or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Pregnancy and Birth › Understanding Circumcision › If you regret circumcising your son(s), please post here.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

If you regret circumcising your son(s), please post here. - Page 2

post #21 of 719
I was going to take the time to post my story into this thread, but I see that they decided to do it

Is there any chance that there could be a "sticky" in this forum for stories like this? I don't come into this forum all that often, but want my (my son's) story posted here to affect others.
post #22 of 719
This is my first time coming to this forum. I was so ignorant of what was involved with circumsion. Both my boys were circumcised. I didn't know that a baby could die, or experience sexual problems later on in life.

I would have never allowed the procedure if I had an inkling of what was involved.
post #23 of 719
Quote:
Originally posted by Frankly Speaking
I'm sure it does since there are no medical personnel there to resusitate him should there be asphyxia or his heart should stop.



Frank
Actually there were two medical professionals present, one a pediatrician the other an EMT, but it still scared the heck out of me.
post #24 of 719
//
post #25 of 719
Okay.. I'm new at this posting stuff and just saw the next thread, the religious debate thread? I'm not trying to preach to anyone, and if you disagree with my beliefs, that's your issue. I was only speaking to people who might share my former naive concern that I would be offending my God if I didn't circ my son, and are looking here for answers.

lizzie
post #26 of 719
Lizzie:

I think you can relax. The intent of the religious discussion rule is to stop provocative statements and I saw nothing provocative in your message. If you are guilty, I would be too and would have been banned from here long ago.

Welcome to our group. I hope you will be with us often.




Frank
post #27 of 719
Thanks, Frank!

You certainly seem to KNOW what you're talking about! My dh was very interested and impressed to know there is an educated man contributing to the anti-circ discussions. He always thought the lack thereof was odd, considering that you guys are the primary targets of circing to begin with!

And not to worry... I'll be around all too often. The only thing I do faster than type my opinion is say it! Thank goodness this isn't THAT instant, for my own sake!

Lizzie
post #28 of 719
I had my first son circumcized when he was born in '92. I was young, uneducated and assumed it was just the way things were supposed to be. I bought into the whole "don't you want him to look like his father?" argument.

When I changed his diaper for the first time after the procedure I was horrified. It looked so raw and sore and I was in tears over the agony he must have gone through. The nurses assured me that he felt no pain. How could they possibly know that?

When I got pregnant with Ben I assumed his father would want the baby circ'd since he was.

And the happy ending to the story is that Dave was wholeheartedly against it and my beautiful little Ben is intact
post #29 of 719

We had our son circed and I regret it (DH doesn't, yet). I did it b/c DH wanted to and it was the thing to do, I never knew any different. The thing that should've tipped me off was when he slept all day the day of his surgery and wouldn't even wake to eat! That's not a great way to start a nursing relationship. He also had a small penile adhesion that was fixed at his 8.5 mos appt by simply pulling it apart. It was all red and horrible looking and he just cried! Next time I'm planning on leaving my son the way God made him, intact.

 

ETA in 2012: We had our 2nd boy in December 2004 and left him whole. He is perfect and makes me regret even more what we had done to AJ. My DH supported my choice to leave him whole but I can't say he would've made the same choice. We still have problems sometimes with our now 8yo's circumcision, but thankfully he should outgrow it as he grows. We're having baby #5 now, and while I think it's a girl, if it is a boy it will remain whole.


Edited by thepeach80 - 2/9/12 at 4:57pm
post #30 of 719
My stomach is sick :Puke, and I am in tears reading and thinking about all those precious whole baby boys being disregarded, with not even a thought of wondering what the process entails or the benefits of an intact child.

I am ashamed to say that our decision to leave our son intact came down to the very last second. Dh and I were literally struggling with the decision, until finally one of the doctors came in on the tail end our conversation, and heard me say, "I just don't know what to do...I don't think I want to do it..."
She came around to the side of the bed and said, very matter of factly, "it is purely a cosmetic surgery, there is no medical reason to do it, if that helps any..." She didn't say it in a way to convince us either way, she just told us the facts and smiled.
I still see her as my sons angel . I shutter to think which way we would have swayed because of our ignorance.

If every expecting parent could hear and take those word in...all those little baby boys could sleep peacefully and naturally in their mothers arms instead of the trauma induced sleep that unfortunetly does not last long enough to keep them from feeling the sickening pain...After all...
...IT IS PURELY COSMETIC...
post #31 of 719
All 3 of my boys are circ'd

I will regret it for the rest of my life. Thank goodness our 4th was a girl...dh said he would take him to get circ'd if it was a boy. I told him over my dead body he would....but any way it was a girl, so we didn't have to worry about it.

I talk to all of my boys openly about it. I hope that when/if they have baby boys some day they will keep them intact. Hopefully I can stop the cycle for my grandchildren.

