If you regret circumcising your son(s), please post here. - Page 3

[mama_at_home]

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[Jonesey]

New here and crying after reading your posts. I think you are an amazing group sharing your stories and your pain. I am SO GLAD we decided not to circ! I had mixed feelings on the subject, never having seen an uncircumsized penis, hearing other mothers' tales of how it was better for their sons ie: cleanliness, reduced risk of infections and the usual. My Dh wanted our son circ'd as he is and his father had to be have it done in his 60's due to repeated infections. We argued about it many times and I was torn between my desire to please my husband, the fact that most of our friends' sons are circ'd, a friend of mine due 3wks after me who said there was no way they wouldn't circ and this very strong instinct/feeling I had telling me it was wrong. Finally I told my Dh that if he felt that strongly then he would have to take him himself, stay with him during the procedure and then look after his penis till it healed. I KNEW there was no way on earth that he would do this (he won't even go to the ped's if there's a needle involved) and so that was that.

I have to admit though that before reading all the literature on these posts and the true stories from other parents I had questioned my decision many times wondering if I did the right thing, would my son develop problems later on, would he worry that he looked different than his father and etc. Thank you all so much for sharing!, now I know I made the right decision and will never doubt it again. Oddly enough my Dh has always been glad we decided not to circ, it seemed once I gave he had a reason to back out he was okay with it.

A bit OT but I also wanted to say thanks for all the other informative posts as well, my SIL badgered me constantly after Ds was born, saying that I had to pull back his foreskin and clean under it every time I bathed him. When I told her male genitalia was self-cleaning, the same as female, she said I was setting him up for infection and that I would be sorry and might as well have him circ'd right away because he'd develop scar tissue and have to have it done anyway. I consulted the ped on it and she said not to touch it until he is two and then I should start gently pulling it back and cleaning. Now I know even she was only half right and to just leave it alone (although at 20mths Ds won't leave it alone, it's amazing how far he can stretch that skin!).

BTW Thanks again!

[anotherKatrina]

I had my perfect baby boy circ'd 12 years ago. I didn't know any better.

It was the worst day of my life. And the worst choice of my life. At least my other bad life choices became learning experiences. There was no benefit whatsoever to this one--inflicting such pain on my innocent, trusting and helpless baby. The horror I feel at the thought of my decision has not lessened one iota.

I wish I could take back that day.

[Changed]

Thank you all so much for sharing your feeling here. I am pregnant and so much hoping it's a boy!\

[ParkersMama]

My son was circumsized when he was born, and I regret that decision to this day. Before he was born, I made efforts to educate both myself and my husband, but ultimately left the decision to my DH, with the caveat that if it was done, he had to be present for it. Well, since DH is circumsized, he opted to get Parker circumsized. Since I had a C-section, I really didn't even get to see my son when he was intact (though there is one picture of him, immediately after birth, where he is intact). Although the pediatrician that did the circumcision did a "great" job, and used anesthetic and all, the aftermath made me regret immediately. He refused to nurse for almost 18 hours, at just 2 days of age, and in our 3 day hospital stay, he lost almost a complete pound, partly because he simply refused to nurse. The next several weeks were very hard, as he cried each and every time that he peed, and when the diaper touched him, regardless of the amount of ointment we would put on his penis. To this day, his penis seems unnaturally red just below the head, and we've even had to deal with the skin partially growing together when he was about 1-year old (involved re-separating and ointment ... and more pain). I'm also having to deal with the thought of having another boy who will NOT be circumsized (I know better now, so I'll do better now), and having one day to explain to Parker why they are different.

[KingsDaughter76]

I completly regret letting my first son be circ'd....my other 2 boys are intact..I just wished I had been informed sooner for the sake of my first son....too late for him. :-(

[Frankly Speaking]

Michelle:

We're neighbors! I also live in Cobb county!

Your son was circumcised with the Gomco clamp. The reason there was no blood is because the Gomco clamp exerts 50,000 pounds of pressure on the skin. That's enough pressure to lift more than a dozen cars off the ground and it crushes the blood vessels so completely that they seal shut.

You need to stay away from that doctor as he/she is woefully ignorant of how to take care of even a circumcised penis. The information you got from NOCIRC was absolutely correct. The adhesions that formed were your son's body trying to heal itself and if left alone, the adhesions would have disolved on their own as they would have had your son not been circumcised. All of that pain the doctor caused your son was not only unnecessary, it could have been damaging.

You have a possibility of legal redress against that doctor if you wish to pursue it. One of the top circumcision attorneys in the country is right here in Atlanta. I'll be happy to put you in contact with him if you wish.




