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If you regret circumcising your son(s), please post here. - Page 13

post #241 of 719
I had both of my sons circumcised without hesitation, and I now feel sick about it. In my younger years I worked at a nursing home and had to clean many old men who were not circumcised, and it grossed me out so much that I swore any boys I had would be circumcised, for that reason, and the fact that my husband was circumcised and I wanted them to look like their dad. After their circumcisions, they came back to me sleeping and I never knew what went on, or that they had no anesthetic. Now that I know better, I feel awful that I put them through that. Would we ever do that to a baby girl? How is that any different? If I could have watched just one of them, I never would have done it again. Then with one boy they didn't do a very good job and didn't take off the entire foreskin, so I had troubles keeping him clean in there through the whole diaper years. It made me think that they could have just as easily taken off too much. And for what? Anyway, if I ever have another boy, he will not be circumcised. It's barbaric.
post #242 of 719
I very much regret having a circumcision done to my two boys. Ages 7yrs old and 5.5 months old. I wish with all my heart and soul that I had left them intact. I pray that my boys and God will forgive me. I will from this day on, try to educate others so they don't have the procedure done.

CJ
post #243 of 719
CJ- I see this was your first post.... May your future posts at MDC not be as hard to write or be about so heavy a topic.

Welcome.

Jessica
post #244 of 719
I don’t have any excuses for circumcising my son.
I found MDC after I learned of my pregnancy. I was convinced that I was having a girl, so I never thought about circumcision. I knew the subject would be a challenge to discuss with my husband because my initial feeler-statements yielded a pro-circ response.
I found out that our baby was a boy. My thought was: now we have to deal with circumcision.
I kept meaning to research it. I kept putting it off. I told DH I didn’t want our child circed. My brother isn’t circed; I know it’s not necessary. At what became my last appointment with my OB, I told her we still hadn’t decided about circumcision so she was not to do anything without discussing it with me, were my child born before I saw her again.
Three days later my son was born. I was confident that my OB would be the best person to perform the circ, were we to choose it. She told me she used a local anesthetic and allowed it to take effect before beginning, and also that she used sugar water. She told me that her sons were both circed; there were health benefits involved.
I eventually signed the papers. I told DH that we could do it if he was the one to explain to our son, when he had become an adult, why we had. DH was at home when our baby was taken for the circ, and I was still in the hospital.
When Philip was brought back to me, he was alert. He was not crying or sleeping. I sobbed. I sobbed so hard. I called DH and told him it was his fault that our son was scarred. At first DH thought that something had “gone wrong,” and our baby had been deformed.
Yes, he was deformed, but not as DH thought.
I remember what my son looked like intact. He was beautiful. I took something from him, I harmed him in the most intimate, permanent way, because I was too fearful to fight for what I instinctively knew was right. It took two days for me to fail my son—only two days of his life.
I will never forgive myself. I think I have no excuse for my actions. The information was available to me and I did not choose to read it.
Nothing can fix what I have done.
post #245 of 719
Oh... I am so sorry. Please try to be gentle with yourself. I know that's easy to say from here. If I were in your shoes I would feel just like you do.

I want to kick that OB in the box, the one who told you there were health benefits and she would do it so it wouldn't hurt. It is her job to know better, and she failed you and your son.
post #246 of 719
sorry for the copy/paste....this was (most) of my post from another mom site...I am feeling really sad/depressed, guilty, angry, in need of answers!! A member of the other board directed me here for support, as the other board only is a path to debate, particularly on a "hot" subject such as circumcision.
Sorry to make this my introductory post, I'm just feeling alone right now with this. My parents and in-laws are "supportive" - they tell me everything will turn out ok in the end, but I sure don't feel like they will. Anyway, here's my post:


I had my son this past week. Even up to his delivery, I wasn't decided one way or the other about a circ. I knew the arguments for and against, but didn't feel strongly either way.

He was born with a natural "partial" circumcision. The nurses and doctors at the hospital all pushed for circumcision - some offering what I felt were "fair" arguments (statistically lower transmission rates of things like HPV, HIV) and other arguments that I felt were ridiculous for the situation (one nurse said she had witnessed lots of "gross" penile infections in elderly, demented uncirc'ed men when she worked in a nursing home - and how is this relevent to my newborn baby??) In the end, I left it to my husband to decide, and he favored circumcision and didn't want the baby to have a real memory of the event, so we decided to proceed with a circ.

