last time in his life, I hope, he screamed like that.

He has long forgotten the pain I suppose, he's a happy baby and smiles at me and coos when I change his diaper. When I look at him, I cringe to think what I let happen.



I"m so sorry, baby boy.

[Quirky]

Originally Posted by Peepsqueak

My father is a pediatric surgeon and says the babies really have no nerve feelings so it can be done quickly with a sharp scalpal. As long as it is not torn, it can heal adequately. Of course he is old school.

Your father is very much mistaken....babies feel pain even more exquisitely than adults do.

Back in the very old days, because of the belief that babies don't feel pain, they used to paralyze them but NOT anesthetize them for MAJOR surgery.

[Frankly Speaking]

AnonymousAndHiding, you do not need to be anonymous or have to hide any more. You are in a safe place here. Welcome!


Frank

[Frankly Speaking]

Originally Posted by Quirky

Your father is very much mistaken....babies feel pain even more exquisitely than adults do.

Back in the very old days, because of the belief that babies don't feel pain, they used to paralyze them but NOT anesthetize them for MAJOR surgery.

Jane, I did some research on this issue a while back. From what I understand, they knew and understood the pain the babies were going through but felt that the risk of anesthesia shock was greater than the risk of systemic shock from the pain. However, they learned to manage anesthesia shock years ago (1960's I think) but continued this practice well into the 1990's. The research indicated that the majority of infant thorasic surgeries performed in the 1980's were performed with paralytics only and I suspect that some may still be done that way today.

It wasn't that they believed these babies didn't feel pain, they just didn't care.



Frank

[AnonymousAndHiding]

Originally Posted by Frankly Speaking

Jane, I did some research on this issue a while back. From what I understand, they knew and understood the pain the babies were going through but felt that the risk of anesthesia shock was greater than the risk of systemic shock from the pain. However, they learned to manage anesthesia shock years ago (1960's I think) but continued this practice well into the 1990's. The research indicated that the majority of infant thorasic surgeries performed in the 1980's were performed with paralytics only and I suspect that some may still be done that way today.

It wasn't that they believed these babies didn't feel pain, they just didn't care.



Frank

Oh, my God. I can't bear the thought of this. I just can't bear it. How can they live with themselves?

Why, why, why do people treat babies and children as if they were not deserving of basic humankindness? Or even basic kindness? If they operated on an animal without anesthetic they would be arrested. I can't understand why people think it's okay to do that to helpless innocent babies!

I was up all night crying intermittently over this whole thing. I think that, for several weeks, just trying to get through the day with a newborn and two other children made me put off dealing with this issue. Now that things are more steady (shhhhhh...not too loud.... ) I am trying to come to terms with what we did to our boy. Does this overwhelming and oppressive feeling of guilt and dread go away for moms?

[Frankly Speaking]

Medical professionals are regularly surrounded by the pain of their patients and learn how to block it out and become immune to it. They also learn by experience that they can not become too involved with their patients and too emphathetic with them or the emotions become too intense to perform their job. I think this eventually extends to a willingness to subject their patients to unnecessary pain.

While I can't tell you that your emotional pain and guilt will ever completely go away, you will learn to deal with it and compartmentalize it just like you eventually learn to deal with the death of a loved one.



Frank

[MrsRoss]

I completely regret circ'ing my beautiful little baby. It was against my better judgment that I gave up fighting my husband over the issue because the doctor told us that a topical anesthesia would be used. I had read and read about not circ'ing. I presented my case to dh armed with studies and facts, but he wouldn't listen to any of it. He couldn't believe that I wouldn't want my son circ'ed. My husband couldn't even come up with a good reason to have it done. He said that it would just be easier to get him circ'ed now rather than have to teach our 4 year-old boy how to care for his intact penis.

Shortly before ds was born, I finally just gave up on the whole thing, told dh it was on his head, and made him sign the consent form. The doctor told me it would be over quickly, and ds would even get a pacifier with sugar on it. He would be back in our room nursing away before we knew it.

