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If you regret circumcising your son(s), please post here. - Page 14

post #261 of 719
Yulia,
Yeah, you know, you wouldn't want to even run the risk of offending a parents by offering them both sides of the story so they can make an educated decision.

Like there's no possible way to be neutral while providing parents with the purpose of the foreskin, risks of doing nothing, and risks of the procedure. It is too bad doctors don't simply see these thigns as their job.

Jessica
post #262 of 719
After having some time to think this all over after finding this information just last night, I am ENRAGED that I was not offered with facts on both sides so I could make an informed decision instead of just ASSuming at the ages of 20 and 22 (ages I was when the boys were born) that it was the only way to go. AND I was told BOTH times that my boys slept right through it. I am so pissed!!!! I think about my precious babies when they were tiny and having to endure that because the doctors didn't want to inform me of the "other side". That ped should be glad that I don't still use him or he would be receiving a ranting and raving mother in his office on Monday and THEN I would drop him like a hot potato. I know I could have done my own research but I was very young and very stupid (I have realized in my older age). That is not meant to be offensive because not all young mothers are blind to such issues. I only mean that "I" was young and stupid. And sadly misinformed.....

ARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!:
post #263 of 719
Quote:
Originally Posted by Danemom View Post
After having some time to think this all over after finding this information just last night, I am ENRAGED that I was not offered with facts on both sides so I could make an informed decision instead of just ASSuming at the ages of 20 and 22 (ages I was when the boys were born) that it was the only way to go. AND I was told BOTH times that my boys slept right through it. I am so pissed!!!! I think about my precious babies when they were tiny and having to endure that because the doctors didn't want to inform me of the "other side". That ped should be glad that I don't still use him or he would be receiving a ranting and raving mother in his office on Monday and THEN I would drop him like a hot potato. I know I could have done my own research but I was very young and very stupid (I have realized in my older age). That is not meant to be offensive because not all young mothers are blind to such issues. I only mean that "I" was young and stupid. And sadly misinformed.....

ARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!:
I know I would've had the same story, had I had my kids in my early 20's. As it was, I was 25 when my eldest was born, and it was only a month before he was born when I changed my mind from "I guess so..." to That's too much to cut off my baby!" That was nearely 10 years ago now.
post #264 of 719
I came across a quote on a website called Journey of Hearts:

Our grief always brings a gift.
It's the gift of greater sensitivity and compassion for others.
We learn to rise above our own grief by reaching out
and lessening the grief of others.


Peace & healing to all who have the courage to share their stories here.



Jen
post #265 of 719
Reading all of this just breaks my heart. I have 2 boys, both circumcised. If only I could take it back... With our first ds, I was against it but didn't know enough to really argue. DH was VERY for it. His unscientific poll of random guys he knows proved to him that it was better to be circ'ed. He wanted him to look like dad. I finally gave in, but made him go with and watch. I cried the whole time they were gone. He came back and told me he just slept. Passed out from the pain was probably more like it. With our second ds, I consented again, mostly because I felt like I couldn't change mid-stream. We couldn't have one that looks like dad and one that doesn't, right? Now there's some study on African men that says that circumcision reduces HIV transmission (sorry if any pp mentioned this already - too heartbreaking to read all the posts). DH thinks this makes his side even stronger - end of discussion. I don't know if we'll ever have another baby, but I don't think I could let this happen again. I'm not sure how that will work, though. My DH is such a great guy, and he truly believes he's doing the best for his sons by insisting on circ. I just wish I could convince him.

My advice, DON'T DO IT! It could always be done later, but it can't ever be undone.
post #266 of 719
That study as we now know is a bunch of hooey. If circ was such a success at preventing AIDS then why does the USA with the highest circ rate also have one of the highest AIDS rates?? : It just dosnt make sense that they can believe this way.