I sat in on the procedure - I felt it was only fair. I wanted to provide comfort to my son and witness what exactly I was putting him through. The ped who did the procedure gave a topical anesthesia, followed by an injected local anesthesia to minimize any pain.

Despite my very specific instructions to NOT give any sugar water (I'm breastfeeding), the tech assisting with the procedure administered syringe after syringe of sugar water into my son's mouth, while he was restrained flat on his back (very dangerous for aspiration) - I was stunned that they had ignored my instructions about this, but did not want to throw a scene right there, since the doctor was in the middle of cutting off my son's foreskin, for God's sake!

The doctor did a good job at the procedure itself. However, it was quite obvious at certain times during the procedure, that there was definitely some significant pain involved. The doctor dressed the wound with a Vaseline gauze dressing and instructed me that it should not be removed for 24 hours. Within 4-6 hours, the nurse came in to "check" his penis, soaked off the dressing, and discarded it. Not surprisingly, the site started bleeding. She applied pressure manually and then with a pressure dressing. Because I had delayed the decision to circ, my son and I were discharged that day. Within a day, the corona of his penis developed an area of swollen, puffy, hypertrophic tissue ("proud flesh"). I had to call the ped. via her non-helpful, dismissive, condescending nurse. I had to be obnoxious, but I did end up getting through to the doctor, who essentially said we'd have to just hope the tissue receded as it healed. At my son's follow-up today, his ped (different doc from the one who cared for him in the hospital) said the adhesions might occur.....AND, there was potential for curvature of the penis in the future. Six days old, and I might already be negatively impacting my son's future sex life. Heavy thoughts, indeed.

Let me just say, there was nothing wrong with my son's uncirc'ed penis. Nothing. It was perfect and lovely just as it was. What the rush or need for the circumcision right away after his birth is a mystery to me. I wholly regret the decision to have him circumcised, and I am nearly depressed by the fact that I cannot take this all back.

For all of us mothers, it is your and your family's decision as to whether or not to circumcise. What I can tell you from my experience is:
1) that pain may be a factor, even if the doctor is providing the maximum interventions for anesthesia
2) you should be aware of measures (like the sugar water) that the staff may institute (with or without your approval) during the procedure which could impact other things, like your efforts to establish breastfeeding
3) wound management is an extra task for you to manage during your baby's first few days (along with everything else, like cord stump care, etc.) - my son screams in pain every time I have to handle his penis for wound care during diaper changes.
4) there may be a poor cosmetic and/or functional outcome, as seems to be the case with my son (mostly to do with the nurse's improper care of the post-op site!)
5) there should be NO RUSH to make a decision, especially if you are on the fence or not 100% certain you want to circ. I could have/should have waited a few more days/weeks/months or even left his "just fine as it was" penis uncirc'ed and left the decision to him. Now, there's no going back. What's done is done.

The experience turned me from being a mom with no real opinion either way into a mom who would never again consider circ'ing any future sons I may have.

Thanks for reading!

Meesh
post #247 of 719
Oh mama, I’m so sorry it happened to your little boy ...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mama Meesh View Post
...I knew the arguments for and against, but didn't feel strongly either way...
I just want to say that I don’t think you knew all the facts. They are just too strong for anyone to know and still decide to circ. You probably just knew what doctors (doctors ignorance on the subject is just unbelievable!) were telling you.
If you really want to know the facts (they are very heavy though) so you can educate others and perhaps safe few little boys from this life-time damage you can read them here, for example:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=604463
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=605163

a lot of healing vibes to your baby ,
yulia.
post #248 of 719
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frankly Speaking View Post
My parents circumcised their son and I deeply regret it. It wasn't theirs top cut off and they did not have to live with the after effects.