I feel SO strongly about this that if I was to have more boy babies in the future, I would get a court order (or try to) to prevent my husband from taking him to circ'd. Even if it meant my marriage ending in divorce. (i doubt it would--dh is pretty AP--except when it comes to circ. but he would come around eventually : )
post #32 of 719
I don't want to get in a marital dispute or anything, but without a mother's permission, a father can't have a son circumcised. Or is that a MA law? I assumed it was true everywhere. If you let your dr. know you want your son intact, nothing your dh does will be able to over-rule that.

Sorry to step on toes!
Take care,
post #33 of 719
Andie:

In all states it only takes one parent to consent for a circumcision and that can be either parent. However, there would be very few doctors that would circumcise a boy if the mother had made her objection of circumcision known regardless of what the father says. To circumcise a boy over the objections of the mother would leave them open for a lawsuit and very few would risk that.




Frank
post #34 of 719
Posting after the fact... and my condolences to all those parents whose ds's have been circ'ed.

My dw and I were kind of ambivalent about the whole circ issue (I know, I know... ignorance is bliss ) and hadn't really decided one way or the other until we were attending childbirth classes at our hospital. They showed a photograph of a baby boy strapped down for the 'procedure'... no video, no before and after, nothing but that one photograph... and the poor little man looked so lost and scared that I leaned over to dw and said "There is NO WAY someone is doing that to my son"

Proud to say he's 9 mos. old, breast-fed, perfectly healthy and completely intact... sad to say his 3 mo. old cousin isn't. Unfortunately some people go ahead with circ even when glaring evidence regarding how unneccessary it is is presented to them.

Okay, off my soapbox now. but still (and always) proud of my ds and of my dw and I for leaving him as he was created
post #35 of 719
Our oldest son (now seven) was circ'd, which still saddens me to this day. We were young, had no support and no real information. Yet, we were still on the fence about the issue until my partner's boss came in and told us why he had circ'd his son six months prior. Apparently, Boss had a severe infection that 'required' him to have a circ at 20. He said it was the most painful thing he's ever been through, and didn't want his son to go through that.

Ok, yes. Yes, I know. Obviously I can NOW see why this made no sense. But at the time, after being through a very long, traumatic birth, all I could think about was protecting my baby. It swayed us just enough to have it done

My healing began when I found out, five years later, that we were expecting our second child - a son. By then I knew a lot more about circ than before. The internet was flourishing and the medical community was much more in favour of intact boys (at least around here).

While my first son will never get his forskin back, my second son is still intact. The funny thing is that we did what we did, both times, out of love. The first decision was ignorant, but all we wanted was the best for our child. If he ever asks, I will tell him we regret it, but that we truly did it because, at the time, we thought it was the best thing for him.

However, my guilt has now been replaced by a strong need to share our story and also how unnecessary and dangerous this 'routine' proceedure can be. I find my advocacy far more productive than my guilt. I truly believe at least a handful of baby boys have been left intact due, in some part, to our story. I guess there's a bit of a happy ending here after all...
post #36 of 719
My son is not intact because I let his father make the decision.
DH is a wonderful man but was just not well informed. Most of his information came from his mother and three years ago, Dh still thought his mother was the supreme resource on parenting.

It was horrible. I had actually changed my mind and went to tell them but it was too late, the pediatrician had come in early and "done it" already. (The staff also ignored our request to be present when it happen) I cry about it often.

Thankfully dh has promised me that if the babe I am carrying right now is a boy, we will not circ.
post #37 of 719

I can't give it back

Circ letter
I have never posted here before but was very compelled by your plea in loving support of your friend's baby. So here goes...

We believed we were informed when we circ-ed our first son. He was 8 days old because he'd been ill and we waited. I can't believe I actually walked him in there to have it done. He was altered afterwards. He was just a different baby those days following the procedure.

I had had a traumatic cesarean and was very into gathering info and making better choices when we decided to have a HBAC with our next baby. I had decided not to do the circ, but my husband was still not convinced. When I lifted that sweet baby out of the water and my husband said "What is it?" I lifted him further and we saw his little penis, and my heart sank at the thought of what I still had to face (the battle) but later my husband told me when he saw our son's perfect little penis, he could not imagine cutting him.

My own reasons had been, first, the lack of evidence that it was necessary. Kids get ear infections all the time; we don't operate until it becomes a chronic problem. Why operate on the foreskin in case later it becomes infected. We no longer take out tonsils, and are evolving away from other such ideas.

Second, I can't give it back to him, not ever. It was not my right to cut my first son's body. Just as I felt I had been needlessly cut in my birth of him, I had allowed him to be needlessly cut. IT'S NOT MY BODY. IT'S NOT MY CHOICE TO MAKE. If my son wants it done later, I will inform him and then support him. I doubt he will, but you never know.

Studies have shown a lower pain threshold in boys who are circumcised. There is permanent psycological damage done. It changes who they are in a very core way.

I believe we are born the way we are intended to be. If it were not necessary, it would have over hundreds of generations, shrunk and vanished on its own.


So, we have one with, and one without. Here are the differences we have seen:

Our son who is:

Initial response and much pain in care in those first days

A very bad scar on one side of the cut, puffy, red scar tissue (he's almost 7). I can only hope he does not end up with a bent penis when having an erection later in life, an unfortunate result that his dad has.