Frank

[hunnybumm]

I haven't ready all the above posts but I thought I would share... I just want to get this off my chest.

I had my DS circ at the hospital, he was 1 day old. We didn't have a good reason, I decided to do it because my brothers / dad / cousins / etc were all circ. I told my DH that I wanted DS circ and he asked why and I said I dunno, "just because", and he agreed. I didn't even think twice about it until I came here for the first time about a month or so ago. I read about 3 posts and haven't been back until today. I talked to my stepmom about it and she agrees it is unneccisary and uncirc is better. I feel so bad when I think about it... which is why I don't come here. I guess I have not come to terms with my decision to butcher my sons penis "just because".

I researched BFing so I could be prepared and nothing would stop me from feeding my son the best food there is. I researched and decided to use CDs because they are the best for new baby skin. I researched co-sleeping when my DS was 2 weeks because he refused to sleep in his bassanet, we now co-sleep and won't CIO because that is the best night time support for our child. Once my DS reached 1 month I researched vaccines, and we no longer vax because it is what is best for little immune systems. I circ my son "just because".

My son will never have full pleasure during intercourse or self pleasure "just because", my son went though unnesiccary pain "just because". I have to stop now because DS is about to wake up and I don't want to make myself cry.

So if anyone reads this and decideds to circ... please don't do it "just because".

[zaftigmama]

Thanks for sharing your very honest story - it can't be easy for you.

Take care,

[Nathan1097]

Originally Posted by ParkersMama

My son was circumsized when he was born, and I regret that decision to this day. Before he was born, I made efforts to educate both myself and my husband, but ultimately left the decision to my DH, with the caveat that if it was done, he had to be present for it. Well, since DH is circumsized, he opted to get Parker circumsized. Since I had a C-section, I really didn't even get to see my son when he was intact (though there is one picture of him, immediately after birth, where he is intact). Although the pediatrician that did the circumcision did a "great" job, and used anesthetic and all, the aftermath made me regret immediately. He refused to nurse for almost 18 hours, at just 2 days of age, and in our 3 day hospital stay, he lost almost a complete pound, partly because he simply refused to nurse. The next several weeks were very hard, as he cried each and every time that he peed, and when the diaper touched him, regardless of the amount of ointment we would put on his penis. To this day, his penis seems unnaturally red just below the head, and we've even had to deal with the skin partially growing together when he was about 1-year old (involved re-separating and ointment ... and more pain). I'm also having to deal with the thought of having another boy who will NOT be circumsized (I know better now, so I'll do better now), and having one day to explain to Parker why they are different.

Hey.... Remember me? I was just reading the posts here and recognized ya!

I'm sorry to read about your story. Lots of people have similar ones- whether that's good or bad, I don't know. I know I would've had one (maybe two), had I gone ahead with it. Maybe I'll see ya on IM some time soon.

[Stevie]

I do regret circing my first son and after reading all these posts I will be apologizing to him when I see him next weekend. (He's 27 yrs old)

I was a non-thinking 18 yr old who would have over ridden my mother and made an adoption plan if "I only had a brain". I never even considered not cutting him; not a moment's hesitation

His baby brother was born this past October, my 2nd son. When circ was brought up before we knew his gender I always said "I'll leave that up to his daddy; he's the man after all". When we matched with a life mom who was expecting a boy I started doing the research... and after reading into the wee hours (much like tonight ) I informed my DH what his decision was! I gave him the information I had found, including a site for men who wished they had been circ'd as infants. In fact, that site was the clincher. Every poster except one was altered under general anesthesia and said they really didn't feel much pain after. The one dissenter had a local and said that the administration of the anesthetic sent him into shock with pain. UHHH HELLOOOOOO! A grown man couldn't bear the pain of the needle, but wished it had been done to him as an infant???? DH was convinced

I then spent the next several months (the first adoption fell through, but the next match was also expected to be a boy) agonizing over having no real say in my son's first days. If his life mom had been strongly pro circ she had all the rights and he would have been mutilated. As it turned out, his life mom's hospital plan was that I should have a room in the hospital so he could room in with me, although she did not want to see us herself. He spent the first evening and night with me in my room. The nurses did tell me it would be best if they kept him in the nursery so I could "rest", but I pointed out that it was his mother's wish that we spend these first days bonding and I made sure that they left him with me. Anyway, early the second morning a nurse came in looking a bit worried and "broke the news" that they would not be able to circ without his "birth"mother's consent. I assured her that we did NOT wish him to be circ'd and she was sooo relieved: said that they just wouldn't bring it up then The social worker came in the next morning all smiling and said "So, is today circ day?" I just grinned and told her that we wouldn't be circing...

