If you regret circumcising your son(s), please post here. - Page 23

[Kristin123]

The poor little guy!! We circ'd both of our sons and it kills me to this day. I was uninformed and stupid!!! It was the argument we want him to look like dad. If I ever have another boy he will NOT be circ'd. My 2nd is getting penis infections all the time, I feel so bad for mutalating him.

[Jaysfamily]

We circumcised our little baby boy too. I was talking with my husband yesterday and he admitted that at the last minute, he almost told them not to circ him as they were wheeling him away. I was surpirsed by this because I also had the urge to stop them and ignored my instinct. My son did have anesthesia for the mutilation, but when they called me after it was done.....he was shrieking and screaming in the background. Those screams haunt me still, 20 months later. It was obvious that the anesthesia did not work. I had my husband watch and listen to the circ video yesterday. It is the only circ video that has a baby crying the same way my son did. I wanted him to understand why I am still haunted by it.....and now he does. He threw the headphones across the room at one point when he was watching it. We had already decided not to circ any future sons several months ago, but now there is no doubt for us. I am so deeply sorry for what we did...and so ANGRY that the medical community isn't honest or forthcoming about this barbaric procedure.

Now, I want to help spread the word, and the truth about circumcision. The problem is that I'm so passionate and emotional about it now that I'm scared I'll turn people off from listening to what I have to say.

[Fellow Traveler]

Originally Posted by Jaysfamily

We circumcised our little baby boy too. I was talking with my husband yesterday and he admitted that at the last minute, he almost told them not to circ him as they were wheeling him away. I was surpirsed by this because I also had the urge to stop them and ignored my instinct. My son did have anesthesia for the mutilation, but when they called me after it was done.....he was shrieking and screaming in the background. Those screams haunt me still, 20 months later. It was obvious that the anesthesia did not work. I had my husband watch and listen to the circ video yesterday. It is the only circ video that has a baby crying the same way my son did. I wanted him to understand why I am still haunted by it.....and now he does. He threw the headphones across the room at one point when he was watching it. We had already decided not to circ any future sons several months ago, but now there is no doubt for us. I am so deeply sorry for what we did...and so ANGRY that the medical community isn't honest or forthcoming about this barbaric procedure.

Now, I want to help spread the word, and the truth about circumcision. The problem is that I'm so passionate and emotional about it now that I'm scared I'll turn people off from listening to what I have to say.

Hey welcome to the board. It's is a shame you didn't find us sooner. Don't beat yourself up too much though. It can be difficult to see circumcision for what it is; especially considering that most of the US medical community fail at their job of simply informing parents that it isn't necessary and refusing to do it on those grounds. However we learn from our mistakes and the next time around you'll be more informed.

It's great that your husband understands this as well as you do that is sometimes the biggest stumbling block. I hope you'll stick around read, post and learn and perhaps you'll soon be able to talk to other about it. Some of the best 'intactivist' are parents such as yourself who can relay first person accounts and tell other parents how they regret their decision. So again welcome, it's ashame it isn't under better circumstances but I am sure something good will come out of this.

ETA: Welcome to kristin123 too!

[BrokeMom]

Hi I'm pretty new here. DH and our two sons are circ. I've never been 100% sure one way or the other about it, but leaned towards circ. I've been reading more and I'm wondering if it was the right decision. I still have lots of questions and I'm not sure that I'll decide it was the wrong decision, but I need to find out where I stand on it! Thanks for sharing your stories everyone.

[Fellow Traveler]

Originally Posted by BrokeMom

Hi I'm pretty new here. DH and our two sons are circ. I've never been 100% sure one way or the other about it, but leaned towards circ. I've been reading more and I'm wondering if it was the right decision. I still have lots of questions and I'm not sure that I'll decide it was the wrong decision, but I need to find out where I stand on it! Thanks for sharing your stories everyone.

Please stick around and ask any questions that come to mind. We'll do our best to give you the straight dope.

