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If you regret circumcising your son(s), please post here. - Page 11

post #201 of 719
I regret it DEEPLY. I was too young to even be having a child at the time and said child's dad insisted, since he is circ'd. I should have never, would never again, and highly encourage anyone else to never ever do it.
post #202 of 719
Add me to the list of mamas outraged at my own ignorance. Our ultrasound indicated I was carrying a girl baby, and I allowed that to be my reason for my lack of research. I read through the 5 or 6 page packet given to us by a pediatrician we had interviewed (and later decided against). Nowhere in it were any of the vitally important reasons NOT to circ that I know now. In fact, it left us with the impression that the only difference was a slightly better chance of not transmitting an std if a boy were circ'd. My dh basically fell back into the "I want him to look like me" camp. None of the other health practitioners gave us any info about it at all. Not my midwives, not the lactation specialist, not the hypnobirthing teacher, not the pediatrician we eventually chose. When asked by the pediatrician's office about what our choice would be, I responded, "I'm pretty sure we're having a girl, but I guess we would circumcise." The nurse did not offer any info to help me make a more confident choice. My mother, an RN who worked in surgery for 20 years, told me horror stories of terrified and embarrassed adolescents and men who had to be circ'd later in life. When I countered that that must be a pretty rare thing, my mom said something like, "Why would you risk putting them through such trauma? If you do it now, it's a much simpler surgery, and they give them pain killers, and they won't ever remember it." WHy risk trauma indeed!? Two days after Henry was born, via a totally unexpected c-section, in my drugged, in pain, fevered, and totally overwhelmed state of mind, the pediatrician casually said, "today we'll do the circ." It took me several minutes (he had already left the room) to even realize he was talking about circumcision. I felt like I'd been socked in the gut. I remember thinking, "Oh God! Oh no! I said we would do that!?" I honestly can't remember specifically the conversation I had about it with my husband. I do remember his confidence in the importance of having it done, and of course, my mother, right there nodding that it just had to be done. My fears were simply disregarded. When they came to take Henry away for the "procedure" I cried and said I simply could not watch it happen. I took one last look at my son's intact penis, and thought, "What could be wrong with that?" My husband went along to witness it. The waiting was awful. I actually considered getting up and trying to stop it, but felt totally powerless as walking down the hallway to the bathroom was a two person gig (I needed someone to help me drag my IV bag trailer along with me. Walking and standing were still very painful. I laid in bed and stared out the window. When they brought Henry back, my husband described what happened. NOONE ever mentioned that my tiny baby would be strapped down to a board, or ever said a word about the details, that I have now buried in my subconcious. I just held him to my breast and cried and said, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry." My mother attributed the "fussiness" that followed to his "probably being pissed off about having his tallywhacker cut." The whole thing, including my sadness and fear was made into a joke. I was totally scared to diaper him, freaked out about the plastic ring around the glans of his bright red penis. My husband kept that ring as a memento! AFTER the fact, I began to hear similar stories to my own, and began to learn more and more about circumcision, and of course, my regret grew into anger. WHY did so many people treat this as some minor thing? WHY didn't the hospital have to disclose the real risks? WHY did my midwives not offer any info or advice? and most of all, WHY didn't I seek it out? I told my dh in no uncertain terms that any future babies will NOT be altered. I have since switched pediatricians. Dr. A refuses to perform circs. WHY isn't this the norm?!!!
My son has an exceptionally high pain tolerance, and I can't help wondering if this isn't due to his circ. We had difficulties nursing, and he could not sleep for longer than 5 mins. outside of my arms for at least six months.
I was the first of my peers to have a baby, and I just didn't know how uninformed I was about so many things! I thought that by choosing midwives for my prenatal and birth, by preparing to nurse, by choosing a natural childbirth method I was surrounding myself with people who were to be trusted to let me know aobut the important things I didn't know. I was so WRONG! I am one of those naive mamas who skipped over the chapters about c-sections, totally sure that would simply not happen to me. Yet, I truly believe that if I hadn't been so out of it, my inner she-wolf would have said, "Not no but HELL NO you are not going to do that to my baby!"
Needless to say, my next pregnancy, if we are so blessed, will be a whole different story. The thing that totally enrages me is that parents-to-be have to work so hard to learn the truth, that it is not simply automatic for all parents to see a picture of what a circumcision really entails and means for boys who are forced to endure them. If it were, there wouldn't be so many of us regretful mamas.
post #203 of 719

My deepest regrets!

