If you regret circumcising your son(s), please post here. - Page 8

[MistyMM]

Those moms who regret circumcising, there is a yahoo groupfor you at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/regretfulmoms

[GranolaBar]

I really really regret having my ds circumcised. My husband was circumcised and I figured it was a normal and good thing. I hadn't read into it or anything about it because I was still pretty young when I had him. I didn't know any better, so when the hospital asked if they could perform the operation I said yes. I thought that everyone did it

After now reading articles about it I feel awful about it and bad that I never looked into it before. If I could go back in time I would..

[bugg]

It's amazing and sooo sad to see how many of us were bullied into circ'ing by our partners my love is an amazing man, who totally jumped into natural parenting head first. the one thing he would not see for what it was... circumcision. He made me feel like our boys HAD to be circ'ed, that every man he knew was, that he was, that it was what the boys would want as they got older. I love this man w/ all of my heart but he is so wrong and i regret not fighting harder for what i believed in. our sons are happy, beautiful beings and i hope they forgive me for mutilating their tiny bodies- although i will never forgive myself

[marly212]

I wouldn't describe myself as being bullied into circumcizing my son. I was uninformed. I regret it deeply to this day. He is almost 2 and a half years old and with every diaper change the scene of the circumcision comes back. It does help to read about others feelings and talk about it though. I think, also, the more people like those on this board try and get the word out, the more future mothers will think twice or at least research. I did it because I was told by those "in the know" that it is what we should do. He's my son and I should've stood up for him, no one else was going to.

Thanks, kind of new here.
Marly

Also, here is a site about regrets I found, kind of interesting to see people share their regrets: www.ishty.blogspot.com

[JamesMama]

I've read this thread from begining to end several times. I printed it out and made DH read it...it has taken me MONTHS to work up the courage to post myself.

I regret the decision to circumsize my son. I have no excuses. I didn't educate myself at all. I didn't research it in the slightest. Every man I know is circed. Every parent I know says circ is the way to go. I listened to DH and GFIL tell me he was 34 when he was circed due to infection. I believed them when they said it happens all the time. "Do it now when he can't remember. Not when he's 34" I told DH "It's up to you, I don't have a penis." The nurse came and got him, told me I was not allowed in the room when they did it. I cried the whole time. They brought him back with a bottle of glucose water, I refused the glucose water because I had done research on nipple confusion (I did a TON of research on breastfeeding, none on circ) I nursed him and thought all was well. I didn't regret it in the slightest for months. I had no clue. I dutefuly dabbed the vasaline and gauze pad on his poor mutilated red penis at every diaper change and told myself that was normal. My brothers was like that when I changed his diapers. My cousins was like that when I changed his diapers completly normal.

When DS was 4 months old (or so) I stumbled upon MDC, I read around a bit...I noticed the SAY NO TO CIRC things in peoples siggy's...I clicked on some links...my heart stopped. I read and I read and I cried and I cried. I ran to my 4 month old son and begged for his forgiveness. I showed the things to my husband...forced him to look...to read. LOOK AT WHAT WE DID TO HIM! I screamed! We're terrible parents. I sobbed for days. I was inconsoliable. DH did not understand, he was circed. He is fine. Grandpa had an infection, he told me over and over. I made him read how rare that is. He stil was unconvinced. I printed off this tread and made him read. He still didn't understand. He said I was overreacting. Finally I pushed it enough and he says "It's been done, we won't do it again. I promise, if we have another boy we won't do it again. Don't feel guilty. When you know better you do better."

I live with my regret every single day. I cannot put into words how much I regret that decision. I regret it more than any decision I've ever made in my entire life. I regret circing my perfect, precious son every single day of my life. I cannot look at SAY NO TO CIRC smilies, messages and the Circ board without feeling such terrible guilt I nearly cry...again.

[kldliam]

More support for moms with deep regrets:

Please join an online group for mothers who share the same regrets about circumcision:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/regret...guid=128903934

[2Sweeties1Angel]

I really regret having my son circ'd. I didn't even consent to the procedure, but I probably would have at the time I don't know why--DH is intact so it wasn't about looking like his Daddy. I had never done any research and I guess it just seemed like the "normal" thing to do. After taking care of that little cap for a week and seeing the pus and blood I realized a huge mistake had been made but it was too late to change it I don't know how I'll explain it to him when he's older and I know he'll be exposed mainly to intact boys--our homeschool playgroup is very crunchy and none of them circ.

[carlaluisa]

I regret getting my son circed. I never wanted to but like many others my dh decided he wanted our ds to look like him. He was perfect before the circ and now at 10 months our dr said he has a concealed penis and we might want to get surgery to correct it. After reading about this tonight I have found that it is most likely a result from the circ. Somehow the penis has retracted back so that you can only see the tip. I have to push on the surrounding skin so it will pop out so I can clean it......I wish I would have been more forceful abount not wanting him to be circed....

[Munchkingirl]

Oh I want to voice my regret...pain...but it just will not be found. The hurt closes my throat and clogs up my eyes so I can not see to write. Not yet...

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

Originally Posted by Munchkingirl

Oh I want to voice my regret...pain...but it just will not be found. The hurt closes my throat and clogs up my eyes so I can not see to write. Not yet...

[anotherKatrina]

This is my second post on this thread. My sister plans to circ her perfect boy tomorrow morning. I haven't been able to change her mind.

I still remember my son's circ. I remember how he struggled against the straps that held him on the board. I'll never forget how he screamed until his raw throat could produce no more sound. I've spent more than a day sobbing on and off, all day long. My son will be 14 years old next month. The pain really has no end.