[BrokeMom]

Honestly, the only reasons we did were 1: we figured God would not command the Jews to do something that was harmful/nonbeneficial and 2: we always heard it was hard to keep clean if you were uncirc and that UTIs and cancer were more common. 3: DH was circ...so they'd match.

Looking back, I think none of those were good reasons. #2 would have been a good reason...if it had been TRUE... I wish we had done more research. I can not believe that myself and others make such a BIG decision without knowing much about it!! I am really ashamed of myself for not researching and for making that decision based on such little and false knowledge.

At this point in time I think my conclusion is that it was not wrong to do, but just not the Best thing to do! If I could do it over again, I wouldn't circ. I don't think I'll look down upon anyone for circ'ing their sons, but I will from now on strongly encourage them to research and find out EVERYTHING there is to know first, before deciding. And if DH gets on board, we won't circ any more little boys born to us. Even if it means our boys won't "match".

P.S. I forgot to mention that we didn't actually have ds1 circ. He was born with hypospadias and he came out of me already looking circumcised! He had to have 2 surgeries to correct the hypospadias issue.

P.S.2 I just read a story from a nurse who says that they have to console a baby after circ so that he isn't taken back crying. And that sometimes it takes awhile. I DO remember thinking that it was sure taking them a long time to get Levi's circ done... and sure enough he was very peaceful and sleeping when he came back.

[Yulia_R]

Originally Posted by BrokeMom

Honestly, the only reasons we did were 1: we figured God would not command the Jews to do something that was harmful/nonbeneficial well, then maybe he didn't and 2: we always heard it was hard to keep clean if you were uncirc and that UTIs and cancer were more common. very common myths in the US, unfortunately 3: DH was circ...so they'd match. were your sons born with pubic hair or or does your dh shaives it down there? any ice in the underwear to match the size better??

Looking back, I think none of those were good reasons. I'm glad you have the courage and the wisdom to admit it! that's a good start! #2 would have been a good reason...if it had been TRUE... I guess if my toes would have been cut off at birth they would never get infected as well, ha? I wish we had done more research. you still can stop the cycle of mutilation by educating your sons about the damage of circ when they are older, so their sons will not have to go through the same torture I can not believe that myself and others make such a BIG decision without knowing much about it!! it is very sad and shocking, isn't it? it's the same basic philosophy that keeps both male and female circ going: it was done to parents, so it must be good I am really ashamed of myself for not researching and for making that decision based on such little and false knowledge. I think you still don't know alot about circ; stick around and do some more reading.

At this point in time I think my conclusion is that it was not wrong to do, but just not the Best thing to do! would you feel the same way if your parents made a decision amputating YOUR clitoral hood for whatever reason??? If I could do it over again, I wouldn't circ. I don't think I'll look down upon anyone for circ'ing their sons would you look down upon people who beat their babies us and sexually abuse them??? please look at how the surgery (circ) performed in the US and tell me that doesn't look like sexual abuse/assult to you! http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...27632617&hl=en (As you can see on this video, the doctor claims that he uses anesthesia…well, make sure your speakers are on!), but I will from now on strongly encourage them to research and find out EVERYTHING there is to know first, before deciding. And if DH gets on board, we won't circ any more little boys born to us would let your dh to make a decision to cut off any other healthy part of your baby body??? or would you protect your baby from harm as mothers should??. Even if it means our boys won't "match".

P.S. I forgot to mention that we didn't actually have ds1 circ. He was born with hypospadias and he came out of me already looking circumcised! birth defects do happen, sadly He had to have 2 surgeries to correct the hypospadias issue. his hypospadias must be very severe because mild ones when the child has no problems peeing do not require a corrective surgery.

P.S.2 I just read a story from a nurse who says that they have to console a baby after circ so that he isn't taken back crying. And that sometimes it takes awhile. I DO remember thinking that it was sure taking them a long time to get Levi's circ done... and sure enough he was very peaceful and sleeping when he came back. A lot of NO-CIRC members are nurses. Some of them had to quit their jobs in L&D unite haunted by wails of poor babies and not willing to be part of genital mutilation. Many of them say that not only they have to calm down babies before bringing them to their parents, but they also FORCED to tell parents that their baby almost didn’t cry or slept right through it (which of course is a lie).