Of course it was not dh who had to look at my poor son's bloody, mutilated penis those first few weeks during diaper changes. Dh didn't have to slather it with vaseline to keep it from sticking to the diaper. Later, when ds was about 8 months old, it was me, who with a nurse's help, had to hold down my son while the doctor forcibly removed the adhesions that were forming around the head of his penis by holding it and yanking down the skin. There was no topical anesthesia this time. There was no sugar-laden bink to stop him from screaming.

Since this whole terrible ordeal, I have put my foot down, and no more of our boys, if we have any, will be put through this. When my sweet firstborn is older, I will ask his forgiveness for this horrible thing I capitulated to when he was just two days old. It is forgiving myself that will be the hardest part.

[Punkymom]

I couldn't read anymore after the first page. This is the first time I have truly allowed myself to mourn over the decision I made. My son was born May 6, 2004. Perfect, 9 lbs, 3 oz. I didn't want to have him circumsized. I knew all the research, I knew that he was perfect not being cut. Unfortunately, I was with a man who was not the baby's father and he was controlling and manipulative and a habitual lier. He convinced (or rather I gave up fighting him) me to get baby circumsized. I'm crying so hard as I type this. There's nothing I can do, now. I caused my baby pain. He is highly sensitive to pain. I noticed this from day one. He is unvaxed, so we had no shot experiences, but he had a 2 y/o sister and she could be kind of rough on him. When she accidentally hurt him, he screamed bloody murder. Never in my life have I heard a baby react like that to being hurt. He's almost 18 mos now and even now when he gets hurt he is inconsolable and arches his back when I pick him up to comfort him. After a couple of minutes he snuggles on my shoulder, but my daughter never reacted to pain so violently. I'm so very sorry, baby boy. You are mommy's pride and I love you so very much. I would die for you, why couldn't I stop them from hurting you? I'm so very sorry, my love.

[dancermomof2]

I assume the baby in question has already been circumcised, but I will share my story anyway.
I can not claim ignorance or anything other than choosing to let my husband make a stupid decision I knew was wrong.
My son was born at home, a wonderful peaceful birth. My husband and I had debated for many months--with the end result always being him mad at me and me mad at him. He grew up in a very "mainstream" family (sleep with your kids? breastfeed past six weeks? NO VACCINATIONS!?!, etc.)
I wanted my husband to go in with our son so he could see the horrible mutilation he forced upon this beautiful, perfect baby. At the last minute he chickened out and left me alone. I watched the entire process as punishment for what I was doing. I will never forget the torture I saw the doctor inflict upon my baby. I cried harder than my son did, and I didn't stop crying for three days (I also did not speak to my husband during that period). If we ever have another boy, I will NOT give in! My son deserved to make that choice on his own, it was not our place to decide for him.
The only positive outcome is being able to share my story with expectant mothers facing this decision.
But I doubt the guilt will ever go away, and I will make damn sure my son(s) understand the importance of having an intact penis, the penis they were born with.

[Myboysmom]

My Story And Long Overdue!!!

BELOW IS POSTED WHAT I WROTE IN A THREAD I STARTED TODAY. I WAS ENCOURAGED TO POST MY STORY HERE, AND I AM. I NEVER DREAMED I WOULD FEEL THIS STRONGLY BUT LIFE EXPERIENCES HAVE LED ME TO THIS ADVOCACY. I CANNOT CHANGE THE PAST BUT I MAY BE ABLE TO HAVE AN IMPACT ON THE FUTURE!


Background first: I left the decision up to my ex about whether or not to circ the boys. I really didn't see the point but let him decide. and they were all circumcized before leaving the hospital. Well, he turned out to be a first class so letting him choose is just one of many decisions I regret making.

I discovered through a conversation with my mother after my father's death he had never been cut. He always felt it was because no one cared enough to do it when he was born (he was an orphan from birth). Mom says she never could convince him it was not a big deal and that there was nothing WRONG with being intact. (my sisters totally freaked at her saying that and me supporting it by stating I wished my boys had not been circ'd)

NOW, I have recently had my very first sexual experience with an uncut man. OH MY GOSH!!!! WHY DID I LET THAT HAPPEN TO MY BOYS??????????? I certainly will advocate AGAINST it wholeheartedly from NOW ON!!!