Frank
I'm curious what your aftereffects are.
post #249 of 719
Oh I hope Frank replies. I haven't seen him here in soooooooooo long.
post #250 of 719
Quote:
Originally Posted by saucebox View Post
I'm curious what your aftereffects are.
I'm 99% certain Frank won't be replying, however there are several other circumcised men here who will tell you their after effects. Some include painful erections, hair growth on the shaft, not a lot of sensation. It'd be worth starting a thread on and maybe even getting it stickied.
post #251 of 719
I have been here a while and just never gotten to courage to post here. My son is circed and I regret it every single day. My DH is pro-circ and I let him make the decision. I backed out the day it was to be done. I said I couldn't do it. I said I didn't want it done. But I didn't stop it. I could have stopped it. Our doc wasn't even pro-circ. My poor baby boy was mutilated for no reason at all. Now I am embarassed to change him in public. I am embarassed for anyone to know what I did to him. I go to AP play groups but only change him in the car. I cannot imagine how I will deal with telling him what I did to him when he is old enough to understand. It hurts me so badly inside to know that I took something from him that he will never ever get back. My poor little love. I will never ever do this to another boy. Please know that I have learned so much since I did this to him, and I will never forgive myself for what happened.
post #252 of 719
Karen,
((Hugs)) to you.

You just took such a huge step and wrote your post out. Give your self a time, but you need to start to forgive yourself and move past this so you can turn your feelings into something positive (like focusing on helping other mothers that need support and information around this issue-- when you are ready).

In the mean time your son needs you to be present. That probably means taking a deep breath and stop hiding. You need to find places that feel safe and any good friend (or AP parent) should totally understand your feelings and support you- if the subject even comes up at all.

It sounds like you still need some time to heal and maybe to prepare what you might want to say to other mothers or parents about your experience.

I hope you have read through the whole thread here and see that you are not the only mother that has gone through this-- the fact that you came forward and posted speaks volumes about you.

You also should realize that you could have been given a lot more support around this issue--- and just after birth is a very hard time-- your siggie says he had a rough start-- and birth stress can make it so hard to stand strong (at least in my experience).

Thanks for posting on this forum and here... I know that the words that I read here before my son was born were instrumental to keeping me on guard and strong and I am ever indebted to the parents who posted here to share their heartbreaking stories.... and I KNOW that someone in the future will read your words and others and be given the same strength and resolve I was.

((Hugs))

Jessica (and Joshua)
post #253 of 719
I would like to share my son Calen's story with you. I found out that I was pregnant in June of 2004. I was thrilled and knew from the moment of conception in my heart that I would be having a little boy. I wanted to be the best mom that I could be to my sweet baby that was on its way.

I will give you a little bit of my background. I am a Pediatric Registered Nurse. I went through nursing school and the topic of circumcision was never discussed. All of the literature that is used in today's medical schools all picture the circumcised penis as the norm. I live in an area of the country where it is highly uncommon not to circ. I can honestly say that I have never seen an intact penis in my nursing career. I ignorantly thought that circumcision was something that was medically necessary and that it was beneficial. I naively thought why would the medical community propagate something that wasn't necessary? I never witnessed a circumcision as a nurse or a student nurse so I truly didn't understand what the procedure entailed.

I found out at 24 weeks gestation that I was indeed pregnant with a little boy. I never researched circumcision before he was born. I honestly thought I was doing what was best for my son when I handed him to the Doctor the day after he was born to be circumcised.

That day is the greatest regret of my life.

I specifically asked the Doctor who would be performing the procedure if he would be using proper anesthetic because I didn't want my baby to be in pain. He assured me that he would be using Lidocaine. I felt comfortable and trusted this physician with my child. After my son developed complications from his circumcision (I will detail these below) I requested his hospital records. This is when I learned that the Doctor had used only sugar water on a pacifier for anesthesia! The Doctor lied to me. He did not use proper anesthesia for my poor baby boy. I shudder to think at how my son suffered at that Doctor's hands during his circumcision.

Caring for the circumcision was an incredible ordeal. The circumcision site was red and raw and bloody. It had to be cleaned at every diaper change and my son would shudder and cry in pain. It then had to be covered in Vaseline and covered with a gauze 4 x 4. He would cry any time that he urinated. I am sure that the urine burned on that open wound. It eventually seemed to heal and I thought everything was okay.

At 15 months I was changing my son's diaper. I noticed a white mass at the circumcision site. I pushed on it and it began to come out of the side of his penis. I continued to push on the area and a large marble sized white pea emerged. Where it had come out there was now a huge hole in the side of my son's penis. I was alarmed to say the least! I hadn't ever seen anything like it and I am a Pediatric RN. I though it was an abscess of some sort.
The next morning we went to the Pediatrician. I had the white mass in a plastic bag. When we went in the Pediatrician looked at it and began to laugh. He explained that my son's circumsion had healed wrong and that the skin had reattached to the glans of his penis. He told me that this happens in up to 71% of circumcised boys. He said that the white mass was a smegma pearl that had developed in the pocket that his adhesions had left.