.

[amandaleigh37]

Hi BrokeMom...

I know it's hard to look back on something like this, thinking we did what we thought was the best - and realizing we were terribly mistaken It was very hard for me to accept the "mistake" I made, but once I faced it and owned up to it I am beginning to turn it into something productive. I learned a lot from the folks here on this board, so please keep reading. I know it's not easy to look past what we've always been told, or taught.. or known as "normal", but once we know the truth we (and our children) are much better off.

[Fellow Traveler]

Well, first I want to again welcome you and I want to point out the fact that this thought has entered your mind is a big step. It take courage to independently rethink this issue when you're surrounded by the dogma that we are in the US. I'll will briefly touch on some of these but for fuller explanations, it would make sense to create a new thread. I also want to emphasize that you shouldn't read judgment or tone in this or other replies you get. I'll admit that many posters here can get passionate but it's only because we care. You've started to question the practice and we want to help you along. With that in mind:

Originally Posted by BrokeMom

Honestly, the only reasons we did were 1: we figured God would not command the Jews to do something that was harmful/nonbeneficial and

I can't speak much to the religious angle for a few reasons not the least of which is we are not really permitted to discuss religion. However, I might ask how many other components do you follow closely? Do you keep Kosher for instance. Leviticus 24:16 says

And he that blasphemeth the name of the LORD, he shall surely be put to death, and all the congregation shall certainly stone him: as well the stranger, as he that is born in the land, when he blasphemeth the name of the Lord, shall be put to death.

Yet we don't stone people for this act.

Originally Posted by BrokeMom

2: we always heard it was hard to keep clean if you were uncirc and that UTIs and cancer were more common.

I am not surprised by this. It is a common misconception in the US that intact boys or men have hygiene difficulties. I want you to consider a few things. First, among developed industrialized nations, circumcision is rare outside the US. Second, circumcision only became common in the US around the time of WWII before that, most Americans also weren't circumcised. Third, the levels of personal hygiene and regular bathing we enjoy today were only achieved in the last 100 years or so (actually proabably less than that). Which means for most of human history we got by with far less bathing and circumcision was mostly unheard of.

The problem with using UTIs and cancer to support circumcision is that both occur at very low baselines. UTIs are very easily treatable with ABX and a recurrent UTI in boys is almost always the result of a congenital anomaly of the urinary track, not the foreskin. Cancer is even more rare than a UTI; male breast cancer is far more common. The American Cancer Society does not believe that circumcision is a useful prophylactic for penile cancer.

Originally Posted by BrokeMom

3: DH was circ...so they'd match.

Who was this important too? Really? I would wager that most of those posting here have circumcised husbands and intact boys. Hang around and read posts you'll see that the boys simply don't care. I know I didn't. Boys will always be different from their fathers and this is the least often noticed. I'll also point out that there are many posters who in addition to having circumcised husbands, circumcised at least one or more sons. And they report no problems between brothers with regard to that situation either.

Originally Posted by BrokeMom

Looking back, I think none of those were good reasons. #2 would have been a good reason...if it had been TRUE... I wish we had done more research. I can not believe that myself and others make such a BIG decision without knowing much about it!! I am really ashamed of myself for not researching and for making that decision based on such little and false knowledge.

Ok, so perhaps I gave you too much information having seen that you already know that nothing in #2 is true. Don't beat yourself up too much over this. What is done is done and at this point you are in a position to do better the next time; that is the important thing. It is hard to get the straight facts on this issue most Drs. it seems feel out patients to figure out their opinion and then support the patient rather then giving them a straight answer. If you go in their predisposed to circumcise, it is not likely they'll try and convince you otherwise. It seems even Drs. that are against it will bite their tongue.

