If you regret circumcising your son(s), please post here. - Page 21

[jule924]

I'm one of them! If we have another boy it will be 2-2 (dad included) in the family. If my older son asks some day I'll just tell him I didn't know better at the time. When you know better, you do better!

[tlh]

you tell them what was taken away from them and pay restitution.it's all you can do.

[annettemarie]

Just wanted to let you know that a pro-circ post and the responses to it have been removed. "The System" is acting up, so I'm probably not going to be able to PM everyone individually. Thanks all!

[homewithtwinsmama]

I was not educated about foreskin at all when my first was born and let my husband take charge of dealing with that decision. When it happened my boy crashed and wouldn't nurse most of the day and I knew instantly that I had made a huge mistake. I would never do it again. I told my husband this, and he disagreed with me, but I made it clear that it was non-negotiable. I teach CB classes and I do give stats on the declining rates of circ and the complications and try to encourage all my clients to REALLY think in ways I did not. As for the next boy, he never came. We have had five girls and only the one boy. So my husband never did have to test my vow to never do it again.

[mum2corbie]

This.thread.is.so.long.I.don't.know.if.I've.alread y.posted.here.before.or.not...But.add.me.to.the.re gret.list....

#1.was.circed...lose.fortunately.8.yrs.ago....He.h as.suffered.repeated.bouts.with.Metal.Stinosis.and .other.irritations.thanks.to.his.lack.of.foreskin. protection...He.had.to.miss.3.weeks.of.school.last .year.due.to.one.really.bad.flair.up.of.his.condit ion....It.sucks..we.thought.we.circed.to.avoid.pro blems.and.instead.he's.had.problems.because.of.bei ng.circed...Nice..
#2.is.not.circed...Never.once.any.sort.of.problem. in.his.5.yrs.of.life.and.nothing.to.indicate.futur e.problems...

My.Dh.also.regrets.his.own.circ.and.has.half.heart edly.tried.restoration.but.was.easily.discouraged. when.the.device.didn't.stay.on.easily.while.workin g...

I.am.teaching.my.sons.and.daughters.that.circumcis ion.is.unhealthy,unnecessary,and.outdated...I'm.no t.as.vocal.about.circ.as.I.once.was....It.makes.me .sick.and.angry.if.I.allow.it.too..My.own.guilt.re ally.was.eating.me.up...I.used.to.try.n.fight.this .fight..debates,be.an.intactavist..It.was.to.much. for.me....It.made.me.crazy...So.I.took.a.break.fro m.the.cause.for.a.few.years...Instead.I.try.to.foc us.on.how.wonderful.intact.is-how.easy-how.safe-how.normal.it's.becoming.in.the.US...

Hugs.to.the.other.mama's....especially.the.ones.st ill.beating.them.selfs.up.about.it...I.won't.tell. you.not.to......It's.part.of.the.process.of.dealin g.with.the.guilt.....Just.know.that.other .mama's.understand.your.feelings.and.are.here.for. you...
#2.us.often.sitting.on.my.feet.during.all.this...

[BlessedMommy2006]

Almost 30 years ago, my DH was circumcised. Whether my in-laws gave their consent or whether it was a routine procedure without consent, I don't know.

All I know is that whoever made the decision didn't have to live with the consequences, which we live with! We have only one child currently, a beautiful 17 month old daughter. If we ever have any sons, they will be intact.

[silverspook]

Originally Posted by BlessedMommy2006

Almost 30 years ago, my DH was circumcised. Whether my in-laws gave their consent or whether it was a routine procedure without consent, I don't know.

All I know is that whoever made the decision didn't have to live with the consequences, which we live with! We have only one child currently, a beautiful 17 month old daughter. If we ever have any sons, they will be intact.

My hubby was circ'd without his parent's consent almost 30 years ago too. (Although they said they would have consented anyway if they had been asked

[MelissaAHM]

Deeply regret Circing DS

I wish I had found this board just a few months ago...my son would still be intact.
My son was born at a birthing center, and we were unsure of our decision to circ or not. DH wanted to but I did not. Thankfully the midwives, sort of, convinced him it was a bad idea. However we still got pressure from our relatives. This in no way bothered me because they'd get over it.

