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If you regret circumcising your son(s), please post here. - Page 12

post #221 of 719
Originally Posted by MarnieMax
I'm sorry to hear about your situation but pleased to know that your future sons will be left intact.

I quoted part of your message that made me pause. I don't know where in northern Cal you are, but on the peninsula, there is a reasonable trend towards leaving boys intact. I hope your ped wasn't feeding you a line, but then again I suppose statistics can vary with community.

Marnie, I do absolutely believe he fed us "a line". But honestly that 'line' should have never factored into our decision. Next time (if there is one) we will do better.
post #222 of 719
I just wanted to say I have read all the stories and it breaks my heart. I blame society in large part for the decsions you made. I myself chose not to circ and your stories make me happy I made that choice and its woman like you that are posting your experiences that will open the eyes of other mothers...PROPS TO YOU...thanks for sharing!
post #223 of 719
I've been looking for a thread like this. I have a hard time coming to the CAC forum because of the choice I made to circ my two sons. It's hard to hear and see a lot of what is said here. It's hard to think of myself as someone who mutilated my sons. It's hard to hear that I'm taking things away from them and being a horrible mom from that choice. I know that's not the intent of the forum, but that's what registers to me when I read some of it.

My first son was circ'd and I never second guessed that decision. My 2nd son was different. I had questioned whether or not to do it. I didn't want to do it, but there was so much pressure to have it done. He'd be mad that I didn't let it happen when he was a baby. He would have to have it done when he was older and that would be worse. I can't have one circ'd and the other not. And the list goes on. I struggled with the decision, but let it be done. And I remember from the second they wheeled him out of the room, I wanted to take it back, I was alone, hormonal, and just wanted to run and grab him and "save him from the evil circ'ers"... I didn't. I just layed there crying. Even when they brought him back, I never felt so detached from him. I loved him, but I hated what I'd done to him. From that second on, it was not just a little procedure that he'd forget about. It was a huge mistake that I'd never forget.

But, now, there's no question that my future boys (we're aiming for 6 kids) won't be circ'd. I'll explain to my sons about restoration when they're older and if there is any monetary cost, I'm going to cover it.
post #224 of 719
"Sadly, later I learned that DH feels that women (because one told him so) think an Intact penis is "ugly." Apparently, many American women feel this way. I never did! So, subconsciously, he did not want HIS son to feel rejected by some (moronic) woman. If some twit were to reject him because of THAT, he's better off IMO. Again, there is misinformation... because American women (i heard an interview with the Go-Gos once - who slept with everyone!) who have slept with both Americans and European, PREFER the feeling of a foreskin during sex. It feels better to both during lovemaking. Hmmm, no wonder so many woman "aren't in the mood" and there are so many ads aimed at American men about "enhancing" this or that. "

I'm going to be totally blunt here but I totally agree with you.. I'm just the opposite of the american norm in that I find circ'ed men unattractive even though I have never been with an "intact" man.. To me it's just not natural.. I have to wonder if men would find women attractive if we had one breast removed because hey, we [I]normally[I] will only have one babe at a time so why do we need two breasts right?
The whole thing drives me batty.. I HATE that I had my son circ'ed. My husband wanted it and I didn't. They took my sweet baby and did this awful thing to him in the room right next to mine and we heard the whole thing! I still bawl when I think about it and my realtionship with my husband has never been the same because I feel like my opinion doesn't matter.
post #225 of 719

Tell Your Story!

Moms, Tell your story here, too. This is a permanent archive collecting circumcision stories including those from regretful mothers. http://www.genitalintegrity.net/blouch/
post #226 of 719
I just wanted to share this quote by Maya Angelou:

I don't know if I continue, even today, always liking myself. But what I learned to do many years ago was to forgive myself. It is very important for every human being to forgive herself or himself because if you live, you will make mistakes- it is inevitable. But once you do and you see the mistake, then you forgive yourself and say, 'well, if I'd known better I'd have done better,' that's all. So you say to people who you think you may have injured, 'I'm sorry,' and then you say to yourself, 'I'm sorry.' If we all hold on to the mistake, we can't see our own glory in the mirror because we have the mistake between our faces and the mirror; we can't see what we're capable of being. You can ask forgiveness of others, but in the end the real forgiveness is in one's own self.
post #227 of 719
Please browse around the rest of this forum. However, we strongly and completely believe there is no reason for routine circumcision, so please dont be angry when no one posts with thoughts to support it. We want to help you! If you have more specific questions after looking around, post a new thread!
and welcome!
post #228 of 719
You should repost this question in a seperate thread clittle760 in the CAC forum so that people can address it there. As for finding links on why it should be done there are not any. We do NOT host debates on the merits of circ since there are none but we will be more than happy to give you info and links supporting that circ should be stopped.
post #229 of 719
i circ'd my first, without thinking, and they had me sign the paperwork after just having a c-sec. it was horrid. i heard him cry and scream. i was very uninformed. when i became pregnant the second time, i researched alot about everything, and as i was reading, and looking at what they put the boy in to circ him, and imagined him there, i started bawling. i still feel bad, and i didn't circ the second.
post #230 of 719
This might be the most powerful anti-circ thread I have read. It made me cry and see how I could easily have made a mistake had a friend not talked to me about not circumcising while I was pregnant with my first son. I know what you all mean about wanting to protect your newborn sons and hold them close, not hand them off for a surgery that feels wrong in your heart. You are doing the right thing by speaking honestly about it and hopefully swaying your sons toward not having it done to their own sons someday. You can still break the cycle.
post #231 of 719
I have removed a post in support of circumcision and all subsequent posts which quoted or commented on it. I will return to send further explaintions via Private Message. Right now we have an appointment that I need to get to!

post #232 of 719
Add me to the list of regretful mamas. I made the mistake of telling DH that it was up to him, even though I felt in my heart that it was wrong, and he said he wanted DS circumcised. What I really regret is he told me, after our birthing class video on circumcision, that it almost changed his mind. Why, oh why didn't I take that golden opportunity to do the research and have a meaningful discussion about it? I don't beat myself up about it, but I do feel regret when I think back, and wish I hadn't been such a doormat in the decision process.

If we have any more sons, I'll know better (thanks to MDC!), and not cave in just because DH wants it.
post #233 of 719
Count me in.
I knew to look into it- I hould have. I stayed naive on purose I think.
When at the hospital( mistake #1) I asked the nurse how they did the "procedure"- She told me I didn't want to know.
I can remember looking at his intact penis for the last time. I got him back and it was a bloody mound.
It looks very scarred to me. Probally not as scarred as his soul.....
I don't know. It is hard to even thik of him in pain at that time and how he felt. he no doubt was.
He recently broke his femur and it was awful. I hate to think of him at 2 days old..... with someone strappnig him down and cutting at him while I sat innocently in the other room.


A friend of mine's husband went into watch her son- he thought it was cool.

If we have more children our future son's will be left intact.
It is a senseless crime.

I wanted to add.....
As far as wanting my son to feel secure in his manhood and look like everyone else.
I pride myself and try to make my son feel secure in himself- NOT BY THE WAY HE LOOKS.... NOT ON ANY PART OF HIS BODY! I really hate it when mothers say this... I don't want him to be laughed at. As if they want their boys out there sharing themselves with anyone. Anyone who would laugh at an intact penis is not worth their time or effort anyway.

It would be an excellent weeding tool - no pun intended- as far as future partners are concerned- If having a intact penis bothers you- You DON"T want to meet my MOM!

But unfortunately- I chose wrong.... and I see it every day.

Do any of your son's have scarring? It seems very scarred to me.
post #234 of 719

Yes, me too...all of the above.

Please visit my myspace (see signature) for more on the horror of circumcision.

I, like the first person to reply on this thread; held that pen and signed the consent form while every cell in my body screamed and pleaded with me to stop it. I held my brand new baby and shut my defenses up by reasoning it away with "the threat of infection" and "if you don't, he'll stand out".

I was stupid. Don't let them do this to your baby....PLEASE!

PS: Girls who think an intact penis is weird/gross; WILL get over it. Believe me, I speak from experience!
post #235 of 719
Man, this is tough to read. Ds#1 was circed and I felt that it was right to leave the decision up to dh. He felt strongly about it, I guess because he was circed. But the whole time in the hospital as they did it and after I could not think about it without crying. He would scream whenever we changed his diaper. Just the thought of him tied down on that table still makes me want to cry WHY OH WHY did I not do any research on it???? Why is it considered to be normal??? Luckily I did get another opportunity to make the right decision when we had ds#2, but how guilty I feel when I see my boys together knowing I could have saved ds#1 from that experience!! :
post #236 of 719
I circumcized my oldest because of my ignorance. I still have nightmares. My story is like so many other's...we had no real reason and finally decided to do it because dh is circ'd.

The procedure was horrible. I decided IN THE ROOM that I no longer wanted to go through with it and let myself be talked into it because we were "already there and had clearly already made the decision." We were left there for over an hour (the doc was at a birth) and like an idiot and a sheeo I stayed.

The doc came in, didn't look at either of us, sat down and inserted instruments into my son's penis as he screamed. He peeled the skin back with clamps and cut. Apparently though, he wasn't satisfied because he did it again. When I asked what he was doing through my tears he told me that he hadn't gotten enough. He had to cut more of his penis off. I let him, because he had already started peeling.