I have 3 sons and they are all circumcised. With my first I was only 15 when I had him. I didn't understand the procedure exactly and went with what was considered the "norm" for those around me. It wasn't really a question. It was not discussed with me during my pregnancy. I wish I had been given more information on it so even at that young age I could say I was somewhat informed. I figured having him circumcised he would look like his father and the other men in my family. When I had my second son I also had him circ'd because I still had the mentality that he should look like the rest of the boys/men in our family. I didn't get any further information on this procedure and this was about the time I really started educating myself on parenting and everything my children meant to me.. When I had my third son I again went through with the circumcision because at this point I felt I knew enough, I had 2 other boys and they seemed fine for the most part. Why change when you think you have done well up to this point. Things that have happened to my children regarding their circumcisions: my oldest had meatal stenosis which requires surgery to correct.. I was never told that this was a direct result of having him circumcised. I can remember him coming out of surgery and the anesthesia wearing off and him crying (screaming) for me and the nurse wouldn't let me in to comfort him. I can remember him screaming they cut my penis.. this was heart-wrenching for me to hear and I pushed my way past this ignorant woman and into the room they were holding my son. I comforted him and felt terrible for this pain he was in. I had to insert a catheter in his urethra for 6 mos after his surgery. This was very traumatic for my son. I had to do this to make sure the hole didn't close back up. He refused to even be touched by the doctor after we had his check up.. can you blame him? My middle son and my youngest both had adhesions. I was told this was because they didn't have as much taken off during their circumcisions. I remember the first time the doctor showed me how to pull back on my sons penis to correct this problem. He jumped and it looked painful. I was told to make sure I did this regularly to avoid it. I did religiously until they were roughly about 2 yrs of age. I knew this could be a serious problem as my step-son had to be recircumcised at 3 yrs because he actually had bacterial infections caused by the adhesions. If I had been more informed I doubt that I would have had any of my boys circ'd. I was pro-circ until I came across this site and was sorta iffy on the whole thing until I watched a graphic circ video yesterday. To hear that little baby's cries and screams and to see how barbaric and cruel of a procedure circumcision truly is made me very against circumcision. I wish I could go back and do this all over again. I wish I could take away the pain I have caused my sons. I wish I could make their penis whole again... I have already convinced my husband that when/if we have another child we will not be circumcising.. not at all! I hope my sons forgive me for doing this to them.. my only excuse is that I was terribly uninformed and misguided. I thought I was honestly doing what was best for them. Thinking back on it I think a part of me knew it was wrong even then... I had a hard time changing their diapers after is was done.. it looked sooo painful and I didn't want to be the cause of any further pain to them in that area. I hope to educate those around me about the dangers of circumcision and to let them know from my experience that it isn't better, cleaner, healthier.. prettier.. or anything for that matter. I also think that parents should know more facts on this so that they are less likely to make the mistakes I made. I hope in time I am able to forgive myself for the trauma I put my precious little boys through... in time maybe we can all heal.
post #204 of 719
Mumof3, your thoughts echo mine. I wrote a note in ds's baby book asking him to forgive me. I just didn't do enough research and I just didn't listen to my gut and let myself be bullied into it. I so hope to have another boy someday to try and correct the wrong I did to my son. What a fool I was.
post #205 of 719
Quote:
Originally Posted by MistyD
Hello everyone,

I will be sending this link to a friend who is due with a boy in February. Last week I sent her an e-mail and told her my experience with circumcision(oldest son cut and youngest intact) along with links to articles. She and her husband talked about it and he feels very strongly that the baby needs to be circumcised.

I would like to share this link with her so she can see how more people felt about it. I've thought hard about just backing off because it isn't my business but this subject is very, very important to me.

I know that we can all get very passionate about circumcision but what I'm specifically asking for today are calm responses. I know she feels very strongly that her husbands views need to be respected so please keep this in mind. She is a very sweet woman who will read this with an open mind, so let's please keep this polite in regards to her husband.

Thank you.

(edit for spelling)
My name is Melissa and my son is just over 2 1/2 years old. Circumcision was just something we never talked about while I was pregnant. We both thought it needed to be done so we didn't bother asking anyone about it or our Dr. When he was about 9 months old, I finally looked it up and was shocked at what I found! It sickens me everytime I think about it (which is pretty much everyday. I unwrapped my son when they first handed him to me after birth and kept repeating "You're so perfect!" I ask myself now if I thought he was so perfect, why a couple days later did I let some stranger circumcise him? I wish I knew then what I know now! I'm pregnant again and due in January. If this is a boy, we'll definately not be circ'ing. DH agrees and feels the same way about it. He was luckily very open minded about it when I looked into it. There's absolutely nothing we can do for our circ'ed son, the damage is done. All we can do is move on and let our future sons benefit from our looking into it.
post #206 of 719
I regret it everyday. We've had too many problems and I didn't do the research I should have.
post #207 of 719
I am encouraged that so many parents are verbalizing their regret having circumcised their son. As a man who has an early recollectioni of his circumcision, and all the horror that goes with it, I am glad that these feelings are being said out loud.