The pediatrician then did something that makes me sick to this day. He grabbed the head of my son's penis with two fingers and his remaining foreskin with the other hand and RIPPED literally ripped the skin loose. My son screamed and writhed in pain. He bled and it left a red raw wound where the pedi had ripped the skin loose. I asked the Doctor what he had done. He explained to me that the adhesions had to be ripped loose otherwise when my son was a teenager and had his first night time erection that they would be ripped loose then and would bleed. He said it would be better to do this now than to have him traumatized as a teenager. He then instructed me and my Husband that the skin had to be ripped loose at each diaper change otherwise it would grow back in the wrong place again.

We followed the Pediatrician's instructions for several months. My son began to scream before we even took his diaper off. He was so traumatized that if you even tried to wipe his penis with a baby wipe he would begin to beg you not to and cry.

I finally realized that something was seriously wrong with this whole situation. I began to research circumcision. That is when I learned the truth about the procedure. I learned that it is purely cosmetic and has no medical benefit. I also learned that the pediatrician was correct when he said that 71% of circumcised boys develop the penile adhesions my son has. I also learned that ripping adhesions loose can cause scar tissue to develop and cause permanent nerve damage. We could have permanently injured my DS even further if we had continued to follow the pediatrician's advice.

I am horrified that my Poor Baby Boy has suffered so needlessly because I made the decision to have him circumcised. I get out pictures now from the day he was born when he was still intact and whole and I want to cry. He was so perfect just the way he was born and I took that away from him. I feel such incredible guilt when I think about all of the pain he has gone through. It makes me sad every time I change his diaper or I put him in the bath and I see his poor little penis.

I would never circumcise another child. I would urge anyone who is considering it to rethink their decision to circ. Even my Husband is now against circumcision.
post #254 of 719

How I became an INTACTIVIST...

I have been an INTACTIVIST for nearly 25 years now. My journey into this arena began when my first child, a son was born, from the moment I knew I was pregnant, I researched everything I could find on pregnancy, birth, babies, etc... (pre-pc-era) I took Bradley classes, joined LLL still pregnant, wanted to homebirth, but got talked/scarred out of that, VERY LITTLE info on circ, so I talked to people, circ'ed and whole men and all thumbs were up for circ, so against my own instincts, I had it done.
I was in a fairly sound proof room* and they took my son down and across the hall to another room. The sound of his screams are forever burned into my brain. I almost fainted. NEVER AGAIN....if I am ever blessed with another boy...never again...(*the NICU, shoulda done it at home, Dr. nearly killed my baby with unneeded/unwanted interventions, 16 days NICU)
Always GO with your instincts, it's your Mother Wit guiding you.
So, I got on my and started talking to people about how it was mutilation, dangerous, PAINFULL, etc...when pc's came along I was/am rabid about it!
It is EXTREMELY frustrating when you present a person with unarguable FACTS and they still mutilate their child anyway.
They MISS 2 key factors; #1; Circumcision is sexual mutilation. #2; Parents are the 'care takers' of the child, not the OWNER of the child. The child's body BELONGS to the child!

P.S. We do have another son, Marley, 5 1/2, solo UC water birth, INTACT and PROUD of it.

Keep spreading to word, sometimes people DO listen.

P.P.S. You GO Molly! You're on the road and you can only go forward.

Blessed Be,
post #255 of 719

My Mom regrets it... My dad??

Quote:
She and her husband talked about it and he feels very strongly that the baby needs to be circumcised.

I would like to share this link with her so she can see how more people felt about it. I've thought hard about just backing off because it isn't my business but this subject is very, very important to me.
My mom remembers when I was taken from her...she heard my screams. She felt sick. And then I nearly died because I wouldn't take to bottle or breast.

I've been amazed at the sexual responsiveness of the women I've been with--responsiveness I'm missing. I asked my dad this summer 'why did you circumcise me'. I told him that it drastically reduces sexual responsiveness and pleasure for both men and women. His reply, "maybe that's a good thing"(victorian ideas about sex being negative). I was furious. He later apologized. He himself is intact. I would give anything to have my foreskin back.

I wish they'd led ME decide what to do with that 'useless' piece of skin.