At least 4 infections of the opening of his urethra. Constant irritation and chaffing. Complaints of burning and itching of the head of his penis. Little boys often "leak" a bit of urine before making themselves stop playing to go pee. They get a wet spot on their undies and it rubs their penis.

Our son who is intact:
One infection of the skin under the foreskin (not a UTI) that occurred at age 3. I had not been cleaning under it yet (I know there are different schools of thought on this. I now have him gently retract and rinse in the shower w/out soap) that was resolved with antibiotics (I have learned more since then and would now try a gentler approach first, homeopathics or herbal remedies).

That's it.

Now, as to their comments: My circ-ed son once pulled what foreskin he has over his sore penis a little when we were dealing with yet another irritation and said "this should cover it to protect it from my undies". We switched him to boxers when he decided that he would no longer wear underwear at all (!) due to the pain.

About a month ago the 4 year old noticed the difference in the shapes of him and brother and asked. I explained what we had done for the first time (I had waited till it came up and figured that would be a good time, for him to show readiness) and the circ-ed son was just mouth-dropped shocked. He asked, "You mean you cut the end of my penis off?" and I explained more, but frankly, he was right. I told him we thought we were making the right choice back then. "Then the younger said, "I sure am glad you didn't do that to me!" We dealt with the older child's questions and as always explained how being his parents has helped us so much to learn, and that he has been our greatest teacher. We told him that he has helped his brother, and we apologized.

They don't care that they are different from dad. They also don't have hair there, but they don't care about that either. The arguments that most people put up are really a smoke screen for a core belief that they have that if they don't do this, they are breaking with what is socially acceptable and going against mainstream. They worry about judgment. It is cosmetic. Men don't like the way other men look with a foreskin. But if we lived in a place where it was the norm, a circ-ed man would look freaky. (I know of women from other countries who have endured female circumsision who think a normal female looks strange and open and ugly.) Now, when I look at my sons, the one who is intact looks whole to me, and so very sadly, the one who is circ-ed looks amputated and mutilated. I feel deep regret for what I have done, and I cannot change it. I wish I could go back and stop myself from ever walking out the door with that whole, beautiful, perfect baby, to return with a baby that was raw, bleeding and in pain. All because I was too afraid to think too hard about my own biases and need for acceptance.

I urge your friend to reach into her mother heart and think about what this whole issue is really about. It's not about hygiene, it's not about health... it's about looks and custom. It's also about that little boy's right to grow up with the body he was born with and make choices about that body for himself. Any mother I know would pass through a lion's den to protect her child, now is the time to start.
With much love and sincerity,
Laine
post #38 of 719
Our son is circ'd, and although it was nothing like the horror stories I've heard here, I still wish we hadn't done it. Our son's pediatrician did the circ, even though she was anti-circ, and she worked really hard to make it as painless as possible. She did it when he was asleep, applied the anethesia well ahead of time, and he had the "bell" type of circ. He didn't wake up or cry, and he was not strapped down to a board-the nurse held him. We didn't have any problems with infection afterward, although he did go a little too long without peeing that afternoon. Still, I look back and think- what was the point? I honestly can't remember why we chose to circ, especially when the pediatrician, whom we trusted, was against it. If we have more boys, we'll be keeping them intact.
post #39 of 719
It was the worst decision I have made - so uninformed had a dear friend - who told me she had info on it - and Never got it from her. I asked dh and he said that he wanted it done for religous reasons. I even asked a nurse about it, and of course she said it was important for being more clean. Oh how I wished I looked into it Of cousre now I have read stuff.........and bailed! How horrible I felt and wish I could change it. I really took something away from my son that wasn't mine to take. why ruin a perfect body?
post #40 of 719
After reading your posts, all those feeling of post-circumsition came to my mind. I almost forgot about how much it hurt me, let alone my adored son. I regret having my son circumsiced so much, I would never ket that happen again, ever.
I didn't witness the actual procedure, but I remember my poor little 3 week old boy coming out of the doctor's office, he has never cried more than that day. The most traumatic part for me was taking him to the hospital hours later before he had a hemorrage. Fortunately, he stopped bleeding just by the time he was going to get STITCHES!!!!!! on his little penis. It was a miracle nothing else tampered with his body. Those were horrible days of recovery and trauma for everybody. My mom was with my husband the moment of the actual circumsition of our boy and she says that's the worst thing that she could have witnessed in her life , ever( we are 5 kids and 4 grandkids, none circumsiced). She begged to me never to let that happen to any other sons I might have.
I have to tell you, I hope my son forgives me one day for this, that was a stupid decision, I had no right to do this to him, to cause him such pain and damage to his body. If it wasn't meant to be, why doing it now??? For sanitary reasons? Millions of people can't be wrong.
Please don't let that happen to your baby, it's unfair, unnatural and unnecessary. Talk to your husband. Do research. Not doing research caused my baby and us as parents pain, It still hurts to think about it
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Understanding Circumcision
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Pregnancy and Birth › Understanding Circumcision › If you regret circumcising your son(s), please post here.