I want to thank you all for sharing your stories. I know it couldnt have been easy.
post #267 of 719
Quote:
Originally Posted by jessjgh1 View Post
Yulia,
Yeah, you know, you wouldn't want to even run the risk of offending a parents by offering them both sides of the story so they can make an educated decision.

Like there's no possible way to be neutral while providing parents with the purpose of the foreskin, risks of doing nothing, and risks of the procedure. It is too bad doctors don't simply see these thigns as their job.

Jessica

This upsets me so much. Why, why, why? Both of my sons are circ'd. Nobody even gave options in the hospital. I was totally clueless about circing with my first son. My second son I was just starting to learn about um, freaking CHOICES in child birth in general. My second son escaped the barage of vax's as I intended to delay until I learned more. I didn't do the same with circing. Every day I see my naked little boys and it hurts me so much to think I let that happen out of ignorance. It is truly one of my greatest failures. :

I don't understand why all that I have learned on MDC is considered so "out there" in the mainstream world. It just all makes sense. I took child birth classes, read lots of books. Just all the wrong things. Thank goodness for Mothering - its saving babies every day.
post #268 of 719
I really regret having my son circ'd.....it was almost 11 years ago

I hate to use "ignorance" as an excuse.....but I was 20 years old and did no research at all and was never made aware of my choices....he was born in a military hospital and I remember when he was about a day old they took him away for "testing"....I didn't question it.

During this time I attened a 30 minute class about the benefits of having your son circ'd and when they returned him to me they had cut him

I also was not able to BF him for his first feeding....he was taken away immediately after I delivered him and the nurses bottle fed him.....but that is a whole other topic :

I'm much older now and have spent many years researching the pros/CONS of circ'ing and my husband and I made the decision years ago to never circ any future sons that we may have.

I ended up having 3 girls.

I have a friend who didn't circ her son until last year.....he was 11 and his foreskin was fused and he had a malignant mole/growth under the skin.....even though this was the best decision....she regrets it everyday

I'am OK with my decision now....I just wish I knew then what I know now.
post #269 of 719
I was against circ from the beginning - I had a psych class in college and up until then I never thought about it, but we had a section of our texbook on Genital Mutilation and lo-and-behold, circ was discussed there. It changed my views forever.

When I was preg and found we were having a boy, we began to have the circ discussion - DH said Yes, I said No. His arguments were for cleanliness - my response was if this was a girl should we have her labia surgically removed because she wouldn't have folds to clean so she would be cleaner? Then he argued the kids in gym and the showers would tease him... My responses were A - do guys really check out other guys genitals when showering? and B - if we had a girl and she was 13 and hadn't really begun to develop and was getting teased for being flat chested, would we be giving her breast implants? My arguments made a dent, but didn't convince him.

When interviewing pediatricians, we discussed it. I liked him immediately - and still do. He had circ all 3 of his boys and said it wasn't a big deal and most of the kids he saw were still being circ. He suggested I let Dad make this one decision. Ultimately, that is what I did.

DS came back from surgery and I changed his diaper - and I looked at my previously perfect intact son who was now swollen and bleeding. I can't describe the sick-to-my-stomach feeling I had. When my husband came in from work, I made him change the first diaper that evening - the color completely drained from his face.

Here is where our story takes a truly negative turn. It's important to know that babies are born with swollen genitals - all babies - and mine was no exception. At 6 weeks, we began to be concerned. My DS penis didn't look "right." It didn't hang outside his body, it seemed to slip back in. We brought him to the ped and asked him and he said everything looked "OK."

A few weeks later I was watching a surgical show where the patient suffered from Hidden Penis. After the discussion, I went online and looked it up - I found a picture of a 2 year old boy and he looked exactly like my DS!

I began to do more research for our 3 mos appt and brought my concerns to the Dr. At that point I was at least reasonably well versed in what I thought we were dealing with. Because we had circ my DS, it was more likely he would suffer from adhesions (he has) and could have long lasting damage. Circ is contraindicated for the small percentage of boys with Hidden Penis. Hidden Penis is caused by a small fat pad that sits on top of the pubic bone, and that allows the shaft of the penis to shrink back into the fat pad and the skin that should be along the shaft just sags and covers up the (now exposed from circ) glans.