To encourage others to speak their regrets, and to save them for others to read, I have created a blog where you can post your stories. I hope everyone who has posted here will submit a copy there, too.

Please visit blOUCH!, the blog for Project: OUCH!

Dan
post #208 of 719

Thank you all for sharing your stories

I'm pregnant (with my second). My first child is a girl so I never had to deal with this issue. DH and I have started to dance around this topic. I seem to be the one who is more in favor. Reading this sticky is really opening my eyes and I am grateful to you all.
post #209 of 719
I regret it every day. I am still not sure what I was thinking or not thinking that day, especially since I am a midwife. I do know that, if we hadn't done it, our son wouldn't have reoccurring sore spots on his penis from being exposed to urine -- even with very frequent diaper changes...and eventhough he's diaperless at home, he still picks on the sore spots making them take longer to heal.

If our future children happen to be boys, they will NOT be damaged the way our son is.
post #210 of 719
Ditto on alot of what other mamas said. My ds may have no problems now but I feel guilty for what he won't know he's missing when he gets older And not that I plan on any more, but I would never do it again. And I've planted many a fine seeds in dd head and will in ds head about the issue.
post #211 of 719
I regret getting my boys' c'rcd I left it up to DH and he is the one who said we will have it done... I wish I had done more research on it and showed hubby when I found out we were havin boys'. We are not having anymore(we will adopt) but hubby said if we had another boy he would also be circed but idk.
post #212 of 719
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post #213 of 719
Well, I've been lurking around these boards and have debated on whether or not to post here. I have decided to share our story also, so that hopefully it may sway someone to not circ thier son.

Here come the tears. My appologies in advance for this will be long, and hopefully cathartic.

Like Flipfish I KNEW that circ wasn't necessary. I did the research, I spent close to a month trying to convince DH it wasn't necessary. In the end we decided to wait and see how we felt about it after DS was born. DS was born 4 weeks early by emergency c-section, and the last thing on our minds was whether or not we would circ at that point. Soon after we got home for the hospital we started talking about circ'ing again. My DH told me that he wanted DS to "look like him" and I used the arguement that if we had a daughter and she was small chested would we pay for a boob job for her so she looked like me? This didn't work. It is the most ironic thing that DH asked his mother her opinion about the issue and she informed my DH that his father is INTACT!!! So the issue of our DS looking like DH went out the window....but MIL informed DH that she wished FIL was circed because she suffered from reccurent yeast infections 'because' of FIL foreskin :
Well when I heard that theory I quickly reassured DH that my mother had also suffered from chronic yeast infections and my father is circ'd, so that ruined that arguement also.

SO after reading all the information and deciding it was not medically necessary and that "looking like" daddy wasn't a valid reason to circ, we decided the the only thing standing in our way was the social "issues". The locker-room society we supposedly live in. When we went to the appointment for the circ we were still not 100% convinced it needed to be done. Once we got to the pedi's office he asked if we were in 100% agreement on doing the circ and we both just looked at each other. The pedi, sensing our vulnerability jumped at the chance to inform us on the rates of circ in our area (which is supposedly very high) and how "different" our child would be. He also delved into a great "history lesson" on the supposed reasons behind circ...dating all the way back to Mesopotamia, and how the soldiers who were sent to war struggled with their foreskins getting infected and getting sand under them, and having to have them circ'd later in life. Now, to this day, I kick my self (HARD) for not asking what this all had to do with our childs foreskin, but in my hormone induced baby blues and new mommy jitters, and with DH's leaning towards circ to begin with we let that man cut our childs body. : After all we didn't want our child to suffer emotional damage from being teased for not being "like others". He was 2 weeks old.

Skip ahead one week, DS's poor penis seemed to be healing well. My mother was in for a visit. On the 2nd day she was here we found a rash with some "pimples" in is on his groin area. I took him to the Pedi the next day, since my mom who worked in the medical field for 20+ years said it looked like Staph. When I went into the Pedi's office and told him it looked like staph he laughed and said "no, thats just normal baby skin 'stuff'". I believed him, and took our baby home. The rash seemed to come and go, over the next few days but when 2 pimples formed; one directly where the foreskin was snipped during circ and one on the right side of DS's scrotum I took him back to the Pedi and told him I was concerned that it had to do with the circ. The pedi laughed again and said, "no, I still think its just baby skin 'stuff', but here is some cream to put on any other sores that come up". Those 2 sores went away fairly quickly with the cream, and only one more sore popped up, I quickly applied the cream and it went away...