[Quirky]

(((Kim))) Thank you for sharing your story. I hope you will be able to give your son info on restoration when it's appropriate to do so. Have you talked to your dh about it? My dh is personally very resistant to the idea right now but I hope that one day he might be willing to learn more about it.

I respect you so much for refusing to participate in circs any more - if only more health care professionals were as courageous as you! And you probably know this already, but just FYI in case you don't - Marilyn Milos, RN, the founder of NOCIRC, had 3 boys in the 70s and all of them were routinely circed. It wasn't until she later went to nursing school that she realized what circ was and took a stand against it. Because of brave people like her and like you, so many boys will be spared!

[craftykitty]

Ugh. My first child is cut and I TOTALLY regret it. I never agreed with it, but I let my dh make the final decision (he complained that he wasn't allowed to make any choices for the baby and HE was the one with a penis... blah, blah, blah). Anyway, it was terrible and I would never let it be done to another child.

[craftykitty]

Originally Posted by MrsRoss

I completely regret circ'ing my beautiful little baby. It was against my better judgment that I gave up fighting my husband over the issue because the doctor told us that a topical anesthesia would be used. I had read and read about not circ'ing. I presented my case to dh armed with studies and facts, but he wouldn't listen to any of it. He couldn't believe that I wouldn't want my son circ'ed. My husband couldn't even come up with a good reason to have it done. He said that it would just be easier to get him circ'ed now rather than have to teach our 4 year-old boy how to care for his intact penis.

Shortly before ds was born, I finally just gave up on the whole thing, told dh it was on his head, and made him sign the consent form. The doctor told me it would be over quickly, and ds would even get a pacifier with sugar on it. He would be back in our room nursing away before we knew it.

Of course it was not dh who had to look at my poor son's bloody, mutilated penis those first few weeks during diaper changes. Dh didn't have to slather it with vaseline to keep it from sticking to the diaper. Later, when ds was about 8 months old, it was me, who with a nurse's help, had to hold down my son while the doctor forcibly removed the adhesions that were forming around the head of his penis by holding it and yanking down the skin. There was no topical anesthesia this time. There was no sugar-laden bink to stop him from screaming.

Since this whole terrible ordeal, I have put my foot down, and no more of our boys, if we have any, will be put through this. When my sweet firstborn is older, I will ask his forgiveness for this horrible thing I capitulated to when he was just two days old. It is forgiving myself that will be the hardest part.

Wow, this is *exactly* my story as well.

[Seie]

I cannot thank all you of you enough for sharing your stories here.
I would like to tell you that I have referred a woman to this page and quoted experiences I have read here. And she has now showed them to her DH who wanted any sons they might have in the future circumcised because he himself was circumcised. But after reading the quotes from this thread they are both convinced that they will NOT circumcise. And the DH finally admits to still having sideeffects to his circumcision.
I hope it helps all of you to know that your stories made a difference!
Thanks again.

Inca

[bunniemunch]

Originally Posted by Quirky

Your father is very much mistaken....babies feel pain even more exquisitely than adults do.

Back in the very old days, because of the belief that babies don't feel pain, they used to paralyze them but NOT anesthetize them for MAJOR surgery.

i remember reading about this and it was like, hello common sense? of course it hurts!!!

[boingo82]

Originally Posted by bunniemunch

i remember reading about this and it was like, hello common sense? of course it hurts!!!

Sadly, it wasn't even "the very old days" - they were doing that as recently as 1986.

[InDaPhunk]

Originally Posted by bunniemunch

i remember reading about this and it was like, hello common sense? of course it hurts!!!

If newborns don't feel pain then why do they scream their heads off when they get the PKU heel prick? KWIM? People can justify anything if they're motivated enough. Anyway, back to the thread topic....