Originally Posted by BrokeMom

At this point in time I think my conclusion is that it was not wrong to do, but just not the Best thing to do! If I could do it over again, I wouldn't circ. I don't think I'll look down upon anyone for circ'ing their sons, but I will from now on strongly encourage them to research and find out EVERYTHING there is to know first, before deciding. And if DH gets on board, we won't circ any more little boys born to us. Even if it means our boys won't "match".

Well, I think you're at the first stage, you've started to question it and that's a big step. I don't always look down on people who circumcise I think most get caught up in the cultural inertia much like you did. There is a need for people to learn somethings; most importantly is that there is no medical need to circumcise. Ignorance keeps this going so I hope you'll share this with others dialog is the best way to end the practice. If you are in a position to make this decision again we can help you convince your husband, don't worry we've been there and done that.

Originally Posted by BrokeMom

P.S. I forgot to mention that we didn't actually have ds1 circ. He was born with hypospadias and he came out of me already looking circumcised! He had to have 2 surgeries to correct the hypospadias issue.

P.S.2 I just read a story from a nurse who says that they have to console a baby after circ so that he isn't taken back crying. And that sometimes it takes awhile. I DO remember thinking that it was sure taking them a long time to get Levi's circ done... and sure enough he was very peaceful and sleeping when he came back.

I can't comment on two but I too have heard of some awful stories. Again, take time to read and learn more, ask any questions you want. We'll do our best to answer them and help you along this road.

[BrokeMom]

Thanks for all the answers and info! I can recall being given some anti circ pamphlets from my ds1's midwife and I just blew them off 'cause I was sure that circ was the norm. Everyone in our families are circ., so it was kind of like...'why not?' Regardless, I know I still have a lot to learn about all this. I want to make sure I know all my facts so I can start talking to others about circ but I am feeling kind of fired up about it and I want to become an Intactivist!!!

P.S. I'm trying to not beat myself up so much over having ds2 circ. I want to turn those bad feelings into motivation to help others come to the decision not to circ. If I can save other little boys from being circ I know it will help. Anyway this is probably all I will post about this in this thread so that it's not cluttered up since I already told my story of why I regret ds2 being circ.

[Fellow Traveler]

Originally Posted by BrokeMom

Thanks for all the answers and info! I can recall being given some anti circ pamphlets from my ds1's midwife and I just blew them off 'cause I was sure that circ was the norm. Everyone in our families are circ., so it was kind of like...'why not?' Regardless, I know I still have a lot to learn about all this. I want to make sure I know all my facts so I can start talking to others about circ but I am feeling kind of fired up about it and I want to become an Intactivist!!!

P.S. I'm trying to not beat myself up so much over having ds2 circ. I want to turn those bad feelings into motivation to help others come to the decision not to circ. If I can save other little boys from being circ I know it will help. Anyway this is probably all I will post about this in this thread so that it's not cluttered up since I already told my story of why I regret ds2 being circ.

As awful as it sounds, parents who circumcised and regretted it are often the best advocates. So join the discussion. For what its worth I am glad to hear you had a midwife who made the attempt its a good sign.

[SantaMonica]

I didn't circumcise. But I'm posting here, because it ended up being the thing I struggled with most and had the hardest time deciding on. In the end I didn't do it, and I feel it is one of the best decisions I ever made.

I am a single mom, so I didn't have the pressures of a husband wanting to have it done. Still, I did have some internal debate since I didn't know much about this issue prior to getting pregnant. My gut told me it was not the right thing to do, but having never really seen an intact penis I had questions and I initially thought maybe there was some truth to what my doctor told me, which was that there are higher rates of cervical cancer among women who have sex with intact men. I was surprised when I started researching how there really are no good reasons for doing this. All of the reasons seemed contrived or lame at best. One doctor even said "you don't really want your son to have to spend his whole life pulling back the foreskin to get clean". Huh? I mean, we have to wipe our butts too.. is it that DIFFICULT?