I didn't know exactly why I was against circ. but it's seemed like an unnecessary painful procedure. It just seemed unnatural. So we decided against it. I didn't know the facts (I wish I had) so my excuse was 'I didn't want him to be in pain and have my baby go through something traumatic.

Well, when he was 6weeks old he developed 'pyloric stenosis' and needed emergency surgery. The pediatric surgeon noticed he wasn't circed and asked if we wanted him to go ahead and do it since DS would be under general anesthesia.
I felt So pressured. DH was already 'for it' - and my arguement of 'Not wanting DS to feel pain' was gone. I still was unsure but felt pressured by the Doctor and residents (all males). DH and I had to make a decision fairly soon. So we told him to do the circ.

Uggggg!!! I have cried over this decision. I don't like it and I feel as if a piece of him is missing. DS is now 4 months old - this was done 2.5month ago. After the fear of his surgery..and we got home...I felt so angry. I would even cry when changing his diaper and I saw him. I just have so much heavy guilt on me.

I do remember one thing the surgeon said, he said 'he didn't cut alot because when DS got older he wanted him to not be tight'. He also said to retract the skin regularly. Well, I don't know if this was supposed to happen. But his penis doesn't show and when it does it's just the tip. Usually when I diaper change him the tip is barely there. I also DON"T retract it. By doing this (allowing the outerskin to cover the penis) can it grow back. On occasion during diaper changes if I notice it 'out' a bit I pull the skin back over it.

Anyhow, if anyone is unsure keep this in mind...Please - once it's cut it's cut you can get it back.

[amandaleigh37]

I wish I had found this board just a few months ago...my son would still be intact.

I'm so sorry mama... :

[Elijahs Momma]

i do regret circ. my son but i dont beat myself up over it, i know he's healthy and when it was done we honestly thought it was the healthier thing to do (we really didnt read much about it and everyone else around here is circ.) but we know were going going to leave our next one intact, im just worried about how to explain it to him, so he doesnt feel inadaquate or different or that we made a mistake with him.

[fruitful womb]

Originally Posted by Elijahs Momma

i do regret circ. my son but i dont beat myself up over it, i know he's healthy and when it was done we honestly thought it was the healthier thing to do (we really didnt read much about it and everyone else around here is circ.) but we know were going going to leave our next one intact, im just worried about how to explain it to him, so he doesnt feel inadaquate or different or that we made a mistake with him.

Elijahs Momma,
I admire that you don't beat your self up over your ds's circ. I wish I could get over it. I don't think thats happening anytime soon. Life does go on for us and I love my circ'd ds as much as I do my intact ds's.

I congratulate you for leaving your future ds's intact. Thats great!

I do not think your circ'd ds is going to feel inadequate for being circ'd while noticing his brother's intact penis (if he actually notices). If and when he does, simply tell him, "No two people are alike in this world. Even identical twins have their differences." If he is at an appropriate age, explain what circumcision is and how its really not necessary to do that and you didn't know this when he was born and you thought it was the best thing to do because the doctors at that time didn't properly inform the parents about the foreskin. This message will hopefully encourage him not to allow circumcision for his future ds's.

[fruitful womb]

Originally Posted by MelissaAHM

I wish I had found this board just a few months ago...my son would still be intact.

MelissaAHM, My heart breaks for you. That is so sad. Have you thought about getting a Lawyer?

Sounds to me like you have a case. Hospitals shouldn't be pressuring parents to consent to cosmetic surgery on a newborn. There was nothing wrong with his penis and yet the doctor was soliciting an unnecessary medical operation to profit a 'bonus' on the already needed surgery from the stenosis. They took advantage of your ds and you and that ain't right.