I have never been more haunted about any decision that I have made. I still have nightmares, though not as often. IT damaged our relationship beyond what you can possibly imagine. I am disgusted with myself and did not make the mistake again.

My youngest is intact and gorgeous. I wish I could say the same for his brother.
post #237 of 719
firefaery...I don't read a whole lot of these since I posted my own; it's too painful. I happened to catch yours though.

I don't have any words for you except that I understand; my oldest looks so scarred beside his little brother. It's so painful to think about I usually do a good job blocking out the thoughts; but it comes back at the most unexpected moments.

s to you... and all the mamas (and papas) here...
post #238 of 719
I had my sweet baby boy circumcised, and I have felt guilty about it every day since then. It has been a great source of grief, pain, and tears and I am disgusted with myself.

When i was pregnant, I told DH that I didn't want our baby circumcised. DH said, "Don't I have a say? He's my son, too." We were never able to "make up" our minds. I asked my pro-circ parents and siblings what they thought. Of my 3 sisters, only one had child, and she said she circ'd him because "It was better." Better than what? Well, she was a medical transcriptionist for a Urology clinic, and too many men had to have a procedure because the were uncirc'd.

My dad said he was glad he was circ'd because it reminded him to be "circ'd of heart" like it says in the Bible.

The stupid pediatrician told us that a man's foreskin "came off" during his wedding night. We wouldn't want that to happen with our son, would we? (Then again, this was the same man that asked me if I wanted a dead baby or a live baby when I decided not to have him vaccinated.)

I didn't subject my son to this awful procedure until he was 3 weeks old. I wish I had listened to my gut that told me not to do it. I wish I hadn't listened to my own mother that hesitated when I asked her if she would think of my son, her grandchild, differently if he wasn't circumcised.

I remember the day so vividly in my mind. It is a nightmare for me. I can't help but to revisit it daily. I remember my son screaming in pain in the car afterwards. I remember feeling like I had committed a grievous sin as soon as he was placed on the table.

I hope that our next baby is a boy so I can "redeem" myself.

I wish I would have just said "no." I wish I would have kept my decision to keep him the way he was--perfect.
post #239 of 719
I never come to this forum, because I am filled with shame for having circ'd my son. I didn't know much about it, and everything I read was mainstream stuff that basically said it was better and more hygienic to circ. I did some reading -- though now I know I didn't read the right things -- and everything I read said that boys had a higher risk of UTI's, had discharge problems, etc. I believed them, even though my heart was screaming not to do this thing to my boy.

Ds was circ'd at eight days old. And when they returned him to me, I sobbed all the way home. I cried so hard, dh had to pull the car over so I could be sick. Like some of the other people whose stories I've read, I thought my real choice was between cutting and using the plastibell. When I saw that hard plastic ring on my small, beautiful boy, I cried and cried, sick in my heart for what I had allowed to happen. Dh was so sad for me, even though he is circ'd. He vowed at that moment that if we ever had another son, we would leave him intact. We went on to have another baby, a girl, so my only son is circ'd.

Ds is now almost 10 years old, and I still think about my decision and wish with all my heart I could go back to the moment that I handed him over and say "NO". I don't think ds yet realizes that he is circ'd, especially since nearly everyone I know IRL has circ'd. When he learns, I hope he will forgive me. I hope he will not judge us too harshly and that he will know that I loved his body the way it was the moment he was born.
post #240 of 719
I thought I had posted to this thread a long while ago, but apparently never did.

We had our son circumcized in the hospital at 2 days old. I completely regret that we had it done. On paper, it seems pretty harmless - he didn't have any medical complications from it, it healed very rapidly and without event, he did not withdraw, cry unconsolably, seem dazed or otherwise out of sorts as a newborn, nursed like a champ, and he has not displayed any emotional, behavioral, or other medical complications from it since; nonetheless, I regret it with every fiber of my being, and if we would have had another son, he would have been intact. As it stands, we are done having children, and our second child is a girl.

I didn't find MDC until our son was over a year old. I wish I would have found it earlier. I wish I would have researched circumcision as much as I researched breastfeeding, then I would have known. I wish our OB would have just said the words "medically unnecessary", just once.

I regret that I carelessly and thoughtlessly removed a piece of my son - and while he may not ever have any problems as a result of it, he'll also never really be "whole". I plan when he is older to talk to him about it, apologize to him when he is really able to understand, and be sure that he and his sister both know all of the facts and will not circumcize any sons they may have.

So yes, I very much regret circumcising my son.
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