Skip ahead another week. My mother left to go back home, and DS is slowly becoming grumpier and grumpier. It got so bad that I had to call DH to come home from work before I lost my mind. That was a friday, he left work early came home and took DS from me so I could nap. He also stayed with DS on the couch so I could sleep in the bed for the first time in a week. That Saturday morning at around 4am I woke up to my son wailing, like someone was beating him. I rushed out to the living room to find my DH trying to comfort him, we fed him, we rocked and shushed, fed him again, did everythign we knew to do and nothing seemed to help.

We finally took him to the emergency room after his Pedi's office said they wouldn't be able to see him until after 'lunch'. : At the emergency room we were told we had a colicky child and that we would just have to "ride it out". We went home, after they gave DS a dose of Ibuprofen. DS seemed to feel some better for a couple hours. That night we all slept on the couch DH and I taking turns holding DS while he cried and whimpered. At 11:30 I took DS to feed him, and when I touched his body he felt like he was on fire. He would hardly eat. I took his temp and it was 101. We rushed back to te ER, the whole drive DS was groaning except for when he stopped..once for a couple seconds, I was terrified he had died. I wiggled him in his car seat and he started groaning again. When we got back to the ER they told us that he was having trouble breathing, and hooked him up to
Oxygen. They also did a spinal tap, and a cat scan, tons of blood work, every test you could possibly think of to find out what was wrong. They started him on a couple different antibiotics to help fight any possible infection. Needless to say DH and I were terrified. We were admitted to the Childrens hospital early the next morning 9/11/2005.

After being admitted to CH DS took a turn for the worse. They did another spinal tap to rule out menengitis, it wasn't. They also put a cpap on DS as his breathing was deteriorating rapidly. He was weak and his loud and terrified cries had turned to slow whimpers. They took DS to test for intestinal blockages, and when they started the test DS took yet another turn for the worse and stopped breathing. DH and I were sent to get something to eat (going on 48 hours with no food), so we had no idea until we got back that they had intubated DS and 'chemically paralyzed' him so that he couldn't pull the breathing tube out. A machine was breathing for my precious son. On his cheek was one lone tear, his first tear ever. I lost it emotionally, the nurses had to calm me down. I just kept saying "he's crying, look!" For a couple days we were at a stand still as to what was wrong with him, not relating the 'staph like sores' at all since the Pedi had said thats wasn't what it was....so we just continued DS on several IV antibiotics and supported his weak little body as best we could.

To somewhat quickly finish off a much longer story, I will say that we found out my DS had MRSA in an abscess in his abdomen, that was most likely caused by his circ. We had to sign consents to have a surgeon open up his belly button and core out any 'puss' and infection because the infection was so large (covered about 1/3 of the surface area of his abdomen) his body probably would have never healed on its own otherwise. After the surgery DS stabalized and a couple days later was on the road to recovering. And after 12 long days in the hospital we brough him home, again, victorious and exhausted.

Needless to say I regret everyday having my son circ'd. I honestly believe with all my heart that if we hadn't done it he never would have gotten the staph infection and been on antibiotics for a month, and almost had to have a blood transfusion, and almost died . My DH is not 100% convinced that it was the circ, but has promised that with any future children we will not circ. because I now feel so strongly about it. I just hate that we had to go through so much to realize that it was never meant to cut a poor innocent child. : It was NOT our body to decide what to do with, and we almost lost our child and our child almost lost his future because we were too chicken to stand up for what we KNEW was the right thing to do!

Please, anyone who reads this and is contemplating circing their child, please please don't. It's not worth the possible pain and suffering and you will always kick yourself if something horrible happens to you like it did to us.

I thank God everyday that my son is alive and pray that someday DS will forgive me for not doing what I believed to be the 'best' for him, which would have been not to do anything at all.
post #214 of 719
oh.my.gosh jeannie - how terrifying!!! i have goosebumps.
post #215 of 719
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post #216 of 719
Quote:
Originally Posted by flipfish
but I know I need to forgive myself and move on. It's just so hard when it's your child.