Sorry for the long post; it's been almost 8 months now and I'm still so happy that he was able to keep his whole penis, and I wish also to thank all of you for being here and for being so strong. I know of 2 baby boys coming this summer; I will be printing some info and adding it to the shower gifts.

[Frankly Speaking]

Thanks for such a warm story. You were very lucky. We had one adoptive mom here who insisted on no circumcision but the social worker had it done clearly against her wishes. It was none of that woman's business but she had to assert her beliefs on that family.




Frank

[Stevie]

Oh no, that's so awfull!!! It's such a fine line when it's the decision between a life mom and an adoptive family, but for a SW to just butt in... absolutely unspeakable. BTW, Frank, thank you so much for all your posts; they are so fact filled and yet truly human. Great fodder for educating which is the reason for them I suppose.

I have a friend whose son had one of the botched circs. He's 4.5 yrs old and it seems like he's always having dr. visits and issues. I was shocked the first time I saw his penis; it's like there's nothing there! I'll be asking for more detail and encouraging her to read this thread.

[Frankly Speaking]

It sounds like a degloving accident or buried penis syndrome from your brief description. At his age, the only cure is skin graft surgery for either. That's so sad! I would recommend that your friend contact a lawyer. There is a slight possibility that the statute of limitations has not run out and she may have recourse against the doctor for malpractice.




Frank

[Gidget]

Hi, new to this forum. I have been one of those people that bother me. I have been avoiding this area out of guilt and trying to avoid more guilt.And because the times I did visit, I saw some VERY judgemental people here. My boys are both circ'ed. With ds1 I was young and did not think anything of it. I thought it was a normal routine thing. Though if I had stopped to wonder why God would create a foreskin on boys, I probably would have thought twice. With my second I was thinking I did not want to do it, but before I could do my research, the Alarmists got to me. You know, he is at higher risk for STD, infection etc etc. ANd if you do not do it now and he needs it done later it will hurt more later, Yadda, yadda, yadda. Blech! I am soooo mad now. At society, misinformation, and mainly at myself for not taking more time. I have to see it every time I change my babies dipes and every time ds1 is in the tub and I go in there to talk to him. I hate it. I think they look soooo deformed. An intact penis is a beautiful thing. The way they were meant to be. It makes me soooo sad that I allowed such a cruel and pointless procedure to be done on my boys.

[Gidget]

I have become an intactivist though.There is a man at work whose wife is pg and due with a boy in October. The dh is intact and is trying to convince his wife to leave their boy intact once he is here. So, I dug around a bit(which is how I decided to come here) and gave him some info to give her on the issue. I hope she listens.

[Stevie]

Thanks Frank; I will make sure she checks this out soon...

and Ginger, so glad you've come to learn. It's hard enough to live with our own guilt, I hope you feel un judged here.

[gothmommy]

When my 1st DS was born, I told DH that I would not be giving consent for a circ. If he felt strongly enough about wanting it done, I told him he would have to educate himself on the procedure and make the decision. He gave consent and off our sweet little day-old son went to get "the chop". I was upset, but figured DH has a penis and so if he wanted it done bad enough and was agreeable with the procedure, then fine. Ugh. My heart BROKE! DS had no problems, although the doctor didn't cut the whole foreskin off so there is still a little ruffle of foreskin he has to pull tight and clean or it gets red, raw and sore underneath.

When DS #2 came along I was very adamant that I didn't want it done. DH said he did, and I found some non-biased info for him to read over plus a slide show of a non-complicated gomco clamp circ. He phoned me after checking the info out and expressed his remorse at consenting to have DS#1 circ'd.

Thankfully, when DS#3 was born, there was no question about it.

[CerridwenLorelei]

yes, yes and yes

I won't discuss the second two because it was such a hard battle and I had dug in deep ..another time

My first was done against my will. My father took him to have it done while I was at work because I didn't and wasn't going to ..
Oldest and I have already discussed his not doing it with his kids ( though he says no kids lol) and I will when the other two are old enough

[Sylith]

My son is circ'ed. DH and I are both filled with regret over it. We failed him so badly, before he was two days old. He's about 22 months now, and the memory is still raw for me, the guilt is still tearing me up. DH went with him for the procedure. When they returned to me, DH looked green and deeply shaken. Our poor baby had passed out after screaming his head off. He woke about 15 minutes later, with the most heartwrenching wail, and I put him to my breast and DH and I cried.

What can I say? We didn't know any better until it was too late.