[Marilyn Milos, RN]

Of all the mistakes...

This is the inscription I wrote for my youngest son on a circumcision book that I co-edited:

Dear Timothy,

You know that, if I could take one thing back in my life of many mistakes, it would be the circumcision of my sons--the gravest mistake of all!

It is the pain and trauma inflicted upon you, because I didn't know enough to protect you, that will save untold numbers of other babies from the same suffering. It will never be enough because it won't be you and your brothers that are spared.

Still, I hope, as witness to your betrayal and trauma, it will help you to heal your most profound wound. And, I know you, too, will help protect the next generation.

With my deepest apologies and my greatest love,

Mom

No mother should ever have to write such a letter. No son should ever have to receive one. Timothy is now the father of two intact children, 3-year-old Demetri (a boy) and 9-month-old Talia (a girl).

My sons and my husband all wish they were intact. They realize what they've lost and would never pass the wounding along. I hope you and your husband come to understand that the baby you are making is perfect and he needs to be loved, respected, and protected, especially from a painful and traumatic unnecessary, elective, non-therapeutic amputation of the most sensitive part of his penis. Your baby is depending on you! Take the whole baby home.

Marilyn

[Kathryn]

Marilyn! Wow! It's like having our very own celebrity on here

[Quirky]

[njeb]

Originally Posted by Quirky

:
Welcome, Marilyn! to you for all the hard work you've done over the last 20 some years to bring an end to this barbaric practice!

[jessjgh1]

Marilyn,
It is wonderful for you to add your letter to our community here. Your story is one that many of us know- and your work is something we all respect.

I know there are many eager ears and fingers here to take ACTION!!

And to all the mothers who have shared their story here, I hope you all know how powerful your words are. I know I feel a kinship because I feel that I could have easily made a different choice and been the one to feel regretful- and I KNEW that circumcision harms. I would have had to blame myself and having read of people that regretted their decision kept me STRONG. I didn't find this MDC link till after my son was born and I know the first time I read through I just cried and cried.

You all make me want to work harder to do what I can to educate other parents, medical profesionals, and future parents.

Hugs!

Jessica

[Marilyn Milos, RN]

Thanks to you, too!

Thank you for welcoming me to your group. I won't be posting often because my plate is full, but I did want to share in this thread because, if my story saves one mother or baby from suffering, it will be worth it!

When I began my work 27 years ago, there were only a handful of us talking about circumcision. (I was the one who wouldn't shut up!) Today, there are so many of us, I don't know everyone anymore. And, I'm always amazed by how much others know. You're saying things it took me years to figure out, and you're saying them well. So, I'm also writing to thank each of you who is working to protect the bodily integrity rights of children. You give me hope for the world!

If you ever have a question, please feel free to contact me at [e-mail]. Also, be sure to let me know if you think I can help with a particular discussion here, and I'll be happy to join you.

Blessings, Marilyn

[Marilyn Milos, RN]

We are the ones...

To Other Moms of Circumcised Boys,

It occurs to me that we are the courageous mothers, we are the ones who are willing to look critically at what we've allowed for our sons, for whatever reason -- the not knowing, the coercion, the pressure, wanting to acquiesce to our husbands, fathers brothers, peers, or simply because we were lied to.

We are not unlike the courageous men who look at the scar on their penis and recognize they've lost something that was rightfully theirs, a crucial, functioning, important part of their organ of pleasure and procreation. They recognize that their penis was diminished in size, sensitivity, and function because someone did that to them.

We suffer the horrible pain of that realization. Never before in history have so many people recognized the atrocity of genital cutting and the horror of what is done to babies behind closed doors.

The remarkable part of this is the fact that we are the ones who can bring about change! We can bring an end to this anachronistic blood ritual just by telling our stories. Each story is vitally important, and you are the story tellers.

And, the best part of all this (if there is a best part of what we have to live with on a daily basis) is that we can transform our own pain by telling our stories and bringing about an end to non-therapeutic circumcision.

Thank you, my sisters and friends, for your willingness to speak out. It's what's going to help make a difference in us and in our society.

Blessing, Marilyn

[MistyMM]

Marilyn,

I am saddened that I did not meet you 5 years ago. I'm saddened that I didn't meet the many courageous, outspoken, sometimes offensive mothers who made me realize the terrible thing that I allowed to happen to my son. I have learned better now, and have an intact baby boy, who just turned a year old. I am active in nocirc in florida, and do everything in my power to helpspread the word. I had free business cards made up at www.vistaprint.com and had "circumcision is ending in america find out how at www.nocirc.org" and other catchy phrases on them. I find my therapy in leaving these business cards in places that pregnant moms would be. I leave them inside pregnancy books at borders and barnes and nobles. I leave them in the baby aisles of the grocer and other stores. I litter babies r us with them. I don't shop at these stores, but I go there SPECIFICALLY to find the mainstream jane do america and spread the word to her. It is all I can do. And I hope it is enough. And when the grief overcomes me, I go to the support group I made (that is growing) and I cry with them. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/regretfulmoms

Misty
Mommy to Tommy (4.5 and cut) Tori (2.5 and protected by law) and Bobby (1 year old, intact)

[Marilyn Milos, RN]

Your efforts will make a difference

Thanks for your message, Misty.

You've brought an end to circumcision in your own family. It shows that we can grow and change! Bless you for that!

I truly appreciate your brilliant idea about having business cards printed and putting them every place you think they might save a baby. We know change is happening one mother or father at a time...and just getting the message out is what's needed.

You're another mother who brings me great hope! Thank you for that!

Marilyn