Love of love and hugs to you.
I agree it is so hard when we are supposed to be the ones looking out for their best interest, not causing them pain. :

But! Like you I am working on forgiving myself and moving on, just enough to not forget but for it not to be something I beat myself up for.
post #217 of 719
Dh and I deeply regret the circumcision of our 1st son, the books I read made it sound as though it was no big deal. I had never seen an intact penis before. I asked my pediatrician about it when I was pregnant and he said we'd talk about it later. I just didn't do the research that I should have, I was completely ignorant about it all. I had one more chance to stop it when I was signed the consent forms, I got a terrible feeling that it was wrong, but I let pushed that feeling away and let them take my son....I wish I could go back.
post #218 of 719
I know this doesnt quite follow with everyone else, but I regret my friend circing her twins. Why? Because I was her egg donor, those boys are genetically mine, and I was too stupid to think about the circumcision issue before hand. In fact, in didnt occur to me until she was around 24 weeks along and she said "Eriq (my ds) is circ'd, right?" And I said "NO!!" She asked why and I said because I thought it was cruel and discusting. After that I gave her all the info I could, I tried so hard to change her mine. Then when they were born 10 weeks early I thought, maybe seeing them for awhile as nature intended will help. Nope! As soon as they came home, at what would have been 38 weeks gestation, she had them cut. I didnt talk to her for a month and when I finally did, I bawled. To this day she doesnt understand why I have such an issue with it, even though she admits their personalities changed afterwards and they became extremely fussy. I am sure she plans on doing it to her next one.
I know this isnt the same, but I still feel sooo guilty over it. I am trying my hardest to remain friends with her and be there for her boys. I am going to encourage them to file suit when they reach 18. That OB is cut happy and deserves it. I will tell them myself what was lost to them as they get older and tell them about restoration. And most importantly, I have made sure that any future babies made with my eggs, or that I carry, will not be cut. I am a surrogate too and I had a discussion with the parents (I already had a baby for them and again, it had never occured to me at the time but thankfully she was a she!) and they both agreed that it will not be done. I know her dh was circ'd at 8 so I think he was pretty open to not doing it.
I am so glad that all of the parents out there who regret having their boys circumcised have a place to share their stories and get some support. I also know that your stories have made an impact on other parents.
post #219 of 719
Quote:
Originally Posted by paganmommy
I have two boys, one intact, the other circumcised. My oldest and I have had many discussions about why he was circumcised and why i did not have his younger brother circumcised. Those questions were so difficult for me to answer. He is now 11 years old and able to understand things better. His anger has subsided and he directs it more towards the pediatrician and the medical establishment. But, ultimately I have to accept my responsibility for allowing it to happen to him.

I knew in my heart that having him circumcised was wrong. I felt it so strongly, yet I let them take my son away from me and take him to a table where he was strapped down and then literally tortured. That pain is torture and they are not anesthesized at all. Even still, the process of them strapping them down and cutting off part of their body is so traumatic. I still cry when I think what I let them do. It has been 11 years and I still cannot accept it. Please if you read this, believe me when I say, it isn't necessary for you to have to feel what I am feeling and even more important, it isn't necessary for your son to have to go through that. There is no medical reason to do it. There is no valid reason at all. Listen to what all these people have said and then listen to your heart!!!! You will know what to do.
Only have one child at present time, 4 3/4 month old ds, but I can totally relate to how you feel. I knew it in my gut that I shouldn't have ny ds circ'd. In fact, the first time they took him to have it done, I felt a rush of panic and it took all the willpower I had not to rub after them to get my ds back. That day, however, they weren't able to do the circ because ds hadn't urinated by that time so they had to reschedule. Oh, how I wish I'd just said to forget it, that I'd changed my mind. It's been nothing but problems since.

Shortly after the procedure, my ds had to go back to the nursery because he was bleeding. When I heard he was bleeding, I began to cry. At the time, my dh and the nurse told me it was just a tiny bit of blood but my dh (stupidly, I think) later told me it had been bleeding a lot. As if that wasn't enough to make me feel like a horrible mother for having this procedure done to my son, now he's suffering from adhesion problems. When I think back to how cute and perfect (and natural) his little penis was before I allowed the doctors to mutilate it, I could just cry.

I know now that if dh and I ever have another son, he will not be circ'd. My dh, my mil, the doctors, my own mother, they can all complain and criticize me all they like. But I will NOT allow a second child to suffer the way my ds has with this horrible procedure. I only wish I'd done the research BEFOREHAND and not allowed myself to be so stupidly persuaded by everyone into having this done.
post #220 of 719
Quote:
Originally Posted by JandDSquared
The pedi, sensing our vulnerability jumped at the chance to inform us on the rates of circ in our area (which is supposedly very high) and how "different" our child would be. .
I'm sorry to hear about your situation but pleased to know that your future sons will be left intact.

I quoted part of your message that made me pause. I don't know where in northern Cal you are, but on the peninsula, there is a reasonable trend towards leaving boys intact. I hope your ped wasn't feeding you a line, but then again I suppose statistics can vary with community.

Marnie
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