I talked to a friend who is uncircumcised (he's European who lives here) and he was very adamant about it and thought it was ridiculous that Americans do this. I also talked to another friend who is circumcised but wishes he wasn't because he said "I have less sensitivity and sometimes it takes sooo long during sex" LOL! Then there were a lot of people who said it would be best to have him "cut" so he would fit in with his peers or that his penis would look better, etc. I was sympathetic to those arguments, but ultimately they just seeme, well, so lame. I figured if he hated his penis he could always alter it himself one day, but he could never undo it if I had part of his penis hacked off. In the back of my mind there was always this nagging thought "He's innocent, coming into the world with no one but me to count on.... how can I take that precious gift from God and cut off part of his genitals.". Anyway, in the end, I never "fully" made up my mind until I gave birth but I think in my heart I always knew I wouldn't do it. So when the doctor said after he was born "is he to be circumcised", I said "NO!". I didn't even have to give it a thought.

[Dan Bollinger]

blog for your Stories

I am encouraged that so many parents are verbalizing their regret having circumcised their son. As a man who has an early recollectioni of his circumcision, and all the horror that goes with it, I am glad that these feelings are being said out loud.

To encourage others to speak their regrets, and to archive them for others to read, I have created a blog where you can post your stories. I hope everyone who has posted here will submit a copy there, too.

Please visit blOUCH!, the blog for Project: OUCH!

Dan

[saraswathi]

I'm so impressed at the bravery of all of those who have expressed their regret. It takes great courage to adjust your way of thinking in a way that you're forced to accept that you've hurt the most precious of people in the world to you in a way that you can't undo

I have only a daughter; her older brother was stillborn, but he wouldn't have been circumcised, I was clear on that. It's not the norm here in NZ and my brother wasn't circ'ed back in the 80s, so despite my youthful naivety it's one mistake I wouldn't have made.

I'm glad that so many of you who regret this have chosen to TALK to your sons about what happened and why you regret it - I honestly think this will help in their healing & future sexual fulfillment. My ex and the father of my children was circumcised and has a mother who shies away from open & honest communication with her sons (or anyone else). I can't help but feel his circumcision and an inability to come to terms with it played a part in his numerous issues with anger & anxiety that were eventually instrumental in our break up. I broached the subject of circumcision with him when I was pregnant with our son & he shut down instantly - it was obviously something too painful to discuss.

Our sex life was lacking (something I didn't realise until later, when I'd had other partners - you really CAN'T contemplate something so good, when you've never had it) because it was as though in his mind pleasure & pain were inextricably linked. He used to suffer panic attacks after orgasm which left him curled in a ball, breathing heavily & as helpless as an infant. I often wondered if the circumcision had left him expecting pain after pleasure, or if he was guilty at experiencing enjoyment because in his subconscious the circumcision was a punishment for this. I'm no psychologist so I don't know, but I've never seen anything else like it and it didn't seem normal to me.

[mermaidmama]

regret

I regret it very much that i let this happen to my 1st. It is something that i actually did research. However, I let dh and the stupid dr make the decision. I felt very bullied by that dr. He told me his 1st 2 sons were circ. and had alotta problems so they left the 3rd son intact and he ended up having to be circd too because of a really bad infect. and either way you cant win. He also got all nasty with me and told my husband and I...."how are you going to agree on big things later in life if you cant even agree on one little thing now?!" I was just so overwhelmed from the birth and everything. BUT I WAS ALSO SO STUPID. I wish I wouldve said NO to dh and dr. I wish I could undo it.
This dr also tried to tell me I should not be breastfeeding my baby. STUPID STUPID DR!

My advice is to always research things and dont let people push you into doing something you don't feel good about. There is NO NEED to have things done right away. If you arent sure about something then dont do it til you are.

[hakunangovi]

HUGS TO YOU !!

This is a perfect example of why the Medical Community has to carry a very large part of the blame in the perpetuation of this brutal and damaging custom.

They pick on and bully the mother at her most vulnerable time, when she is totally exhausted and emotionaly drained.

Why have they no "ETHICS"? It is just absolutely disgusting behaviour.