The only things that alleviate my anger and sense of loss are:
1. I've talked two of my parishioners(couples) into keeping their sons intact
2. I'm restoring for the benefit of myself and my future wife
post #256 of 719

"After Effects"

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fi. View Post
... however there are several other circumcised men here who will tell you their after effects. Some include painful erections, hair growth on the shaft, not a lot of sensation. ....
Yep, that's me. Hair on the shaft, lack of sensation compared to women I've dated. I'd do anything to get my foreskin back.

At times this forum is a difficult place to be--it reminds me of what I've lost. But I do appreciate all the 'ammo' and support I receive here to counter this incredibly barbaric practice. And it's the medical community that perpetuates it!! (It's the medical people in my church that are virulently supportive of it!)

I talked one friend out of circumcising his son (wife already didn't want to). He actually raised the topic with a full table of people during an 'after church luncheon'. It was a male nurse who was most in favor of circing! (inharmony with the other nurses and physicians in my church who all think it's a wonderfully 'biblical' thing to do. NOT) ARggggghhhhh

:

Also, a fascinating post from the "Myth: Uncircumcised men enjoy sex more" thread which says,

My daughter's father happens to be a fag. He is intact, he is British and RIC is very uncommon. He has slept with literally hundreds of men, like 400+ probably, so that's a pretty good case study IMO. He gets around. And he says that intact men are *way* more sensitive than cut men, and that cut men require much more intense friction than intact men to orgasm, whereas intact men can enjoy much more subtle forms of stimulation. He said he couldn't believe the difference when he came over here and began having sex regularly with circed partners.
post #257 of 719
Quote:
Originally Posted by SkyDweller View Post
I would give anything to have my foreskin back.

I wish they'd led ME decide what to do with that 'useless' piece of skin.

The only things that alleviate my anger and sense of loss are:
1. I've talked two of my parishioners(couples) into keeping their sons intact
2. I'm restoring for the benefit of myself and my future wife
I'm happy to see a man here in this discussion. Believe me, you are not alone in your feelings. As an intactivist, I have been in many discussion/education groups and MANY men feel as you do; violated.
I am glad to know that you are restoring. I am talking to my husband about doing that as well. It is the only thing that I would change about him, if I could.
Blessed Be,
post #258 of 719
I literally feel physically ill. :Puke Not kidding. As a mother of two boys (both circ'd and now ages 9 and 7) I wish I had known all of this when they were born. To me, it was a very normal and "more sanitary" practice. I want to wretch. Great, now I feel like a horrible barbaric mother. It didn't even occur to me to research it when it has always been presented as "normal" and actually healthier than leaving it alone. I am glad and horrified at the same time that I found this information. While I am not going to have anymore babies, I have plenty of friends and family who will/are. I will be passing this on. I can't even tell you how sick I feel. If my babies weren't sound asleep I'd be hugging them tight right now........

Oh geez
post #259 of 719
Quote:
Originally Posted by Danemom View Post
I literally feel physically ill. :Puke Not kidding. As a mother of two boys (both circ'd and now ages 9 and 7) I wish I had known all of this when they were born. To me, it was a very normal and "more sanitary" practice. I want to wretch. Great, now I feel like a horrible barbaric mother. It didn't even occur to me to research it when it has always been presented as "normal" and actually healthier than leaving it alone. I am glad and horrified at the same time that I found this information. While I am not going to have anymore babies, I have plenty of friends and family who will/are. I will be passing this on. I can't even tell you how sick I feel. If my babies weren't sound asleep I'd be hugging them tight right now........

Oh geez
I'm so so sorry. to you and your boys.

It's the medical establishment that is to blame for this atrocity - that is perpetuated on both little boys AND their parents (often, especially their mothers).

Many doctors who oppose circumcision won't tell the parents until AFTER they have left their sons intact. :

Please forgive yourself and do what you can do - share the information about the realities of circumcision with those around you. And we'll end it, so that our children aren't even presented with circumcision as an option when our grandchildren are born (which is how it should be).
post #260 of 719
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mommiska View Post
Many doctors who oppose circumcision won't tell the parents until AFTER they have left their sons intact. :
That is true. When our son was born we required all the check ups to be done in our room (we wouldn't let him out of our sight). So when the ped came in to check him she ask in a very neutral voice if we were going to circ him. And only when we answered "no" she said happily "thanks god, i wish there were more parents like you guys!". I liked that ped, but what the h**l, it didn't even occur to her that she herself could make a huge difference by just telling parents the truth..:
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