My ped did a very thorough exam and said that we would really need to wait till DS was about 3 to make a diagnosis, but it was possible. He also told me that he does see many boys that look like my DS that 'grow out of it' as they loose their baby fat.

Now DS is 16 mos old. He's had several adhesions and we've been told if we don't break them now, we run the risk of infection (which he's had already) and when he's a pre-teen and has his first erection the adhesions will break and bleed and swell and be sore. Gee... that's exactly what I want him to remember from his first erection - it's painful and I bleed! Honestly, I don't like either option - I hate pulling back on all the loose skin (skin that should be along the shaft of his penis) and so does DS, but I hate the idea that his first erection will be a painful experience!

I'm a member of La Leche League and I see so many of their beautiful, intact baby boys getting their diaper changed at meetings and every time I think, "Why did I let them do this to my son?" The circ certainly didn't cause the Hidden Penis, but it has caused complications.

Now we are in a waiting period. If over the next year and a half the extra fat pad over his pubic bone goes away, DS will be "normal" except for the scar from the circ. If it doesn't, then we're looking at finding a pediatric urologist and plastic surgeon to correct the Hidden Penis and we'll hope the circ didn't end up taking off too much skin to complicate the corrective surgery.

My first major decision as a mother was WWWWAAAAAAYYYYY wrong - and possibly harmed my son more than one would think. Of course since then, I've made much better decisions - exclusive breastfeeding, babywearing, attachment parenting, gentle discipline, home made baby food, nutritios food... but I dearly regret my... our decision to circ.

My husband has mixed feelings - but now that we're expecting #2 I told him hell would freeze over before this baby (if it's a boy) would be circ. It would literally have to be done over my dead body. My DH has no response. I don't know if he would still want it done, but he knows there is NO discussion on this topic.

It's taken most of the last year before I was really even able to tell our story - and some in my family still don't know it. When I know someone who is having a boy, I tell them. I don't tell them what to do - I tell them to educate themselves. Really look at both sides of the argument and see if they can find enough evidence based information FOR circumcision.

Thank you - for giving me a place to tell my story about our experience. I hope that some mom or dad-to-be will read it and, at the least, will really educate themselves BEFORE they make this truly life changing decision.

post #270 of 719
I am so sorry for your trauma. I do think you should start a new post about your sons adhesions and condition. I don't think it's recommended to pull his adhesions back, but to leave them alone.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jmmsunshine View Post
I was against circ from the beginning - I had a psych class in college and up until then I never thought about it, but we had a section of our texbook on Genital Mutilation and lo-and-behold, circ was discussed there. It changed my views forever.

When I was preg and found we were having a boy, we began to have the circ discussion - DH said Yes, I said No. His arguments were for cleanliness - my response was if this was a girl should we have her labia surgically removed because she wouldn't have folds to clean so she would be cleaner? Then he argued the kids in gym and the showers would tease him... My responses were A - do guys really check out other guys genitals when showering? and B - if we had a girl and she was 13 and hadn't really begun to develop and was getting teased for being flat chested, would we be giving her breast implants? My arguments made a dent, but didn't convince him.

When interviewing pediatricians, we discussed it. I liked him immediately - and still do. He had circ all 3 of his boys and said it wasn't a big deal and most of the kids he saw were still being circ. He suggested I let Dad make this one decision. Ultimately, that is what I did.

DS came back from surgery and I changed his diaper - and I looked at my previously perfect intact son who was now swollen and bleeding. I can't describe the sick-to-my-stomach feeling I had. When my husband came in from work, I made him change the first diaper that evening - the color completely drained from his face.