If you do consider a Lawyer, ARCLAW is a good organization to consult, do it quickly b/c some states have a sensitive statute of limitation on Law Suits. Get your ds's hospital records and the names of everyone who pressured you. If they tell you that this case wouldn't win, please don't let this defeat you. I only say this b/c I tried to sue once and the Lawyer said that since my dh consented, it wouldn't win and plus, my state has a statue of limitation of 2yrs. He was four when he developed meatal stenosis caused from the circ. The urologist said he wouldn't have meatal stenosis if he wasn't circumcised. He had a buried penis too but the stupid doctors like to stick up for one another and said "Oh thats normal," You'll still have his medical records and the names, especially of the doctor who did the procedure, for the possibility for your ds to sue the living bajeebers out of that hospital when he is 18. If he has a buried penis I'd take pictures of that and use it for evidence. It will be very difficult after 18 so it has to be then. We will support him and you step by step through this process. Just know, pro-circs lurk this forum A LOT so be careful. No personal names should be posted and nothing about your location. They could jeopardize any information you post about the suit if you're specific.

Your story is very powerful, and it will no doubt save other parents from this atrocity. Thank you.


~FW

[Yulia_R]

Originally Posted by Elijahs Momma

so he doesnt feel...that we made a mistake with him.

I think when he is older (10 or more) it is VERY important to explain to him that it WAS a mistake that you regret. It is also important to explain him functions of foreskin and mention non-sergical restpration when he's older.

You really NEED to admit that that IS a mistake, or he may just go ahead and circ his future sons just because he is. It is trully your responsibility to stop this cycle of genital mutiation...

[carriebft]

Originally Posted by Elijahs Momma

i do regret circ. my son but i dont beat myself up over it, i know he's healthy and when it was done we honestly thought it was the healthier thing to do (we really didnt read much about it and everyone else around here is circ.) but we know were going going to leave our next one intact, im just worried about how to explain it to him, so he doesnt feel inadaquate or different or that we made a mistake with him.

We quote Angelou around here a lot:

"You do what you know. When you know better, you do better."

If it ever comes up, you could help him understand through analogy. Perhaps you have a grandparent who had their tonsils removed back when it was pretty routine...well, we know better now so we don't do that.

[00646]

I tried to talk to a male friend of mine about circ.
He said if we were married and we had a boy, we'd do it.
He tried to tell me that girls would reject my future child.
It made me so upset.
I think if a girl rejects a male becasue he has a whole penis she wasn't worth it.

Thank goodness my fiancé is intact, and we will never have to fight over circ, because he has a firm no circ rule.

The things people come up with.

[CaptCourt]

Edited by CaptCourt - 4/6/11 at 5:38am

[silverspook]

Many many to you, CaptCourt. I pray that time will heal your (and your son's) wounds.

[arpetree1]

My oldest son is circ'd and I do regret the choice I made. I was young(18) and uninformed.
If this baby is a boy we will not circ. My husband is intact and i really have no clue why we did our son....

[nolaw]

Originally Posted by MelissaAHM

Well, I don't know if this was supposed to happen. But his penis doesn't show and when it does it's just the tip. Usually when I diaper change him the tip is barely there. I also DON"T retract it. By doing this (allowing the outerskin to cover the penis) can it grow back. On occasion during diaper changes if I notice it 'out' a bit I pull the skin back over it.

DS doesn't have that much skin left on his penis, but I also try to do the same thing, well, actually, I try to pull it over the glans. It doesn't hurt him, he has enough that it will partially cover it without me pulling on it. I was also wondering, will that help it grow back? He has an adhesion, is that a bad thing or good? I wish we had never circ'ed him now that I know more about it. DH is circ'ed, and thinks that intact is "nasty", just like the CD's I use and the BM that ds eats. He thinks that "natural is just gross" I tell him that if we have any more boys, they aren't getting circ'ed. I just cannot bear the thought of it. I have been researching everything I can think of since DS was born. There is so much out there that I had never even thought of, I don't know if I would have even had enough time during the pregnancy to learn it all. I am learning it now, and I will know for my future babies. I guess the first baby is the "learner" baby, right? I like the quote that was posted:
We quote Angelou around here a lot:

"You do what you know. When you know better, you do better."
I'm glad I found this site!

[Galatea]

Originally Posted by nolaw

DH is circ'ed, and thinks that intact is "nasty", just like the CD's I use and the BM that ds eats. He thinks that "natural is just gross"

Your milk is nasty? That makes me sad.