[3lilpunkins]

I have 2 boys, both, unfortunately, circumsied.With #1, I had no idea about any circ. issues.I blindly accepted, that its just what you do.His had no healing prob.s everything did work out

With my 2nd boy, I was leaning toward no circ. mainly b/c our haelth ins. didn't cover it. But my husband, his mom,and both my parents insisted he needed it.So we scraped $285 together and prepaid the pediatriction. This time they did a weird circ. they forced a plastic ring with a string tied around the head & into the shaft.Then they just sliced the very tip off. It was supposed to fall off in 3 - 7 days. Well his didn't.After 2 weeks, the whole little thing was swollen and red and the head was healing and growing on to the stupid plastic ring. I called the Dr. office & spoke with a nurse who told me, "it just looks like its adhearing to the ring" I took him to the doctor the next day anyway.It was indeed growing onto the ring, so the doctor started RIPPING his skin off of it, to start the process of falling off.It took about 2-3 more days to completely fall off.As it was in the process I expressed some of my breastmilk to the new wound, to ensure no infections.

If I ever have anymore sons, they will not suffer through a needless surgical procedure like a circumcision!

[lovemybubus]

Kelly, that is so sad, and I am sorry you and your son had to go through it.

Peace,

Amy

[DeansMommy08]

My biggest parenting regret

Circumcising my son is my biggest parenting regret and the thing I wish I could wish away. I'd been expecting a girl and was relieved knowing I didn't have to make the circumcision decision. My plan was to labor naturally and breastfeed. After 2 of pushing, I requested an epidural and after another half hour of pushing my OB told me that none of my pushing had been productive and I was diagnosed with failure to progress and needed a c-section on 3/12/08. During the next 24 hours I tried to breastfeed unsucessfully. And the lactation consultants said the baby could go 48 hours without food, but a little after the 1 day mark of his life I requested formula. He did end up breastfeeding after three weeks when my husband and I finally got good consul and we got his frenulum snipped. But anyway, here I was in the hospital and recovering from surgery, surprise it's a boy, having feeding issues with my son and my husband was having difficulty adjusting to fatherhood and was spending several hours a day away from the hospital and given all these factors we were expected to make to this big decision. Both of us were unsure, but the pediatrician was putting on the hard sell telling us he was the best in the area, which I've come to find out is in fact true. My mother and my husband's mother were both pushing him. But regardless, I wish just one person had said to my husband and I, "If you're unsure, just wait, just give it time and don't try and make this decision before you leave the hospital, really there's no pressure, you can make this decision anytime. You can always do a circumcision, but you can't undo one." The worst of my pain comes from not having been there because I would have stopped it, I had these awful feelings while my son was gone from the room, a voice in my head saying, 'Go stop this'. I wish I'd done something, but now all I can do is feel this pain and wish, wish I'd done it differently, that I could have stopped it somehow.

I can't believe how common this procedure is in America and that parents are even called upon to make this decision right after the birth of their sons. Giving birth and adjusting to new parenthood is challenge enough. No one should be asking parents to make this decision while they're in the hospital. I'd like to see legislation banning routine infant circumsion, at very least banning it from being done in hospitals. This is a decision that needs time and care to be made.

I will not circumcize again and I am so, so, so very sorry that I ever did and I hope that my son can only forgive me my greatest parenting mistake and regret. And I hope I can find someway to forgive myself. I keep trying to tell myself, 'When you know better you do better'. And I did not do better because I didn't know better.

My final thought is this: I can't believe that such a cruel act of tradegy is visited upon so many innocent babies and that is had become so normalized. My husband who witnessed it has been scarred by the experience.

[hippiemommaof4]

I regret it too. my first son had medical problems with Phimosis he was not circ at first but he had trouble urinating and was getting frequent uti's they recommended we have it done and it resolved however he has a buried penis now that while it is minor and mainly from his fat pad he still has there but it still makes me feel bad. I had my second son done out of fear from what my first went through mainly but I felt devestated from day 1 after doing it. I am expecting a 3rd son in march and he will not have it done and I am happy about it.