Here is where our story takes a truly negative turn. It's important to know that babies are born with swollen genitals - all babies - and mine was no exception. At 6 weeks, we began to be concerned. My DS penis didn't look "right." It didn't hang outside his body, it seemed to slip back in. We brought him to the ped and asked him and he said everything looked "OK."

A few weeks later I was watching a surgical show where the patient suffered from Hidden Penis. After the discussion, I went online and looked it up - I found a picture of a 2 year old boy and he looked exactly like my DS!

I began to do more research for our 3 mos appt and brought my concerns to the Dr. At that point I was at least reasonably well versed in what I thought we were dealing with. Because we had circ my DS, it was more likely he would suffer from adhesions (he has) and could have long lasting damage. Circ is contraindicated for the small percentage of boys with Hidden Penis. Hidden Penis is caused by a small fat pad that sits on top of the pubic bone, and that allows the shaft of the penis to shrink back into the fat pad and the skin that should be along the shaft just sags and covers up the (now exposed from circ) glans.

My ped did a very thorough exam and said that we would really need to wait till DS was about 3 to make a diagnosis, but it was possible. He also told me that he does see many boys that look like my DS that 'grow out of it' as they loose their baby fat.

Now DS is 16 mos old. He's had several adhesions and we've been told if we don't break them now, we run the risk of infection (which he's had already) and when he's a pre-teen and has his first erection the adhesions will break and bleed and swell and be sore. Gee... that's exactly what I want him to remember from his first erection - it's painful and I bleed! Honestly, I don't like either option - I hate pulling back on all the loose skin (skin that should be along the shaft of his penis) and so does DS, but I hate the idea that his first erection will be a painful experience!

I'm a member of La Leche League and I see so many of their beautiful, intact baby boys getting their diaper changed at meetings and every time I think, "Why did I let them do this to my son?" The circ certainly didn't cause the Hidden Penis, but it has caused complications.

Now we are in a waiting period. If over the next year and a half the extra fat pad over his pubic bone goes away, DS will be "normal" except for the scar from the circ. If it doesn't, then we're looking at finding a pediatric urologist and plastic surgeon to correct the Hidden Penis and we'll hope the circ didn't end up taking off too much skin to complicate the corrective surgery.

My first major decision as a mother was WWWWAAAAAAYYYYY wrong - and possibly harmed my son more than one would think. Of course since then, I've made much better decisions - exclusive breastfeeding, babywearing, attachment parenting, gentle discipline, home made baby food, nutritios food... but I dearly regret my... our decision to circ.

My husband has mixed feelings - but now that we're expecting #2 I told him hell would freeze over before this baby (if it's a boy) would be circ. It would literally have to be done over my dead body. My DH has no response. I don't know if he would still want it done, but he knows there is NO discussion on this topic.

It's taken most of the last year before I was really even able to tell our story - and some in my family still don't know it. When I know someone who is having a boy, I tell them. I don't tell them what to do - I tell them to educate themselves. Really look at both sides of the argument and see if they can find enough evidence based information FOR circumcision.

Thank you - for giving me a place to tell my story about our experience. I hope that some mom or dad-to-be will read it and, at the least, will really educate themselves BEFORE they make this truly life changing decision.

post #271 of 719
I'm so sorry for you and your baby .
But please please please do NOT pull his adhesions back! You just need to leave them alone.
yulia.
post #272 of 719
Please do not pull back the adhesions!!! I am so sorry you are surround by stupid doctors!


Please read thru the threads here on CAC...you will learn alot. Please also search for a foreskin friendly ped in your Finding Your Tribe forum.
post #273 of 719
I am the mother of another, VERY REGRETFULLY, circed little boy. My DS suffers from adhesions as well.


PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE leave the adhesions alone. We used to pull them apart as well at the instructions of our physician. We got the same story you have heard about the first nighttime erection. (Do we have the same pedi?)

Pulling the adhesions apart can lead to permanent scarring and nerve damage. They are a result of the remaining foreskin attempting to act as an intact foreskin would. They will loosen the same way an intact male becomes retractable over time.

