My only son will be 14 yrs old next week. He was born in 1993 in a small town in Tennessee and circumcised the day after his birth. To be totally honest, I never gave a moment's thought to it. BUT, allow me to explain. I'll try to make this brief.
I was 18 yrs old and fresh out of high school.. and still immature as hell. My son was conceived while on birth control pills (and a broken condom - miracle child, I swear). I wasn't ready for him and almost felt detached from him even though he was inside my womb. I was a bit shunned by my nearby family members and pretty much relied on my mother for information (which really wasn't the smartest thing to do). "Mom, do you think I should *do this*?".. "Mom, should I *do that*?". I stupidly made no decisions for myself and my son's sperm donor of a father was completely absent. I didn't feel like a mother-to-be, I felt like a kid having a baby.. life would go on for me afterward, right? (please do not judge me for this, I love my son more than words can say)
I was induced because I was a week overdue and my blood pressure was up. After 27 hours of hard labor and 2 hours of hard pushing, it was determined that he was coming out face-up and was stuck. I was immediately taken into the operating room, given general anesthesia (I had only had demerol up to this point), and luckily, he was able to be pulled out with forceps. He was born a little after noon.
It was a couple hours before he was brought to me. My family had already seen him before I had. I was really out of it for that first day. I had visitors all day and I barely remember any of it even though I have many pictures of us all together. I vaguely remember trying to breastfeed him.
That night, I was woken up by a nurse for a temperature check. It was almost 104 degrees. It was ordered that DS was to be taken off the breast immediately (that's a whole other story there.. grr). It was determined that I had a severe uterine infection (that no one knew the cause of). I was very very sick and in quite a bit of pain over the next few days. I spent a total of 8 days in the hospital.
I can honestly say that I don't remember being asked about circumcision AT ALL. I don't remember signing anything and I don't remember discussing it with anyone. I don't even remember what his penis looked like before he was circumcised. That's how out of it I was. I just remember opening his diaper at some point and being shocked after seeing his bloody penis. I asked my mom (insert eye roll here) what the heck happened to him and she said, "oh, he was just circumcised, no biggie, he's fine".
And that was that..
I hadn't really given much thought to circumcision since then.. Oh, I'd heard random conversations here and there about how "uncircumcised penises are nasty" and "ew this" and "ew that", but that was about it.
About 8 yrs ago when I was changing my step-nephew's diaper, I saw that he looked different. I have to admit that my first reaction was somewhat like, "ummm, what the heck is that?". My brother told me that his mother hadn't had him circumcised. "umm, ok". I was actually confused because at that point, I still didn't know what exactly had been done to my son.. and my nephew's penis didn't look all "gross" as I'd heard uncirc'd penises did. But, I still didn't research it. It was already done to my son right? I couldn't change that.
Everything changed in my mind a few months ago. It started out with reading a topic about circumcision in a myspace group. I went into the thread completely clueless, but not really expecting to learn anything. WRONG.
I have since researched circ, seen pictures of the process, watched videos, etc. I am actually completely in shock over all of this. That is what was done to my son!!!!! That is what was done to all circumcised baby boys. It absolutely disgusts me and to be blunt, pisses me right off. The guilt I feel is enormous. Had I not been such a naive teenager.. had I asked questions.. had I researched on my own.. had I only been MATURE about my pregnancy with him. So many "what ifs" plague me now.
I'm not just angry with myself, though. I am completely livid at the doctors and nurses because of the fact that I wasn't properly informed prior to having this done. I was NOT in the right state of mind to make that kind of a decision. It shouldn't have been done to begin with, but it most definately should NOT have been done without my clear-minded and informed consent. But it was.
I'm so sorry for the long-winded story, but I really needed to get this out of me.
Bottom line.. I ABSOLUTELY 100% REGRET THAT MY SON WAS CIRCUMCISED. The guilt that I feel is horrible. I'm now an intactivist.