You can PM me if you need any further info about the adhesions.
post #274 of 719

Thankful for this thread . . .

My husband and I just read the article in Mothering and it changed us . . . our first son was circ. I was aprehensive, to say the least. My worries were brushed away by DH and the male Drs for the usual reasons and I gave in thinking that if these men are ok with it . . . ugh. I cried when they took my son away, I asked to go with and was told I couldn't. Now we are expecting our second son and I thought the decision was made for me once again. Why should the little one look different? I read the article and asked my scientist husband to do the same and he said,

"Well, we won't do that again!"

Thank you for the support here.
post #275 of 719

I deeply

regret having my son circumcised. If only there were some way to go back 11 months and re-do my mistake.

Back in High School [ which wasn`t that long ago, seeing as I am just 22 years old ], I dated a guy for a couple years who was not circumcised. It was one thing he never forgave his parents for. He told me several times of his embarassment "in the locker room", and how when he turned 18 he was going to have it done himself. Because of this, it was dwelled in my head that a boy would be better off being circumcised. But honestly, I never really put much thought into it..

Years later, my husband and I discover we are pregnant. Circumcision never crossed my mind, nor did my husband and I ever discuss it. When I was admitted into the hospital and was signing papers, the question of circumcision came up. I looked at Thomas, who shrugged, and told me it was up to me [ my husband is circ'd ]. I then ask my nurse what she thought and she told me she suggested I do so. So there you have it, I agreed to it.

The next day, Tommy [ my son ] is taken into the nursery for his "routine circ". Thomas went with him to see it be done. I walked into the nursery directly after it was performed to a screaming baby and a husband with tear-filled eyes. His words were "Brandi, I didn't think it would be like that". I looked at my son and just bawled along with him. I picked him up, walked into the breastfeeding room, and nursed him til his heart's content, the whole time beating myself up in my head over this. What did I put him through? And why? So he could be like everyone else?

This moment still lingers in my mind. So many times I have apologized to my now 11 month old for what I allowed him to be put through, even if he doesn't remember it. Thomas and I decided together that from this point forward, any other baby boy we give birth to, will remain INTACT.
post #276 of 719
post #277 of 719
My son is circ'd, and i do regret it as does my husband. We saw the graphic videos read the research, but ultimately we made the decision, was it the right one, probably not, but my son is perfect just the way he is. He lost his foreskin, but not his wonderful personality, his smiles, his sweetness.

There will come a time where he may question our decision and we will be honest, we took something that wasn't ours to take, but he will always know how perfect he is and how sorry we are that we made that decision.

Reading this forum made me sad to hear all the mothers who live with such deep guilt for something most of them did with good intentions. Although I am regretful, I am not guilty, our decision came from the purest part of our hearts.
post #278 of 719
My nine year old is fully intact. I did not read or research but went on the feeling and understanding that when he was older he could make the decision if he wanted to change his body. I remember my OB saying to us, "if the only reason you are doing it is to say so you look like Dad, that is going to be a hard sell when he is older" My husband(who is circ) is and was very supportive of my feelings not to. After reading this forum, I am thankful and appreciative of my supportive and understanding husband. Just remember, they can always do it later in life (my father did for medical reasons), but they cannot put it back!
post #279 of 719
Quote:
Originally Posted by snomnky View Post
. Although I am regretful, I am not guilty, our decision came from the purest part of our hearts.
This is the way I feel too. I regret that I did it, and I know I won't do it again, but he's healed and all is well, so I can't dwell on it, KWIM? I do wish I didn't do it, but all I can do now is move forward and not make the mistake again.
post #280 of 719
In 1999 my son was born I do regret my desision to circumcis him he has had problems ever since with infection and very sensitive because it was not done right. I was thankfull to have a girl next so I did not have to go through that again now that he is 7 things are getting better
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